I am a Pentecostal and am a member of the Church of God. So, I believe in being filled with the Holy Ghost and that the initial evidence of the baptism of the Holy Spirit is speaking in tongues. Being filled with the Holy Spirit is something I believe we all need. I mean Jesus operated with the power of the Holy Spirit and if He needed it, then how much more do you and I need it in this day and in this age. Not to mention the incredible things we can do when we are filled with the Holy Spirit. Just look at the lame beggar in Acts 3, when he was healed and filled with the Holy Spirit, he began "walking, leaping and praising God". That's pretty cool. I mean I don't even know how you do that, much like a skip I imagine (sorry, I try to be funny sometimes). Pretty darn cool if you couldn't do it before.
With this being said, I have not been baptized with the Holy Spirit. Being filled with the Holy Spirit is something I am hungry for. I long to have that "power" that you receive when the Holy Spirit comes on you (Acts 1:8). I've been eagerly seeking to be baptized with the Holy Spirit for a while now and I guess that is where my question stems from. Why is it that some people receive the baptism of the Holy Ghost the first time they ask for it, and others (like myself) are seeking for weeks, months or even years? The Holy Spirit is promised to us in John 14, right? Do you think God would ever temporarily withhold the Holy Spirit from someone for any reason, such as if He thought that person wasn't ready for it yet?
This is something I have been struggling with. As aforementioned, I desperately want to be filled with the Holy Spirit, and I know the Spirit is a gift and promise for everyone. I've been seeking it for so long that I'm almost to a point where I just don't expect it anymore. Like, I expect God to fill other people with the Holt Ghost but when I see that happening, it's almost to where I automatically assume, "Oh, God is doing amazing things in that person's life, but it won't happen to me." I used to come before God with an expectant heart believing "Wow, this may be the day that I'm filled with the Holy Spirit!" but I have been asking, seeking, and knocking for so long, but it has not been given to me, I have not found it, and the door hasn't been opened for me.
I'm just at a point where I don't understand, and the confusion is leading to doubt. If you could provide some insight on this topic, then I would be greatly appreciative.
Blessings,
Calla