We have a so called international marriage so there are some cultural differences too. And we got married after maybe 5 dates, without really knowing each other. Her behavior changed completely after we had agreed to marry and many warned to continue but I just somehow did not stop even though it felt very bad all how she treated me. Shortly say, it was emotionally very abusive even during the wedding preparations.
first the month before the wedding she kept me on my toes, "maybe there will be no wedding" and was clearly not open to talk with me. Wedding day was horrible without any communication or warmth of feelings, honeymoon trip was angry times, telling me how we are not married in real, and she will be just a room mate, and about a month to the marriage first time she informed me she has decided to divorce and will leave me. This continued a couple of times more, and generally abusive behavior in many ways and finally I could not physically and emotionally take the silent treatment and emotional abuse and shock of divorce stuff time and time again and left the country. I had developed strong anxiety and stress disorder and half a year later after many tries I got her to accept my invitation to arrive to my country. We even had a new wedding ceremony and right after that she again told me to shut up and not talk to her after guests had gone, I almost started to cry when I realized it happens again after romantic dreams.
Things continued more or less horrible emotionally for a year, and my health kept going worse, and I would need to run out of home as I could not take the shocks emotionally and physically of divorce, somehow that made so strong effect and I was like in a wheel that I could not stop, where stress and emotional shocks and physical problems and sleeplessness together made the world seem very different.
I tried so many times to propose something to improve things, and ask her so much to stop threatening me, before wedding I even told her that it is my achille's heel, weakness and threatening with that destroys me easily and she acknowledged and said she promises to not do it. But it was like i had asked her to do it, as it became a weekly habit for her,when things didn't go like she wanted and now i just see we have spent almost 3 years of life not really moving anywhere.
We have now been separated about 5 months, she has own apartment, I have given her so much different gifts during years most of my all and she even went so far to hide them in case we would have money problems, that she would not lose anything. And when I have pain it is because I did something to deserve it. She is very arrogant and proud in her behavior, not just towards me but generally, and I have not found a way to become close emotionally, I still don't know what she really is, what to think about her, is anything true she tells me. And it seems she finds always something horrible in me, why I am not a good person and it is so strange. As with all other people I usually very easily make friends, and we can talk for hours and they say sweet things about me. But my own wife seems to never want to even learn to know me. She is very active in church, and speaks a lot about how everything is about praying, and has been doing correctly, I was her first relationship but I just don't understand as I never have felt love in her. Some people say that their marriage changed, but this never was anything nice..I cannot have any memories of good times, we just had a handful of dates when she promised me all the things I wanted to hear and proposed her. It was my own choice I don't blame anyone else but this complete situation is just difficult to handle.
She tells me how she has been single for long time, and laughs at me after seeing me wear still wedding ring. She cuts off communication and tells me to find another girl, continue life. And informs me often she is preparing divorce documents in another country.
And then just like yesterday, we had some little communication and i told I met someone that is connected to a very promising workplace I could get a job there, first she said she is happy to hear, and next thing asked if she promised I will have the job, and as such promises were not even on the table, it was unofficial meeting just to get information, she got mad and said basically that she just as open to meet me but after hearing this she doesnt want anymore, that she starts new life with new relationships tomorrow because I met another woman, as a job was not guaranteed it must have been a date with another girl. And this all comes from a person who has last moths just taken all the things I tried to send and give her without any other answer than "I'm single, find new girl, stop talking to me, divorce papers are ready" and now again turning me into monster for just having met a female human being for reasons that were to find a workplace.
It often feels to me she is just trying to find reasons to make me the bad guy and anything I ever seem to ask, to understand her, she just doesn't even answer but changes subject to something else to blame me. I really don't know what to do anymore.
3 years has passed, I know I married in a rush, but also on false promises, she directly lied to me about her personality and promises and I feel this relationship never started even. I feel I know people who I spend a weekend together better than her after 3 years. Gifts she takes and laughs afterwards how I will never see them even if I would need. If I ask for help she just says she cannot help. And asks me always to pray more, to go to church, to have better connection with God, all "normal" things are just a lack of faith and she is very judging towards anything and seems to think her values are so high and all this makes me so much mixed up in my mind when she speaks about the Bible and all and I feel I have never felt anyone close to be so abusive and cold and it is not just a bad mood. it is 3 years and counting.
Now she basically again said there is nothing anymore, she starts new life, and I deserve problems again which I had because I met with this woman to talk about work. I cannot even understand if she is really crazy jealous as she doesn't seem to care for months about my whereabouts or is it just a way to control and feel superiority, i don't know. And I understand husbands should help their spouses spiritually but I just DONT KNOW how to do, she is such a strong person, doesn't want to listen to anyone and not interested to listen, just tells her long monologues and asks then to leave her alone. I am totally clueless how to proceed.
first the month before the wedding she kept me on my toes, "maybe there will be no wedding" and was clearly not open to talk with me. Wedding day was horrible without any communication or warmth of feelings, honeymoon trip was angry times, telling me how we are not married in real, and she will be just a room mate, and about a month to the marriage first time she informed me she has decided to divorce and will leave me. This continued a couple of times more, and generally abusive behavior in many ways and finally I could not physically and emotionally take the silent treatment and emotional abuse and shock of divorce stuff time and time again and left the country. I had developed strong anxiety and stress disorder and half a year later after many tries I got her to accept my invitation to arrive to my country. We even had a new wedding ceremony and right after that she again told me to shut up and not talk to her after guests had gone, I almost started to cry when I realized it happens again after romantic dreams.
Things continued more or less horrible emotionally for a year, and my health kept going worse, and I would need to run out of home as I could not take the shocks emotionally and physically of divorce, somehow that made so strong effect and I was like in a wheel that I could not stop, where stress and emotional shocks and physical problems and sleeplessness together made the world seem very different.
I tried so many times to propose something to improve things, and ask her so much to stop threatening me, before wedding I even told her that it is my achille's heel, weakness and threatening with that destroys me easily and she acknowledged and said she promises to not do it. But it was like i had asked her to do it, as it became a weekly habit for her,when things didn't go like she wanted and now i just see we have spent almost 3 years of life not really moving anywhere.
We have now been separated about 5 months, she has own apartment, I have given her so much different gifts during years most of my all and she even went so far to hide them in case we would have money problems, that she would not lose anything. And when I have pain it is because I did something to deserve it. She is very arrogant and proud in her behavior, not just towards me but generally, and I have not found a way to become close emotionally, I still don't know what she really is, what to think about her, is anything true she tells me. And it seems she finds always something horrible in me, why I am not a good person and it is so strange. As with all other people I usually very easily make friends, and we can talk for hours and they say sweet things about me. But my own wife seems to never want to even learn to know me. She is very active in church, and speaks a lot about how everything is about praying, and has been doing correctly, I was her first relationship but I just don't understand as I never have felt love in her. Some people say that their marriage changed, but this never was anything nice..I cannot have any memories of good times, we just had a handful of dates when she promised me all the things I wanted to hear and proposed her. It was my own choice I don't blame anyone else but this complete situation is just difficult to handle.
She tells me how she has been single for long time, and laughs at me after seeing me wear still wedding ring. She cuts off communication and tells me to find another girl, continue life. And informs me often she is preparing divorce documents in another country.
And then just like yesterday, we had some little communication and i told I met someone that is connected to a very promising workplace I could get a job there, first she said she is happy to hear, and next thing asked if she promised I will have the job, and as such promises were not even on the table, it was unofficial meeting just to get information, she got mad and said basically that she just as open to meet me but after hearing this she doesnt want anymore, that she starts new life with new relationships tomorrow because I met another woman, as a job was not guaranteed it must have been a date with another girl. And this all comes from a person who has last moths just taken all the things I tried to send and give her without any other answer than "I'm single, find new girl, stop talking to me, divorce papers are ready" and now again turning me into monster for just having met a female human being for reasons that were to find a workplace.
It often feels to me she is just trying to find reasons to make me the bad guy and anything I ever seem to ask, to understand her, she just doesn't even answer but changes subject to something else to blame me. I really don't know what to do anymore.
3 years has passed, I know I married in a rush, but also on false promises, she directly lied to me about her personality and promises and I feel this relationship never started even. I feel I know people who I spend a weekend together better than her after 3 years. Gifts she takes and laughs afterwards how I will never see them even if I would need. If I ask for help she just says she cannot help. And asks me always to pray more, to go to church, to have better connection with God, all "normal" things are just a lack of faith and she is very judging towards anything and seems to think her values are so high and all this makes me so much mixed up in my mind when she speaks about the Bible and all and I feel I have never felt anyone close to be so abusive and cold and it is not just a bad mood. it is 3 years and counting.
Now she basically again said there is nothing anymore, she starts new life, and I deserve problems again which I had because I met with this woman to talk about work. I cannot even understand if she is really crazy jealous as she doesn't seem to care for months about my whereabouts or is it just a way to control and feel superiority, i don't know. And I understand husbands should help their spouses spiritually but I just DONT KNOW how to do, she is such a strong person, doesn't want to listen to anyone and not interested to listen, just tells her long monologues and asks then to leave her alone. I am totally clueless how to proceed.
