You know, James, there is something more than human understanding human's brain, it's human's soul. The essence of what or who you are. Some things you can never describe with a simple anwser, with words known to men, and as it is said, we should be meditating day and night on it, that is what keeps us close to Him, to get to know Him! You cannot say oh, that's God, I know Him now. No!
It takes time to get to know Him, maybe God is letting Himself known to you for your whole life and you are to blind to see that, even. That is how it was in my life. I see now why some things had to happen 10 years ago, when at that moment I was sure those things brought only sorrow in my life! And all I can say is thank you Lord for bringing me through it!
That is when you realize God has a purpose for everything, nothing is by coincidence! That is when you get closer to God, want to know more about Him, grab a Bible and start to STUDY it. That is when you realize God had a purpose for that tree in the Eden, we can question it why, but it's about trusting the Lord, not our own understanding.
I myself can worship only a living God, God that created all the earth and universe, and He is definetly mysterious. He is not in statues and pictures, He is not something you put a label on, He is a living spiritual being. I have faith in Him and His plan my life was for me proof, and once I opened the Bible proof started to stab me in my eyes.
I really recommend you to get a Bible. I believe KJV Bible is the preserved word of God, and I have read Bible in 3 diffrent languages and diffrent English translations. It is a word of the living God. There is something about it. Do some research how KJV Bible is translated and about Textus Receptus. Diffrent scriptures than what vatican is using and chatolic church. Do some research on the vatican architecture and pope hall, egypt and washington obelisks. See and think about it, meditate on it. Does it seem evil? If there is evil like that and maskarading like good, must there not be one true word of God? Once you give it a try and say okay, is there something, is there so called God, are you there God? I will try it. Than believe me, He will draw nigh unto you. You know the word of God is true because it is talking to you! How crazy it can sound to you, but that is how God works! I get my anwsers daily in the Bible. I will pray for you brother James and I hope you get your anwsers which I never can anwser.