I think some of our hang ups with God stem from an overly literal reckoning of scripture, take the premarital sex issue, now teenager shouldn't fool around at all, adultery must never happen, but 2 consenting adults, older, unable to otherwise marry, or the battered wife who is told she must stay with her abusive dirtbag of a husband, because after all, he didn't have sex with some one else. These issues further isolate and or brutalize those struggling with loneliness, abandonment, abuse and we begin to see God as a vindictive, viscous, arbitrary entity out to play a sick joke on someone. For years, I despised my desire for companionship and my libido, I begged for some sort of relief and came to hate God and myself, I cursed my sex drive and alienation. The special someone and or tight group of men who would "keep me accountable" never materialized. and there was no strong tower for me. Now I left the evangelical world for a differant tradition, finally met a woman who due to her late husband's pension she receives we are both loathe to pursue marriage legally, however I intend to be faithful, will not sleep around , and even if she was rendered a quadruplegic, I would care for her, we will probably have lots of sex, but if she asked me to give it up, I would just to be with her. Either God really doesn't mind the sex issue in this case or he has set us up to sin and get thrown into hell for his amusement. I lived for so many years caught between trying to live up to what I thought the bible said with the accompanying fear of messing up and periods of blind rage realizing I couldn't measure up. Since I chose to live-finally, there is a different sort of fear, there is also more spontaneous prayer, i am more present with people, less brooding, more grateful.
