New and dealing with nihilism

RaeH

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Hi everyone this is my issue:

I'm 24 and grew up Christian. A couple years ago, after college, I became atheist. About a month ago I had an old high school friend visit and we started talking about our beliefs. Although I was atheist at the time, as is he what he said deeply disturbed me. Something just didn't feel right. It sent me own a spiral of depression, nihilism, and complete existential crisis. And a preoccupation with death and not existing.

I suddenly couldn't function. I went to the doctor, was put on antidepressants and looked into therapy. During this time I started to pray again. And I reached out to God for help. I stopped taking the meds mostly because of bad side effects. And relied on prayer, church, and my Christian therapist to get me through. I function better now. I have since returned to work and can get up in the morning.

But feelings of nihilism don't subside. I'll be doing something and think there is no point in this. No point in anything. That in a million years none of this is going to matter. These thoughts I cannot beat. My faith is new and not strong. Besides the nihilism I'm also stuck deciding if I believe in God or not. I pray. I read devotionals. Im constantly reading the Bible. I'm doing everything I can. But this sense of meaningless prosists.

Even right now while I should be ready to join my family for Christmas I am instead at home crying out to God for help.

Any advice would be appreciated.
 

anna ~ grace

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Sometimes God in His mercy and wisdom allows us to wander into some really dark, awful places that seemed right at the time, in order to bring us back to Himself. Yes, there is meaning in life. To know and walk with God is the meaning of our lives. This is granted us through Christ, who is God in flesh. Call out to Him and follow Him; this is our salvation.

It will take faith on our part, dear. Faith in a God we can't see and a Messiah we haven't seen yet, either. But if we take a step of faith, in our smallness and despair, God will bless this faith and smallness with mercy, help, wisdom, and guidance in the right direction. God bless you, Rae. And Merry Christmas, man.
 
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2PhiloVoid

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Hi everyone this is my issue:

I'm 24 and grew up Christian. A couple years ago, after college, I became atheist. About a month ago I had an old high school friend visit and we started talking about our beliefs. Although I was atheist at the time, as is he what he said deeply disturbed me. Something just didn't feel right. It sent me own a spiral of depression, nihilism, and complete existential crisis. And a preoccupation with death and not existing.

I suddenly couldn't function. I went to the doctor, was put on antidepressants and looked into therapy. During this time I started to pray again. And I reached out to God for help. I stopped taking the meds mostly because of bad side effects. And relied on prayer, church, and my Christian therapist to get me through. I function better now. I have since returned to work and can get up in the morning.

But feelings of nihilism don't subside. I'll be doing something and think there is no point in this. No point in anything. That in a million years none of this is going to matter. These thoughts I cannot beat. My faith is new and not strong. Besides the nihilism I'm also stuck deciding if I believe in God or not. I pray. I read devotionals. Im constantly reading the Bible. I'm doing everything I can. But this sense of meaningless prosists.

Even right now while I should be ready to join my family for Christmas I am instead at home crying out to God for help.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Hello RaeH,

It would be great if you could join your family for Christmas, but even if you can't, you might take "baby steps" in dealing with your emotions and depression, as one other person here has already suggested. You might also consider that the statements of your atheist friend can be questioned--they're not inscrutable or uncriticizable. You might also begin by thinking about the following propositions:

1) Life definitely does hurt each of us and it definitely will end at some point for each of us. That's a given.

BUT

2) Hebrews 2:10, 14-16 (if you would please, look this up)

AND

3) JESUS did this just as much for you, as He did for each of us. There is hope to be had, RaeH.

Peace to you,
2PhiloVoid
 
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Widlast

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Hi everyone this is my issue:

I'm 24 and grew up Christian. A couple years ago, after college, I became atheist. About a month ago I had an old high school friend visit and we started talking about our beliefs. Although I was atheist at the time, as is he what he said deeply disturbed me. Something just didn't feel right. It sent me own a spiral of depression, nihilism, and complete existential crisis. And a preoccupation with death and not existing.

I suddenly couldn't function. I went to the doctor, was put on antidepressants and looked into therapy. During this time I started to pray again. And I reached out to God for help. I stopped taking the meds mostly because of bad side effects. And relied on prayer, church, and my Christian therapist to get me through. I function better now. I have since returned to work and can get up in the morning.

But feelings of nihilism don't subside. I'll be doing something and think there is no point in this. No point in anything. That in a million years none of this is going to matter. These thoughts I cannot beat. My faith is new and not strong. Besides the nihilism I'm also stuck deciding if I believe in God or not. I pray. I read devotionals. Im constantly reading the Bible. I'm doing everything I can. But this sense of meaningless prosists.

Even right now while I should be ready to join my family for Christmas I am instead at home crying out to God for help.

Any advice would be appreciated.
Hello, seems you have stumbled into the reality that is behind atheism.
Because if you buy into that, everything truly is meaningless.

Lucky for you (and everyone else) atheism is a bunch of hogwash.

Christ may not be you personal Santa Claus and give you all you want when you want. But He does happen to be God.
And loves you dearly, as if He had made all of reality just for you.
You are going through a tough patch now. You have plenty of time to get yourself together and can seek Him out when you are ready.
He will be waiting for you.

You may wish to find a youth group and attend at your convenience. There you can discuss you questions and trials and find people
who can answer your questions and support you without judging.
 
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LauraAviel

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I have experienced similar feelings in the past. And sometimes I still do. I myself have only been a Christian for about 2 years and am definitely still growing in my faith. What has really been helping me lately is trying to see God as an actual "person" rather than some distant deity, because the reality is: he always is right beside us. So once I started trying to approach Him as a person and not some distant deity, I felt much more connected to Him. Speaking to God through prayer as I would speak to a good friend rather than simply dumping my emotions on him and then expecting to magically feel better really made a difference.

That is just something I wanted to share from my personal experiences. Maybe it can help you.
 
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Deadworm

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Here are 3 tried and tested steps to spiritual victory in your life.
(1) Confront the feeling that the Bible has an unrealistic polyanna attitude about what to expect from your faith. To correct that attitude, meditate on these 2 bible books:

(a) The Book of Ecclesiastes begins with the sentiment you express: “Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless (NIV).” The author expresses the pessimistic philosophy of life that evolves when we focus exclusively on the tough rhythms of our lives on our journey towards death. So it is quite natural and discerning for you, as a recovering atheist, to have residual feelings from your former intellectual outlook.

(2) Meditate on the Psalms, noticing how the psalmists' intimacy with God allows them at times to vent their feelings of divine abandonment and betrayal. Psalm 88 has been described by psychiatrists and an eloquent description of clinical depression, in which the author vents and expresses no hope! This is God's way of letting you know that it can be natural to go through "the dark night of the soul" in a process of spiritual purification.

You can't be talked out of your depression and feelings of emptiness; you must go through this dark valley with loving companions to take the journey with you. Your decision to see a therapist is a wise first step.

(2) Next, confront a basic misunderstanding of the Christian faith. In life theological understanding is the booby prize because it gives you just enough spirituality to inoculate you against the real thing--spiritual experience, not just a mental head trip about what you should believe. But such experience requires a spiritual quest. As God puts it, "If you seek Me will all your heart, I will let you find Ne (Jeremiah 29:13-14)." Christianity is first and foremost an intimate personal relationship with Christ. So consider Christ's invitation: "Behold, I stand at the door, knocking. If any one will hear my voice and open the door, I will come into her (him) and dine with her and she (he) with me (Revelation 3:20)." The sign of a developing relationship with Christ is the experience of being nourished by Him--and of nourishing Him in return! You might ask yourself, "Have I found the right church to nourish me in a profound and intimate relationship with God through the Holy Spirit?

(3) Now you might be saying to yourself, "Such a quest can't work for me. I'm not the type!" Then consider 2 potential barriers to success: (a) You can't expect God to just give you an emotional high without thinking through the commitment God is asking you to make. Pray something like this: "God, if you make yourself real to me, I will commit my whole life to serving you and others. But be patient with me, because I have a lot of resistance to overcome."

(b) Also, tell God from the heart: "God, please help me discover why You put me here on this planet. Help me find my purpose and help me discover my spiritual gifts, so that I can fulfill my purpose effectively." Practice (1)-(3) and you can expect a holy moment in which you feel "ambushed" by God in the sweetest, most tender experience of your life.
 
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ToBeLoved

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The previous post brought up Psalms and I think the ones that King David wrote are especially good for those of us who suffer with depression.

David pours his heart out to God and endures a lot. You can tell by reading these Psalms that he is going through a hard time, but then his heart always comes back and glorifies God.

Here is an example I found on the web

King David and Depression




David’s story is one of the most dramatic in the Bible. He didn’t have an easy life, and he often made terrible decisions. Still he is named “a man after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22).He earned that title because he always repented of his sin with great remorse; he always begged God to cleanse him and restore him to His favor (Psalm 139: 23-24).

There are many times in the Psalms that David wrote in which he declares his great sorrow. In Psalm 6:6, David says he is weary with his groaning; that all night his bed is swimming in tears. You will easily find other places in Psalms where this experience is repeated. His grief over his sin was great. His soul was weary with grieving, crying over the state of his disobedience to God, and the terrible results that followed.

Now I want to focus on Psalm 13, which is a little gem describing the steps David took from depression to prayer to victory. It is a retrospective song, written from the vantage point of age, so that David can be objective about his earlier experiences. In this Psalm, he was running from King Saul. He was alone, as yet without the support of his band of mighty men. He was in the northern reaches of Palestine where it was dry, rocky and dusty, and the peopled were unfriendly. In the first two verses we hear five complaints:

1. How long will You forget me, Lord?

2. How long will You hide Your face from me?

3. How long do I have to confer only with myself?

4. How long will I have daily sorrow?

5. How long will Saul have victory over me?

Things weren’t going well at all. Not unlike most of us, when the going got rough David complained and wept, feeling very sorry for himself and even going so far as to accuse God of forgetting about him. Of course that wasn’t true, but please, haven’t we all felt like that at some point in our lives? The problem comes when we begin to believe that what we feel must be the truth. It is never safe to “follow your heart” because our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9).

In the second set of verses, David apparently starts to get his thinking straight. He begins praying instead of complaining. He asks God to hear him and wake him up so he won’t “sleep the sleep of death.” Anyone who has experienced that craving for deep, oblivious sleep that never has to end will understand that David is describing an aspect of deep depression. The only thing that seems to bring peace is to sleep so long and so deeply that the depression is escaped, at least for a time. In verse four, instead of complaining that Saul is the victor David asks God to have the victory. Nothing wrong with praying that God will prevail.

Finally, in the last two verses, David gets it right. He reveals three important aspects of answered prayer: Trust in God’s mercy; rejoice in His salvation; sing praises to God for his bountiful dealings. We are told to pray with gratitude in Phil. 4:7. Gratitude goes a long way toward eliminating whining. If we turn our minds to God’s mercy, goodness, and grace we are much better able to deal with the vicissitudes of life, including depression.

Most important, I believe, is to rejoice in God’s salvation. Some time ago, I was impressed with a wonderful truth. In this passage, David says he will “rejoice in THY salvation.” He didn’t say he would “rejoice in MY salvation.” Salvation belongs to God. He provides it for us when we receive His Son as our Savior, but redemption is His. We cannot lose what we do not own. We never need to worry that we’ll lose salvation, because the victory is the Lord’s, and no one can take us from His hand. That truth alone should help boost us out of the pit of depression and despair.

As you read through the Psalms, look for David’s descriptions of his soul’s agony. You will be surprised at how quickly you can identify with this man that most of us see as a great and powerful king. We forget that man is only man, after all, and that we are subject to our own weaknesses, just as David was.

King David and Depression
 
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ToBeLoved

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Here is another good one I found.

If you are suffering from depression, you need to know that God loves and accepts you the way you are. You are a unique person. No one else has your exact combination of genetics and life experiences. Your thoughts, desires, temptations, and feelings – even the ones that you prefer others not know about – are completely normal for you. They are the thoughts, desires, temptations, and feelings that your unique combination of genetics and life experiences has produced. You might not be average, but you are normal. Moreover, every one of your feelings, desires, temptations, and behaviors is a feeling, desire, temptation, and behavior that is common to the human race. The Apostle Paul implied that there is a commonality in human race in I Corinthians 10:13: “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” So, you do not have to force yourself into a mold that does not fit the person you are just to please others. And you most certainly do not have to do so to please God. Accept yourself as you are because God has accepted you as you are.

The book of Psalms contains some of the most comforting and tranquilizing passages in the Bible. Several of them speak not just to the human mind but also to the human spirit. Some of the best were written about 3000 years ago by the Jewish King David.

David was the most revered of all Jewish kings. He was described in the Bible as a man after God’s own heart (I Samuel 13:14; Acts 13:22). Not only was David a great king, but he was also a great warrior, an accomplished musician, a wonderful poet, and the author of many of the Psalms of the Old Testament. God had chosen David to be king, and He greatly blessed his reign. However, David was not a perfect man by any stretch. At the height of his career, he fell into one of the most shocking and grievous sins recorded in the entire Bible. One day while walking on the roof of his palace, he spotted a beautiful woman on a nearby roof bathing. He was so captivated by her beauty that he commanded his servants to bring her to his palace. The problem was that she was a married woman. In fact, she was married to one of the best and most loyal soldiers in David’s army. But David allowed himself to be overcome by infatuation and passion, and failed to properly consider the ramifications of his actions. His adulterous affair with Bathsheba and the subsequent arranged murder of her husband is one of the most well-known accounts in the Bible.

David suffered great emotional anguish over his affair with Bathsheba and its aftermath. He wrote as many as three Psalms expressing his grief and anguish during those dark days of his life. Psalm 32, Psalm 38, and Psalms 51 were probably written during this time. They express the deep contrition he felt over the affair. But, the Bathsheba affair was not the first time David experienced depression in his life.

Years earlier, while a loyal servant to King Saul, David fell under Saul’s jealous mistrust. David’s prowess as a warrior in battle together with his great popularity with the people led Saul to view David as a threat to his throne. Even though David had been completely loyal to Saul and had given him no reason to doubt his loyalty, Saul had decided that the best way to deal with this perceived threat was to eliminate it. So, Saul launched into a concerted effort to kill David. David was forced to flee Jerusalem and hide in caves and the rugged countryside of Israel. He was forced to rely upon the favor and generosity of the Jewish people for his sustenance. Thanks to God’s protection and the support of the Jewish people, David was able to avoid capture despite Saul’s best efforts to find him. Those days of being on the run from Saul were, prior to the Bathsheba affair, among the very worst days of David’s life. David put some of his feelings into numerous Psalms during those difficult days. Psalm 34, Psalm 35, Psalm 40, Psalm 52, Psalm 54, Psalm 55, Psalm 56, Psalm 57, Psalm 59, and Psalm 63 are some of the Psalms that David probably wrote during this period of his life.

Reading Psalms written during a periods of David’s great stress allows us a window into the inner turmoil he experienced. These Psalms speak to us at a deeply emotional level. When you feel depressed, these Psalms are well worth reading. Many of David’s Psalms are also Messianic in nature in that they express the deep turmoil within the heart of Jesus who bore the weight of the sins of whole world in His body. So, even though David was writing about his own inner turmoil, his words often reflect the heart of Jesus in the worse moments of His life. Below are some excerpts from a few of David’s Psalms that can speak to the very soul of a depressed person. As you read some of the Psalm excerpts below, feel the anguish that Jesus felt as He hung on the cross baring the full weight of our sins in His body. In particular, pay close attention to the words of Psalm 69. I have reproduced it in its entirety. It is the last one quoted below.

Psalm 34:4-7:

4 I sought the LORD, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.
5 They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed.
6 This poor man cried out, and the LORD heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps all around those who fear Him, and delivers them.


Psalm 38:1-10:

1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your wrath, nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure!
2 For Your arrows pierce me deeply, and Your hand presses me down.
3 There is no soundness in my flesh Because of Your anger, nor any health in my bones Because of my sin.
4 For my iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me.
5 My wounds are foul and festering because of my foolishness.
6 I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long.
7 For my loins are full of inflammation, and there is no soundness in my flesh.
8 I am feeble and severely broken; I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.
9 Lord, all my desire is before You; and my sighing is not hidden from You.
10 My heart pants, my strength fails me; as for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me.


Psalm 40:1-3:

1 I waited patiently for the LORD; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry.
2 He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps.
3 He has put a new song in my mouth—praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the LORD.


Psalm 55:4-8:

4 My heart is severely pained within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
5 Fearfulness and trembling have come upon me, and horror has overwhelmed me.
6 So I said, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest.
7 Indeed, I would wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah
8 I would hasten my escape From the windy storm and tempest.”


Psalm 69:

1 Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck.
2 I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing; I have come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.
3 I am weary with my crying; my throat is dry; my eyes fail while I wait for my God.
4 Those who hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of my head; they are mighty who would destroy me, being my enemies wrongfully; though I have stolen nothing, I still must restore it.
5 O God, You know my foolishness; and my sins are not hidden from You.
6 Let not those who wait for You, O Lord GOD of hosts, be ashamed because of me; let not those who seek You be confounded because of me, O God of Israel.
7 Because for Your sake I have borne reproach; shame has covered my face.
8 I have become a stranger to my brothers, and an alien to my mother’s children;
9 Because zeal for Your house has eaten me up, and the reproaches of those who reproach You have fallen on me.
10 When I wept and chastened my soul with fasting, that became my reproach.
11 I also made sackcloth my garment; I became a byword to them.
12 Those who sit in the gate speak against me, and I am the song of the drunkards.
13 But as for me, my prayer is to You, O LORD, in the acceptable time; O God, in the multitude of Your mercy, hear me in the truth of Your salvation.
14 Deliver me out of the mire, And let me not sink; Let me be delivered from those who hate me, And out of the deep waters.
15 Let not the floodwater overflow me, nor let the deep swallow me up; And let not the pit shut its mouth on me.
16 Hear me, O LORD, for Your lovingkindness is good; turn to me according to the multitude of Your tender mercies.
17 And do not hide Your face from Your servant, for I am in trouble; hear me speedily.
18 Draw near to my soul, and redeem it; deliver me because of my enemies.
19 You know my reproach, my shame, and my dishonor; my adversaries are all before You.
20 Reproach has broken my heart, and I am full of heaviness; I looked for someone to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none.
21 They also gave me gall for my food, and for my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink.
22 Let their table become a snare before them, and their well-being a trap.
23 Let their eyes be darkened, so that they do not see; and make their loins shake continually.
24 Pour out Your indignation upon them, and let Your wrathful anger take hold of them.
25 Let their dwelling place be desolate; let no one live in their tents.
26 For they persecute the ones You have struck, and talk of the grief of those You have wounded.
27 Add iniquity to their iniquity, and let them not come into Your righteousness.
28 Let them be blotted out of the book of the living, and not be written with the righteous.
29 But I am poor and sorrowful; let Your salvation, O God, set me up on high.
30 I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify Him with thanksgiving.
31 This also shall please the LORD better than an ox or bull, which has horns and hooves.
32 The humble shall see this and be glad; and you who seek God, your hearts shall live.
33 For the LORD hears the poor, and does not despise His prisoners.
34 Let heaven and earth praise Him, the seas and everything that moves in them.
35 For God will save Zion And build the cities of Judah, that they may dwell there and possess it.
36 Also, the descendants of His servants shall inherit it, and those who love His name shall dwell in it.
 
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faroukfarouk

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I have experienced similar feelings in the past. And sometimes I still do. I myself have only been a Christian for about 2 years and am definitely still growing in my faith. What has really been helping me lately is trying to see God as an actual "person" rather than some distant deity, because the reality is: he always is right beside us. So once I started trying to approach Him as a person and not some distant deity, I felt much more connected to Him. Speaking to God through prayer as I would speak to a good friend rather than simply dumping my emotions on him and then expecting to magically feel better really made a difference.

That is just something I wanted to share from my personal experiences. Maybe it can help you.
Prayer is so important, yes; and it all begins with God, as far as everything in our lives is concerned. (John 1.1)
 
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