- Dec 13, 2015
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Thank you for this, this is exactly what my thought process has been. And what you explained helped me. I appreciate your testimony.
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Dating/marriage questions
- Thread starter Angeleyes7715
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Thank you for this, this is exactly what my thought process has been. And what you explained helped me. I appreciate your testimony.
akmom
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- Jun 13, 2012
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Biochemistry? That's a good one. It's one of those fields that attracts bright, motivated people. How did you relate to your classmates? I remember my graduating class for my degree field becoming a pretty tight knit group by the end. It's not like a liberal arts degree where you have thousands of people and all your classes are huge and you rarely get the same group together. Or maybe it's the same at larger universities, I don't know. Did you have any meaningful friendships in college? What about high school? Basically, have you always had trouble relating to people, or just right now?
I can't imagine that your stomach condition is that big of a problem. Honestly, half the people I know have bad breath. I suspect it might be more of a confidence issue for you than it is a problem for anyone around you. I understand not really being the kind of person who can go out and just volunteer in the community either. It's not about not caring. It's just that those kinds of people tend to be bubbly and approachable, and work well with a variety of personality types. You probably wouldn't find yourself intermingling with the kind of demographic that you relate to... you know what I mean? I mean it's great advice, and it might enrich your life, but I'm not sure it would connect you to what you are looking for in terms of companions you have things in common with.
It's hard for us introverts, but I'll dare to say it, when we do find our friends and meet our spouse, I *feel* like it's richer, stronger relationships than what people have who seem to be able to whip up friends/dates quickly and easily.
I can't imagine that your stomach condition is that big of a problem. Honestly, half the people I know have bad breath. I suspect it might be more of a confidence issue for you than it is a problem for anyone around you. I understand not really being the kind of person who can go out and just volunteer in the community either. It's not about not caring. It's just that those kinds of people tend to be bubbly and approachable, and work well with a variety of personality types. You probably wouldn't find yourself intermingling with the kind of demographic that you relate to... you know what I mean? I mean it's great advice, and it might enrich your life, but I'm not sure it would connect you to what you are looking for in terms of companions you have things in common with.
It's hard for us introverts, but I'll dare to say it, when we do find our friends and meet our spouse, I *feel* like it's richer, stronger relationships than what people have who seem to be able to whip up friends/dates quickly and easily.
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anewman1993
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I feel like this could have been written by me, expect I'm a guy.
I shared this on here not long ago but I'm going to do it again. I'm going to also be blunt that about the fact I'm a hypocrate. I'm trying to change but I am but fall over and over and I'm not going to pretend I'm not.
I'm 23, a year younger than you. Ive never had a girlfriend. I'm not bad looking it really surprises people to hear this, but they didn't know me when I was younger, and don't understand my life situation now (I'm mostly unable to leave my house due to some health issues, I haven't seen a woman my age in so long I'm assuming its been somewhere around 6+ months). I didn't have any luck in college before I dropped out because of the health stuff and just being socially incompetent until the last year or so of college anyway.
I felt/feel like the woman I want doesn't exist. I want a woman who loves God suicidally, who will just follow him no matter how insane it seems, but at the same time who knows its him speaking, be it through the bible or some other way, and is not chasing random thoughts of their own head, because this is how I try to live. Someone who is kind and full of biblical virtues, someone who is not ashamed of God, who is attractive to me (and attracted to me), who loves truth not the idea of being right, who on some level shares and understands my passions, and someone who is a virgin.
At some point I realized this person probably didn't exist, because I have enough of a hard time finding anyone of any age who wants God the way I do. I don't way that to be arrogant because I wish that was untrue, I have many many many faults which you will know in a minute, but I do want God and I want to walk in truth and I won't compromise the truth for ease or comfort or sentimentality. Something that unfortunately I have found to be very rare. Even if the type of woman I wanted existed, she probably wouldn't ever cross paths with me or like me if she did. I may love God but at times I don't love the american chruch, and they don't love me. I'm a metalhead (though I don't look it)who doesn't care about what "The thing to do" is, but what God says and what he says alone. Most of the christian woman who are similar to me come out of backgrounds in which they are hardly a virgin, and as much as I wish I could force myself not to care about that every time I hear of a christian who didn't wait a part of me breaks for them because of the sin. When its a woman I'm attracted to, it hurts all the more because she has been as intimately joined to another man in the most extreme way possible, there is nothing that can join them more, and I want someone who is only been with me when I marry. Yes its impossible to find that, and maybe if I'm lucky I'll find a woman who only messed around sexually and didn't actually have full on sex, but even the thought of that hurts.
But like I said, I'm a hypocrite. You talk about just wanting to may a man, or just having sex with someone. thats what your talking about right? Ive not done that, but what Ive done haunts me. In my extreme loneliness and isolation I started talking to women online, I started becoming sexual with them online, I started to "mess around" and "finish" together online with them. I went as far to show myself...yes that way...to a woman online at one point. I'm not proud of this but I got whatever I could because I wanted to feel desired, I wanted companionship, I wanted to feel connected to a woman absolutely any way that I could and inappropriate content (which is also wrong) wasn't enough it just made me more lonely, more frustrated, and at times I would be sitting there watching it choking back tears because it hurt so much how much I wanted a woman, but unlike what I saw on the screen I didn't just want one physically but emotionally and I had never had that.
You want to know the result of this? A level of loneliness greater than every before, an emptiness so strong I felt like I would collapse. I didn't "have sex" but I gave away a part of myself and it FEELS gone, its every single time I do that I feel like Ive gained one more scar on my soul, Christ may have redeemed me and forgiven me and washed me clean but in this body I still bear the scar. Its only when I abstain that I find any releif for my lonliness as backwards as it seems. But seeking to fill that lonliness and desperate desire for companionship I chased after anything I could get through the internet an I somehow found it, and the result was many nights on floor sobbing in shame and self hatred, knowing I was a hypocrate because I wanted a woman who was a virgin, even to the point its a dealbreaker for me short of a miracle level intervention, and Ive commited all these things, if a woman had sex with one guy her whole life while dating him then later repented how is that worse than me chasing multiple women online at the same time? But Ive never been able to shake the desire for a wife who is a virgin, and maybe its good I'm unable to leave my house as it keeps me from doing that to myself.
But what I wanted to tell you was this, it won't help you to betray God and run after sinful desires, I speak from experince. You will have a moment of pleasure, a moment where you feel connected to someone, and then you will come to your sense and be convicted and you will want to crawl under a rock, and you will never be able to clean your hands for what youve done. Christ is able to, but you will never forget or cease to deeply regret your decisions.
Yes. Yes its hard, so is almost every command of scripture. God his holy and we by nature are not in this flesh, the act of following God is the act of denying our own desires day by day, hour by hour, second by second. If we slip for one second then its a quick slide into choosing sin over God, a most horrific thing to do to a God we love, all for pleasure and to satisfy desires, even if they are good desires it is not good to get them in the wrong manner.
If that means what I think it means, then I would agree its wrong, especially if using "aids". But, speaking form experience the long your can abstain the easier it gets, its the first few months that are the hardest, getting past the first month or 2 and it will become nothing more than a thought in the back of your mind, its still a desire, but it is no longer a loudspeaker screaming in your brain every second of every day.
I shared this on here not long ago but I'm going to do it again. I'm going to also be blunt that about the fact I'm a hypocrate. I'm trying to change but I am but fall over and over and I'm not going to pretend I'm not.
I'm 23, a year younger than you. Ive never had a girlfriend. I'm not bad looking it really surprises people to hear this, but they didn't know me when I was younger, and don't understand my life situation now (I'm mostly unable to leave my house due to some health issues, I haven't seen a woman my age in so long I'm assuming its been somewhere around 6+ months). I didn't have any luck in college before I dropped out because of the health stuff and just being socially incompetent until the last year or so of college anyway.
I felt/feel like the woman I want doesn't exist. I want a woman who loves God suicidally, who will just follow him no matter how insane it seems, but at the same time who knows its him speaking, be it through the bible or some other way, and is not chasing random thoughts of their own head, because this is how I try to live. Someone who is kind and full of biblical virtues, someone who is not ashamed of God, who is attractive to me (and attracted to me), who loves truth not the idea of being right, who on some level shares and understands my passions, and someone who is a virgin.
At some point I realized this person probably didn't exist, because I have enough of a hard time finding anyone of any age who wants God the way I do. I don't way that to be arrogant because I wish that was untrue, I have many many many faults which you will know in a minute, but I do want God and I want to walk in truth and I won't compromise the truth for ease or comfort or sentimentality. Something that unfortunately I have found to be very rare. Even if the type of woman I wanted existed, she probably wouldn't ever cross paths with me or like me if she did. I may love God but at times I don't love the american chruch, and they don't love me. I'm a metalhead (though I don't look it)who doesn't care about what "The thing to do" is, but what God says and what he says alone. Most of the christian woman who are similar to me come out of backgrounds in which they are hardly a virgin, and as much as I wish I could force myself not to care about that every time I hear of a christian who didn't wait a part of me breaks for them because of the sin. When its a woman I'm attracted to, it hurts all the more because she has been as intimately joined to another man in the most extreme way possible, there is nothing that can join them more, and I want someone who is only been with me when I marry. Yes its impossible to find that, and maybe if I'm lucky I'll find a woman who only messed around sexually and didn't actually have full on sex, but even the thought of that hurts.
But like I said, I'm a hypocrite. You talk about just wanting to may a man, or just having sex with someone. thats what your talking about right? Ive not done that, but what Ive done haunts me. In my extreme loneliness and isolation I started talking to women online, I started becoming sexual with them online, I started to "mess around" and "finish" together online with them. I went as far to show myself...yes that way...to a woman online at one point. I'm not proud of this but I got whatever I could because I wanted to feel desired, I wanted companionship, I wanted to feel connected to a woman absolutely any way that I could and inappropriate content (which is also wrong) wasn't enough it just made me more lonely, more frustrated, and at times I would be sitting there watching it choking back tears because it hurt so much how much I wanted a woman, but unlike what I saw on the screen I didn't just want one physically but emotionally and I had never had that.
You want to know the result of this? A level of loneliness greater than every before, an emptiness so strong I felt like I would collapse. I didn't "have sex" but I gave away a part of myself and it FEELS gone, its every single time I do that I feel like Ive gained one more scar on my soul, Christ may have redeemed me and forgiven me and washed me clean but in this body I still bear the scar. Its only when I abstain that I find any releif for my lonliness as backwards as it seems. But seeking to fill that lonliness and desperate desire for companionship I chased after anything I could get through the internet an I somehow found it, and the result was many nights on floor sobbing in shame and self hatred, knowing I was a hypocrate because I wanted a woman who was a virgin, even to the point its a dealbreaker for me short of a miracle level intervention, and Ive commited all these things, if a woman had sex with one guy her whole life while dating him then later repented how is that worse than me chasing multiple women online at the same time? But Ive never been able to shake the desire for a wife who is a virgin, and maybe its good I'm unable to leave my house as it keeps me from doing that to myself.
But what I wanted to tell you was this, it won't help you to betray God and run after sinful desires, I speak from experince. You will have a moment of pleasure, a moment where you feel connected to someone, and then you will come to your sense and be convicted and you will want to crawl under a rock, and you will never be able to clean your hands for what youve done. Christ is able to, but you will never forget or cease to deeply regret your decisions.
Yes. Yes its hard, so is almost every command of scripture. God his holy and we by nature are not in this flesh, the act of following God is the act of denying our own desires day by day, hour by hour, second by second. If we slip for one second then its a quick slide into choosing sin over God, a most horrific thing to do to a God we love, all for pleasure and to satisfy desires, even if they are good desires it is not good to get them in the wrong manner.
If that means what I think it means, then I would agree its wrong, especially if using "aids". But, speaking form experience the long your can abstain the easier it gets, its the first few months that are the hardest, getting past the first month or 2 and it will become nothing more than a thought in the back of your mind, its still a desire, but it is no longer a loudspeaker screaming in your brain every second of every day.
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TheyCallMeDave
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- Jun 19, 2012
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1. If you were to just stay with one man having sex out of marriage and died in this state of no remorse /reptentence, you would forfeit your etertnity in heaven ; see 1 Corinthians 6:9-12 ...it doesn't get any clearer than this passage. Also Galatians 5. Sex is for a marriage union and none other. Its a high price to pay just for a man to lay next to you.
2. Gods will isn't always for people to get married . A single life can be very rewarding.
IF you program your life correctly to have meaning, purpose, fulfillment , to serve God and Others, put others needs ahead of your own, and to have deep fellowship in a Christian group and with individuals. I might add that you are very young at 24 and chances are after you have done some more maturing, God may surprise you with a Godly Man. In the meantime, concentrate becoming a Godly Woman so you get Gods best.
Its real easy to mess up your life over the sexual because being out of Gods will leaves you open to harm. Dave
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