Dating/marriage questions

[Angeleyes7715]

So I've been struggling in this area for some time. I am a single 24/year old woman and I haven't had a sex for 5 years. Also don't believe in that before marriage. I have desired to get married simply because I don't want to be out of God's will.

The problem is I realize I probably will never get married. I have too many problems in my life and on top of that I can't seem to find a guy that there is a mutual connection. I can't force myself to get involved with the "church types" i feel like they dont understand me and i have no interest in them. They honestly irritate me. And when I think one guy might work out he blows me off. I met a few guys and I get furious because things don't work out and I go on a man hating spree...

My issue is I want to just pay for a male companion because I'm sick of putting up with disappointment. I'm sick of getting treated bad and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. No, I don't get companionship from friends I have none and i don't get along with other women . I am sick of Master. it's wrong And I obv. don't have the option to get married. Are people that want to stay in the will of God, but have no way to get married suppose to just deal with it?

If you are only sleeping with one guy and not married would you still be a fornicator? It's not like it would be my choice to not get married. If I had the option I would, but can't find anyone to marry me even though I'm young and pretty.

 

[BFine]

I believe in the impossible...

Meet Nick....

 

[akmom]

I agree with BFine that almost no one is actually unmarriageable. Finding that person just doesn't always come as quickly as we'd like.

But it sounds like you are struggling with desire and impatience, and hoping there is some shortcut to reconcile your dilemma without sin. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Anything you do has consequences, and you always have to live with the life you've made for yourself, so I really think it will be better for you to wait for the right relationship.

What if a person was struggling with poverty? Always living paycheck-to-paycheck, working at an unpleasant job and going home to a run-down apartment because it was all they could afford. Never having any extra money, and constantly struggling just to keep up on the bills for bare necessities. Going on five years, they just couldn't find anyone to hire them under better terms. It gets frustrating and often seems hopeless. Would it be okay for them to steal some extra income on occasion, just to cover important expenses until they can find a better job? Maybe sell drugs on the side, just because it's the only way they feel they can get out of this financial rut?

I think the answer is pretty clear. No, you shouldn't do those things, and if you do, there will very likely be other consequences. (I'm sure you can imagine what kinds of consequences would eventually be likely if one were to steal or sell drugs to boost their income.) If you managed to find a boyfriend for purchase (which, if I understand you, probably constitutes illegal prostitution), then you would be even less appealing to the kinds of men you would want to marry. You also run the risk of STDs, pregnancy, your own safety (depending on the circumstances), and will probably not have a very good time of coping with your decisions in the long run. Just don't.

Be patient and try to focus on the path you want for your life other than a relationship. Have you pursued an education that interests you? Found yourself in a career your enjoy, or on your way to one? Regularly engaging in hobbies that you like? I am not talking about a distraction so much as this: the more time you spend on endeavors and settings that are fulfilling to you, the more likely you are to meet like-minded people. These are the kinds of people you will relate with, whom you'll like and who'll like you. This is a better plan for finding that relationship that leads to marriage.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

I agree with BFine that almost no one is actually unmarriageable. Finding that person just doesn't always come as quickly as we'd like.

But it sounds like you are struggling with desire and impatience, and hoping there is some shortcut to reconcile your dilemma without sin. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Anything you do has consequences, and you always have to live with the life you've made for yourself, so I really think it will be better for you to wait for the right relationship.

What if a person was struggling with poverty? Always living paycheck-to-paycheck, working at an unpleasant job and going home to a run-down apartment because it was all they could afford. Never having any extra money, and constantly struggling just to keep up on the bills for bare necessities. Going on five years, they just couldn't find anyone to hire them under better terms. It gets frustrating and often seems hopeless. Would it be okay for them to steal some extra income on occasion, just to cover important expenses until they can find a better job? Maybe sell drugs on the side, just because it's the only way they feel they can get out of this financial rut?

I think the answer is pretty clear. No, you shouldn't do those things, and if you do, there will very likely be other consequences. (I'm sure you can imagine what kinds of consequences would eventually be likely if one were to steal or sell drugs to boost their income.) If you managed to find a boyfriend for purchase (which, if I understand you, probably constitutes illegal prostitution), then you would be even less appealing to the kinds of men you would want to marry. You also run the risk of STDs, pregnancy, your own safety (depending on the circumstances), and will probably not have a very good time of coping with your decisions in the long run. Just don't.

Be patient and try to focus on the path you want for your life other than a relationship. Have you pursued an education that interests you? Found yourself in a career your enjoy, or on your way to one? Regularly engaging in hobbies that you like? I am not talking about a distraction so much as this: the more time you spend on endeavors and settings that are fulfilling to you, the more likely you are to meet like-minded people. These are the kinds of people you will relate with, whom you'll like and who'll like you. This is a better plan for finding that relationship that leads to marriage.

That's the thing I've already done everything career wise and it feels pointless. To me being successful as a woman isnt complete until your married. I have plenty of education a bachelor's in biochemistry. I work as a pharmacy tech, trying to go back to school or get a certification to do something more professional. I have hobbies. I spend most of my time by myself. I feel like I don't have much to live for besides living because I have to and working because I have to....I see your point though, I also didn't know paid male companions were illegal. Yeah, guess that's not a good idea. well this is it I guess...

 

[Dave-W]

If you are only sleeping with one guy and not married would you still be a fornicator?

Yes. No doubt about it.

 

[Dave-W]

The problem is I realize I probably will never get married. I have too many problems in my life and on top of that I can't seem to find a guy that there is a mutual connection. I can't force myself to get involved with the "church types" i feel like they dont understand me and i have no interest in them. They honestly irritate me. And when I think one guy might work out he blows me off. I met a few guys and I get furious because things don't work out and I go on a man hating spree...

My issue is I want to just pay for a male companion because I'm sick of putting up with disappointment. I'm sick of getting treated bad and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. No, I don't get companionship from friends I have none and i don't get along with other women .

I would advise you to find a GOOD BIBLICAL counselor to start trying to fix these problems. What you are describing is a detached lifestyle, and that is very much AGAINST biblical norms. God designed us to be connected to others in close loving relationships - parents, siblings, friends, etc.

You will not find this "mutual connection" you seek without finding out WHY you are so isolated and correct it.

 

[BFine]

That's the thing I've already done everything career wise and it feels pointless.
*What of your personal relationship with
Jesus? are you following Him?
Growing deeper in your faith and knowledge
of Him and The Word(Bible)?
Others... are you sharing the Good News of the Gospel?
Being a light in dark places? visiting shut-ins? helping and or caring for your "neighbor"?


To me being successful as a woman isnt complete until your married.
*Marriage is hard work...are you ready to agape someone?
Agape is a sacrificial love, it's NOT based on warm fluttery feelings...agape is a determined act of one's will, It's characterized by continued commitment even when people are not so lovable.

When you read about the love between a husband and wife
in the Bible, it's the agape type of love.


I have plenty of education a bachelor's in biochemistry. I work as a pharmacy tech, trying to go back to school or get a certification to do something more professional. I have hobbies.
I spend most of my time by myself.
*Why is that?

I feel like I don't have much to live for besides living because I have to and working because I have to....I see your point though, I also didn't know paid male companions were illegal. Yeah, guess that's not a good idea. well this is it I guess...

*There's something more...there's kingdom work to be about....by the way, that's how Nick Vujicic met
the lady he married...he was being about sharing the Good News of the Gospel, encouraging others etc.

 

[DevotedBaker54]

So I've been struggling in this area for some time. I am a single 24/year old woman and I haven't had a sex for 5 years. Also don't believe in that before marriage. I have desired to get married simply because I don't want to be out of God's will.

The problem is I realize I probably will never get married. I have too many problems in my life and on top of that I can't seem to find a guy that there is a mutual connection. I can't force myself to get involved with the "church types" i feel like they dont understand me and i have no interest in them. They honestly irritate me. And when I think one guy might work out he blows me off. I met a few guys and I get furious because things don't work out and I go on a man hating spree...

My issue is I want to just pay for a male companion because I'm sick of putting up with disappointment. I'm sick of getting treated bad and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. No, I don't get companionship from friends I have none and i don't get along with other women . I am sick of Master. it's wrong And I obv. don't have the option to get married. Are people that want to stay in the will of God, but have no way to get married suppose to just deal with it?

If you are only sleeping with one guy and not married would you still be a fornicator? It's not like it would be my choice to not get married. If I had the option I would, but can't find anyone to marry me even though I'm young and pretty.

It's frustrating when your plans for your life don't match up to God's plans. Waiting for the right person to marry is tough and requires a lot of patience. I've been single for a while and I started volunteering a lot. It's a great way to feel like you're making a difference and I get to meet a bunch of interesting people. I don't think you should look down on yourself because you're single. There is an article I read recently that talks about how some people view singleness. http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/26442
Being alone is hard sometimes, but that give you some time to focus on yourself and deepen your relationship with Christ. I hope you find someone who is wonderful, but until then, don't be too hard on yourself

 

[chapmic]

I know how you feel and I have been in your position before, the best thing to do is enjoy life one day at a time and the Lord will send you the right person when it's time. Also it sounds like you have a hard time allowing yourself to be vulnerable with other people, I am an introvert so there was many times in my life I felt like people could not understand me and don't think like I think. Not everybody is going to understand us but sometimes we have to give people a chance to make that type of connection. I think one of the keys to being single is to not focus on loneliness but tp focus on the freedom that you currently have and use your time to learn more about yourself and develop yourself. Sometimes we get caught up in looking at what we don't have instead of enjoying what we do have in the moment. So count your blessings and enjoy the day one day at a time, the Lord hears your prayers and the future is in his hands. Praying for you! God bless!

 

[BFine]

Focus on Christ, not your current state.
...regardless of the labels one attaches
to themselves....introvert, extrovert, scared,
not intelligent, etc...use whatever
"label" but a believer is in Christ, remember
you can do all things through Christ...Philippians 4:13.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Yes, having sex with someone not married is still a sin. Unless you meant sleeping as in falling asleep. Which sleeping is not a sin, however theres a 90% chance being next to each other in bed will lead to any variety of sexual acts. Also your 24. So young yet. I've seen people give up at 19. Love knows no age, one friend of my parents didn't marry until his early mid 40s. I married at 31. As for disappointment when finding love. Thats just part of life. Each person we meet we tend to give them everything thinking they are the one. I know I did. But when I met my wife I truly knew what it meant to "know" she was the one. It made me realize the past women I had feelings for was just a fake love, puppy love? NOt sure the word to use. But until you do meet the right one, love is hard. Broken heart is normal at times. But just keep praying and trusting in God you will meet the right one!

 

[Angeleyes7715]

I hear you all but I guess my case is just very different... I'm not exactly normal so I can't just volunteer or be around ppl. For 3 years going on 4 I haven't been able to do anything without being harassed by other people because I have a stomach problem and I breathe out bad smells of whatever I eat. I am now on another stronger antibiotic so hopefully it cures me and I am able to volunteer and not live in isolation anymore. I guess I just get impatient being alone, especially when it really feels like I am completely alone. It's rather hard to be a light or minister to anyone when I feel like a freak.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

I just want to say thank you to everyone though and even if I don't become normal again I appreciate you guy's advice.

 

[GracetotheHumble]

How you doin?

 

[Angeleyes7715]

How you doin?

Alright and you?

 

[GracetotheHumble]

Alright and you?

Good. Maybe you just need to have faith. Jacob had to serve years for Rachel. Maybe God is preparing you and your future husband.

I have been single for awhile so I know how it is waiting.

 

[GracetotheHumble]

So I guess what I'm saying is....will you marry me

 

[Angeleyes7715]

So I guess what I'm saying is....will you marry me

Lol, smooth... You made me smile.

 

[BFine]

Good one....wouldn't it be so wild if that did
happen...

 

[FutureAndAHope]

My issue is I want to just pay for a male companion because I'm sick of putting up with disappointment. ....If you are only sleeping with one guy and not married would you still be a fornicator? It's not like it would be my choice to not get married. If I had the option I would, but can't find anyone to marry me even though I'm young and pretty.

I know the way you are feeling, I had a similar situation to you. But different in ways. I will give you the goss and tell you the out come. I felt God had given up on me, that I had committed an unpardonable sin. To me I felt God would never let me get married due to my past sin. So I kept trying to think of the best way to fulfill my desire, the only thing I could think of was to find a nice looking prostitute, and go to her for sex, but no one else. i.e. remain faithful to her, even though she was not to me. Now to an outsider that would seem insane. But in reality in my heart I was trying to do what I thought God would want.

But in reality God had a far better plan for me, it was not a prostitute. He also has far better plans in mind for you. To cut the story short, God restored my faith in Him (over time), I came to trust God. I had a few dating experiences but they all endued up in break up. Then one day I met a person online, I felt God tell me if I wanted to marry them I could. We dated for some months, and decided to marry. It has been the best decision I could have made. We are now happily married.

As for your question should you "only sleeping with one guy and not married", don't do it, he won't care about you, God has a special some one for you, you just have to keep looking. As for your statement:

I can't force myself to get involved with the "church types" i feel like they dont understand me and i have no interest in them. They honestly irritate me.

Many people at church are not real committed to God, so don't have balance in their lives. Others are too full on, and like wise unbalanced. It takes a while for a Christian to settle down, balance out, and become wise.

Imagine if I told all the girls in my church "hey I want to bunk up with a prostitute", they may have pity on me, but most would think I am insane. Was I insane? Not at all. Are you nuts for wanting a man bad. No. But each of us have our quirks, know that many of the men in church are going through similar struggles in life, so you will find them imperfect. I would say be willing to accept weakness, you will never find the perfect man, it takes too long for God to perfect the Christian.