At what age would you be okay with your kid having sex?

Boondock_Saint said:

If my children have sex, it won't be with my blessing. They will know that I am 100% against it.
I don't want my girls getting HPV or my sons Herpes. I'll explain what condoms do and don't do. But that doesn't mean I have to sign off on their sex and buy them birth control in order to protect them from harm. If they mess up their lives, they will know in advanced that they only have themselves to blame.

My sister was a pregnant teen. She doesn't blame my parents. She knows it is her fault. Just because you sign off on your children having sex doesn't mean something unexpected won't happen.

Kids are the dumbest people on planet earth. They should not be having sex.

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Who cares about teen pregnancy, as long as you know who to blame and people are put in their place.

IanCG said:

Who cares about teen pregnancy, as long as you know who to blame and people are put in their place.

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I would not phrase it as sarcastically as you did, but I can't help but notice the number of people who posted that their children should not be having sex, (something we can all agree with) but had nothing to say about how they would feel if they found out that despite this, their children did engage in sex anyway.

Would you throw them out of the house, and encourage your church to turn them away? Or would you still love them despite their sins and pray for them?

I may be reading things into the tone of some of the responses, but there were a few that I got the definite impression that they might seriously consider the first choice, rather than the second.

21 after college and marriage.

You claimed that the intimacy that my partner and I share is "meaningless" because we are not married. If we got married tomorrow other then making some legal issues simpler nothing would change. How then would that make the intimacy that you say is "meaningless" suddenly become meaningful?

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Apparently truth did fall on deaf ears since you did not understand my post. My point of it was that when you are a christian, God blesses you with things. One of which is sex when married. I can't think of another way to put this except to say the sex is better. I'm not saying God makes you two some masters at it though. I'm saying the bonds go deeper when you are a christian, you marry and then have sex.

if your not christian none of what I am saying will make sense because all you may know sex as is something that brings pleasure. But it goes beyond that as a christian.

OllieFranz said:

I would not phrase it as sarcastically as you did, but I can't help but notice the number of people who posted that their children should not be having sex, (something we can all agree with) but had nothing to say about how they would feel if they found out that despite this, their children did engage in sex anyway.

Would you throw them out of the house, and encourage your church to turn them away? Or would you still love them despite their sins and pray for them?

I may be reading things into the tone of some of the responses, but there were a few that I got the definite impression that they might seriously consider the first choice, rather than the second.

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Just because I'm against my children having sex with my consent doesn't mean I would kick them out of the house. I think you were right. You were putting tone into what I wrote.

Did you know, you can still love your children and refuse to buy them birth control? Well it is true. If they want to have sex they will. I understand that.

It is a silly notion that unless I buy my daughters birth control and my sons condoms, I am a horrible person. That is bologna.

when there r married if non married its not ok its in the bible people shouldnt be living together if they arent married either sinful not what i say but what jesus says

Boondock_Saint said:

Did you know, you can still love your children and refuse to buy them birth control? Well it is true.

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Not according to Sandra "Come And Get It, Boys" Fluke.

xfreakazoidx said:

Apparently truth did fall on deaf ears since you did not understand my post. My point of it was that when you are a christian, God blesses you with things. One of which is sex when married. I can't think of another way to put this except to say the sex is better. I'm not saying God makes you two some masters at it though. I'm saying the bonds go deeper when you are a christian, you marry and then have sex.

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Horse manure. Christians do not get special powers, special blessings, or anything else simply because they're Christian. Everything you've posted here is simply not true.

ann216 said:

when there r married if non married its not ok its in the bible people shouldnt be living together if they arent married either sinful not what i say but what jesus says

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say what?

ann216 said:

when there r married if non married its not ok its in the bible people shouldnt be living together if they arent married either sinful not what i say but what jesus says

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I think she mention to say:
"When they are married (meaning they can have sex when they are married). If (they are) not married it's not ok. It's in the Bible people shouldn't be living together if they are not married. (Not sure about the words either or sinful except it being sinful to live together notarried). Then she says it isn't her word but Jesus'.

Boondock_Saint said:

Just because I'm against my children having sex with my consent doesn't mean I would kick them out of the house. I think you were right. You were putting tone into what I wrote.

Did you know, you can still love your children and refuse to buy them birth control? Well it is true. If they want to have sex they will. I understand that.

It is a silly notion that unless I buy my daughters birth control and my sons condoms, I am a horrible person. That is bologna.

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Feeling guilty? You are not the only one whose post only focused on the sin of premarital sex and indicated nothing about what would happen if your child did sin. You are the one who personalized a general comment.

(Although it's odd that even now, while defending your post, it almost seems like you treat your claim unwavering love almost as something to be ashamed of, as if you are afraid that if you admit that you will continue to love them you will have given them your permission to sin)

BTW, I agree that facilitating something harmful by supplying the means for it is not showing love. OTOH not preparing them to avoid the harm by explaining truthfully and in detail what to expect from the temptation, and all the benefits of resisting inappropriate timing and partnership, and even the temporary benefits that the inappropriate behavior brings is not showing that love, either. Incomplete information, or information that exaggerates the benefits of good behavior or the consequences of risky behavior can lead to mistrust, which often causes normal teenage restlessness and impatience for independence to become rebelliousness and defiance. It is possible to acknowledge the pleasures of risky behavior without seeming to endorse it.

OllieFranz said:

Feeling guilty? You are not the only one whose post only focused on the sin of premarital sex and indicated nothing about what would happen if your child did sin. You are the one who personalized a general comment.

(Although it's odd that even now, while defending your post, it almost seems like you treat your claim unwavering love almost as something to be ashamed of, as if you are afraid that if you admit that you will continue to love them you will have given them your permission to sin)

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Oh my, I did take a general quote personally. My apologies.

leftrightleftrightleft said:

I'm not a fan of this method because a 16 or 17 year old teenage male likely won't "think" at all, given the opportunity. Put a 16 year old male in a room with his family and he may be very logical about the whole thing. He may be able to rationally list some of the consequences and emotional commitments that come with a sexual relationship. Put that same 16 year old male into an empty bedroom at a house party with a few beers in his tummy and a drunk girl hanging off his left arm and he PROBABLY won't "think" much.

Making sure you really "ARE" ready doesn't really work in my opinion. Because sometimes a teenager will "think" they're ready when they are very clearly not ready.

I didn't really "think" at all for my first time. My girlfriend at the time was okay with it and I "thought" I was a mature, adult when in reality, looking back, I was a 16-year old idiot who thought he was king of the world. And I ultimately suffered a really emotionally messy few years. Teenagers have a very skewed perception of reality

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I suppose it probably depends on the kid, but I have four younger brothers who were all raised with the same method and none of them had sex until they were out of high school and when they did, they managed not to spawn any illegitimate offspring or get any STDs (thus far at least )

You can't protect your children from making mistakes--not only is it part of life, it's an important part of growth. What you can do is try to minimize the long-term consequences of the mistakes they probably will make, let them know that you trust them, and don't judge them when they screw up. You can't teach a person to make good decisions by making the decisions for them.

If I were to ever have children (which is unlikely) as long as they were over the age of consent and were as careful as possible it's none of my business

I'm not a parent, but if I was. . .

Preferably no time under the age of 15, or a sophomore in high school. There were kids in my eighth grade class having sex and I just think that's weird. An eighth grader hardly knows what sex even is.

I wouldn't expect my kids to wait until marriage or anything. I doubt I'll get married before the age of 25. Probably after 25, actually.

I think you can have meaningful sex without marriage. You can love someone without being married. The day you get married you don't just start loving your wife or husband that day, right? You loved them before you got married. Not everyone wants to get married.

leftrightleftrightleft said:

At what age would you be okay with your son/daughter having sex?

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I am hoping I will be ready to accept it when I´m 70.

OllieFranz said:

BTW, I agree that facilitating something harmful by supplying the means for it is not showing love.

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Incoming thread derail:

Oh, like putting a tree with beautiful shiny fruits in the middle of a certain garden and telling the two inhabitants of that garden not to eat it?

CabVet said:

Incoming thread derail:

Oh, like putting a tree with beautiful shiny fruits in the middle of a certain garden and telling the two inhabitants of that garden not to eat it?

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If this were any other forum but CF, I'd be grabbing a soda and a box of Cracker-Jacks and staking out an empty seat in the peanut gallery. Sounds like the makings of a good debate, and even better, one I don't have a stake in on either side.

But because that debate would probably offend the mods, I'd like to ask everyone to stay with the original topic and not get side-tracked.Too many interesting threads get shut down as it is.

When they are financially and emotionally able to raise a child.