As our priests used to teach us "it's a mystery" or later "the bible includes both paradoxy and orthodoxy"
I re-read the part of the thread at TAW that became a second thread. You were given lots of good sources. You were also given the advice that you might put the issue aside for awhile and move on with your journey. For Orthodox, TULIP is heresy, as determined by Council. The whole line of argument is also so very foreign to EO sprituality. They write about it because so many from the West need to understand. In the Orthodox tradition, you weren't give many arguments, you were given sources. As you well know, the issue is complex. All seem to claim to agree with Augustine. Of course, the other choice was Pelagius.
There are folks on TAW who used to be Calvinists. They have felt your pain with regard to this subject. They might be willing to discuss this by PM or may be willing to dig up old threads.
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I find that this issue was well-argued at the time of Wesley and Whitehead. I have seen almost nothing better since, other than those who wrote about the debates of the time and about Wesley. Everyone has Scriptural backing. Everyone has Traditional backing. Everyone has Reason and Experience as backing.
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In the end, you might allow the Holy Spirit to tell you whether it makes any sense at all that God created men who have no possible end but eternal damnation. You might also consider the life consequences of each view: double-predestination and prevenient grace (and cooperation). I have seen what each world means to folks. Even though the analogy is not perfect, consider the understanding of God and theology of the Reformed Churches compared to the Lutheran Churches. For me, the difference is enormous.
I have encounted many who cannot deal with this paradox. The bible has many, after all. My advice is that of my professor of Medieval Philosphy, so many years ago. "Act as if" you have free will. Cooperate with God the best you can!
We can never know whether we are puppets on a stage or not. We may be part of someone's dream or computer program. We may be asleep. We may be following the plans of a God who has decided our every step at the beginning of Creation. For me, all these views are interesting, but ultimately useless. God gave us faith. He also gave us the free will to accept or reject that faith. Everything comes from God.
We can all discuss this issue more. There is certainly much more discussion of this issue out there than of any other.
If you need a thought to ponder. Consider that in Romans, God foreknew BEFORE he predestined. God is outside of time after all.
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Personally, I find Wesley's discussions most helpful. He dealt with these debates on a daily basis. Prevenient Grace is the solution. You might consider reading (or re-reading) the debates between Whitehead and Wesley and/or some the stuff listed below.
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Oden on John's Wesley's Scriptural Christianity.
You can read the chapter online.
John Wesley's scriptural ... - Google Books
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You might find this discussion supporting prevenient Grace interesting.
Predestination and Free Will - Do They Go Together?
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The Armininian position.
7. We believe that Gods saving grace is resistible, that election unto salvation is conditional on faith in Christ, and that persevering in faith is necessary for final salvation.
Statement Of Faith | Society of Evangelical Arminians
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Wesley speaking against double predestination. There is lots and lots of other stuff by Wesley.
Global Ministries - John Wesley, Sermon 128, Free Grace
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As you might have guessed, I stand with most of the ECF's on this, and with John Wesley.