Would God make me fight for someone even though she's taken already?

O_Sky20 · Sep 8, 2010

Some time ago I prayed for God to show me his choice in a future wife for me. 1-5 days later there's this girl that enters my life that seems to have answered ALL of my prayers. Only problem is that I "think" she already has a boyfriend. Because of that, I have tried to physically, emotionally, and mentally run away from her-- but she keeps appearing in my path! Everything just seems like it is being perfectly and "divinely" set into place.

So my question is, would God actually send into my life a woman that already has a boyfriend? I do not think that her "possible boyfriend" is all that spiritual or has much of a relationship with Jesus. So what if God believed that I was the better choice for her?

Rhombus · Sep 8, 2010

At the beginning of your post you asked for God to show you a FUTURE wife. Let it be just that. Perhaps this woman is the one who is supposed to be your wife, but you honestly cannot tell right now. Continue to pray, but do not put any effort into breaking apart a relationship or anything like that (Not that you are). If she is to be your future wife, you will know, but her being in a relationship definitely shows she's in no position to be your wife now. Again, continue to pray, and God will fill your heart with the right decision when the time comes.

ahmunmun · Sep 8, 2010

This reminds me of the 10 Commandments that talk about not coveting anything belonging to your neighbor. Sure, if the girl was single, there is a chance God might show signs that she is for you, but I doubt God will reveal that to you when she is still dating that person because to have you fight for the girl is like coveting from a neighbor. Just think how the other guy would feel if you were him, to have someone else try to take his girlfriend away because he thinks he isn't spiritual enough for her.

If you don't think he is beneficial to her, I would take it to God and leave it to God to decide what to do with their relationship, but I wouldn't go after her unless if she is for sure single.

As for her continuously appearing in your path, this reminds me of how I always think that buses that aren't the ones I take always show up and my bus just doesn't. It might just appear that way because she isn't with you, and you notice her because you like her, or it might just be a coincidence.

DrFrank · Sep 8, 2010

This is where the confusion starts,"I prayed for God to show me his choice in a future wife for me."

Why would God even consider answering a prayer to put someone in jeopardy of losing their salvation?

Luke 20:34-36 (New King James Version)
34 Jesus answered and said to them, The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage. 35 But those who are counted worthy to attain that age, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry nor are given in marriage; 36 nor can they die anymore, for they are equal to the angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection.

It has been my experience that Satan becomes aware of our ungodly desires,most frequently sexual desires, and frequently moves in,playing his favorite role,make-believe god,actually working miracles ("she keeps appearing in my path! Everything just seems like it is being perfectly and "divinely" set into place") to deceive people into believing that his works are from the true God.

This matter is literally doubly serious because two souls are now hanging in the balance.

Here is the problem from the girlfriend's perspective:

1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (New King James Version)

32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. 33 But HE WHO IS MARRIED CARES ABOUT THE THINGS OF THE WORLD,how he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin.THE UNMARRIED WOMAN CARES ABOUT THE THINGS OF THE LORD, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world,how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may SERVE THE LORD WITHOUT DISTRACTION.

It is both so tragic as well as morally sick that as we are now so close to the Rapture,ministers continue to prepare the young people in their churches to :bow:

serve the flesh instead of God. :o

GaryP · Sep 8, 2010

Words, Words, Words, Just ask her out. If she says no. That is your answer.

I would not worry about that rapture stuff, etc. I heard it 40 years ago.

visionary · Sep 8, 2010

You might be her salvation from a life with the wrong man.

MyRightEye · Sep 8, 2010

O_Sky20 said:
Only problem is that I "think" she already has a boyfriend.

Nobody is "taken" until they are married. Once married, yeah. . . all that don't covet and Adultery stuff is relevant. We aren't even talking she has a fiance . . . we are talking maybe a boyfriend, maybe. Go for it. . .. or don't . .. but don't wrongly applied married folk rules to unmarried folk.

wayfaring man · Sep 8, 2010

To me even though it's only a "boyfriend" , some consideration should still apply - not as much as if she had a "husband" , but not so little that his current role is summarily dismissed . In other words tread lightly , not trying to force things , meekly seek out a platonic friendship with her , one which should give no substantial cause for jealousy . Then if it is God's Will , in time she will break up with him and join unto you .

znr · Sep 8, 2010

DrFrank said:
This is where the confusion starts,"I prayed for God to show me his choice in a future wife for me."

Why would God even consider answering a prayer to put someone in jeopardy of losing their salvation?

Luke 20:34-36 (New King James Version)
34 Jesus answered and said to them, The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage. 35 But those who are counted worthy to attain that age, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry nor are given in marriage; 36 nor can they die anymore, for they are equal to the angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection.

It has been my experience that Satan becomes aware of our ungodly desires,most frequently sexual desires, and frequently moves in,playing his favorite role,make-believe god,actually working miracles ("she keeps appearing in my path! Everything just seems like it is being perfectly and "divinely" set into place") to deceive people into believing that his works are from the true God.

This matter is literally doubly serious because two souls are now hanging in the balance.

Here is the problem from the girlfriend's perspective:

1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (New King James Version)

32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. 33 But HE WHO IS MARRIED CARES ABOUT THE THINGS OF THE WORLD,how he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin.THE UNMARRIED WOMAN CARES ABOUT THE THINGS OF THE LORD, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world,how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may SERVE THE LORD WITHOUT DISTRACTION.

It is both so tragic as well as morally sick that as we are now so close to the Rapture,ministers continue to prepare the young people in their churches to serve the flesh instead of God. :o

Avniel · Sep 8, 2010

BrendaRose said:

lol everytime though unfailing lol I made this face after a few line
(

)

raekae · Sep 9, 2010

DrFrank said:
This is where the confusion starts,"I prayed for God to show me his choice in a future wife for me."

Why would God even consider answering a prayer to put someone in jeopardy of losing their salvation?

Luke 20:34-36 (New King James Version)
34 Jesus answered and said to them, The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage. 35 But those who are counted worthy to attain that age, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry nor are given in marriage; 36 nor can they die anymore, for they are equal to the angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection.

It has been my experience that Satan becomes aware of our ungodly desires,most frequently sexual desires, and frequently moves in,playing his favorite role,make-believe god,actually working miracles ("she keeps appearing in my path! Everything just seems like it is being perfectly and "divinely" set into place") to deceive people into believing that his works are from the true God.

This matter is literally doubly serious because two souls are now hanging in the balance.

Here is the problem from the girlfriend's perspective:

1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (New King James Version)

32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. 33 But HE WHO IS MARRIED CARES ABOUT THE THINGS OF THE WORLD,how he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin.THE UNMARRIED WOMAN CARES ABOUT THE THINGS OF THE LORD, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world,how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may SERVE THE LORD WITHOUT DISTRACTION.

It is both so tragic as well as morally sick that as we are now so close to the Rapture,ministers continue to prepare the young people in their churches to serve the flesh instead of God. :o

I must say... you have some very different interpretations of scripture...

I will agree with this poster that even though God has power, Satan likes to do things to lead us astray. I think the best thing you can do right now is keep praying and seeking God's will. Also, it wouldn't hurt to befriend her either. You may learn things about her in a friendship that make you realize she isn't the one for you.

mike62pp3 · Sep 9, 2010

One thing to keep in mind is that just because God might have showed you a possible choice for a wife doesn't necessarily mean you're going to date/marry her now.

Some questions I would ask myself is how well do you know her? Something tells me you might not know her too well because you still "think" she might have bf. Talk to her, get to know her more, become a friend. Maybe as time goes on your relationship with her will begin to flourish. But don't make too many assumptions this early. And if she does have bf, keep the friendship going, with your heart and intentions in the right place. Keep praying, dive into scriptures, let your heart find itself into Christ's arms, completely trust Him. All things are created for and through Him.

FallenPaladin · Sep 9, 2010

Boyfriends don't count. Go for it.

O_Sky20 · Sep 9, 2010

Thank you all for the responses!

Niffer · Sep 9, 2010

O_Sky20 said:
Thank you all for the responses!

Mmkay, so no one has asked yet - so I'll be the first.
BEFORE you can even consider having a wife, regardless of WHO it is, you need to be able to answer several questions:

- Can I provide for a wife? Have you finished school? In school? In Debt? How much debt?

- Are you mature enough to have a wife? At 22, espically for men, there's a LOT of growing still to do.

- Can you afford a wife? In the sense, of Can you afford to pay rent, bills, cars, debt repayment etc?

You need to be in a place, physically as well as spiritually to be able to be a husband.
It's tough work, bro.

Nothing like this should ever be rushed into - it only leads to heartache.

Pray that God shows your wife to you, when you're ready for it! In the meantime, prepare! Learn about godly marriage, read books writting by godly husbands, full of helpful advice!

Give yourself time, you're only 22.

Peace,
- Niff

znr · Sep 9, 2010

Avniel said:
lol everytime though unfailing lol I made this face after a few line
()

(oh yeah, I did a name change, from brendarose)

sbbqb7n16 · Sep 10, 2010

My advice would be along the lines of, don't worry too much about it. Love her as Christ has called you to love your neighbor. And let Him work things out. While praying about what you perceive to be opportunities that He brings your way.

Are you even sure she has a boyfriend?? She might not even have one and then you're fretting over nothing.

If she has a husband she's off limits, and clearly not God's choice for you.

But my most important idea for you to consider would be: since Jesus commands us to love one another, how should you show her (and other people) His love?

Because what if she is to be your wife, what should you do? Just love her.
What if she's not supposed to be your wife, what should you do? Just love her.
In all cases, you are to love her - so start there.

Hartsy · Sep 10, 2010

Sorry, but this is a sensitive subject for me so if I sound a little hard, it's due to my past experience/and perception of it.

Now, the OP stated he did not even know if she had a BF for sure, so I guess he could ask around and find out and also how long said relationship has been going on for. That would give him enough info to know if she just met her current BF, or if they have a long history, or if it's just a very casual relationship, or nothing at all. The OP may be assuming there is a BF when there really is none. Maybe he's just a friend or a guy who's into her but she has not returned his advances.

IF she has a boyfriend, stay out of it. Leave her alone. You have ulterior motives if you befriend her, hoping her relationship will end so you can be with her. What are you going to do should her relationship with him fail, jump up in glee? How would you feel if your GF had some guy who thought she should be his wife and befriend her and think you were no good for her? Despite the fact that the guy barely knew you, let alone her. How do you know what's in his heart or if he's that spiritual? I'm sorry to the people who think dating someone is fair grounds to jump right in just b/c marriage is not involved. A love relationship is a love relationship and no one should interfere with that via a "new" friendship or even prayer. Her current boyfriend is blessed with a relationship with her (if she even has a BF) and vice versa.

Plus no one is perfect, so if they are having trouble in the relationship that can always be worked on and improved. Doesnt mean hes no good for her or not spiritual enough.

ahmunmun · Sep 10, 2010

I agree, theory1. Regardless of whether the OP would be coveting or stealing, we still have to take the current boyfriend's feelings into account, if that boyfriend exists.

Would God make me fight for someone even though she's taken already?

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