this kid i babysit......

It sounds like he might be missing his mommy, big-time. Doesn't sound like he gets to see her very often - and he's so little. Kids act out for all kinds of reasons. I think you've received some pretty good advice here on some cool things to do with him. Kids are relatively easy to entertain, but what this child might be going through is acting out his feelings about something else (as children are not always the best at vocalizing on their problems), you know? Not just to be a brat (although I'm convinced that some kids do enjoy that ). I'll pray for you both. Love you.



Edit: Whoopsies, I just noticed your last post, Steph. Negative attention might be the only thing he's used to receiving? So if his concept of love at this point is spanking or yelling, he might be asking for it out of comfort. That's what he's used to. You have a big job ahead of you. You can do it though.

He probably misses his mom a lot. Use positive reinforcement, that's what his parents should do instead of spanking and yelling at him. When he behaves good, you reward his behavior.

So how did the day go, Stephanie? Are you OK?

Glowworm said:

He probably misses his mom a lot. Use positive reinforcement, that's what his parents should do instead of spanking and yelling at him. When he behaves good, you reward his behavior.

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And simultaneously ignore the bad behavior as much as possible (as long it is is safe to do so).

Warning: when you ignore behavior he is used to getting reinforced for (and yes even negative attention can be reinforcing when a child isn't getting enough attention in general) something that may happen is an "extinction burst" -- meaning, it will get worse before it gets better. Basically, he might freak out. If you give in during this time, you'll reinforce a new level of bad behavior. Positively reinforcing alternative behavior when you're ignoring bad behavior helps a lot.

Of course if his parents don't stop doing things the wrong way then that's going to be a problem because of the inconsistency, but I digress.

This is something I would be all over because I work with kids that have behavior problems and I love seeing how they respond to positive reinforcement, but I know it is frustrating.

To give you an example, one of the kids I worked with was trying to push my buttons a few weeks ago by cussing while talking to me (this kid is like 5-6 years old). I did not respond to that at all, did not bat an eye (he is used to getting a reaction out of people and that is exactly what he wants). So I just kept talking about the task at hand and when he started "helping" me with it I started praising him and talking about what a great helper he was. I later took him to his mother later and bragged on him. He was eating that up. Has he cussed any more around me? No. Also, I've worked with kids that display defiant behavior with the other staff or interns when they tell them to do something/when kids get in trouble for not doing what they ask. So instead of saying something already I know a child will react defiantly to, I twist would be commands around into something "helpful" like "will you show me where this toy goes?" or "will you be my friend in line?" ...etc. Then when they "help", I immediately praise the crap out of them -- "wow you helped me so much! look how helpful (insert name here) is, everyone" (this usually has the effect of getting other kids to help as well by the way).

little_tigress said:

the problem with boys is that they have extremely short attention spans.

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As a child I had an extremely long attention span, or at least maybe an extremely long attention span for a kid. My mom always said that going to school destroyed it because they assumed that all kids have 5-minute attention spans and didn't make allowances for those that were content.

Personally, I don't see where she got the whole 'it ruined your attention span' thing, because A) I remember being perfectly content to constructively occupy myself when I was that young, before and after going to school, and B) her 'evidence' was that after a year or two of school, I'd start getting fidgety and have to get up during the commercial breaks in the TV shows we watched* (I think this was just a by-product of the fact that by the time I was 6 or 7, I was starting to watch a lot of other programs than what was on PBS or the syndicated Disney cartoons my mom would tape on VHS sans commercials, and so I simply realized commercials = boring; besides, adults are and were no better at staying focused at those points either).

*It wasn't a lot of TV either, especially not compared to kids now. The largest amount of TV watching was probably on Saturday mornings, and then we'd be running around in the backyard or playing for practically the rest of the day (although I've known how to use the VCR since I was 7, and that did go partially hand-in-hand with watching more, but not even all that much more). In summer vacation this was magnified even more since the playing was early and then we'd watch one or two hours in the later part of the afternoon. And we'd usually watch something as a family in the evening, whether that was Star Trek or the TGIF sitcoms, or a movie, or so on.




Anyway, to be relevant to the thread, how about variations on a common theme? If game or activity A interests him and game or activity 1 doesn't, try to find a game or activity B that provides something different enough to not be a rehash of what he's already done. Or build a fort - you can never go wrong with a fort.

i did also say it varies on the child

I know, I was just sayin'.

smacarena said:

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This.

Qyöt27;53547536 said:

I know, I was just sayin'.

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sorry, i think i took your post the wrong way.

must have caffeine

I've been there I feel your pain!! I have worked with kids that sound so similar to that.

He's probably upset that he doesn't get to see his mom often, especially if he is aware (and kids are incredibly observant) that his mom is home, yet not able to be with him. That's hard on a child.

He needs/wants attention. It doesn't sound like he gets a lot, until he does somehting wrong (thus negative attention, but still attention nonetheless)

Try to find things he is interested in and have lots of different activities so you can switch things up. Boys can lose interest pretty fast, haha wheras girls can often have the opposite problem and want to keep playing the same thing forever. Both can be frusterating. If you find something you enjoy doing with him and then he wants to stop right away, that's not very much fun. But he probably just needs stimulation and to get out. Once you can take him out, lots of community centres have "Open Gyms" with play toys for kids. That's a great way to wear off their energy.