Have I been spoiling my baby too much?

No, you have not been spoiling your little girl too much. In fact quite the opposite. Some will disagree with me. But if it feels good, do it. Go with your instinct. That's the knowledge that God has placed into every woman.
Couple of things. I wouldn't let a 4.5 cry it out. What you observed is what will happen.
I cant advise you to co-sleep. But guess what? 70% of the population have co-slept at one time or the other, and the other 30% have and wont admit it.
We tried a bouncy with our two girls. They both hated it. Having said that, a friend of ours did use one and their boy loved it.
Also as a dad who watched his wife closely (still does) get a baby carrier and start wearing your baby. We didn't with DD1 and she was cranky. We did with DD2 and she was a happy contented girl.
Enjoy your girl. Hold her, carry her, show her this and that, talk to her all the time when she is awake. You are interacting with her and developing a close personal relationship that will stand you in good stead later on. Use these early days for training her. Talk with her as you go about doing what your doing with her. Discipline is not a part of her life at this point. But even then, while you are interacting with her, she is learning or being conditioned to submit gracefully to you.

OK, just google baby wearer dot com and they have all the instructions for baby slings and the like.
Yes, your baby will be very happy to be worn once she gets use to it. We both wore DD2 from the time she was born up till 18 months at times. We had a pram, still got it in fact. But it only gets used as a bed.
We had a his and hers sling because I would also wear the baby if DW was too busy. We have both cooked meals and done house work whilst wearing DD2. You can eat your meals as well. Just beware of little fingers helping themselves to your food. We sure do wish we had known with DD1 what we knew with DD2.
At an appropriate age Alex will want to get out of your arms and start wanting to explore on her own. But your a long way from that place just yet.
Now getting back to our DD2. She still part time sleeps with us. She is never in the pram. We walk everywhere with her. It is slow. But I look at it this way. God intended me to enjoy my children and in turn have them enjoy me. And we all do.
Enjoy Alex.

Actually you were wrong in letting an infant cry it out, for 10 min and particulalry an hour-sorry but the cry it out method was modern day hogwash and VERY harmful to babies-what's wrong w/rocking a baby to sleep at that age or even older? comforting? I suggest tossing any cry it out method books and pick up Dr. Sears's books. I believe what you did can be and has been very harmful honestly.

Milk spoils, babies don't.

She's too young to be manipulating you or taking advantage of you (you didn't say that, but I've heard that argument in the past). She's a Baby and her Only way of communicating Anything with you is through crying and making sounds. Her needs outweigh others' needs at this point.

I heartily 2nd the sling/carrier idea~ I've known many moms who swore that was the only way they got any cooking or cleaning done with a fussy baby.

When you breastfeed, your body releases prolactin, which relaxes you and the baby~ so she falls asleep. It's a normal progression and most babies do follow that progression. I found it was Much easier to just go with the flow and follow the baby's lead...

(((hugs)))

OrangeHope said:

Robbinsegg, you asked if it is causing problems between my DH and I...sort of, I can't remember the last time we have been intimate and as much as he helps I feel sometimes like I need to beg him to take the baby so I can do something for myself (eat,shower, be online)...That's one of the reasons I started this post, I thought we might be giving her just a little too much attention we don't have much alone time.

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Even though this was directed toward Rachel, I want to answer. It is important that you have time with your DH even though with your DD at the age she is at now it seems almost impossible. If you have to schedule some time in, do it for the sake of your marriage. When our children were babies, we had set nights that we would have some couple time after the babies were asleep. It is important even if you don't feel like it. Try thinking about it during the day so that it will help get you in that mode.

Yes, here are some articles and it is alarming-honestly the "dr's and experts" that came out and proposed and applauded the "cry it out" method and wrote books about and enacted a following ought to be locked up ...it's despicable how much damage they have done. They preyed on first time moms especially where we had little info-instead of following our instincts (which I bet for you are to comfort, pick her up).

http://birthnotes.blogspot.com/2007/08/cry-it-out-attitude-found-to-be-harmful.html

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp


All this aside-please make sure you are getting rest-if you need to have someone babysit for you so you can sleep properly or get out for a bit, do it! It's SO necessary for your well-being and your daughters.

I didn't use the cry it out method on my son because he slept really well (through some amazing luck of mine) from the beginning and I don't think it's right for me anyway. But I know several people who used it as a last resort and it worked in a matter of days. Their children are very high functioning elementary students who love their parents, love the Lord and are incredibly athletic (totally unrelated, but it's amazing).

I say, if something works for you, do it, and don't let people judge you for it. If you are a cosleeper, great, if you let your kids cry out for a night or two, fine, if you want to and have the time and sanity to rock your child to sleep every time they wake up, by all means do so. Find something that works and stick with it. I don't think rocking, cuddling and cosleeping "spoil" your baby at all. I also don't think a night of crying is going to cause significant emotional damage now or during their teenage years.

Until a baby learns to crawl they are in the "in arms" stage and NEED to be held and carried as much as possible. There is nothing wrong with rocking and nursing your baby to sleep, its natural. Even those that do advocate cry it out methods say not to start the CIO until ATLEAST 6 mos old. You have instincts built in to you that tell you to hold and rock your baby..follow those instincts. These CIO advocates are just people with opinions and quite frankly they are opinions based on ignorance. Stop reading books and start using your mommy instinct. Co-sleeping and nursing to sleep will not spoil your baby. you can't spoil a baby, its impossible. like jgonz said..milk spoils, not babies. Enjoy this time with your baby, it goes by fast. use the sling it will make it easier to carry her while doing other things. your baby doesnt need to be the center of attention. Go about your daily duties like washing dishes, vacuuming, talking to your friends while the baby is in the sling and she will see everything your doing, you dont need to be paying attention directly to HER all the time, in fact that isnt even good. Live your life and the let the baby live it with you. God bless.

stacii said:

I didn't use the cry it out method on my son because he slept really well (through some amazing luck of mine) from the beginning and I don't think it's right for me anyway. But I know several people who used it as a last resort and it worked in a matter of days. Their children are very high functioning elementary students who love their parents, love the Lord and are incredibly athletic (totally unrelated, but it's amazing).

I say, if something works for you, do it, and don't let people judge you for it. If you are a cosleeper, great, if you let your kids cry out for a night or two, fine, if you want to and have the time and sanity to rock your child to sleep every time they wake up, by all means do so. Find something that works and stick with it. I don't think rocking, cuddling and cosleeping "spoil" your baby at all. I also don't think a night of crying is going to cause significant emotional damage now or during their teenage years.

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But using CIO as your normal method does acutually create damage

OrangeHope, what does your DH think about all this? For us, this was one issue we really needed to be together on. I personally think it's a bit young to be doing CIO - usually they say 6months at the earliest - but we did let them cry for a couple of mins (I'm talking 2-3mins) at that age. If you and your DH decide you want to try and change her behaviour then I'd wait another month or so and read up on how you want to go about it, come up with a plan together (If you are going to be up all night you need support)... I liked the plan Robin Barker used in her book Baby Love.
I don't think you are spoiling your child, but I do think that if things aren't working for you or your DH there is nothing wrong with looking at it again.

PM if you want to chat OrangeHope.

Be honest, how many times in your life have you just felt off and you needed a good cry to help relax you? I can't even Count the number of times I've had to to that! Children are people too and sometimes they just need to cry to release tension or frustration or whatever. If only we could see what is going on in those busy little minds. That said, 4.5 months is too young for the extinction method. Hold you baby, rock her to sleep, do what you want! If you feel weird about something there is a reason for it. God blessed mothers with "mommy senses" that can feel when things aren't right. You CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT spoil a baby. There is no such thing as too much love, affection, cuddling, rocking, singing, talking, anything. My son is one and I still rock and sing him to sleep every night. And guess what! He is not spoiled! He is independent and funny and yes sometimes he needs cuddles and I love every minute of it.
So now that I've hopefully made you feel a little better... the advice. Sing the same song to her every night as you rock her to sleep, as many times as it takes until she's sleeping. Eventually you'll notice that you only have to go through the song 3-4 times instead of 8-10 like when you first started. I sing Over the Rainbow to Gabriel, and he other day he fell asleep on the train before I finished the first line!

OrangeHope said:

I...sort of, I can't remember the last time we have been intimate and as much as he helps I feel sometimes like I need to beg him to take the baby so I can do something for myself (eat,shower, be online)...That's one of the reasons I started this post, I thought we might be giving her just a little too much attention we don't have much alone time.

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Um- he's her parent, too...but I think moms can unknowingly set up a dynamic where they ask their spouse to care for the baby--as though they were a stand in or something. He's not a baby sitter, he's her dad.

You two need to talk...set up a routine so that you can get your needs met, and have some non-touch time. It also forces him to have to develop his own style of parenting (which means you have to let him 'mess up'). Our job isn't to make sure our children never cry--but rather to be there with them as they cry--to make them feel loved and safe.

My opinion might not be popular--but there is a season for everything in your life--and the season for 'alone time' with your spouse is NOT while you have a young baby. Baby needs to just be incorporated into your life. You can still go out on dates together with the baby, you can still read and watch movies and play board games with the baby. You can still share a cup of coffee or go for a walk with the baby. That's what you signed on for when you got pregnant. Baby will mature and grow by leaps and bounds, and be able to spend a little more time away from you as she gets older. You will return to true "alone time", but for now you need to try to be creative and develop new ways of spending time together.

We have 5, and I'm pregnant with our sixth...and I have all the time I need to do everything I need to do in order to nurture myself, my husband and I spend lots of one on one time. When baby comes...then that will dissipate for a little while as baby will be worn by one of us whenever we're doing something...and we'll sneak in alone time at weird times of day...maybe if baby is sleeping we'll plop all of the kids in front of the TV--and we'll have a quick picnic outside taking the baby monitor to listen for baby...or we'll send the kids outside to play and have sex in the middle of the day...or I'll nurse baby really well, and run out to go have a cup of coffee and read for an hour, while my husband wears baby around the house.

It absolutely can be done--but it requires team work--true equality as parents..good communication, and lots of creativity.

I so totally agree Shannon! Excellent post.

I agree with Shannon. Great post!