how do you make friends in church?

you need to be involved in each others lives outside of church. Getting together for coffee or bowling or just getting together to study the Bible or pray with people. If you get together outside of the church building you will build real friendships

It takes time. Sooner or later you will realize you you click with better and God will lead you to those who can build you up.

Of course, if your church is all cliques, thats not a good thing. But you will see alot of it pretty much anywhere you go. These that already have a group of friends, are they friendly towards you and others?

97trsgl is right, you need to associate outside of church, but this isnt always easy at first. A couple of things you can do... go to the extra stuff, Bible studies, prayer groups, get involved and meet more people, get to know them better. Also, one thing I did was to pick out a woman who seemed friendly and invite her to meet me for lunch during the week. I did this with several different women. Some became close friends, others didnt. And... its always nice to go out and eat.

janny108 said:

How do you make friends in church when so many people seem like they all have their groups/friends they talk to, how do you get past superficiality? To get past hi-bye relationships?
Jan

Click to expand...

first i ask Jesus 4 help in everything then i go to others and say hello and b interested in them,ask them questions about anything,compliment them and be honest

The fastest and surest way to "make friends"(never liked that term... how about forming loving relationships) in church or in life is to treat others better than you would even treat yourself.

Learning to love people (unconditionally... with expectations of reward or payback) will grow you in honesty, compassion and humility... and those qualities are sure to attract other loving folks... friends.

Love never fails... but the speed at which you grow and mature is entirely up to you!

His,
Rev J

True, there are some that never want to get past the superficial aquaintance stage. Who knows why. But then there are some that are just a little shy, who are alot like you and looking to meet people. Some people cold just be having a rough day and its a bad time, maybe they dont feel overly friendly.

Just keep trying. Going to functions is great. I do understand what life is like with a little one. I'd just love to invite you to my church, we have a Moms Bible study once a week, they have someone there to watch all the kids while the moms go in another room for 2 hours. It really great! I get to meet other women who have simillar issues, etc. Does your church do anything like this? How big is the church? Maybe you could suggest something like this. If your church cant hire someone or get any volunteers, maybe each mom could take turns watching the kids. Its a really great thing for moms, and it gives a nice break from the kids as well as helping to form real, deeper friendships.

I wish you well in this. Just be patient and pray that God will bring good Christian friends into your life.

janny108 said:

How do you make friends in church when so many people seem like they all have their groups/friends they talk to, how do you get past superficiality? To get past hi-bye relationships?
Jan

Click to expand...

I know exactly what you mean. It's really stinks to know Christians, when all they end up being are aquaintences (the "hi, how are you?" and that's it kind of people). It's awesome to spend time with 'like-minded' people, especially when you can quickly become discouraged if hanging around Non-Christians too long--trust me I know the feeling. I would definitely try to arrange a hang out night, my favorite is to have a "game night" over at your house, etc. it's nice to hang out--outside of the church walls. But Fellowship is the same any where you are, and it can be some of the best conversations and fun you've had in a while. So just suggest things to do, and see if anyone's interested--and eventually you won't be the only one to take initiative to get together!

Good luck, and God Bless!!
</IMG>

Phili's quote: It's really stinks to know Christians, when all they end up being are aquaintences

These folks are what many refer to as "Sunday Christians". Never confuse them with the genuine article!

His,
Rev

It takes time - a long time. Don't be surprised if it takes a year or more to get past the superficial stage.

The best way is to get together with people by getting involved with the church. Join the music team, do hosting, join a small study group, women's group, mum's group, etc.

It would be nice if it could be faster but there are no such things as 'microwave friendships'.

I think a key here is patience. Just allow friendships to develop naturally, and don't try to "push" a friendship on to anyone. I think sometimes we can try to hard to devleop friendships with someone, and appear needy to another person, and that may cause them to steer away from us.

Well I don't have a "little" one, she's 8 years old. But I am 52 which makes me older than a lot of moms with kids my daughter's age.
Jan

Click to expand...

You know that doesnt matter at all? We have several women about your age in our moms group. One had two grown children, and then felt called to have more. Another one has older teens. Others have various ages in kids and in their own ages. Anyone can come really, we have even had women who had no kids come.

Theres all kids of different groups. You can start with what your church already offers.

I've got five 'little' ones (youngest is 3) and we have a weekly study where the kids go next door and are watched while the mums get together. Unfortunately I don't have time to go but do pop along when I get a chance. If it doesn't exist in your church, maybe look at starting one. I know it can be a bit limiting but assuming your 8 year old is in school, you've got school hours to get involved somewhere if you aren't working every hour your child is in school. Depends a bit on individual circumstances. Otherwise look for something to get involved in on evenings or in weekends.

I don't have a small group right now but do music team which is a good place to be involved. Not as social as a small group but spiritually we probably 'learn' on a 'higher level' than most small groups due to the role.

First, I want to share my experience, because it should help you know what to look out for. I went to a church for an entire year (or more) and was not able to make any friends. I attempted to join a group, but that didn't work either. Although I got to know the Lord, it was a pretty lonely walk for me.

Fortunately, before I got with the next church that appealed to me, I had some of God's wisdom under my belt because this church was a cult. Anytime you meet a bunch of very friendly and receptive people, who you later find out all live together, do everything together and believe their church and their church alone is the only one that's going to heaven, then that's a cult. And I knew it, but they were so friendly and I had fun. Until they attacked me for not wanting to be like them fully. So I left.

Now, here's the long-awaited shortcut. You want a young (new) church with a Bible-teaching pastor. Now while the church is young, pastors may come and go. However, loyal members of the congregation, who've come to love one another and who want to remain a part of that particular body, will stick it out through a succession of pastors until the right pastor is found. In the meantime, they pull together, have Bible studies and socials, and pray together.

Even if the pastor does not change, new churches always suffer growing pains. So with everyone uplifting each other you should be able to develop a few close friendships. You also may want to join the chior (almost anyone can sing with a group of people) in the new church, or serve on a church committee (that does not involve watching children. You want to be where you can make friends, afterwhich you can volunteer to watch the children).

A brand new to almost-new (one year-old or less) church is the way to go, but make sure their doctrine is consistant with God's word. And watch out for cults, because they also come with the word. In fact, any church organization that threatens to suck you into bondage you best get to steppin', and quick.

God bless you,

The Guide

Guess I'm lucky since I was a teen and just did the kid stuff. But not all of it is shallow, like I don't talk to many at church, because I suck at talking to people. So don't judge too quickly.

Ishida said:

Guess I'm lucky since I was a teen and just did the kid stuff. But not all of it is shallow, like I don't talk to many at church, because I suck at talking to people. So don't judge too quickly.

Click to expand...

People skills can be learned I recommend to you How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's all about effective communication. I'm not really a 'people person' but am doing pastoral care duties. You just have to put yourself out there and ask the other person questions ... things tend to take off from there

I don't know how big your church is, but in mine (1500 members) we are constantly looking for those to "serve". We have Welcoming Teams, Traffic Teams, Usher Teams, CD and DVD production teams, child care teams, Baptismal Teams, Prayer teams, etc. etc. No one is paid money but you do get to get involved with your church and the members. It won't take long before everyone will start asking you to help serve on their team. It's a blessing from God and fun to do. If you don't have serving teams, go to your pastor and tell him you would like to start one.

i havent really thought of that. it just seems you have to be open.

but it might be hard. i had a similar experience just this past month. not my church but at a retreat. it was my first year, and i didnt know anyone except my one friend from the same church. and everyone had their groups already and their own history. of course i know other people there too but not like know know them, just acquaintances. eventually i met some people, and im really looking forward to it next year.

Good Luck !!

Praising4eva said:

People skills can be learned I recommend to you How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's all about effective communication. I'm not really a 'people person' but am doing pastoral care duties. You just have to put yourself out there and ask the other person questions ... things tend to take off from there

Click to expand...

Hmm, could work, but I guess i'm not really willing, since probably the only people who would care to listen to me are already my friends. But I will admit, I think my people skills have gotten a little better since starting to go to chruch years ago.