I earlier posted a prayer request thread asking ya'll to pray for my friend who I've invited to come to bible study with me at my new church..... there is much more going on than just simply that I've invited her though.
I'm going to be honest: I'm ashamed to say this, but I didn't WANT to invite her to church with me. The only reason I did is because I was just carrying on casual conversation with her and said something about the church I've started going to. She asked if she could come, so - of course - HOW could I say no? That would be HORRIBLE. What kind of Christian would I be for not allowing her to come to church with me - when I know how desperately she needs it. I feel that if God sets it in place, it's my duty to allow it to happen... it would be a slap in God's face to turn someone away from His presence.
Here's the thing though - I need church too. Desperately. I'm trying so hard to grow in the Lord and over the last 2 years I've spent a lot of time helping my friend grow. I've spent most of the last six years focusing on helping other people, and I've noticed a trend: in the process of helping those other people, I've been dragged down more and more, myself. I SO desperately need to grow closer to God right now, and I really was planning on just focusing on improving myself and my relationship with God at the moment. I never give myself me time... and really, in order for me to ever properly help others... I need to strengthen my own walk and my own life with God.
It's frustrating. I feel like right now while I'm trying so hard to survive MYSELF (working on moving out of my parents' house, forcing myself to step out there a go to a new church - forcing myself to expand my horizons and develop relationships with new people, trying my hardest to wait patiently on God's guidance for my life and no longer letting anxiety rule me)... I'm still being forced to help someone who is clingy, dependent, and in need for MY guidance. I don't want that job right now... and I really don't see that as selfish. I see it as a normal process of my personal growth.
I feel like my friend is CLINGING to me for dear life... and it's making me self conscious about meeting new people at this church. The first month I was there alone, I had complete confidence and ease and felt like I was having a fresh start on life and God was truly blessing me... everything falling in its place. Now I don't feel like I can be myself all the time because I feel like I have to worry about making my friend feel comfortable... because of how much less confident she is in these types of situations. I haven't even really found MY place at this church yet... and she's expecting me to help her find her place. We are two COMPLETELY different types of people - and I honestly could see myself possibly hanging out with a different group of people than her if put in a situation where the chips just fell naturally. I just want to find MY place right now.... with God's guidance.
Over the last month, God has started rebuilding my life, bit by bit, my life has started making more sense. God has started showing me steps to take to improve myself, to find His path/career for my life. Yesterday, I had my wheels turning, was feeling so ambitious and confident in GOD holding me up as I step out in faith and try new and exciting things - I was seeing the glass as so much more full than before. I was feeling like my old, able self again. The same day, my friend emailed me, telling me she was feeling confused and anxious about God's direction for her life. She sent me this webpage and asked me to read it. It's about figuring out God's calling for your life. Well... I read it, but I'd actually already covered the ground she was now struggling with and was now more focused on just living out my life instead of just reading about it and dwelling on it. She ended up telling me in the email: "I know that God is calling you and me to one day work in missions together. I can just feel it, maybe in a foreign country."
Here's a BIG thought: What if I am not feeling that's what God is calling me to do?
On top of that, the other day I was just sharing my next step in improving MY personal life to her. I was telling her my plan to start practicing voice again (I was a voice major in my first major) at the church every Saturday, since there would be rooms where I could be as loud as I needed to. She asked if she could come with me. ???? I don't understand. That's like someone telling me they need to study for an exam and me asking if I can come with them and just sit while they study.
She's causing me to feel suffocated, anxious all over again about my future, and less focused on what's important for ME
o) right now.
PLEASE pray that she will branch out on her own... just as I am trying to do so desperately and have succeeded so far because I'm depending on God much more than man now. I'm interested in expanding my personal terrority, at the moment, in MANY areas - a big goal being to meet to new people - and I'm afraid of her holding me back because she won't give me space. I almost feel like moving and starting over again now.....
I'm going to be honest: I'm ashamed to say this, but I didn't WANT to invite her to church with me. The only reason I did is because I was just carrying on casual conversation with her and said something about the church I've started going to. She asked if she could come, so - of course - HOW could I say no? That would be HORRIBLE. What kind of Christian would I be for not allowing her to come to church with me - when I know how desperately she needs it. I feel that if God sets it in place, it's my duty to allow it to happen... it would be a slap in God's face to turn someone away from His presence.
Here's the thing though - I need church too. Desperately. I'm trying so hard to grow in the Lord and over the last 2 years I've spent a lot of time helping my friend grow. I've spent most of the last six years focusing on helping other people, and I've noticed a trend: in the process of helping those other people, I've been dragged down more and more, myself. I SO desperately need to grow closer to God right now, and I really was planning on just focusing on improving myself and my relationship with God at the moment. I never give myself me time... and really, in order for me to ever properly help others... I need to strengthen my own walk and my own life with God.
It's frustrating. I feel like right now while I'm trying so hard to survive MYSELF (working on moving out of my parents' house, forcing myself to step out there a go to a new church - forcing myself to expand my horizons and develop relationships with new people, trying my hardest to wait patiently on God's guidance for my life and no longer letting anxiety rule me)... I'm still being forced to help someone who is clingy, dependent, and in need for MY guidance. I don't want that job right now... and I really don't see that as selfish. I see it as a normal process of my personal growth.
I feel like my friend is CLINGING to me for dear life... and it's making me self conscious about meeting new people at this church. The first month I was there alone, I had complete confidence and ease and felt like I was having a fresh start on life and God was truly blessing me... everything falling in its place. Now I don't feel like I can be myself all the time because I feel like I have to worry about making my friend feel comfortable... because of how much less confident she is in these types of situations. I haven't even really found MY place at this church yet... and she's expecting me to help her find her place. We are two COMPLETELY different types of people - and I honestly could see myself possibly hanging out with a different group of people than her if put in a situation where the chips just fell naturally. I just want to find MY place right now.... with God's guidance.
Over the last month, God has started rebuilding my life, bit by bit, my life has started making more sense. God has started showing me steps to take to improve myself, to find His path/career for my life. Yesterday, I had my wheels turning, was feeling so ambitious and confident in GOD holding me up as I step out in faith and try new and exciting things - I was seeing the glass as so much more full than before. I was feeling like my old, able self again. The same day, my friend emailed me, telling me she was feeling confused and anxious about God's direction for her life. She sent me this webpage and asked me to read it. It's about figuring out God's calling for your life. Well... I read it, but I'd actually already covered the ground she was now struggling with and was now more focused on just living out my life instead of just reading about it and dwelling on it. She ended up telling me in the email: "I know that God is calling you and me to one day work in missions together. I can just feel it, maybe in a foreign country."
Here's a BIG thought: What if I am not feeling that's what God is calling me to do?
On top of that, the other day I was just sharing my next step in improving MY personal life to her. I was telling her my plan to start practicing voice again (I was a voice major in my first major) at the church every Saturday, since there would be rooms where I could be as loud as I needed to. She asked if she could come with me. ???? I don't understand. That's like someone telling me they need to study for an exam and me asking if I can come with them and just sit while they study.
She's causing me to feel suffocated, anxious all over again about my future, and less focused on what's important for ME
o) right now. PLEASE pray that she will branch out on her own... just as I am trying to do so desperately and have succeeded so far because I'm depending on God much more than man now. I'm interested in expanding my personal terrority, at the moment, in MANY areas - a big goal being to meet to new people - and I'm afraid of her holding me back because she won't give me space. I almost feel like moving and starting over again now.....
