second child??

clycleader said:

My husband and I have been discussing having a second child. Our son is now almost 17 months and is a really high energy and curious little soul. He's fantastic, but requires lots of my energy and attention. I remember when I was pregnant I was very very tired and worn out. When you were pregnant, with one (or more) child/ren how did you function with less energy?
When I had my son, I was able to nap when he did/does and able to rest that way. With a second, how do you get any rest. Babies require lots of attention and lots of sleepless nights. I'm not good like that. How did you do it?
We don't really have the option of having family come to help us out. They're either far away or not willing to babysit a lot. How can I get the rest I need and be able to have another child?

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It was hard, but not so much that I couldn't do it. I became pregnant with my second child when my oldest was just under 2 years old. I too didn't have family around to help me. I lived in SC at the time, and my family was in VA. Thankfully, my husband really helped out. He either help watch my oldest in the evenings, and put him down for bed so I could take it easy. Or, he would help with the housework while I watch our son. By splitting up the work, it did help me rest alittle more, and didn't feel so over burdened.

Another thought to consider if financially you're able: Check around to different preschools within your area, and see if they accept children at 2 1/2 years old (or younger if the option is available), and maybe you could involve your child in a 2 or 3 day class. Your child would benefit being around children his age, learning and just having fun...and, you can be getting rest. And who knows, you could meet other mothers that could help you out.

I just dealt with life. My second was born a month before my oldest turn 2!
Newborns tend to sleep a lot so I got my newborn to have his LONG nap at the same time my oldest was napping. I slept at that time too.
DH would come home and I'd hand him both kids while I took a shower or took another nap etc.
My oldest went down for the night at 7:30 and my newborn would usually feed at that time (Dad would feed him while I spent time with the oldest) and sleep until 10 or so. You sleep when/where you can...
I didn't have outside help and I didn't put my oldest in preschool or daycare. I involved my oldest to help with feedings, changing diapers (getting a new diaper, pulling wipes out of the container), holding the newborns bottle, etc...
It seems overwhelming when one thinks about it...

I guess if you are concerned about these things and if you have the option you could always wait a while until your 1st is a little older.

There is a 3 1/2 year age gap between my children and I love it that way.

He was just a little more indepenedent.

When I wanted to have a little nap, I would just tell my 3 1/2 year old I was going to have a power nap, and set the oven timer so I wouldn't sleep too long.

It wasn't too bad. (I did this for a while lol, my 2nd baby didn't sleep through the night until 10 months)

My eldest is a great big brother who loves his little sister.

I wouldn't sleep in the bedroom or anything, I would sit my son on the lounge with some books and I would have a rest in the recliner chair.

My second wasn't planned so I didn't have to wrestle with the idea of having another. My son was born 4 months after my daughter turned 1. It was alot of work, and little time for myself or anything else for that matter. But within a year things calmed down. The best part is that now I get time to myself because the kids entertain each other. They are best friends.

well there will be an alomst 6 year difference in ours... this one was not planned, but I am glad my son is older, he should be able to help out more when the baby gets here

I don't worry so much about me as I do my husband who works overnight 3 12hour shifts and a 6 hour shift, and is on call a couple nights a month

My oldest was 20 months when I got pg with #2. My husband helped out A LOT during the first trimester. After that - I was pretty good to go. I did also nap on weekends when my daughter napped just to get some extra sleep.

The t.v. baby sat my son a lot or he'd play with his toys while I "rested".

HB

We have 3 and a half years between ours and that was perfect for us. My oldest was in kindergarten when the youngest came which gave me a break, and the oldest understood enough to know I couldn't get up right now when I was feeding. If you don't feel ready right now I would say wait.

My son is almost 15 months old. He was the first grandchild on both sides (hers and mine) and he's a little spoiled. But everyone keeps asking us 'when are you going to have another one'? It's getting kind of annoying. Do we tell everybody to mind their own business? I mean... we want more kids, but good grief!

clycleader said:

I guess my biggest worry is sleep. I really don't function well on no sleep. I remember my 1st only going about 2 hours between feedings and he's not a big sleeper. He would wake often to be fed or for snuggle time or whatever. That's great, I don't mind it. BUT... when I'm down on sleep and needing to do things, I get moody, clumsy and just downright goofy and in pain (headaches and things)
My 1st really dosen't nap long, so I know with a second, I'd only have a small window of time to nap during the day. That kind of worries me a bit.

And, I think I'm loving my son being old enough to do fun things and hang out. I love his age now that he's bigger. I'm not terribly good with small babies. I'm ok, but I like to be able to communicate and play with them.
Overall I "think" I'd like to have a second, but just don't know. Since I'm already 36 and a half... my clock is ticking a bit and I feel that I need to decide pretty quickly.
Is there anythign that just made you know that you wanted another??? I'm praying about it, but just am really unsure.

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I can so relate... I love when my kids are older and we can do stuff together...and I am not so good with babies. It's why I attatchment parent...because I really kind of have to so that bond will be forged.

I can tell you from my own experience- that somehow, someway....you will make it through. One of the graces, I think, in having another child is learning to let things (ourselves most especially) be imperfect. God really does give us the grace we need to make it through each day-- but we have to remember that His grace is often in the form of trudgung bloddily up Calvary. Just because it looks and sounds like defeat and ruin- does not at all mean that it is.

My children have all, always, been so excited about having another sibling...despite that I really struggle when I am exhausted. This go around, though, I am going to try to mitigate some of that through taking Zoloft--which will help with the serotonin issues which come along with not getting enough sleep.

As far as immediately after birth- you can look into hiring a post-partum doula. Check out the DONA and CAPPA websites- for explanations of what services they offer.

As someone who is a very, very imperfect mom-- can I just share with you that once they are here- I could never imagine my life without this one more child in it....

I guess you just do it. I don't know really but I've done it. My oldest was 21 months old when I had my second, my third was 17 months later, 4th was 16 months after that, 5th was 17 months after and the sixth was 28 months later. (My closest family is 5 hours away so there wasn't a lot of family help for us either)
I dont really remember it as being bad. It has gotten easier as they've gotten older but we did fine.
If that is what you choose to do you will do fine too but don't feel as though it is what you should do. Every family is different and you and your husband will know what is best for your family.

I will tell you exactly what was told to me when we were trying to decide whether or not to have our third:

You will never regret having a child, but you may regret NOT having one.

Having more than one child is harder, but God really does give you the strength to make it through. You would do just fine. Don't worry about external factors, what do you want in your heart? And don't forget to pray aobut it, with your husband also. Good luck!

My daughter was 17 months old when I got pregnant with this little girl, they will be 26 months apart in age. I am really tired with this one, but my daugther sleeps 8 hours at least at night and so I sleep when she does, and if she naps duing the day then I sleep then as well. I also work outside the home and nap between routes sometimes. Hubby has been great in helping me when I really need to sleep.