my daughter keeps running away...

I think that kindof depends on why she is running away.

And where she is going, and what she is doing.

Yeah, tell them to get her professional help, Christian counseling ASAP, and tell them to go to. Tell them if she does it again put her in a kids mental ward for a week.

They keep putting up with her, being tolerant it will only escalate, I was a troubled teen myself. If she's doing this, she's asking for help and is feeling unloved because she's not getting it.

I would also recommend speaking to a third party both the parents and child alone and together as a family. With the help of this person, draw up consequences to her running away the next time, IE the Mentel unit etc The parents must be willing to as a team *NOT* put up with the running away anymore and must stick to the punishments they will enforce.

Kids don't run away for no reason. The root cause needs to be determined and addressed.

Heather has about got it right but you may also might like to keep Childsearch.com in mind. Chances are they might need them real soon. Sheila Ward runs that. They go looking for missing kids.
In Christ,
Stan

I ran away chronically beginning when I was 15-- I didn't know it then-- but it mostly stemmed from being raped. If you had asked me then- I would have told you I didn't know why... I just hated being home. And I didn't give a care for any consequences- I didn't care if I was alive- certainly if I was 'grounded' my parents still couldn't keep me in the house (well they wouldn't- they would go to work, etc. I could always just climb out my window and go hop on a freight train...)

As an adult- I know now, also (and this is a huge also) that my home was a dysfunctional mess- despite looking 'normal' to outsiders. The one cousellor we ever went to as a family- pointed the finger at EVERYONE in the family, rather than just me as the problem- and we quickly stopped seeing him. My parents just wanted someone to 'fix' me- without taking any responsibility at all-- they still don't see that they had any share in it at all- and very likely they never will.

Teenage girls don't just run away because it is fun-- they are running away because they are deeply hurt, wounded and broken. Personally if I had a child who was running away- I would do whatever it took to make sure she didn't leave-- I read an awesome sermon- I'll see if I can dig it up about this very thing. My parents didn't have my heart, and that wounded me so deeply-- I went off searching for someone, anyone-- who would take my heart. Unfortunately, they were all as broken as I was and didn't know what to do with it once I thrust my heart upon them...

Here's the article:

[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]by Dr. S. M. Davis[/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Park Meadows Baptist Church, Lincoln, Il 62656 (217) 732-6900[/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Raising children is a challenge. Raising good children is a big challenge! Raising Godly children is an incredible, but possible, challenge! There are several important ingredients needed to raise Godly children. One of those is teaching children to obey. Obedience to be obedience must be immediate and sweet. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Parents must also teach children to show respect and honor. A child not taught to respect his parents will also not respect other adults, older people, his mate or God. Then, too, parents must protect children from evil-evil in general and evil influences in particular. It is a false philosophy that says you produce better children by exposing them to the filth f this world. Romans 16:19 says, "I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple (or ignorant) concerning evil." [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Fundamental Bible-believers are often accused of over-protecting their children. Could I give you my observation of that? We don't loose our children because of being over-protective we loose our children because of being harsh and critical or from being inconsistent in our own lives. By far the majority of church families I know are not protective enough of their children. Teaching obedience and respect and protecting children from evil are key ingredients necessary to raise Godly children But they are not the KEY ingredient. In fact, you may have those ingredients and still not succeed in raising a wise, Godly child without the key ingredient. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]In Proverbs 23:26 we read, "My son, give me thine heart." [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Malachi 4:6 is a prophecy concerning the ministry of John the Baptist: "and he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children and the heart of the children to their fathers." [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]But that's not the end of the verse. The verse ends with a warning of what God does if fathers don't turn their hearts to their children "Lest I come and smite the earth with a curse." We are witnessing the fulfillment of that verse all around us when kids shoot kids, and when schools have to have armed guards and metal detectors, and when people are afraid to walk city streets alone. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Luke 1:17 is a further exposition of Malachi 4:6 "And he [John the Baptist] shall go before Him [Jesus] in spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient [that's the children] to the wisdom of the just [that's what parents are supposed to be]." [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]The number one characteristic of wisdom is justice. When children see parents as just, rather than unjust, then children are more likely to cease their disobedience and rebellion and give their hearts to their parents. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]The last phrase of the verse says: to make ready a people prepared for the Lord." Young people are not prepared for God to work in their lives until their hearts are turned from themselves or from others to their parents. I've given you the passages where the truth is stated. Now let me tell you where the truth is illustrated. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]II Samuel 13 and 14 are the chapters that tell how King David lost his son Absalom's heart. Absalom and Tamar were full-blooded brother and sister. But David wasn't as protective of Tamar as he should have been. David allowed Tamar's half-brother Amnon to be alone with Tamar and Amnon raped her. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]David was angry when he heard what happened, but he took no action. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Two years later Absalom had his half-brother Amnon executed to revenge his sister's rape. Then Absalom fled to Geshur for three years. David's general Joab noticed how badly David missed Absalom. So he got the king to bring Absalom back to Jerusalem. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]But for 2 more years David refused to talk to his son. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Absalom, provoked to wrath by his father's silence, sent for General Joab. When Joab didn't come, he had Joab's barley fields set on fire. Those fields on fire were a picture of Absalom's heart burning with anger and rejection and distress because of being cut off from his father David. Finally Joab came and Absalom said, "I want to see my Father. If he wants to kill me, then let him kill me, but I want to see my father!" So Joab talked to David and David sent for Absalom. But the reception he received was not the warm reception of a father. It was the cold reception of a monarch on a throne. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]When a man is a father, his children must see him first and foremost as a father! Children don't mind a father being something else, but he must primarily be a father to his children. It is all right to be Pastor or Banker or Businessman, but a father must first be a father to his children. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Absalom was treated like a subject, when he should have been treated like a son! [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]In the very next verse, II Sam. 15:1, Absalom had become a rebel. And he had plotted and was carrying out his plan to usurp his father's throne. Verse 6 of chapter 15 is an enlightening verse. Absalom did to the men of Israel what he apparently wished David his father would have done for him. By listening and talking and touching, "Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel." Before the chapter ended, David was running for his life, and Absalom the rebel had taken the throne of Israel. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]THE KEY INGREDIENT [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Now please listen carefully as I make one of the most important statements that has ever been made from this pulpit. In fact, this statement will be one of the most important statements you will ever hear any preacher or teacher make in your life: The key ingredient in raising good children is to get their hearts early, keep their hearts, and be extremely vigilant to not lose their hearts. But if you do lose a child's heart, then quickly find out where and when you lost it and put into action a plan to get the heart back NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES TO DO IT. No matter how much time or trouble or money it takes to get back your child's heart, you must decide you will be willing to pay the price. It may cost you financially. It may cost $1,000 or $10,000. You must be willing to pay the price.[/font]

[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]It may cost you your job. You must be willing to pay the price. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]It may require you selling your home and relocating elsewhere. You must be willing to say the price. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]It may require radical changes in your own personal life. You must be willing to pay the price. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Be sure of this right now: God knows your heart. And God already knows whether or not you love your child enough to be willing to pay the price to deal with their disobedience and rebellion. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]THE STORY OF MICHAEL [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]On December 21, 1992 my telephone rang. A very distraught Mother was on the other end of the line. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]For a year and a half they had had problems with their now 17 1/2 year old son Michael. It all seemed to have started about age 16 when they got Michael his own car and let him get a job at a restaurant. Michael became close friends with a 19 year old fellow who had attended the same Christian School where Michael was a student, and also a 25 year old man with a wife and child. But why don't I allow Michael's Mother to tell you their story in her own words: "Our son running around with a 25 year old married man with a child, a man faithful to our church seemed fine. Boy were we wrong. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]"Michael soon started staying out late. He was working later and later. On his days off he went with his friends to their homes to play pod or ping pong. Mr. 19's girl friend wasn't allowed to go out with him unless her parents went, so that wasn't a problem. So as far as we knew, Mike and Mr. 19 were just a couple of Christian guys having fun. "We totally trusted Mike. We watched him. He seemed to still be having devotions. He was still in church most of the time. His mouth was a little "smarter" than usual, but we chalked it up to being 16. We also noticed him stretching the rules a little. Some things weren't adding up, but nothing major. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]"Then in November, 4 months after Mike turned 16, we got up one morning and the car was gone. It was 4 A.M. and Mike wasn't home yet! "We were both up and suddenly noticed a note on the dining room table. I still remember every word on it even though it's been 3 years now. It said, 'Some one said I could do it. I love you Mom and Dad. Bye, Mike'. We weren't sure what 'it' meant but we were horrified. "First we ran over to Mr. 19's apartment. No one was there. We checked the garage but no one was there. About that time I checked my purse and realized $300 was gone. It was a relief to realize he had taken the money and probably run away. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]"We did all the things we could do, but what happened is we started searching through his stuff. Then we questioned people he knew at school. Boy were we shocked. We found lots of awful, hard rock tapes. Mike set those out for us before he left. We found cigarettes and found out he'd been drinking; we also found pictures he had drawn of evil, wicked skulls. They gave me chills! Mike had a side we knew nothing about. "Mike was found in Florida 5 days later. Broke. We had him put in a detention home and we went to get him. This family lived in Illinois. Mr. 19 who had gone with Mike was just left in the street. We had the car impounded so he had nowhere to go or stay. His parents sent him nothing so he was left on the streets of Tampa, Florida with only his clothes. He was scared. He stayed at a police station in a chair. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]"We got there 2 days later. God had started the work and we brought back both boys. Mike confessed to us "everything" and asked our forgiveness. We blindly gave it to him. "From this point on, Mr. 19 and 25 were gone. Mr. 25 had been meeting the boys at bars. "One part Mike held back was that Mr. 19 had introduced him to inappropriate contentography. They had started renting X rated movies. Mike was fine until the next summer when a girl came into the picture. She seemed like a nice girl... went to church...an A student... worked hard...we liked her. Again we trusted blindly and soon started noticing small things not adding up. Mike was smart-mouthed with us. By this time we were home schooling but I still worked 35 hours a week and my husband 50 hours a week. The children were home alone a lot. "There were small things that weren't adding up but the hard rock music wasn't seen around the house. He wasn't smoking. He never talked mean or ugly to us. His hair was short, neat and clean. He was always in church. He loved his family. So to us he was just a struggling good kid. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]"On December 20 Mike's sister came into our room about 11:00 crying. She said she had to talk to us. She told us Mike and a friend had been bringing X rated movies into the house. She had walked in on them one night. He had a VCR in his own room. They threw her out and told her to keep quiet. They didn't care what we thought or anyone else. They were going to do what they wanted. "Our daughter also told us he had ruined her Birthday slumber party 2 weeks earlier. He had taken one of the girls to the car and was kissing her. He had also been sexually aggressive with all her other 14 year old friends." [/font]
~continued~

[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]WHAT COUNSEL WOULD YOU GIVE? [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]It was the morning of the next day, December 21st, that Michael's folks made contact with me. They desperately wanted to know if there was anything they could do to change their 17 1:2 year old son. Allow me to ask you right here: What would you tell these parents? What can this Mom and Dad do that would straighten out a 17 1/2 year old son who has now tried about everything the world has to offer, has become deceitful, and shows little or no inclination towards changing? Before I tell you the end of the story, let me first point out to you that: [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]1 - REBELLION ORIGINATES IN THE HEART [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]The heart of every problem is a problem in the heart. And that includes rebellion. Rebellion is more a heart problem than a life problem. Hebrews 3:10 - "They do always err in their heart." The problem David had was that he had lost Absalom's heart. And Absalom's life wandered because his heart wandered. Many months before Michael ran away from home, Michael's parents lost Michael's heart. Michael's life wandered because his heart wandered. How easy it would've been for Michael's parents to focus on his running away from home, or on his bad friends, or on his inappropriate contentography addiction, or on his beer drinking, or on his rock music, etc. But all those things were symptoms. They were surface. The root cause of all those problems was this: without even knowing how, when, or where it happened, Michael's parents lost Michael's heart. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]I repeat: THE HEART OF EVERY PROBLEM IS A PROBLEM IN THE HEART. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]I cannot emphasize this too strongly, because this "heart" that I'm talking about controls everything else in a person's life. There is no more vital organ in your body than your heart. If you had to choose between an injured arm, or an injured leg, or an injured heart, which one would you choose? You could "make it" without an arm or a leg, but you can never make it without your heart! Your heart keeps everything else in your life living and functioning. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]A parent who has their child's heart will have access to everything else in their child's life. When Michael's Mother said he had a side they knew nothing about, she was stating plainly that they didn't have his heart. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]A parent who has their child's heart will know what is going on in their child's life. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]A parent who has their child's heart can direct their child's feet to go in the right direction. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]A parent who has their child's heart can protect their child's eyes and ears from wrong pictures or wrong music. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]A parent who has their child's heart can determine who their child's friends will be. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]I remember talking to the parents of a boy I'll call "Oscar." For 15 years those parents had never had serious problems with their son. But with tears they told me something was wrong. When I quizzed them concerning their home it seemed that they had the perfect home - no TV; careful with newspapers and magazines and music; son was getting a Christian education at home, etc. But something was wrong. I'll tell you later what was wrong with "Oscar." [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Did you know that it is better, in the long run, to have a child who occasionally disobeys you, but you have his heart, than to have a child who is continually, compliantly obedient, but you don't have his or her heart? Not every child whose parents lose his heart becomes wild or rebellious. But the potential for rebellion is present, regardless how outwardly obedient a child is, if you don't have his heart. That means this: Any parent listening to me right now who does not have their child's heart has a child who has the potential to become a terrible rebel who does horrible things and breaks his parents' hearts. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Are you thinking? Do you have your child's heart? Don't fool yourself. It won't hurt anybody but you and them. What would be your child's response to you if you were to ask him or her right now: "Do I have your heart?" Don't forget: The heart of every problem is a problem in the heart. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]2- THE ONE WHO HAS THE CHILD'S HEART WILL EVENTUALLY HAVE THE CHILD'S LIFE AND LOYALTY. This "heart" I'm talking about was not made to be kept. It was made to be given away. Whoever the person is to whom your child gives their heart is also the person who will eventually have your child's life and loyalty. How could Michael run away from a safe, secure, love-filled home with his 19 year old friend? It wasn't hard at all. His friend had his heart! Whoever has the heart will eventually have the child! [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]That's the reason the world is continually pressing upon us and trying to tie children's hearts with everyone and everything except their parents - from babysitters, to TV stars, to school teachers, to cartoon figures, to basketball stars, to football stars, to rock 'n roll musicians, to boyfriends and girlfriends. I've seen children whose hearts were more with "Power Rangers" than with their parents. Sometimes you can tell just by looking at a child's bedroom walls who has his heart. May I ask you, "Do you right now have your child's heart?" Would your child rather spend time with you than almost anyone else? [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Does your child listen respectfully when you speak? [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Does your child have a genuine desire to please you? [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Does it hurt them to displease you? [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Are they loyal to you in your presence as well as behind your back? [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Do you know what is going on inside your child? [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Remember Oscar? The reason Oscar's parents were having problems with him was because Oscar had gotten a new girlfriend. One of Satan's biggest ways of getting children's' hearts from their parents prematurely is by getting young people to play the boyfriend/girlfriend game. Is there no other alternative to this approach that is so common in our day and yet is destroying so many young people? I believe there is an outstanding Biblical alternative whereby a young person plans to give their heart to one other person in life. Then they guard their heart against coveting anyone else before they find that person and after they marry that person. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Where do I find this in the Bible? Let me ask you a simple question to answer that. How many "Eve's" did God make for Adam? And how many "Adam's" did God make for Eve? By going from girlfriend to girlfriend to girlfriend, our young people are not learning how to be committed. They are learning how to break up! Young people who guard their hearts against covetousness are then able to seek first the kingdom of God while being friendly (not flirty!) with everyone. Then a guy can keep his heart with his parents and let them help him find his mate after he's old enough and mature enough for marriage. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Michael's parents brought him back from Florida. But they didn't really get his heart back even though they brought him back. It was a really easy thing for Mike to give his heart to a girl so that problems started up all over again. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]3- CHILDREN WANT PARENTS TO HAVE THEIR HEARTS. We're all born with the desire to please our parents and be close to our parents and share things with them and get their praise and approval. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Hear Esau as he cries: "Bless me, even me also, 0h my father." [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]See David hungering to see Absalom and Absalom hungering to see David. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]And there was Michael, before he ran away to Florida, setting everything out so his parents could find it! He was crying out to his parents to get his heart back and help him get his life straightened out! Please listen to me carefully here. ONE OF SATAN'S BIGGEST LIES TO PARENTS IN OUR DAY IS THIS: "Some adolescent rebellion is normal and is to be expected out of every teenager." Since you expect rebellion, then you don't feel like you have to deal with it. Rebellion is not normal! According to I 5amuel 15:23, rebellion is sin and exposes a child to the realm and power and control of Satan. Just a little bit of rebellion should be a sign to a parent that the heart is wandering and is troubled and is hungry for love and attention and acceptance. When a child has a "smart mouth" like Michael had, it must not simply be "chalked up to him being 16!" A little bit of rebellion is like a fast-growing cancer that multiplies exponentially into a whole mass of life-destroying rebellion. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]4- THE BIBLE GIVES US AN IDEAL PICTURE OF A PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP. No, it's not Abraham and Isaac. And it's not Isaac and Joseph. It certainly wasn't David and his sons. This may surprise you, but the ideal example of the hearts of parents and children being knit together is that of the heavenly Father and His Son Jesus. Jesus said in John 5:19 - "Verily, verily I say unto you. The Son can do nothing of Himself, hut what He seeth the Father do: for what things soever He doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise." And in John 5:30 Jesus said, "I can of mule own self do nothing. .1 seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father 'which hath sent me." [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]And consider Jesus' statement in John 10:30 in this context: "I and my Father are one."[/font]
~continued~

[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]5- THERE ARE THREE BIG DANGERS FOR THE HEART. They take place in this order: the heart can be lost, then hardened, then stolen. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](1) The heart can be lost. Fathers often lose their children's hearts by expressing anger at the child. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Contrary to what many fathers think, anger does not break a child's will. (That's not a proper goal anyway. You want to direct a child's will, NOT break a child's will.) Anger crushes a child's spirit. And causes a child to harden his heart. Over and over when I deal with a rebel child, I find that his father has had a problem with anger. Michael's Dad was not angry all the time, but occasionally he would "explode, then back off." [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Fear of explosions of anger can cause a child to retreat into a shell. And when he goes into that shell, he takes his heart with him. The heart is much too delicate to survive the catastrophic explosions of a father's anger. Sometimes parents lose their child's heart when they break the most serious command given to parents in the Bible: "Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." (Eph. 6:4) I refer to that command as the most serious command because it is the only negative command I know of given directly to parents in relation to their children. The most devastating consequences occur not from breaking positive commands, but from breaking negative commands. The Bible commands us to love our neighbor. It also says, "Thou shalt not kill." It's bad to break the positive command. It's horrendous to break the negative command! You may provoke your child to wrath by criticizing or "needling" the child. You may provoke your child to wrath by raising the standard required to get your praise and approval so high that he or she can't reach it. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]An inexperienced, immature child should not be expected to do a job as well as an experienced, mature, perfectionistic parent. When a child does their best they should be praised whether they did as well as someone else or not. They also should not be compared to others so as to make them feel inferior. You may provoke your child to wrath by making them do something they are terribly afraid to do. You may provoke your child to wrath by not communicating enough with them, or by spending too much time outside the home, or by watching TV or reading the newspaper too much. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](2) The child, to accommodate the hurt of you losing his heart, hardens his heart. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](3) After the heart is hardened, someone else can steal the heart. When King David didn't listen to the needs of the men of Israel, then they hardened their hearts toward him. Then Absalom came along and saw the weak area and provided a listening ear, just like wrong friends in our day see the weak areas and provide listening ears. Absalom listened to them and talked to them and touched them and stole their hearts away. (II Sam. 15:5) [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]The things Absalom did to steal the hearts of the men of Israel are the very same things that are used in our day to steal the hearts of young people from their parents. But here's the good news: Those same things will also work for parents to "steal back" the hearts of their sons or daughters from those who stole them away in the first place! Thank God that is true. I've seen it work over and over. Dad and Mom! Listen to your child! Then speak kindly with concern to your child while touching them. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]If you'll listen closely enough to your children you'll find out where they're hurting and what's bothering them. Proverbs 24:3 says that a house is established by understanding. Say to your child: "I want to understand." It may be bothering your child that he just got his first zits on his face. Maybe some friends are making fun of him because of it. Listen to your child! Don't you foolishly say, "It's no big deal?” Say, "Thank you for telling me how you feel. I know it hurts when people laugh at you. I remember how I felt. Tell me more about it." Your child may feel fat or skinny or ugly or too tall or too short. Listen to them! Some parents say, "My children don't want to talk." That's not true. Children want to talk. But they wanted to talk about stuff you didn't think was important. You and I need to learn that if it's important to them, then it's important! [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]What I see as my child's needs and what she sees as her needs may be two different things. I have to meet her needs not only as I perceive them, but as SHE perceives them as well. Do you know what this means? It means that your taking time to kiss your little girl's dolly because it has as ore toe is MORE IMPORTANT for your happiness 20 years from now than your taking time to listen to your boss offer you a $20,000 a year raise! [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]It means you better care that your little boy got his toy truck stuck in the mud today. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]It means that you'd better care about your little boy's dog and your little girl's cats. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]This "cat business" is tough on me. We now have a yard full of immoral, prolific cats. You say, "Do you love cats?" It doesn't matter whether I love cats or not. I love my girls, and THEY love cats. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]I was in my office one day busily occupied doing "church work" - IMPORTANT STUFF! But when my telephone rang and my daughter was weeping because one of her cats had been accidentally killed, I left behind all that IMPORTANT STUFF and drove 14 miles home. When I got there, I hugged and loved and spoke comforting words to my girl. Then I went out and buried her kitty. Then I hung around for a couple hours more to make sure she was all right. Then every day for several days I continued to ask her how she was doing. Why did I do that? Because it was an opportunity for me to let my girl know that she had a Daddy who was a Daddy first and foremost and then a Pastor. I know every father couldn't drop everything like I did and go home. But I could, so I did. I don't have to be a cat-lover to be happy in my old age, but I do have to be a kid-lover. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Why do kids give their hearts to their friends? Because their friends listen to them! You're not going to raise good children based on how they look on the outside--are they conforming or not conforming to your rules? Remember that Michael's parent thought he looked pretty good outwardly just before he ran away. You've got to reach a deeper than the surface: "Son, what have you been thinking about? How do you feel about this? Does this bother? What are you saying to yourself? What did the message this morning say to you? Are you getting answers to your prayers?" Questions, questions, questions. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Read through the Gospels and notice how Jesus was continually asking His disciples questions in order to "stay on top" of where they were in their spiritual growth and understanding. There is a philosophy about youth work that prevails in many fundamental churches. The philosophy is: Hire a Youth Director to whom the young people give their hearts and let him do lots of things with the youth. That philosophy is not all bad. There are some young people without parents, or with parents who refuse to be what God wants them to be. And those young people won't make it unless some Godly adult is able to get and direct their hearts. But God's best is not for a Youth Director to spend time with young people. God's best is for PARENTS to spend time with their young people. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]6-ONLY THE HEART CAN KEEP THE HEART. The hand alone cannot keep the heart. Neither is a spanking likely to turn around a rebel teen. Can you imagine Michael's parents spanking that 17 1/2 year old young man and it doing any good? I'm not sure they could've gotten it done if they had wanted to! The first thing to do at any sign of rebellion is NOT to get exasperated and SHOVE AWAY. The thing to do is to draw CLOSER to the child. A home with a rebellious youth is often filled with a negative, critical atmosphere. THAT HAS TO BE CHANGED. Praise creates an atmosphere of love and joy and acceptance whether it's in a home or a church. You wouldn't want to attend a church where there's a harsh, critical atmosphere. But it's just as bad in a home as it is in a church.


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Even a rebel hungers for the praise and acceptance of his father. And if a Parent will look diligently, they can find SOMETHING for which they can praise even the most rebellious child. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]HOME SCHOOL Several months ago I came across a phenomenal statement. Here it is: "Every year children are schooled at home they become less peer dependent." Then a well known preacher said to me: "I've noticed that children who are home schooled are more mature at a younger age." Those statements caught my attention because we've been teaching our children at home for several years. I've also had the opportunity to observe the results of socialization in the lives of thousands of Public School students, Christian School students, and Home School students. My observation is this: Children are better socialized in the family setting of a home school environment because they learn to relate to BOTH ADULTS and other YOUTH. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]I've seen a shy, withdrawn 7 year old girl pull out of her shell and start walking up to adults and talking to them at Church after 3 months of Home School. I saw my two oldest daughters choose older, Godly ladies in their 50's and 60's to be bridesmaids in their weddings along with girls their own age. Why does it work like that? Because children spend so much time with their Mom and Dad that they learn how to relate to adults as well as how to relate to children their own ages. That's important because most of life is spent relating to adults. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Think for a moment. We talk about the benefits of socialization. And I'm not totally against a child being with those their own age. But what good thing does a 12 year old learn from another 12 year old? I know everyone can't do Home School. But if you want to get your child's heart of KEEP your child's heart there are very few other things you can do that are as safe or as effective as having your children with you all the time. You say, "But do the kids get a good education?" Statistics show that they get a BETTER THAN AVERAGE education. But we also need to be careful that we don't elevate knowledge to a pinnacle that even the Bible doesn't give it. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]FAITH #1, VIRTUE #2, KNOWLEDGE #3 2 Peter 1:5 gives God's order in this area; "And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith, virtue, and to virtue knowledge." God was not guessing when He gave that order. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]The top priority is faith - a person's relationship with God. The very next priority is virtue, which is character or moral excellence. After "virtue" is "Knowledge". In other words, God sees virtue and character as being more important than knowledge. [/font]

~continued~[/font]

[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]When God's priorities are not recognized, then we wind up turning out educated fools-people with lots of knowledge but little wisdom and character. God wasn't guessing when he said, "Wisdom is the principal thing." Only an educated fool believes man came from monkeys. Wisdom says, "Great design demands a Designer." More and more in our day we hear: "Trust us. We're scientists. Something comes from nothing." OR "Trust us. We're Doctors. We're highly educated. It has a heartbeat, eyes, and brain waves. And it may suck it's thumb. But it's not a baby." An abortionist Doctor is an educated fool. I would rather have a child who cannot read and write his own name than to have a child who becomes a doctor and doesn't have the wisdom to not kill babies! Better a little knowledge with a lot of wisdom than a little wisdom with a lot of knowledge. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]A Pastor and his wife came by our Church and were anxious to talk to me. I listened as they shared their concerns about their children's education. "Bro. Davis, my wife has done a good job teaching our five children at home, but she just can't handle teaching algebra and geometry. The nearest Christian School is 30 miles away. We just don't know what to do. Do you have any advice for us?" I let them talk for about 10 minutes. Then I said, "Are you done?" "Yes." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "Are you ready for my answer?" "Yes." Here it is: "HANG THE EDUCATION." "What do you mean?" "Well, now that I've got your attention, let me balance that statement. I'm not against education. Believe it or not, I have some!" "Your children are all wise, charactered children who have a good relationship with you and with God. They can get through life fine without algebra, but not without character. Keep teaching them all you can. Since they do have character, if they need thins you can't teach them, they will get it whenever they need it." [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Proverbs 18:15 says, "The ear of the wise seeketh knowledge." [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]There may be a time when you have to choose between wisdom and knowledge. If you have to choose, choose attentiveness over algebra, generosity over geography, forgiveness over foreign language, compassion over chemistry, truthfulness over trigonometry, humility over the humanities, self-control over sociology and obedience over opthamology. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]7. A PARENT NEEDS TO TAKE THE FOLLOWING STEPS IN ORDER TO TURN AROUND A REBEL CHILD: [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](1) The parents must first acknowledge to God and their child that they have lost their child's heart and sincerely seek forgiveness of both God and the child. Most parents try to first change the child. But God's order is very significant: "Turn the heart of the FATHERS to the children" comes before its reverse. Once the parent is seems as "just," then they are ready to reach the one who is "disobedient." (Luke 1:17) Justice usually requires humility on the part of a parent before grace is given to reach the child. This is the reason that counseling with a rebellious teen usually accomplishes little or nothing. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]I remember counseling with a rebel teen and bringing him to the point of apologizing to his parents. But when I brought them in the room and gave him the opportunity to speak, he said nothing. Then I remembered: God's order requires the FATHER to apologize FIRST to the child. After the Father apologized with tears, then his son did the same. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](2) The parents must examine their own lives to make sure they are dedicated fully to God and cleansed of all evil. A parent with sin in their own life will find it difficult or impossible to deal with sin in their child's life. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](3) The rebellious child must be completely separated from ALL negative PERSONAL influences. Proverbs 13:20 says, "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise; but a companion of fools shall be destroyed." [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]This would include ALL friends (especially any boyfriend or girlfriend), as well as any family members not totally in agreement with the parents' spiritual objectives. This usually means that Home School is essential, not an option., The parent must be so thorough in this area that the child would not even be allowed to attend a Sunday School Class with young people their own age without the parent present. Sadly, there are times when the child must even be separated from Grandparents if they are not supportive of the parents. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](4) The young person must also be completely separated from ALL negative IMPERSONAL influences. The home Should be cleansed of television, radios, bad music tapes, questionable magazines, sale catalogs, etc. Satan will keep ground in a rebel's life if there is anything left where he can hold the ground. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](5) Everything bad removed must be replaced with that which is good. The child can not become a spiritual vacuum. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](6) The parent should earnestly pray that God would bind all demonic powers that may be influencing their child. Any time you deal with rebellion, you can be pretty sure you are dealing with Satanic powers. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](7) The Parent must not follow their natural inclination to push away from the child, but must instead draw closer to the child. Both parent must spend hours and hours with the younger person. They should talk and work and teach and play and pray and study and share Scriptures, etc. THE FATHER ESPECIALLY SHOULD COMMIT TO GIVE ONE HOUR A DAY FOR A MINIMUM OF SIX WEEKS [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](8) The child must be continually praised for even the smallest display of any character trait. EVEN A REBELLIOUS CHILD HUNGERS FOR THE PRAISE AND ACCEPTANCE OF HIS FATHER. Remember Absalom crying out for his father's attention!? [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](9) The Parent must continually humble themself to ask the child's forgiveness for anger, criticism, inconsistencies, etc. and for failure to communicate, love, praise, care, etc. as God brings such failures to light [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]The Parent must especially try to recall where they have broken God's key negative command to Parents to "provoke not your children to wrath." [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](10) The parent must be ready to help the child deal with bitterness and to accept and forgive the child as the child begins to open up and share previously hidden sins and failures. Rebels often disclose very shocking things. A parent must decide they will forgive ANYTHING. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](11) The parent must be committed to following God's principles and refuse to yield to the pressure that WILL COME both from outside the home as well as from the child himself when these principles are first instituted. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]I told one set of parents that for the first several days after they instituted these principles they would think they climbed on the Ninja Black Belt roller coaster and were riding without safety harnesses or lap bars. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](12) The Parent must be committed to long range change and not simply a "quick-fix." [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]The amazing thing about these principles is how quickly they work. Almost any rebel will turn around in about two weeks. The danger at that point is the parent "letting up" and the child winding up even worse than they were before. Matt. 12:43-45 tells about an unclean spirit leaving a fellow for a short period of time. The spirit returned later and found a clean house. So he got 7 other spirits more wicked than himself and moved back in. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]I believe the worst rebels you will ever find are rebels who were changed temporarily by parents who themselves refuse to permanently change. I might also add, I believe these principles will work with a "runaway," but only if the parent can first find a definite way to keep them at home without them running away again. I do have some ideas in this area, but such a thing could be very difficult, especially with he legal climate of our day. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]THE END OF MICHAEL'S STORY Michael's parents had called me on Dec. 21st. Here's the rest of their story; "On December 22nd Mike left after 11:00 PM. We waited till 3 A.M. Till he came home. We searched through his room. We found many things we were not ready for. [I can't tell you publicly all the things they found.} It became obvious that he was totally out of control. "That was the worst night of our lives. We were sure that, as we were told, Mike was now only to talk to us. We were not his BEST and ONLY friends. "Christmas was hard. At the family get together he sat between us and never left our sight. He wasn't allowed to talk to anyone at church. " "Then we got Mike under a week of preaching at a camp and by the end of the week God got a hold of him. By the time Mike came home from camp we were ready to do what God wanted from us. We learned a new love for our family. Here's what else we did: [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](1) Got rid of Mike's TV and VCR and tape player and radio. [Let me insert here: I believe one of the most dangerous things a parent can do is allow their child to have a TV or radio in their room. I think you are almost guaranteeing that you will lose your child.] [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](2) Went to all video stores and refused to allow our name or our children's names on any list. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](3) No car. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](4) No friends. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](5) No phone calls [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](6) We chose some Godly men that we DID KNOW to start helping Mike in choosing better friends. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](7) Dad started spending LOTS more time with Michael. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](8) There was NO TRUST but lots of love [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif](9) Encouraged reading about Godly men [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]"[/font]
~continued~

We all became best friends. If Mike wanted to see a friend it was only done if we were around. "God truly did the work in Michael's heart and in ours. Mike felt called to Bible College. "Only the 1st month or so was hard. After that things changed. "AT age 18 Mike headed off to Bible College to be a preacher. At school Mike met a fine young lady and this year they were married." Michael's parent asked him if there were things he wanted to add to the story.



[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]"First of all he said our determination to fight him is what changed his heart. Things would never have changed had we not done the things listed earlier and had he not seen we weren't giving up. "Michael said if parents say, 'My child is 16, 17, 18 or whatever and they are old enough that there's nothing I can do,' they have lost the war." Michael's mother continued, "We never gave up, if we weren't just fighting for our son, we were fighting for the very soul of his future generations. I kept thinking about Michael's children and grandchildren. If our love would drive him away, so be it, but if we'd done nothing there would have been NO HOPE. "Everybody tells you that when hey turn 16 there's nothing you can do. Boy were they wrong. [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]"Our second child had been a real joy. We are now doing things to prevent problems. I work at home and part-time from 4:30 A.M to 8:30 A.M so I can be home. God has blessed us so much it's unbelievable. My daughter is my best friend. We as a family have adopted new standards for not dating that all of us are happy with. I am so thankful for God's love toward our family." [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]THE END OF ABSALOM's STORY Absalom's story did not end as well as Michael's and his parents! [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Absalom's men fought against David's men and 20,000 of them died. Rebels often sweep others up in their own destruction! Then Absalom fled on a mule. And his long hair caught in the boughs of an oak tree and he found himself dangling helplessly between heaven and earth. David had pleaded for his soldiers to deal gently with Absalom. But Joab went straight to helpless Absalom and shot 3 arrows in his chest while he was yet alive. Then 10 other soldiers drew their swords and hacked Absalom's body to pieces. When the messenger came to tell David of the death of his son, David was "much moved." He walked weeping up some stairs to a little room. And the people heard him crying out as he went: "O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!" [/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Parents do not have to live with disobedience and rebellion. God has given us His Word. The principles are in this Book to tell us how to solve our problems, if we as parents are willing to pay the price. I close with these personal, probing questions: Do you love your children enough to pay the price to get their hearts, to keep their hearts, or to "steal back" their hearts? Are you willing to pay the price to raise Godly children? [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]1) Rebellion originates in the heart (The heart of every problem is a problem in the heart." [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]2) The one with the child's heart will eventually have their life and loyalty. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]3) Children want parents to have their hearts. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]4) The ideal example of a parent child relationship is the Heavenly Father and the Son. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]5) The 3 big dangers for the heart are: IT can be lost, then hardened, then stolen. [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]6) Only the heart can keep the heart [/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]7) A parent MUST take the necessary steps to turn around a rebellious.[/font]
http://www.wendysmodestdress.com/id23.htm