DEAR BELOVED CHILD OF GOD,
i think your honesty regarding the thoughts which are troubling you is a very good sign that our Lord will help you deal with, and eliminate, them. Sharing and confessing openly such things is 90% of the battle, as the evil one, who, of course, is behind such throughts, tries to convince us to hide such things in the darkness rather than to bring them out into the light where they can be healed.
Sooooooooo . . . now that you have successfully completed the hard part
, the next step is to turn these thoughts over to our Lord to deal with--AND THEN IGNORE THEM. Thoughts in and of themselves are not sinful if we do not choose to dwell on them when satan inserts them into our thinking. If the thoughts are ignored and not reacted to--such as by getting all upset without ourselves for having them in the first place--they will more and more quickly pass and will eventually, by our Lord's Grace, stop completely. THE KEY IS TO NOT REACT TO THEM EMOTIONALLY. When you allow them to upset you, your emotional reaction--guilt, shame, anger, whatever--just imprints them even stronger into your consciousness and gives them increasing power over your thinking. Ignoring them has the opposite effect, progressively weakening them until they shrivel up and die.
Easier said than done, you say? That is true! It will take a lot of hard work to make it happen because, if my math is correct, these thoughts have been problematic for about 7 years, so they "gots musckles", as the saying goes. BUT IT CAN BE DONE IT YOU WANT DELIVERENCE BADLY ENOUGH! You do your part and God will do His part, and your victory is assured.
How do you ignore these thoughts, you ask
? By focusing your mind on our Lord Jesus. It is impossible for the mind to think of two things at the same time. Soooooooooooo . . . what has worked well for me and many others is to use the Jesus Prayer--"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me." Using a Prayer Rope (if you don't have something you can use, you can use Google to find one by typing in "Prayer Rope" and you'll find a bunch of them easily) gives you something to focus your body on while your mind is occupied with the Prayer, making the prayer more effective.
Besides distracting your mind from unwanted thoughts, using the Jesus Prayer also cleanses your mind of all the seeds of darkness which satan has planted there over the years. The Light of our Lord, shining in the darkness through the use of the Prayer, will kill the weeds the evil one has planted and, in their place, plant Spiritual Seeds which will sprout into the Fruits of the Spirit. YOU CAN DO THIS
!
While you are focusing your attention on "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me", you may continue to be aware that negative thoughts are still there, floating just outside your consciousness. DON'T LET THIS BOTHER YOU! Use the image of clouds floating across a blue sky and disappearing over the horizon, and let the thoughts drift away without following them as they leave.
This little note has turned out to be way too long and i think that i have made things sound way too complicated. Forgive me--IT'S EASIER THAN I HAVE MADE IT SOUND, and it is guaranteed to work if you put the effort and prayer into it to make it happen. i will be praying for you as i am sure will many others. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND PLACE THE evil one AND his thoughts UNDER YOU HEEL!
MAY GOD BLESS, KEEP, AND DELIVER YOU
!
ephraimanesti
P.S. Get back to me sometime and share your victory that i may give suitable praise to our All-Loving God for delivering you from this burden!