Wow---I really wish I had some "peachy solution" for you. I looked at your "bio", you're an attractive young lady, with a lot going for you.
I can well understand why you don't want to leave your high school. Have you investigated becoming "emancipated"? I understand you now live with your grandparents. If a court grants you emancipation, can you live with them? It's so hard earning your own support (paying for rent, car, gas, food, phone, electric, water, sewer, car parts, insurance, tags, clothes, movie-PIZZA-money, AND going to school. Unless you're capable of doing without sleep.
If you DO hafta go live with your mom, what would it take to change YOU? No one can change another person. How well divorcees KNOW this, after marrying one they wanted-to-change-this-or-that.
You can always visit your friends, and even go to dances and things with them. They may even let you participate in graduation---doesn't hurt to ask.
Do you know what the Bible says about unconditional love? And forgiveness? Think about this: suppose you had a MISSION, to love people, to heal their hearts, souls, and bodies. You could see their hearts, their hopes, dreams, failures, successes. And you loved them. Suppose, because you WERE so good, some of them HATED you.
Suppose one dark night they CAME for you. Dragged you away, threw you before a "kangaroo court", and convicted you. Rather a LYNCH mob. In less than a day that mob of swine grabbed you, hauled you outside of town. Suppose they nailed you to a tree. No, I mean REAL NAILS! Right through your arms and legs! And left you to die! How would you feel? What would you think?
This actually happened, Lizzie. To someone named, Jesus. You know what He did?
HE FORGAVE THEM!!!!! Don't worry, I don't fully understand it myself. But His SELF, was invested ELSEWHERE. No one could hurt Him, no one could destroy Him.
He forgave them. "Father, forgive them; they know not what they do."
Have you ever wondered WHY your mom says hurtful things to you? It's not hard to guess. Instead of angry, have you ever considered feeling SORRY for her? People usually don't hurt others, especially family, unless there's a REASON. And the reason usually is, that THEY are so miserable and broken and wretched inside, that they can't ABIDE someone else succeeding around them. They feel
threatened. Your mom sees YOU, beauty and talent and youth and a future, and she sees herself with none of those. People like that have no self-esteem, no hope in their own lives, the only way to not feel at the "bottom", is to tear others down too. Any of this sound close?
When you are around your mom, don't take her hurtfulness personally. Remember Jesus, and the incredible crime He forgave. Go rent the movie, "The Hiding Place", and sit there in awe (as I did!) as Corrie Tenboom suffered horribly---and all she shown from her heart and soul was LOVE! I guarantee it wasn't easy for her, and it was not easy for Jesus. Heck, the night before Jesus was so emotional, HE SWEATED BLOOD! But God was in Him. And Jesus was in Corrie.
As Corrie was released, the "Pianist", whose hands had been broken and mangled, said: "I want Him!" Corrie smiled and said: "Just ask. He'll answer." I cried. "Oh God, let me be so used by You!"
That is where you should hide your SELF. Build on the ROCK, not on the sand-of-people. He will never let you down.
Lizzie, Jesus could have come down from that tree ANYTIME. Do you know why He didn't? Imagine those horrible nails being hammered into his body. Can you hear the clang of iron-against-iron? Ten thousand legions of angels turned shades of crimson and purple in anger, restrained from helping Him, waiting ONLY for Him to ask for help.
But He didn't. He let them crucify Him. Then He forgave them.
Do you know why, Lizzie?
Because of YOU.
Because of Lizzie!!! You see, if He had come down from that cross, you would have gone to Hell! And so great was His love for YOU, that He went willingly!
That's why you can't throw your life away. It's not your life. "You are not your own, you are bought with a price". The price, was His blood.
See if you can forgive your mom. Will you? It won't be easy. But think of how much God has forgiven you, in taking you from the "road-to-Hell", and sending the Spirit into your heart. And always, Jesus walks with you,
His hand forever in your hand!
And we walk with you, too. Don't be afraid. He loves you, and so do we.
"For I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and not for calamity, plans to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me, and come and pray to Me, and I WILL LISTEN TO YOU. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. And I will be found by you, (declares the Lord)." Jeremiah 29:11ff
Go with GOd, and stay with us. Keep us posted!
God bless you!