I really really need help

nycbeena · Feb 13, 2004

Im not a "christian" in the since that i do not go to church and do not know verses out of the bible...but im a dating a girl that is a born again christian as of 2 years.. and we are deeply in love and i really mean this i can not function without her, i need her opinion on things b4 i do them..we she hurts i hurt.when shes ahppy im happy.we have a very special conneciton there is even times when i just get the urge to do things for her liek send her a card just saying i love u for no reason, callin her tellin her i love her, and accordin to her it is always at times when she was upset at somethign or feeling down..we vibe off each other and push each other to be better at whateva we are doing at the moment..she will be in the 2004 summer games and i give her that extra push she needs when she feels like eating the double cheeseburger or buying that snickers bar. i am always there for her and do anythign for her...

I am from New york city queens to be exact so i had a sharp tongue and cursed at times without even realising it, she pointe it out to me and out of my love for her i have been watchin my mouth, and i have willing adopted to other things that bumped heads with her religous views(which suprisingly hasnt been much)..but last night we had a tlak and she discovere she is not suppose to date me because i am not christia which means i follow satan and my family follows satan and we are evil peopel because we choice not to go to church or follow the bible to the T.an she doesnt want to leave me but she cant put god over me, which I completely understand but i dont understand why we cant date and get married(which we have discussed several times and we both want to marry each other)..due to the fact thati dont got to church and lack "faith'...i am a very spiritual person in the snse that i believe in god and jesus christ as my savior but i have other ways of expressing that love and connection for him and so does my parents, she we do read the bible at times and we even attempted church several times, but it never works out and we never get what we need from the church so we hae developed our own method of showing god we love him and understand that it is thru is gracefullness we are here. So i do not understand why just for the fact that i am not a "true christian"it is such a sin that we want to be together and experience the world together..i love this girl with everything i have to give, and we connect on a level in which i cna not put into words, but she is torn right now and i do not wanna see her like this so all day today i have ben reading up on this situtation and seen words like..Satin like, evil darkness, devilsh,decieving, i even seen a relatioship between a christian and a non christian referred to being equal to beastility since we are not of the same species. because people that dont follow christ are not of the same as those who do..it seems very discriminating towards people of different faiths..i mean even muslims allow the men to marry outside there religion but if ur a christian ur condemned to hell if u have a serious relationship with someone who is not..tonight to end her pain because i love her im tell her that it is over because i dont want her to bend her will for me and i do not think it is fair..im really rambling right now but she is my heart my soul we are intangled together forever, she is th eone and i do not wanna let her go...

Shekinahs · Feb 13, 2004

Well before I reply may I ask how old you and your girlfriend are? It's differnent if you are 13 or 16 or 20 or 30. So I just need to know the ages. :wave:

Lifesaver · Feb 13, 2004

I wish I could be of real help, but I can't.

But hey, if you really love her, don't break up.
And let her teach you her religion. You will see it's not as bad as it seems.

Spike~ · Feb 13, 2004

Well, I know you love this girl. I know the feeling. But, if she's questioning your relationship, and even considering ending simply because you don't go to church and aren't a "true Christian" (which, btw, is bs, since you have Christ in your heart, and that's all that counts), then, that kinda puts things in perspective for ya.

I would never date a girl, much less marry one that puts her dogma before me.

taedium · Feb 13, 2004

Spike~ said:
Well, I know you love this girl. I know the feeling. But, if she's questioning your relationship, and even considering ending simply because you don't go to church and aren't a "true Christian" (which, btw, is bs, since you have Christ in your heart, and that's all that counts), then, that kinda puts things in perspective for ya.

I would never date a girl, much less marry one that puts her dogma before me.

People consider different things important. It's pretty easy to see how someone could take religion as a criteria for a potential mate. There's a decent chance, from the religuous person's perspective, that the pagan or what-have-you will never convert to the 'true' religion, and thus not join them in 'heaven' for the enternity after the time on Earth. That their partner won't join them in heaven could be a point of sadness throught the relationship, and if you aren't going to be happy in the long-run, the relationship doesn't make sense.

jon1101 · Feb 13, 2004

If you've accepted Christ and trust and love him, then I think you're a Christian. In my view, Christianity hinges on one's view of Christ. So I'm not so sure your girlfriend is right in saying that you're not a Christian simply because your relationship with God is different than hers or different than "normal." From the sound of things, I don't think it would be a good idea to end the relationship over this. It sounds to me more like a chance for the two of you to grow together in your faiths and to understand that you love the same God, just in different ways. I suspect it be better for the two of you to try to understand and appreciate each other's relationship with God rather than to end the relationship over this disagreement.

-Jon

elderbell · Feb 13, 2004

What faith is she. I know that as a Latter-Day Saint, marrying someone that is not Mormon means that you cannot be sealed together as a family until that person is baptized. Not only that but it can cause strain on how a family is raised. There really is no unity in families like that and it is very easy for Satan to tear apart a family in that situation. If you truly do love God and believe in him then why do not want to follow his teachings and be obedient to the thing which he has placed before us. However, that is how some people are converted in this life, through marriage to someone with a faith in the church and the Restored Gospel. Plus, your not condemned to hell for marrying outside of your faith. But as a Mormon, if I marry someone that has no desire to follow the same path that I have, I cannot gain Eternal Life and dwell with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in the Celestial Kingdom. My progression stops and I would have only myself to blame. As much as it hurts, if you don't plan on following the same path as her religiously, how fare is it to her. I know if that was my situation and the girl didn't want to be a Mormon, and get married in the Temple...I couldn't be with her. As much as it might hurt, she wasn't meant to be my eternal companion because without joining the Church, being sealed for eternity isn't possible. And if you love someone enough to get married, wouldn't you want it for eternity and not "till death do us part!?" I hope I have shed a little light for you, because this is tough. You don't have to feel like you are alone...get down on your knees and ask God for some answers.

midnight star · Feb 13, 2004

Don't convert to her style of religion unless its something you truly believe in. If it feels wrong to you, then there is a probably a reason (and no, its not satan playing tricks). I can understand that you love her, and i wish you the best. But only she can decide what she wants to do. If she really feels like marrying you would be a sin, then part ways. You can't tie yourself to something you don't truly believe in. you'll end up just going through the motions, which is basically acting just to keep things cool. And if she says she's changed her mind, and that she is down with your style and the differences you have, make sure that she is sure, you don't want this coming up years down the road and causing problems.

Best of Luck my friend.
Blessed Be!

alliedone · Feb 14, 2004

Well....it does say in the Bible that you must be equally yoked to someone that you will marry or something like that, but you know God does things for a reason...

If I were you and really loved this girl, try to explain to her how you feel about the issue and tell her that maybe you are not ready for the church stuff. See, the point is with the verse I'm sure she's telling you is that there will be alot of problems if you don't follow the same faith [although to me, you're christian]. If you're a different religion, you have different customs and beliefs and things like that and that's why God wants us to be within the same faith. Other religions that say it's ok to marry out of your religion have their "rules" like the child will be raised to that religion, in Christianity, we don't have that. :angel:

In islam only the guy can marry outside of his religion, not the woman. For the Jews, the child is an automatic jewish child if born of the mother and so forth, so all the religions seem "discriminatory" if you put it that way, but you know there are certain rules you have to abide by in religion.

Anyway, just talk to her. Maybe visit her church like ONCE, but you should find your own church if you want or just seach up on God yourself. Better yet, you talk to Him and ask Him what you should do. You believe He's your personal saviour, let Him work through you. Seek and ye shall find, ask and it will be given to you. Good luck my friend. :wave:

Hezmasaveyour · Feb 14, 2004

When you say that you are not a Christian but you believe in Jesus as your Savior , what do you mean ?

1vision · Feb 15, 2004

Hi

well, just because u don't go 2 church does not mean you are a bad person, though going to church in the bible is advised 4 spiritual growth. I also understand that some churches concentrate on useless rituals rather thn helping people in their everyday life, and relating to people in a way that they can relate back. When in the bible it tals bout not marrying someone of a non- christian faith, it says that bcus, relationship is spiritual and a non- christain and a christain contradict each other. Which is not good when u are trying to excell in Christ, but your boy/girl friend is not of the same belief. Conflicts arise. How can she be faithful 2u thus your beliefs when she believes different?

And though u may not have been asking about this question, in relationships, though a couple may be connected through love (or whatever else) independance is needed, or else the two will drown each other.

From reading your post, it seems to me that u are dependant on her 4 many things, and that u feel like u need her to function. That does not create a healthy relationship. Just bcus u don't seek her on everything does not mean that u don't love her. What happens if you guys break up? (if u have not already). I think that u should be less dependant on her, and not let her totally form who u are, and what u do.

Charles Darwin · Feb 15, 2004

I personally would not stay with someone who was so strongly into religion. Having faith, going to church, doing church events... all fine. But when it means no "I do"'s simply b/c we dont believe/practice the same thats just too much. also- someone who would try to change me to suit them is troubling to me. Had that in one relationship so i ended that one rather quickly. My girlfriend now, while we disagree on things and come to a compromise, never tries to change my beliefs/thoughts or even how i dress (which would be somewhere between goth/punk). so to end a needlessly long post- talk to her about why she cant accept you the way you are. Tell her this is the person she fell in love with and nothing has changed. If she could fall in love with a "follower of satan" then apparently theres gotta be a lot of good in you.

ps- you could always fake it

Immanuel · Feb 16, 2004

Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry to hear that she wants to end her relationship with you. May God bless her because of her obedience to the Lord. This is not something that you would have to deal with. This is between you and God, and her and God. I dont know where your walk with God is and I dont know hers, but Do trust in the Lord that he has the perfect plan.

Even if the both of your are mature Christians and both on fire for God, it does not mean that for you to be together is in his plans. I have struggled with this. But if she is not in God's plan for you then you need to submit to God because he knows what you need and your heart's desires. He will provide more than you can imagine. Maybe this isn't the right time. I don't know, but first seek ye the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all those things shall be added onto you.

I know that you are hurt, but not harmed. If you are a Christian, you need not to worry, but restart your relationship with God. Allow him to be the lover of your heart and be fully content with him first. Jesus will NOT fail nor forsake you. He loves you and he loves your friend. Seek what God's plan is for you.

If you want to talk more. You can come to my church. It's located in Kew Gardens, Union Turpike in Queens, NY. I am not asking for you to come and commit, but I am asking you to come to see what God's plan for you and this person is. There are people there who can try and help you. Most importantly, do bring this before the Lord Jesus Christ who loves you and died for you.

Message me if you need anything. May the God of the universe bring upon you peace and guidiance in his righteousness.

Charles Darwin · Feb 16, 2004

Immanuel said:
Even if the both of your are mature Christians and both on fire for God, it does not mean that for you to be together is in his plans. I have struggled with this. But if she is not in God's plan for you then you need to submit to God because he knows what you need and your heart's desires. He will provide more than you can imagine. Maybe this isn't the right time. I don't know, but first seek ye the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all those things shall be added onto you.

Ive never liked this response to problems. It is too easy a way to explain problems. IMO, love between 2 humans is not something that god takes direct part in. The love of two people is between them alone, which is what makes it so special. He may intervene once married or if it turns sour (abusive relationship for example) but otherwise i think he gives us 100% free will in regard to love. Otherwise why does he allow good women to love abuses husbands?

Kira Faye · Feb 17, 2004

Would it hurt that much to go to church with her? It woudl be liek goign to a movie u disliek but she loves just to be together, what are your objections to going to her church and would that be enough for her?

Isaiah 53 · Feb 17, 2004

nycbeena said:
Im not a "christian" in the since that i do not go to church and do not know verses out of the bible...but im a dating a girl that is a born again christian as of 2 years.. and we are deeply in love and i really mean this i can not function without her, i need her opinion on things b4 i do them..we she hurts i hurt.when shes ahppy im happy.we have a very special conneciton there is even times when i just get the urge to do things for her liek send her a card just saying i love u for no reason, callin her tellin her i love her, and accordin to her it is always at times when she was upset at somethign or feeling down..we vibe off each other and push each other to be better at whateva we are doing at the moment..she will be in the 2004 summer games and i give her that extra push she needs when she feels like eating the double cheeseburger or buying that snickers bar. i am always there for her and do anythign for her...

I am from New york city queens to be exact so i had a sharp tongue and cursed at times without even realising it, she pointe it out to me and out of my love for her i have been watchin my mouth, and i have willing adopted to other things that bumped heads with her religous views(which suprisingly hasnt been much)..but last night we had a tlak and she discovere she is not suppose to date me because i am not christia which means i follow satan and my family follows satan and we are evil peopel because we choice not to go to church or follow the bible to the T.an she doesnt want to leave me but she cant put god over me, which I completely understand but i dont understand why we cant date and get married(which we have discussed several times and we both want to marry each other)..due to the fact thati dont got to church and lack "faith'...i am a very spiritual person in the snse that i believe in god and jesus christ as my savior but i have other ways of expressing that love and connection for him and so does my parents, she we do read the bible at times and we even attempted church several times, but it never works out and we never get what we need from the church so we hae developed our own method of showing god we love him and understand that it is thru is gracefullness we are here. So i do not understand why just for the fact that i am not a "true christian"it is such a sin that we want to be together and experience the world together..i love this girl with everything i have to give, and we connect on a level in which i cna not put into words, but she is torn right now and i do not wanna see her like this so all day today i have ben reading up on this situtation and seen words like..Satin like, evil darkness, devilsh,decieving, i even seen a relatioship between a christian and a non christian referred to being equal to beastility since we are not of the same species. because people that dont follow christ are not of the same as those who do..it seems very discriminating towards people of different faiths..i mean even muslims allow the men to marry outside there religion but if ur a christian ur condemned to hell if u have a serious relationship with someone who is not..tonight to end her pain because i love her im tell her that it is over because i dont want her to bend her will for me and i do not think it is fair..im really rambling right now but she is my heart my soul we are intangled together forever, she is th eone and i do not wanna let her go...

You said something that really struck a cord with me, you said you Love Jesus Christ and follow Him as Lord and Savior. My friend if that is true, you are a Christian. Going to church does not make you a Christian any more than going in your garage makes you a car. It is about the relationship you have with our Lord.

Church is important because we need to fellowship with other believers to be able to grow in our faith, but it is not contingent upon our Salvation. Yes, as Christians we are taught to be equally yolked with fellow believers. That is as a Christian man I should marry a Christian woman, lest she lead me away from the faith. (Solomon).

PEACE IN CHRIST!!!

I really really need help

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