Dont exactly know what to call this...

Hey Tink
I noticed you're from the UK. What Christian event did you go to?
I don't know what advice to give you, I find it hard to stay sorted myself sometimes.
PM me anytime if you want to chat, I love listening.

u don't need an illness to feel down. sometimes events in our life will bring us down. its a normal reaction. its ok, that doesn't make u attention seeking.

I'm not a big fan of "churchy" stuff myself. Sometimes the stereotypical christianity starts to suffocate me and I feel like I'm breaking out in hives and that I need to scream. This in no way means that I'm not a christian or that I don't love God with all my heart, I'm just not like most of the stereotypical christians I know....One thing that helped me, was that I used to feel, for a long time, that I was so unworthy of God's love to the point that I couldn't understand why He made me in the first place. I mean I've sinned so much, I've done sooooo many bad things, why would He continue to love me? But then I started to notice that He was still blessing me with little things (even though I'm depressed, I can still recognize when good things happen to me); EVEN when I was just so unbelievably despicable. I still struggle with the why am I still alives, what am I doing and where am I going, I guess what I'm trying to say, is that all the s**t that I've gone through mentally has helped me to see that God is my bestfriend. I don't know what I would have done without Him, or actually I do know......

If I was to guess, and this is a guess, I would say that something happened at that church event that God convicted you of, perhaps some sin in your life, that God is dealing with you that you need to confess to Him.

Even if that is not it, regardless, I would go to God in prayer and seek out what it is. You will never feel ok, util you have peace between you and God.

What if you read the Bible, does that turn you off too?

Hi Tink, just ask the Lord to give wisdom & to show you clearly what is wrong. He will show you. I pray for u too. I have been through some of what you have gone/ are going through.

Tinka_Belle said:

I seem to shut churchy stuff out, like if im in church i cannot take the words in because im scared they might affect me, and if i do open my mind the slightest i get so upset.

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This may sound a bit cryptic but God may be protecting you.

Tinka_Belle said:

I also feel that i need an ilness or something, a reason to feel this down, which i know isnt normal.

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I understand this! I have the same feeling sometimes, of wanting to be some kind of casualty case to justify how I feel.

You can PM me, only if you want to, don‘t feel pressured: I have more I want to share with you. I think it’s quite important but not something I want to go into on the boards. Ok chicken?

Bless you little sis in Christ!

Garcookie

Have you prayed the prayer in Romans 10.8-11 to ask Jesus to come in your heart ?
If not ..... read aloud :

Heavenly father , you said to remind you of your words ( Isaiah 43.26 ) ; you said if I admid that my life is a mess and I have done what I should not do , and ran from what I should do , you would forgive me ( 1 Jn. 8.9 ) ;

that if I would humble myself before you , you would reinstate me ( 2 chronicles 7.14 ) ; as I remind my earthly parents of their promises toward me ;Father it is written that my salvation is tied up in my words and my walk before you ;

Father it is written that if I speak with my mouth and believe in my heart , your love for me , that that love ( Jesus ) took my shame , carried my cross , suffered for my life , took stripes for my sickness and sorrow , and died for my sins , I will be save ( reconciled , adopted , and restored ) . Father God , I wish Jesus to come into my heart and be my personal lord and savior right now ...

open my eyes that I might see you in all men , open my ears that I might hear your voice , open my heart that I might believe your words ....

I make a decision to attend service and contribute to the church I attend ; I decide to read my bible every day starting in the book of John , then Ephesians , then collosians and the epistles , the rest of the gospels , reveleation , and the old covenant ;

to strive to start afresh each day , to look for you in all things , to treat others as if you were beside me ...
in Jesus name I pray , amen.

Specifically, what kinds of things are you afraid of that will happen? If you don't mind asking, that is. I'll be back to post more later, but I just wanted to try and understand a little better first.

God always loves you, He DIED to be with you Grace to you. God Bless

Tink,

I never saw it if you've already stated this, but I have to ask, have you ever been saved? Have you ever asked Jesus Christ to be your savior? I ask because you remind me of a lady who I used to go to church with. One day at an altar call she went forward and got saved. She was in her 50s, and said she'd been a Christian her whole life, but she'd never been saved.

If you're saved, then I have to ask this. What's your prayer life like? Do you talk to Jesus? Or do you just pray some dry old prayer because you're supposed to?

I firmly believe that you already know the answer to the question you've asked here, but you don't want to admit that's really the answer. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but that's the vibe I get.

Just know that Jesus doesn't condemn, Jesus loves you more than you can even imagine, so much that He died in agony on a cross to be your savior. He is real, and maybe you don't feel worthy of that love, but it is real. The best thing we can do for Him is to accept His love with humilty and serve Him as best we can.

It sounds to me like you're at a wonderful crossroads, although I know it doesn't *feel* wonderful.

Here's what I mean-it sounds like you're at the part where you want to embrace CHristiantiy and you understand this means a full life change. But change can be scary. And what all will this mean? What will you have to give up? Probably inside you feel challenged to do this, but you're afraid of what you do not know.

Trust me-the adventure is sweet and satisfying. It will fill you with joy. You may not know what is in the future, but God does, and He'll take you in a much better direction than you had for yourself. Any sacrifice you make will be repaid many times with joy and blessing.

This is not to say there will never be hardship or pain. There always is. But when that happens, you will have the comfort of knowing it is for something good.

I say, take the challenge, don't look back, just rush right in. You'll be glad you did.

It's important to be connected and have a support base. Do you have this yet? PM me if you like.

Blessings,
Whitehorse