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Recent content by JohnNess

  1. J

    Submission in marriage and domestic violence

    I don't know if there are two terms more misunderstood and misapplied in the church than leadership and submission. Leadership has nothing to do with berating or beating one's wife; submission has nothing to do with cowering in fear of the husband but staying with him. Instead of doing away...
  2. J

    How much intimacy is too much intimacy?

    It sounds like you have an important choice: your faith or your personal pleasure. I know sex is awesome and if, God forbid, something were to happen to my wife, I would find it extremely difficult to hold off until marriage once I started dating again. That said, dating someone who isn't a...
  3. J

    Dating Long Distance help!

    When my wife and I became "official", I kissed her. I'd dated a little bit, so I'd kissed a few girls, but it was her first dating kiss ever. Over the next few days, I wanted to kiss her quite a lot, and it got to be too much for her. She told me she was new to this and just wanted to slow down...
  4. J

    How much intimacy is too much intimacy?

    My wife and I, when we were dating, made a list in a notebook of all the touches we'd tried. Anything from handholding to making out to hotter stuff like neck-biting. We each rated all of these by how turned on they made us, with three categories: OK as much as we want (such as handholding), OK...
  5. J

    Work, eat, sleep, repeat

    It may be impertinent, but if he commutes so much further, it would seem you have a couple hours a day or more at home without him. Perhaps once or twice a week, you could try to do some of the chores (it seems like a long time for two people to be working around the house every single day...
  6. J

    How do I handle the hurt from a lie?

    Trust is a tricky thing: takes years to build, seconds to destroy. Was it perhaps wrong of you to keep wanting to check up on him? If you had no real evidence that anything was going on, then yes. Yet it doesn't seem he was quite the open book you thought he was. It would seem his behavior is...
  7. J

    Why I cannot get into a Relationship

    I think there are two parts to this: 1. As a guy, this is something we really have a hard time not doing. We're very visual creatures and for us, sexual attraction has little to do with emotional connection. That's not a good or a bad thing; it's simply how we are. For us, a fair deal of the...
  8. J

    Help!!

    Please, please, please don't get an abortion! That child in you is beloved by God and is entirely innocent in what's happening between you and him.
  9. J

    How do I pursue a woman I met online?

    I pushed away the best match I'd had in my life (until that point, anyway) by pushing her to choose between me and another guy she was dating. Coincidentally, she was also about 4 hours away. While it worked out for both of us (she ended up marrying that guy and I found an even better match in...
  10. J

    Should I stay in this relationship?

    I know firsthand how easy it is to prioritize someone else to the extent that even my relationship with God is secondary. I know how wonderful a relationship can be...but I also know how empty it can leave you when you feel you aren't good enough for that person or when things fall apart. For...
  11. J

    Not sure of what I should do...

    ^Exactly. Try meeting someone at church or just join a group that has the same interests as you, whether that's hiking, photography, board games, whatever. You could also join an online dating site. It doesn't sound like he's interested in you for you, but rather for the attention. If you want...
  12. J

    Relationship, mistakes and church.

    The good news is that people will stop talking about this once some other bit of gossip comes up; the bad news is that the church is full of people who love gossip. This issue is really between you, her, and God, and it sounds like a lot of prayer and repentance have been involved. It's...
  13. J

    does this happen usually after marriage?

    I'm ok with my wife having male friends and she's ok with my having female friends, but we just don't feel any need to talk to them much anymore. Our friendship is so deep and satisfying (and our lives busy otherwise) that we don't communicate often with our friends, even those of the same...
  14. J

    Please help!

    From personal experience, I'm not sure I agree with getting engaged yet. My wife and I were virgins until our wedding night. That wait was one of the hardest things we ever had to do, but it was worth it, knowing we honored God and each other and can tell our future children how rewarding sex in...
  15. J

    Do women want sex as much as men?

    I haven't read all the posts, but one thing I'd add is that sexual desire is a much simpler equation for men than for women. For men, testosterone levels are directly linked to sex. We also need someone we enjoy looking at. Finally, we need someone who wants to have sex with us. That's about it...
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