Would you marry a woman who was a former stripper or X-rated star if she turned into a Christian ?

[Godcrazy]

So that, more or less, is what I'm getting at. The other poster passionately disagrees.

I think it says itself, love does not run over anyone

 

[bèlla]

Still, it is a bit of an over generalization though to think that a certain class of people and their negative characteristics apply to all individuals equally.

It is equally unwise to ignore the risks and consequences of the behaviors cited and pretend they’re not an issue. Or does that make you uncomfortable? Are you unwilling to face what men really think or hope they don’t represent the majority? There’s little difference in the two.

I might argue that the conditions in a poor nation have women make choices that are different from those in the USA or a Western nation.

It doesn’t change what she is in society’s eyes. Most men aren’t reared to regard harlots favorably or marry them. And circumstances don’t change that. It’s a huge ask and when you’re citing examples look at the other parts.

How old are the men who usually accept them? What was their dating or marital circumstances beforehand? Were women responding to them at all or were they on the sidelines? Men with options don’t select women like that as a spouse. The majority want the best they can get.

When you see big allowances there’s usually a reason. He’s been single for a long time with no nibbles; has challenges that lessen his appeal with the opposite sex; his resources are smaller than desired or his prospects are poor. Faith is rarely the lone motivation.

~bella

 

[Godcrazy]

It is equally unwise to ignore the risks and consequences of the behaviors cited and pretend they’re not an issue. Or does that make you uncomfortable? Are you unwilling to face what men really think or hope they don’t represent the majority? There’s little difference in the two.



It doesn’t change what she is in society’s eyes. Most men aren’t reared to regard harlots favorably or marry them. And circumstances don’t change that. It’s a huge ask and when you’re citing examples look at the other parts.

How old are the men who usually accept them? What was their dating or marital circumstances beforehand? Were women responding to them at all or were they on the sidelines? Men with options don’t select women like that as a spouse. The majority want the best they can get.

When you see big allowances there’s usually a reason. He’s been single for a long time with no nibbles; has challenges that lessen his appeal with the opposite sex; his resources are smaller than desired or his prospects are poor. Faith is rarely the lone motivation.

~bella

I still think what Jesus thinks should be the main line not our own prejudices and judgements.
Jesus clearly forgave it all. so should we

 

[bèlla]

I still think what Jesus thinks should be the main line not our own prejudices and judgements.
Jesus clearly forgave it all. so should we

Would you marry a murderer or pedophile? If you wouldn’t it doesn’t make you hateful. Sin has unpleasant consequences and promiscuity brings many diseases. Could you live with something incurable? There’s many practical concerns one should take into account beforehand.

~bella

 

[Tropical Wilds]

It is equally unwise to ignore the risks and consequences of the behaviors cited and pretend they’re not an issue. Or does that make you uncomfortable? Are you unwilling to face what men really think or hope they don’t represent the majority? There’s little difference in the two.



It doesn’t change what she is in society’s eyes. Most men aren’t reared to regard harlots favorably or marry them. And circumstances don’t change that. It’s a huge ask and when you’re citing examples look at the other parts.

How old are the men who usually accept them? What was their dating or marital circumstances beforehand? Were women responding to them at all or were they on the sidelines? Men with options don’t select women like that as a spouse. The majority want the best they can get.

When you see big allowances there’s usually a reason. He’s been single for a long time with no nibbles; has challenges that lessen his appeal with the opposite sex; his resources are smaller than desired or his prospects are poor. Faith is rarely the lone motivation.

~bella

A woman's body count is still a big deal for some guys, but for at least as many, they simply don't care. It's not the deal-breaking crime it has been in generations past, especially when a religion that doesn't emphasize purity culture isn't in play. Granted it's been awhile since I was dating, but even back then the number of people who cared enough to make it a big deal were few and far between. My husband certainly didn't care.

The problem comes up when it's sex work because that denotes a stance on ethics regarding sexual culture for profit which is different with different considerations than simply a body count.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Would you marry a murderer or pedophile? If you wouldn’t it doesn’t make you hateful. Sin has unpleasant consequences and promiscuity brings many diseases. Could you live with something incurable? There’s many practical concerns one should take into account beforehand.

~bella

Forgiving somebody and marrying them are two wildly different things.

 

[Godcrazy]

Would you marry a murderer or pedophile? If you wouldn’t it doesn’t make you hateful. Sin has unpleasant consequences and promiscuity brings many diseases. Could you live with something incurable? There’s many practical concerns one should take into account beforehand.

~bella

If they clearly had turned away from their sins and chose God I would not have a problem. And I would also make sure they got all help they needed.

 

[bèlla]

A woman's body count is still a big deal for some guys, but for at least as many, they simply don't care. It's not the deal-breaking crime it has been in generations past, especially when a religion that doesn't emphasize purity culture isn't in play. Granted it's been awhile since I was dating, but even back then the number of people who cared enough to make it a big deal were few and far between. My husband certainly didn't care.

Body count is probably the biggest talking point in the gender wars outside of feminism. If you google the term you’ll see a litany of posts on all social media platforms along with 304. It didn’t get a lot of press until the war began and the gloves came off. It was primarily a topic discussed in the manosphere but that’s no longer the case.

The problem comes up when it's sex work because that denotes a stance on ethics regarding sexual culture for profit which is different with different considerations than simply a body count.

They’re not one and the same and while similar risks exist accepting money in exchange for sex as your livelihood is a greater leap morally.

~bella

 

[bèlla]

If they clearly had turned away from their sins and chose God I would not have a problem. And I would also make sure they got all help they needed.

Were you in the habit of dating men with sins along these lines? In my experience, women who prioritized men with character and attentiveness (to their future) don’t typically cross paths with people like that and nor is she the target.

~bella

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Body count is probably the biggest talking point in the gender wars outside of feminism. If you google the term you’ll see a litany of posts on all social media platforms along with 304. It didn’t get a lot of press until the war began and the gloves came off. It was primarily a topic discussed in the manosphere but that’s no longer the case.

It may be a fixation for certain people on the internet that gets a lot of chatter, but in the real dating world? Not so much. In the purity culture circles, sure, but in the general population? Nah.

It gets a lot of talk in a very specific section of the "manosphere," but it's not a section that women in general are hoping to appeal to. That section also has demands that are incongruous with what people would ask for in a balanced, healthy relationship. They are disproportionately vocal when compared to the small number of people who actually take that whole "to be a man you must be a toxic man" thing seriously. It's like saying what people jabber about on Reddit reflects society.

They’re not one and the same and while similar risks exist accepting money in exchange for sex as your livelihood is a greater leap morally.

~bella

I didn't say they were one and the same. I specifically said that body count and sex work were two different topics. A person who doesn't care about body count may care very much about sex work because of the different ethical and moral considerations.

 

[Godcrazy]

Were you in the habit of dating men with sins along these lines? In my experience, women who prioritized men with character and attentiveness (to their future) don’t typically cross paths with people like that and nor is she the target.

~bella

No, but I have heard stories about people that have committed crimes like these that turned to Jesus and transformed their lives, born again and stopped the crimes. And met another that became their spouse that was also christian, and they could see in all their ways how they had changed. God reminded me just that if someone is born again, they cannot continue in the same sins they did previously. I am not talking about general sins here but live like they used to. That they change.

 

[bèlla]

It gets a lot of talk in a very specific section of the "manosphere," but it's not a section that women in general are hoping to appeal to. That section also has demands that are incongruous with what people would ask for in a balanced, healthy relationship. They are disproportionately vocal when compared to the small number of people who actually take that whole "to be a man you must be a toxic man" thing seriously. It's like saying what people jabber about on Reddit reflects society.

The culture has changed a lot since you were dating. I don’t know how long you’ve been married but we discuss this frequently in the singles forum and have done so for years. 2019 was the last hurrah for normalcy before everything went haywire. If you believe those ideals are wholly within the manosphere you’re misinformed. And many of the things people complain about in this realm are happening outside of it. Most singles are on the internet and meet their suitors that way including Christians. Very few do the same within the church.

~bella

 

[Godcrazy]

Were you in the habit of dating men with sins along these lines? In my experience, women who prioritized men with character and attentiveness (to their future) don’t typically cross paths with people like that and nor is she the target.

~bella

"in habit of", "don`t typically cross paths"- I am talking about those born again that clearly made a change of heart towards God, that do not continue in their previous sins because they are born again. I am not talking about those that are not born again

 

[FaithT]

Me? I'm already married, and I'm not attracted to women, so that's a no for me.

You? You have to decide for yourself, looking honestly inside yourself, whether it's going to bother you that your potential spouse has had other partners, and that they've done sex work for money. If 5, 10, 20 years into the marriage, you're still going to be holding it against them, then don't waste their time, and move on to someone else. Or, if you're a virgin, and it matters to you that your partner is also a virgin, then you may want to date someone else. On the other hand, if you've both had multiple partners before, you might be able to commit to one another "from this day forward" and make it work. So, being honest with yourself, does your partner's past as a sex worker bother you, or not, and how much?

I’m a married woman so I don’t really have a dog in this fight but if I were a single man, no, I would not.

 

[Godcrazy]

The culture has changed a lot since you were dating. I don’t know how long you’ve been married but we discuss this frequently in the singles forum and have done so for years. 2019 was the last hurrah for normalcy before everything went haywire. If you believe those ideals are wholly within the manosphere you’re misinformed. And many of the things people complain about in this realm are happening outside of it. Most singles are on the internet and meet their suitors that way including Christians. Very few do the same within the church.

~bella

Not to bash but I have met plenty of christian MEN who did A LOT of things they "shouldn`t do" including sex before marriage, drinking, lying about dating others, go behind back you name it.
It is not that many are holier than those outside.
BUT there is a huge difference if one TRULY IS born again. You CANNOT continue in your ways.

 

[Godcrazy]

I’m a married woman so I don’t really have a dog in this fight but if I were a single man, no, I would not.

You change when you are born again. You simply cannot do the same things to the same extent you did before you were saved. If you do, you are in bondage of sorts and need deliverance. Sure you still sin by all means, but it is not as it used to be and you cannot just live in it. It is a big difference. So we cannot judge someone on whom they were previous. And God does not do that either. Or want us to. The love of God changes people, and it changes us.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

The culture has changed a lot since you were dating. I don’t know how long you’ve been married but we discuss this frequently in the singles forum and have done so for years.

But that falls under the purity culture thing that I mentioned. The singles forum is aligned to a forum that will attract more people who believe in purity culture than don't.

I haven't dated in awhile, but I've got kids of dating age who are actively dating and plenty of single friends and family members. An overwhelming majority don't care. The maybe 10% who do fall under "purity culture" or that thing that rhymes with the processors that are put inside of computers. The things they're looking for are defining characteristics unrelated to sexual history.

2019 was the last hurrah for normalcy before everything went haywire. If you believe those ideals are wholly within the manosphere you’re misinformed. And many of the things people complain about in this realm are happening outside of it. Most singles are on the internet and meet their suitors that way including Christians. Very few do the same within the church.

~bella

I didn't say they're wholly within the mesosphere... I said they pop up in purity culture settings and areas that appeal to a certain type of men, but not the majority. Most people accept that their partner has had multiple partners, likely a thoroughly average number, and that's part of life. As time goes on and the relationship goes on, the number of people they've been with previously matters less and less.

Exception being sex work, for the reasons mentioned.

 

[bèlla]

No, but I have heard stories about people that have committed crimes like these that turned to Jesus and transformed their lives, born again and stopped the crimes. And met another that became their spouse that was also christian, and they could see in all their ways how they had changed. God reminded me just that if someone is born again, they cannot continue in the same sins they did previously. I am not talking about general sins here but live like they used to. That they change.

A story doesn’t mirror your experiences or morality. I posed the question for a reason. It’s easy to say what you’d do in a discussion but you’ve never put yourself in a position to test the theory. It’s a major leap.

While I’ve never dated a criminal I’ve had someone with that background express interest in me who’d come to faith. I was glad he turned his life around but there was no way I’d consider him for companionship or put that example before my daughter. There‘s too many men who love the Lord with a moral compass to consider someone who lacked it. I would never do it.

~bella

 

[Godcrazy]

But that falls under the purity culture thing that I mentioned. The singles forum is aligned to a forum that will attract more people who believe in purity culture than don't.

I haven't dated in awhile, but I've got kids of dating age who are actively dating and plenty of single friends and family members. An overwhelming majority don't care. The maybe 10% who do fall under "purity culture" or that thing that rhymes with the processors that are put inside of computers. The things they're looking for are defining characteristics unrelated to sexual history.


I didn't say they're wholly within the mesosphere... I said they pop up in purity culture settings and areas that appeal to a certain type of men, but not the majority. Most people accept that their partner has had multiple partners, likely a thoroughly average number, and that's part of life. As time goes on and the relationship goes on, the number of people they've been with previously matters less and less.

Exception being sex work, for the reasons mentioned.

The love from God within and the love you feel inside from God to another is bigger than any judgements or prejudices you have about someone`s past. The only thing you care about is that they are truly born again and their relationship with God. You change, when you are born again

 

[lismore]

Faith is rarely the lone motivation.

Maybe you're right. Sadly I think that today faith is increasingly rarely any sort of motivation.

"When the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:8)

No, he'll find Christians chasing all the other stuff. God Bless.