Wife getting massages

[comana]

"Yes" to the first. "No" to the second.

Husbands are their wives' protectors. A husband would be naive and irresponsible to at least not make inquiries. Concupiscence is a fact; a "professional license" does not suspend one from that fact. As described, his wife and the masseur are physically intimate. In such intimacy, lust often raises its ugly head.

It is not his wife that the husband suspects of possible impropriety but the masseur. Vetting the masseur is his obligation. If his vetting process still leaves him uncomfortable with the masseur, then he may IMO passively confront the masseur with his presence during the session. A loving wife would/should understand.

All of this post is very unsettling. He is not her protector. That’s just overly parental and she is an adult. If she felt uncomfortable with this male masseuse, if she felt threatened, if she thought at any time he would molest her, she wouldn’t use his service. I’m sure she is going to feel more uncomfortable with her husband lurking around her massage session. Very gross and controlling behavior to suggest. If he can’t trust her then they are better off apart.

 

[o_mlly]

All of this post is very unsettling. He is not her protector. That’s just overly parental and she is an adult. If she felt uncomfortable with this male masseuse, if she felt threatened, if she thought at any time he would molest her, she wouldn’t use his service. I’m sure she is going to feel more uncomfortable with her husband lurking around her massage session. Very gross and controlling behavior to suggest. If he can’t trust her then they are better off apart.

Pretty naive post. See: 1 Peter 3:7. Ephesians 5:22. Matthew 5:28. Christians believe that marital partners each have a responsibility, one to the other, to actively work toward their partner's salvation; to be His instrument in avoiding temptations. See: 1 Cor 10:13.

But as a liberal non-believer, I suppose the new ideas of feminizing the "toxic" male you likely may find appealing.

 

[Desk trauma]

"Yes" to the first. "No" to the second.

Husbands are their wives' protectors. A husband would be naive and irresponsible to at least not make inquiries. Concupiscence is a fact; a "professional license" does not suspend one from that fact. As described, his wife and the masseur are physically intimate. In such intimacy, lust often raises its ugly head.

It is not his wife that the husband suspects of possible impropriety but the masseur. Vetting the masseur is his obligation. If his vetting process still leaves him uncomfortable with the masseur, then he may IMO passively confront the masseur with his presence during the session. A loving wife would/should understand.

Does the wife get to similar vetting powers over the husband’s activities?

 

[o_mlly]

Does the wife get to similar vetting powers over the husband’s activities?

Vetting responsibility? As his helper, yes. See: Genesis 2:18.

 

[Desk trauma]

Vetting responsibility? As his helper, yes. See: Genesis 2:18.

Including barging in and making a scene privileges?

 

[o_mlly]

Including barging in and making a scene privileges?

? The process of vetting does not involve violent acts. If you are married, did you not vet your wife non-violently before proposing? If you had hiring responsibilities in your career, did you non-violently vet candidates before offering employment?

 

[Desk trauma]

? The process of vetting does not involve violent acts.

I was talking about when the vetting doesn’t assuage your desire for control and you insist on inserting yourself into the situation to “nonviolently confront” people. Wife get to do that too?

If you are married, did you not vet your wife non-violently before proposing?

I did, it involved finding a partner I trusted who was an adult capable of determining her own comfort level in situations without me looking over their shoulder.

 

[BCP1928]

Pretty naive post. See: 1 Peter 3:7. Ephesians 5:22. Matthew 5:28. Christians believe that marital partners each have a responsibility, one to the other, to actively work toward their partner's salvation; to be His instrument in avoiding temptations. See: 1 Cor 10:13.

But as a liberal non-believer, I suppose the new ideas of feminizing the "toxic" male you likely may find appealing.

If that's what you mean by "feminizing" then, as a believer, I find it appealing as well.

 

[o_mlly]

I was talking about when the vetting doesn’t assuage your desire for control and you insist on inserting yourself into the situation ...

Who wrote that the OP or me has a desire to control?

I did, it involved finding a partner I trusted who was an adult capable of determining her own comfort level in situations without me looking over their shoulder.

Exactly how did you come to trust her? The answer is vetting or its synonyms.

 

[Desk trauma]

Who wrote that the OP or me has a desire to control?

It’s the conclusion I reached from reading your posts.

Now, does wifey get to insert themselves and nonviolently confront people or is that just a husband thing?

 

[o_mlly]

If that's what you mean by "feminizing" then, as a believer, I find it appealing as well.

As a believer in whatever "Other Religions" may be, good for you. At your age, it could be possible that you may remember Jonathon Winters and his character Maude Frickert and the sketch titled, "The Shy Guy Returns a Toaster".

 

[o_mlly]

It’s the conclusion I reached from reading your posts.

False conclusion.

Now, does wifey get to insert themselves and nonviolently confront people or is that just a husband thing?

In consultation with her husband who is not a milk toast, Yes. If he is a milk toast then find someone to man-him-up.

 

[Ana the Ist]

He states it’s a private room, which is the norm at any massage studio, spa, or gym.

He also stated he believed it was in a "spa-like" setting....which it isn't.

I agree that private rooms are the norm in a spa....which is why that's unlikely the situation he's concerned about. It's not a spa or place with other people.

 

[Desk trauma]

In consultation with her husband who is not a milk toast, Yes. If he is a milk toast then find someone to man-him-up.

No idea what that’s supposed to mean.

 

[o_mlly]

No idea what that’s supposed to mean.

Just what it says.

 

[Desk trauma]

Just what it says.

Still no idea what that is.

She gets to com glower if he’s soft? But if he’s soft she needs to get him to toughen up? bueller?

 

[comana]

Pretty naive post. See: 1 Peter 3:7. Ephesians 5:22. Matthew 5:28. Christians believe that marital partners each have a responsibility, one to the other, to actively work toward their partner's salvation; to be His instrument in avoiding temptations. See: 1 Cor 10:13.

But as a liberal non-believer, I suppose the new ideas of feminizing the "toxic" male you likely may find appealing.

Well no. I don’t use the term feminine as a negative description so I wouldn’t use it to describe a man as an insult. My husband doesn’t insert himself into “me time”, whatever that may be. He trusts me to make an adult decision without needing to approve first.

 

[comana]

He also stated he believed it was in a "spa-like" setting....which it isn't.

I agree that private rooms are the norm in a spa....which is why that's unlikely the situation he's concerned about. It's not a spa or place with other people.

That’s not how I read it at all.

 

[BNR32FAN]

My wife has been going for massages for many years. I always assumed it was a spa setting with multiple people in the room. Turns out she is alone with a man for 50 minutes, door closed and shades drawn, covered by a sheet except for the body part being massaged, wearing only her bikini briefs, massage oil, everything except her bikini area and breasts are fair game for his hands directly on her skin. He is a licensed "massage therapist" and I have been assured it is completely non-sexual, just for relaxation and, as needed, working out a stiff back or sore neck, that sort of thing. This has me upset. I feel like I should have been told years ago exactly what the circumstances were. Does this make anyone else uncomfortable? Am I just too insecure? I don't believe it will lead to any actual impropriety or infidelity, but I don't like the idea of another man running his hands all over her feet, legs, thighs, shoulders etc. in private using massage oils. Thoughts?

This is something you should be doing yourself. Yes it’s definitely something that you should not be expected to be comfortable with and shouldn’t be expected to allow to continue. But the best way to approach the situation might be just to say you’re not comfortable with it and that you would rather do it yourself so that she doesn’t have to have someone else do it.

 

[BNR32FAN]

My wife goes to a massage therapist, and I don't have the skills they have to relax her muscles and ease her pain. If you want to be the only one to touch your wife's body, I would recommend starting by learning how to be a massage therapist.

But honestly, this is more you being insecure and not trusting her.

So you don’t see a problem with a guy rubbing oil on her breasts? Nah that’s a huge problem.