(Soul Searching) Realizing what I look for in a Godly woman

[TheRisingSun]

OK, I've posted here before venting about what I look for in an SO. I'm on Twitter--not X--a lot, and the kind of woman I see being hyped up in Christian circles a lot is feminine, soft, delicate (physically), wants lots of kids, is a good cook, and complementarian. But what my heart craves, as an egalitarian man, is different. But to summarize, the last thing I'm looking for is femininity. I have no interest in a "girly girl", for lack of better terms.





What makes a woman attractive to me is masculinity; Masculine energy, masculine traits. Strength, especially physical, gets my attention. Courage (acting in spite of being afraid) and bravery (outright lacking fear) are attractive to me. A capacity for violence (fighting, hunting, killing). Protectiveness and self-sacrifice; Willingness to risk life and limb for the sake of others. Stoicism. Rationale. Assertive. And generally, being a tomboy.





Something that @timewerx bought up is that I was thinking from a more worldy perspective. Christian men AND women are both expected to be courageous, gentle, peacemakers, self-sacrificing, empathetic, and loving. And admittedly, @timewerx was right. And someone who I've spoken to before (@bèlla ) advised me to do a little soul-searching on why my preferences are what they are.





Honestly, half of it is because I just have a lot of respect for women who are like that--Strong, capable, masculine. I can appreciate a girl who can be one of the guys. But the other half of it is I'm not even close to a masculine man. Strong, courageous, brave, a leader, heroic. All of these are things that I am NOT. In fact, a woman who's physically strong and capable especially makes my heartbeat sound like a UK Drill beat because I'm not strong and capable. Unless I have a firearm, I'd be a terrible protector. So a woman who can be MY knight in shining armor, MY protector, MY hero is wife material. Which may be why I find hunters, police officers, soldiers, and martial artists attractive.





As a man, I'm artistic, poetic, sensitive, and generally more on the feminine side. So this isn't just about me having a female friend who's one of my bros. If I find an SO, someone to love and have a legacy with, I need her to be a masculine force to balance me out. I'd do a terrible job at that, so I need someone who's better than me at it. So, @bèlla, you're kinda right about me lacking in this area.





@com7fy8, another commenter from a previous post, said that I shouldn't focus so much on preferences, as I am spiritually immature. That I need to relate to fellow Christians more and grow spiritually, and that once I do, my preferences could change over time.


What do you think?

 

[timf]

You may not want to hear that your preoccupation seems to have a heavy combination of self-focus and worldly perspective. This can be harmful for a Christian. We are all born as selfish infants and completely ignorant. God designed human life such that we are almost forced to surrender our selfishness when we marry and become parents.

The consideration of qualities to see in a prospective mate often reflect cultural values such as attractiveness or popularity for those that are younger. As one ages, more practical qualities become more important such as kindness, love of the Lord, humor, compassion, diligence, honesty, etc.

The idea of equality is a social construct and at best useless. Husbands and wives have different roles in a marriage and the reality of family life often makes philosophical opinions seem irrelevant. Who should do what seems insignificant when parents are trying to think how they can pay for the unexpected expense of the deductible for their child's appendix operation. Surviving daily life tends to make worldly philosophies supercilious.

If one approaches dating as a consumer looking for a product, one may not sufficiently able to surrender their selfishness to offer real (selfless) Christian love (1Cor 13:4-7). Things of lasting value are humility, truth, and love. Make an investment in these.

 

[TheRisingSun]

You may not want to hear that your preoccupation seems to have a heavy combination of self-focus and worldly perspective. This can be harmful for a Christian. We are all born as selfish infants and completely ignorant. God designed human life such that we are almost forced to surrender our selfishness when we marry and become parents.

The consideration of qualities to see in a prospective mate often reflect cultural values such as attractiveness or popularity for those that are younger. As one ages, more practical qualities become more important such as kindness, love of the Lord, humor, compassion, diligence, honesty, etc.

The idea of equality is a social construct and at best useless. Husbands and wives have different roles in a marriage and the reality of family life often makes philosophical opinions seem irrelevant. Who should do what seems insignificant when parents are trying to think how they can pay for the unexpected expense of the deductible for their child's appendix operation. Surviving daily life tends to make worldly philosophies supercilious.

If one approaches dating as a consumer looking for a product, one may not sufficiently able to surrender their selfishness to offer real (selfless) Christian love (1Cor 13:4-7). Things of lasting value are humility, truth, and love. Make an investment in these.

So just focus more on virtues. Anything else?

 

[com7fy8]

So just focus more on virtues. Anything else?

Well, all of us need humility and to be all-loving. And be able to relate with *mutual* submission, I would say, going by Ephesians 5:21 >

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

So, we need submissiveness in our character, not only putting on an act of being submissive. And first be submissive to God, so He can guide how you are submissive with people . . . not giving in to wrong people and incorrect influence, but being submissive how God has us being submissive, and discovering how He guides us in our relating. And He guides you to discover whom you belong with. And you will be satisfied, even if she is the exact opposite of what you like . . . but she is humble and compassionate and ***helps you*** to become more like Jesus is pleasing to God and all-loving and able to relate as family in *mutual* submission.

This is a major basic, I would say . . . if and how you help one another to truly grow in Jesus and how He has us loving one another as His family while also reaching with love to any and all people . . . so we can minister for Satan's children to be turned "from the power of Satan to God" (in Acts 26:18).

If you are busy with loving each one, I suppose you won't be so busy with what a woman looks like and how she acts. But look deeper. And this includes . . . not only looking at her outward acting of virtues. But be able to look deeper and be able to make sure with God about what He wants and who He wants to share with You.

Be appreciative of whomever God trusts you to share with. And if you belong together, it will become obvious about how much you help each other to get real with God and how He has us relating as His family while loving any and all people who are enemies.

 

[Paidiske]

OK, I've posted here before venting about what I look for in an SO. I'm on Twitter--not X--a lot, and the kind of woman I see being hyped up in Christian circles a lot is feminine, soft, delicate (physically), wants lots of kids, is a good cook, and complementarian. But what my heart craves, as an egalitarian man, is different....

What do you think?

I think the only issue I see in your post is that you're worried about other people hyping something that isn't what attracts you. It's your life; potentially your marriage. Look for the person you can build a functional partnership and do life together with. Ignore whatever nonsense is going on online; that's irrelevant to what's going to work for you, day to day and over decades.