Christian male 38 trying to get to know a 32 year old woman; is this parental behavior normal? This is my first actual dating experience

[Christianasking]

Genesis 2:24
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
It does not say that a man shall leave his father and mother and they shall both cleave to her parents, that has nothing to do with honor.

Children honor their parents by, as Paul says;
1 Cor 13:11
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

The best way to honor our parents is to grow up. Be responsible. Provide for our new family in every way Physically, emotionally, Spiritually.
When children become adults they are no longer dependents. They are a new unit.

1 Tim 5:8
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

We are spirits living in a body. Perhaps this is why Christ asked Who is my mother...
To convey that our life is spiritual not physical.
John 4:24
God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”

1 Cor 11:11
Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.

12 For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God.
However you split the responsibilities is up to the two of you, You are one in marriage responsible to each other not some third party other than God.

I fully agree with this. I had wrote some of this here, and some other examples throughout the Holy Bible and put in my Holy Bible if I got a chance to go over it with the dad, but I know that would have never worked. I thought about also going over it with her in a Holy Bible study, but we never got to meet again.

I tried to bring up some of this kindly to her. I was met with,

"well I am under their roof."

"I don't like when you contradict my parents"

"I have to listen to my dad, he's the head of the family until I'm married and then I don't have to listen" (not 100% verbatim, but basically exact words)

"I have to honor them", I'd reply but you have to do what is Biblical, I fear God and I have to do what is Biblical. I stated they have to honor you too, and this was the last conversation on video(as no more meetings in person were brought up except for the ending of the conversation which got canceled suddenly by her with the goodbye) I brought up most of this, and she stated they are, or I wouldn't be talking to you right now. She was outside of their home on her phone.

Thank you for very much for these verses and in the context you have shared. I'll probably be adding these to my notes.

 

[Christianasking]

Do her parents know her? If she is growing in Jesus, she us changing into a person they have not met, yet. And she will discover what God is preparing for her to do.

And is she obviously helping you to grow in Christ and how God has us relating as His family?

And are you and her parents blessing one another to learn God's word and grow together in Jesus?

The answer to these questions is the same as the question of if these are healthy people for you to be involved with closely . . . versus ones to reach for Jesus while you make sure you share with mature Christians who are wholesome for you and not mainly cause for confusion.

In my opinion, I don't think they care to know her, especially if it's a change that isn't what they want. I wonder if she's even wanting to do the karate to be honest.

She definitely was helping me. I was making great progress with my social anxiety. Starting to interact with more people at the church I attend, and I was at complete peace with her. I didn't feel stressed, worried or nervous. My work was back to normal, my daily three prayers were back, great sleep schedule. Started reaching out to my other extended Christians friends checking on them. (Everyone was so happy to hear about me meeting this woman; from family to friends.) We had our private prayers we had shared with each other that we started to pray for. Pretty sure even one was answered right before that day. I had already talked to her about meeting her siblings and doing a group Holy Bible study, had invited her to church(missed the first time, but the second opportunity was that weekend.) Had started working on ideals for places us to meet, eat etc. Started on her birthday card drafts, making a customized card from scratch, which never got finished due to everything. She only got her gifts. Everything I had been praying for was coming true before my eyes.

The hour and thirty minutes I did spend with him with our Holy Bibles; 45 minutes of it was me going through scriptures. At the end he said, well you know your Bible. I will pray about it and discuss it with my wife. I asked him as he was heading out if she could go to church this Sunday, and he said we aren't ready for that.

I have had so much confusion since this has happened. I started questioning if a hug was a sin. It's literally caused division between us. We were reading the Holy Bible together even when we weren't able to meet before this and discussing which Holy Bible verses stuck out to us and what we thought about the message, etc. She told me she was more happy productive at work due to me, etc. The time always went so quickly when we were together for both of us. I brought up to her that I felt division had been brought upon us by certain actions, and she said let's not say that. The last in person meeting, I told her she looked uneasy and tense. I still felt peace, despite us being watched by her dad. Definitely confusion in this situation and I don't believe that comes from God. While you may have disagreements on certain subjects at times with brothers or sister in Christ; the unity is usually always there. There is no unity now in this, nor wholesomeness, warmth or love. The Holy Spirit helps us have unity and edifying of each other. I tried my best on my end to do that. I do believe she was trying her best too that she could do.

Thank you for your help and advice!

 

[Palmfever]

There is a song by John Denver and if I remember correctly the first line is, "He was born in the summer of his 27th year..."

In my estimation that is pretty young to be self realized. Being a bit of a loner and observing humanity throughout my life I've come to the conclusion that many do not emotionally progress much beyond the teen years. Humans can become comfortable in insecurity. We can, make our cages cozy and settle into this husk we walk about in. Our Space.
I've found many pretenders so adept at playing their parts they have become the character and are convinced to a large degree this is who they are.
We seek answers. We defend what we consider to be true at times as if personally attacked. This is not dependent on IQ, it is EQ.
As believers we know the truth yet sometimes it remains difficult to "crucify the flesh." We are not unaware of the fiery darts of the devil," just unprepared at times.
Our humanity makes us the creatures God desired.
Why? When I look around it baffles me.
I am so grateful He cares deeply and that HE is God. I would have slaughtered half of humanity by now.
I sometimes see the absolute beauty in the design, of us. I catch a glimpse of the splendor of this privilege, being human.
I see it in the acts of true ones who know love, who give naturally with grace. Those who excel, Those who are no longer focused on themselves, but on something greater. Those who achieve a return on the talents they have been blessed with.

Watching bits of the Olympics, I appreciated the focus and narrowness of vision we must attain in our pursuit of the prize we hope for.
God finds us more valuable than we can see ourselves.
I said all that just to say this.
If it is a wife you desire, it is better to be an 80 year old man before you find one than a 37 year old and choose the wrong one.
As He did Adam, God bless you in your desire for a woman.

 

[Michie]

Thank you for your advice and help. I do believe there is nothing I can do but pray and ask for prayers. I'm overly exhausted and past my limits.

Agreed. Move on. You do not deserve this. There are greener pastures out there. Pray God directs you.

 

[bèlla]

I feel as if everything in my life has a thorn in it. I know therapy would be required, and I'd be there for her through that.

Thomas Stanley (The Millionaire Next Door) said the most important decision we'll make after God is our choice of spouse. You're allowing your emotions and desire for acceptance to blind you to the obvious and putting them before your calling. If you're not careful you'll sacrifice one for the other and live to regret it. This is part of the test and you'll have trials that expose your heart and weaknesses.

Everyone believes they'd behave differently from Peter until life presents a situation where our wants take precedence. If the bulk of your energy is spent caring for her and dealing with her family the ministry will suffer.

I honestly didn't know about the parental issue until after that night. She had told me that she was their favorite child and not to worry about anything they will love you just like they love me.

What did you expect her to say? I doubt you're the first they've run off.

I had prayed that whoever I was going to be with would have siblings and that they would accept me for me too, but never thought about praying for the parents to accept me. I thought the parents would be happy with who their child loved and was happy with and embrace them. I went into that basically four hour meeting as if it was my own family. I would definitely prefer to be loved by my wife's family versus unloved and hated basically.

Most parents have an ideal in mind where their children are concerned. They want them to have a better life and more opportunities for their children and that's the norm. The way they go about is what differs.

Emotional regard may touch a woman's heart but men are practical. They're gauging your ability to provide and support a family. That doesn't mean love isn't important. But he wants to make sure you can take of her.

I agree it shouldn't, but no one gives you a chance anymore. Everyone wants everything perfect or they move on; you don't even get a chance to talk with them in person.

Marriage is a lifelong contract between you and the Lord and the other. No one should enter that realm on a hunch. If you aren't certain of your willingness to invest in the person irrespective of shortcomings and challenges they should be left alone.

Chance is an immature approach to human relations. We don't give one another a chance. Something in you testifies to something in another and a connection is formed. That's the organic way of bonding. By asking for a chance you're acknowledging that doesn't exist or is one-sided. You're asking them to forgo the natural in deference to possibility with nothing to solidify it. There must be something that draws the person to you and you need the same as well.

If you're using this medium to explore prospects the litmus is your profile. You have to paint them a picture of life with you and it's better to be honest. You're dealing with a sliver of the population as a believer and the portion within it that's willing to be a minister's wife. There aren't large sums of women who desire that role. You'd be better off at a christian school or bible college. That's where you'll find them.

Out of twenty years this was the first one that I knew truly in my heart wanted to see me, spend time with me and enjoyed getting to know me. One that I truly knew was praying for me, and I was praying steadfastly for her. I do need to pray for that. Right now just praying at all is extremely hard.

She was the first one to accept you. That's why it's difficult.

Sounds like he was the one meant for you all along.

When you're taking ground you're in the enemy's camp. That's a different position on the battlefield. You need a solid team behind you and your reputation is foremost. That's what they'll attack. You don't have a business to shield you and the bullseye is on your back. If there's dissension in your household that's what he'll target. It's easier to break a man with poor relations than one with a strong familial bond.

The devil is a strategist. He's not "in his feelings" like humans and uses it against it. I chose the person best suited for the work and made the woman heel. She (soul) yielded to the greater thing (spirit). My heart was elsewhere but to succumb to it would be soulish and that's the lesser realm of a man. The spirit is highest. Read The Spiritual Man by Watchman Nee. You'll be edified.

First I have ever heard a woman use that though in description of a ministry wife; that gave me a brief smile because that is so true.

It's the most accurate definition for the position even if his ego says otherwise. ;-)

Relationally speaking, I'm the COO. But in respect to my work and calling he's my COO.

I think you'll find this article helpful. I don't agree with everything he says in the book. But he understands the structure of a man and nuances of his makeup that's beneficial for personal growth and selection of a partner. Pay attention to the primary type that resonates and the most applicable after it. Notice the personalities that complement their nature.

Thank you Bella for continuing to be so kind and open. I do not have anything to offer, but I will be praying for your family steadfastly when I get back to praying like normal. That blessings may abound for your husband, you and your daughter!

You needn't repay me at all. Thank you for your kind words and prayers. We're not married yet. But God willing we'll do it soon.

Since this started August 29th pretty much everything has gone downhill since then, from my prayers/walk with God to my happiness. Especially, especially joy. I'm already depressed now. A month of joy to a month of depression. God will turn things to better when it is God's timing.

Partings are painful and the lone remedy is prayer and time. When you're in the thick of it things seem bleak and you fear you'll never meet another. But tomorrow comes and oftentimes it's better than the things we've left behind. I've had an opportunity to see the people I didn't move forward with and don't regret my decision. We've continued to progress while others are stagnant or taking a different path.

The ability to make hard decisions is what separates greatness and failure. Sometimes you have to take the hit for the larger goal. When you have the end in sight it's easier to bear.

~bella

 

[Sunflower39]

A few days before July 28th, I felt a name laid upon my heart. I also felt an odd feeling I should go check a certain dating site which I had signed up for, but only looked once on and it had no one near local on it.

I decided to go check it. There was a person's profile who instantly stood out to me, 31 and I'm 38. She was local and nearby, very nearby. 4 miles away to be exact. It was an unusual name which made me instantly assume a fake. I couldn't see no pictures, all blurred and only some of the profile and it had verses about glorifying God. Which is what I'm looking for it and at the intro I seen it had FYI only the first message is free and they had their IG left.

I looked up their name, and it translated into the name that was laid on my heart.

July 28th I don't use social media, and so I made an instagram just to message this person. I introduced myself in very few words, and just said that I'm a virgin, my height, etc and would you allow me an email that I may fully introduce myself with a picture and everything to you? They messaged back that night and said it's very strange, but I guess that is what I got for signing up for a dating site and then I emailed them.

Our emails instantly hit it off, our similarities were eerily similar. Both homeschooled, both full virgins(Never been kissed, etc), neither having any real dating experience. Our emails grew long, and eventually we decided to make a video call date. We did, and it went even better, we shared text information and it continued to grow better. Eventually after one of our video calls she says would you like to meet up after church for lunch Sunday?

I was hesitant due to severe social anxiety, but then she said what about the library? I had already told her about my severe social anxiety. She told me they had meeting rooms, and so we agreed. Our meeting was beyond belief incredible. We had agreed to a certain time before she had to go teach at her studio. (She's a Taekwondo teacher 4th degree black belt)

As my car is currently broken down(yes I'm working on getting another one), I walked back, and suspected she had already left as it had been five minutes. I looked down and seen she had messaged me, would you like to take a picture together?! I replied yes, but with a frowny face because it was over five minutes ago. I walked back towards the parking lot and to my surprise she was still there, and we took some pictures and even a video together.

We started trying to meet every chance we could, we texted all the time, and then a few days before our one month from meeting, she said her dad would like to take me out for lunch. I said, I'd prefer to just meet one on one in the meeting room. Wednesday night(meeting is Thursday, also the day of one month of us meeting)she calls me and says, my mom also wants to meet you. Being one day before the meeting, I felt I had no choice but to say yes and so I agreed.

I sat down from 3:20 to 6:55pm talking to her parents until the library Personnel said we are closing in a minute. I expected maybe an one hour meeting. Not basically a four hour meeting of questions being asked all about my life. Why do you like her, etc, etc.

They said they were leaving. So me and this woman walk to our bench where we normally pray together, hold hands and side hug and then go home. It's a library public park. Some little children were out with their parents near the fountain etc. It's a nice open place.

We pray holding hands as normal. I said, well I would hug you, but your parents might be watching. She said no they left. Then she pulls out a necklace, and said my mom told me not to give this to you, but I want, I feel I need to give this to you. It's a necklace with a saying from my mom, (my mom had seen this woman before and said I should date her, story for another time.) and on the front Isaiah 60:22 The smallest family will become a thousand people, and the tiniest group will become a mighty nation. At the right time, I, the LORD, will make it happen.”(We had been talking about a future together) She was trying to get the necklace clasp open, almost breaking a nail(was creeping me out) and getting tense from trying to open it. I said it's okay, don't worry about it, I think it'll need a pin in it to open it and I can do it when I get home and put it in my shirt pocket.

Well, I decided to give her a two handed side hug to thank her as I had to go for my ride. So I leaned back to my left sitting looking at her and side hugging her with both hands around her, saying thank you, and that everything will be okay. Another reason I gave her the two sided sitting down side hug. As I was about to have to leave as my ride was already waiting. Then she says my parents are here. She changes into a statue looking like a principal just walked in in elementary school.(They never left was spying on us from across the park, pretended to have leave, but they said they were 'just talking' and seen it)

Her 68 year old dad and 60ish mom get out, walk up in the public park to the bench, and the dad asks me what are you doing with my daughter? I said had my arm around her and we were praying. Sorry if I offended you. (I have no clue at this point what is going on. She's 31(now 32) and I'm 38. Which is both true. The mom meanwhile starts waving her arms around like a bird, saying we don't do any of this, NONE of this until marriage. They then walk back to their vehicle, and she of course now has to leave. I tell her sorry, no clue what to say to her at this moment.

I walk her to the car, open the door and close it for her as always. Then walk up to their vehicle and he rolls down the window(Yes dumb move I know now), and I said I have nothing but good intent for your daughter Sir. Mom is saying into the window, she hasn't done any of that. I said neither have I ma'am. He says well the spirit and the flesh wrestle against each other. Then I just moved my head and walked off for my ride as they drove off.

That night she continued texting me until 11pm. I had been getting asleep around that time, I could not fall asleep until around 7am, I felt a horrible, horrible feeling over me. The next day there was no message from her at all.

The next day comes a 9am message. Saying,

'
Good morning, myname ☀️
I miss you and hope you slept well.
I very much hope the other night didn’t upset you too much, because honestly it did me.
You were amazing in so many ways and I was so grateful for the time and honesty which you offered so freely to my parents (and me of course )
Other than the obvious at the end of the night, there were just a couple moments that made me feel just a bit uneasy.
And while I’d like to address it right away, I believe the right thing to do is to continue in prayer and space to think.
I hope this time to be short lived as I’m anxious to see you again! But I think it best to simply take myself out of the next conversation and I’m sorry to ask this but that you would please contact my Dad for the next conversation.
I hope this won’t be too much to ask, as I’m sure he’s not the first person you’re eager to talk with right now, but I know you’re a pretty brave man
I know you’re a man of God, honorable and wants to do what’s best and so in respect for me, I ask that we do this by honoring our parents through this process.
You have not left my prayers.
I miss you, myname.
And I pray you have a very blessed day. '


Then she sends his phone number. Her being uneasy and everything is a surprise to me. End up calling her dad, left a message, a day later he replies, saying he didn't know it was my number. (Despite the voice mail saying so) So due to this I missed her birthday. Labor day weekend etc with her.

First thing he wants to discuss is what caused you to put your arm around her? As this woman loves side hugging me. She was the one who brought up the side hugging to me the first day we met and I declined it, due to I felt I thought it would be better to give her a full normal hug first, because I wanted to date her and was seriously interested in her. Though we did after the first meeting start side hugging on the bench only though. To protect her, I don't mention this to him. So, we get 45 minutes into the conversation, and then says he wants to meet me again for I can explain holiness and purity to him. As I had been talking about this with her, and them during our basically four hour meeting. I took it as a sermon,(which is what I'm planning to do one day as I'm trying to go into ministry)

I end up for the next 45 minutes discussing the Holy Bible with him, until again the library ends up announcing they are closing and so I'm at a loss as to what is still going on. I ask if she can go to church with me Sunday? He says no, we aren't ready for that.(Previous week me and the woman had agreed to it, but I ended up not being sure I could get there that week so it didn't happen. )

He said I'd still like to meet with you again, but I'll have to pray about it. I'm going to talk to her. He goes on to say I want whatever the Lord wants, and I don't want to stop anything, but it's going to be up to her. I asked can she message and tell me. And he said he will have to talk to her and his wife first.

Few days later, I get a message from her asking if I'd like to meet. I say yes, I get there, brought her birthday gift, not her card as it's hard to finish a custom made card with all this going on. As I'm walking down to the bench, where she said she'd be at. I notice the dad in the corner of my eye sitting in his vehicle next to hers.

She's completely different from before. Her posture is different, she's facing me looking towards her dad's vehicle. At opposite ends of the bench. He starts texting her during the conversation, and then he called and she didn't see it and he got out of his vehicle until she called him. We are about the handicap parking to the walmart entrance of any normal walmart.

(Ten days since I've seen her)So we start talking some, and she says, one little thing about the hug and then doesn't want to talk about it anymore, but then says my dad said you didn't want to meet him again. I told her I never said that, which I never did. I didn't understand why in the first place I'm meeting her dad.

Asked her why she couldn't go to church, and she said my dad doesn't want rumors or gossip to start. I ask her if she thinks that this is normal? What's normal anymore she replies. Then later she tells me she doesn't like when I contradict her parents. Basically the conversation feels like the woman is a middle man, and asking me questions for her parents. End up running out of time, she had to be at work, no one told me. I asked her if I could text her, and she said I don't want to have to ask again, but could you text my dad? Then I walk her to her car and I ask, so I need to text your dad before I can talk to you again? She says yes please.

So we go back to silence. I decided to wait a day to message her dad, because honestly I'm confused as to what is going on and how a side hug she enjoyed and we only did, now is suddenly a great act of wickedness. I message him at around 2:30ish pm Tuesday if he could meet me Friday(trying to meet her dad again to honor her), and apparently my discipleship teacher which teaches me said hello to him where her dad works, as he works at a common place you shop.(I found this out Wednesday night) He gives me a Christian reference letting her dad know I attend church/Bible study regularly in his class.

Only that daughter goes to church that I know of. The one I had been getting to know. Dad texts me Friday morning at 10:30ish am Sorry can't. Silence still, Monday comes and she asks if she could call me. I see it thirty minutes late, due to not expecting any messages. She calls me from her home on IG video.(She never ever even voice calls from her home; let alone a video call.)

She starts talking just about regular things holding the phone in her hand(She lives at home with an older sister, and younger brothers in their mid-late 20's with their parents)then she said what did you tell that man at church? I told her that I am very fond of you. And that he's watching over me. She says, well the intent of his message didn't work.

(The intent was to vouch that I'm truly attending church etc. A great thing to have from anyone) So now I'm confused, and will later have to ask my discipleship teacher about this. Turns out he did nothing more than that as I thought)

She then tells me, well I will decide by Wednesday night if we can continue. Then the night ends. Wednesday comes, and she asks if I'd like to have another call. We set one up for Thursday. She's outside at home(again not normal). We start talking, then she says again, I wish the meeting with my dad would have went better and you would have wanted to meet him again. I tell her again, I didn't say no and that I had texted him already. I ask her if she could ask a neutral church in town about all this. And she says well, I don't think it would matter, my parents know me. I told her I don't know what to do to fix this?
Then she says I want to just drop it and I said I do too. (I didn't bring it up again, she did about her dad being unhappy about me somehow saying no to meeting him again, despite me being the one who hasn't received a message back from him. ) So the conversation starts coming to a close, and I ask if she's going to the special event on the river. She says no, then she asks if I'm going to a special event near the river.(Large local event) I don't have anyone to go with I tell her. She says would you? That's a big crowd. She gets excited and then I ask her if she'd go with me. We ended up sitting up a day Saturday at 3pm. 9:45pm Friday night she messages as I'm preparing to be ready for bed and get up for tomorrow to do this with her. That she can't find peace, and if she meets me she will change her mind again. So she says goodbye to me, which is a couple days before my birthday.

What is going on? She talks consistently about having to honor her father and mother. The first day I met her, her mom called her at the library and I could hear her asking if her GPS was on. During the last conversation on video, she said she has to respect her parents, and I said they have to respect you too, as you're an adult. She said they are or I wouldn't be talking right now.

She's always smiling and happy with me. She said she's been unhappy when we aren't talking. She had no issues with us hugging. But it's like all about her mom and dad now. Is it normal for a 32 year old woman not to be able to text/talk/video, meet without her parents permission? Not even be able to let anyone come to her studio to sit and talk with her, in her car, anything without permission?

I understand fully honoring thy father and thy mother, but not being able to choose who you can meet, date, talk with, text, visit, etc. Is this biblically correct at all? Her ending message Thursday night stated with the other stuff , "I want to assure you that this is completely and 100% my decision" Which feels really weird, because she was happy and excited when videoing Thursday about us going out to talk and look at things together.

What is going on?? I didn't reply, because truthfully my heart is broken. In the message she said she admired me, etc, etc and all these things, but does this to me? What am I missing? Please any advice is appreciated.

Not normal…her parents sound VERY controlling. She is 32! I’d perhaps understand this behaviour from her parents if she was a teenager.

And all you did was hug her! Nothing wrong with that.

 

[com7fy8]

I'm overly exhausted and past my limits.

I would say you need to get strong enough and sensible enough so things can't get the better of you.

But this is not so you can stay with anyone, at all, no matter how wrong the person and relationship is. It means you are strong so problems can't take you down, and you are strong so trouble can't keep a hold on you, plus you are sensible so you are creative with whatever is happening.

So, I would say, pray and be encouraged with Jesus, then be creative . . . with Jesus. He will make you clear. There is no need to do anything unless God is making you clear and guiding you in His peace >

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

It is possible that God will not have you go through getting married together with her mother and father. And so, possibly therefore, He will not straighten that out . . . with parents so having a hold on things.

But now you have had a sample of how she can get a man in a mess, and maybe she can see this, too. And you can be there for one another, as friends, and help each other to whatever God really does want, whether you are with each other or not. You have some educational background, now, for knowing how things are in her life.

And possibly she needs to stay clear of romance and premarital activity until she gets with God the way she needs to.

"She could have told you." I mean, if she did not give you fair notice/warning about her parents, early on . . . maybe she did not know this; if not, she does now > but in any case it seems she needs to let a guy know, early, before things get started. But you can grow in Jesus, about this, forgive her if and however she needs to be forgiven, and forgive yourself for not making sure with God.

But possibly we can say > what do you think? > may be you were able to be fooled into this; so you, too, need to get with God and get wise to whatever could get you into this, instead of what God would guide right.

May be, for example, you have been getting driven by loneliness and trying to solve this by getting company. But loneliness is deeper than how much companionship you have. We need to defeat lonely stuff, and not be tricked by its misguiding and driving badly > and with God find out how we can share well with other people, and not be trying to use people to try to solve the pain of loneliness when only God can take that away . . . and have us growing in His love which is ready for family sharing and caring with any other children of God, while this love has us also loving any and all people who are not Jesus people > have hope for anyone, but be wise about if and how you trust and get close to anyone. Don't get isolated with only some one person; we are family, in Jesus.

You say she has been good for your life. Well, more mature Christians can do you more good than someone less developed like you. So, make sure you are sharing with more mature Christians, including couples.

 

[Christianasking]

There is a song by John Denver and if I remember correctly the first line is, "He was born in the summer of his 27th year..."

In my estimation that is pretty young to be self realized. Being a bit of a loner and observing humanity throughout my life I've come to the conclusion that many do not emotionally progress much beyond the teen years. Humans can become comfortable in insecurity. We can, make our cages cozy and settle into this husk we walk about in. Our Space.
I've found many pretenders so adept at playing their parts they have become the character and are convinced to a large degree this is who they are.
We seek answers. We defend what we consider to be true at times as if personally attacked. This is not dependent on IQ, it is EQ.
As believers we know the truth yet sometimes it remains difficult to "crucify the flesh." We are not unaware of the fiery darts of the devil," just unprepared at times.
Our humanity makes us the creatures God desired.
Why? When I look around it baffles me.
I am so grateful He cares deeply and that HE is God. I would have slaughtered half of humanity by now.
I sometimes see the absolute beauty in the design, of us. I catch a glimpse of the splendor of this privilege, being human.
I see it in the acts of true ones who know love, who give naturally with grace. Those who excel, Those who are no longer focused on themselves, but on something greater. Those who achieve a return on the talents they have been blessed with.

Watching bits of the Olympics, I appreciated the focus and narrowness of vision we must attain in our pursuit of the prize we hope for.
God finds us more valuable than we can see ourselves.
I said all that just to say this.
If it is a wife you desire, it is better to be an 80 year old man before you find one than a 37 year old and choose the wrong one.
As He did Adam, God bless you in your desire for a woman.

Thank you Palmfever. Very true, I agree, EQ is very undervalued in this world. Sometimes those with the most intelligence are lacking in areas that are very apparent. Without a doubt I share your train of thought on that. I'm grateful HE is God. Seeing the things that are done, even long before we have arrived at this time I would have not been able to stand it. God's merciful kindness knows no end.

Staying steadfast in the pursuit of God! As for my prayers for what I have prayed for about a wife need to be strengthened again and started back steadily. I'm looking forward to this blessing from God! It's one of the few things I have ever truly desired for myself. I want to serve God with a helpmate!

 

[Christianasking]

Agreed. Move on. You do not deserve this. There are greener pastures out there. Pray God directs you.

Thank you for your prayers Ma'am. *Corrected.

Thomas Stanley (The Millionaire Next Door) said the most important decision we'll make after God is our choice of spouse. You're allowing your emotions and desire for acceptance to blind you to the obvious and putting them before your calling. If you're not careful you'll sacrifice one for the other and live to regret it. This is part of the test and you'll have trials that expose your heart and weaknesses.

Everyone believes they'd behave differently from Peter until life presents a situation where our wants take precedence. If the bulk of your energy is spent caring for her and dealing with her family the ministry will suffer.



What did you expect her to say? I doubt you're the first they've run off.



Most parents have an ideal in mind where their children are concerned. They want them to have a better life and more opportunities for their children and that's the norm. The way they go about is what differs.

Emotional regard may touch a woman's heart but men are practical. They're gauging your ability to provide and support a family. That doesn't mean love isn't important. But he wants to make sure you can take of her.



Marriage is a lifelong contract between you and the Lord and the other. No one should enter that realm on a hunch. If you aren't certain of your willingness to invest in the person irrespective of shortcomings and challenges they should be left alone.

Chance is an immature approach to human relations. We don't give one another a chance. Something in you testifies to something in another and a connection is formed. That's the organic way of bonding. By asking for a chance you're acknowledging that doesn't exist or is one-sided. You're asking them to forgo the natural in deference to possibility with nothing to solidify it. There must be something that draws the person to you and you need the same as well.

If you're using this medium to explore prospects the litmus is your profile. You have to paint them a picture of life with you and it's better to be honest. You're dealing with a sliver of the population as a believer and the portion within it that's willing to be a minister's wife. There aren't large sums of women who desire that role. You'd be better off at a christian school or bible college. That's where you'll find them.



She was the first one to accept you. That's why it's difficult.



When you're taking ground you're in the enemy's camp. That's a different position on the battlefield. You need a solid team behind you and your reputation is foremost. That's what they'll attack. You don't have a business to shield you and the bullseye is on your back. If there's dissension in your household that's what he'll target. It's easier to break a man with poor relations than one with a strong familial bond.

The devil is a strategist. He's not "in his feelings" like humans and uses it against it. I chose the person best suited for the work and made the woman heel. She (soul) yielded to the greater thing (spirit). My heart was elsewhere but to succumb to it would be soulish and that's the lesser realm of a man. The spirit is highest. Read The Spiritual Man by Watchman Nee. You'll be edified.



It's the most accurate definition for the position even if his ego says otherwise. ;-)

Relationally speaking, I'm the COO. But in respect to my work and calling he's my COO.

I think you'll find this article helpful. I don't agree with everything he says in the book. But he understands the structure of a man and nuances of his makeup that's beneficial for personal growth and selection of a partner. Pay attention to the primary type that resonates and the most applicable after it. Notice the personalities that complement their nature.



You needn't repay me at all. Thank you for your kind words and prayers. We're not married yet. But God willing we'll do it soon.



Partings are painful and the lone remedy is prayer and time. When you're in the thick of it things seem bleak and you fear you'll never meet another. But tomorrow comes and oftentimes it's better than the things we've left behind. I've had an opportunity to see the people I didn't move forward with and don't regret my decision. We've continued to progress while others are stagnant or taking a different path.

The ability to make hard decisions is what separates greatness and failure. Sometimes you have to take the hit for the larger goal. When you have the end in sight it's easier to bear.

~bella

Definitely agree with that statement. A spouse is the second most important decision we will make after accepting Jesus as our Savior.

I believe there is evidence of another. Very curious as to what happened to that one.

She doesn't dare say anything against them. She's almost like the breadwinner for that family.

Yes, that was truly a prayer answered in the way she accepted me and how our relationship started. I could have not asked for a better start. Just thinking about it makes me smile at what a great blessing God gave me.

I read the article. Honestly still not sure which I am. I do love and enjoy leading, and usually somehow get into this position, but also I dislike the saying he wouldn't want his wife to do anything else but serve him. That actually kind of bothers me, she isn't my servant; we would be each other's helpmates in everything. (A servant's heart for each other yes, but not my literal servant)I would daily need her edifying as I pray she would mine. I can also relate to the other two on different things. I guess I'm still being molded into one of them. I need someone in my corner.

You're very much welcome. Nevertheless I will be praying for you, and this man and your family.

This is true, definitely am very grateful every person from my past I did like didn't continue. Many I tried to make justifications for in their actions, and thankfully it never went past online. The only other person I met in person brought me stress and this woman brought me peace that I cannot explain. Usually I was always having to change what made me smile to suit their needs/desires. The difference with this woman was like night and day.

I agree, and saw a larger goal being able to be accomplished with her. A great evangelist chance that was destroyed.

 

[ralliann]

If you are having these issues just pretty much upon the initial meeting, I do not hold out much hope for a happy future. I don’t care how anyone tries to doll it up. Look at the grown siblings still at home. It’s just creepy.

I would worry about bringing any children into this family. Especially her compliance with this.

 

[bèlla]

Thank you for your prayers Sir!

Michie is a woman. ;-)

I believe there is evidence of another. Very curious as to what happened to that one.

She doesn't dare say anything against them. She's almost like the breadwinner for that family.

It's unlikely you'd hear that upfront if the goal is escape. Now you've added another element. If they rely on her financially they'd have less incentive for her to leave unless you're moving with them or they're coming with you.

If they don't have enough resources to support themselves they'll expect her to help. And what happens when they get older? Don't assume they'll be with her siblings. If they're attached to her to the degree she suggests they'll be under your roof. And you can kiss your peace of mind goodbye.

Yes, that was truly a prayer answered in the way she accepted me and how our relationship started. I could have not asked for a better start. Just thinking about it makes me smile at what a great blessing God gave me.

Here comes the hard part...

You barely know her and it's only been a month. I think you're enamored with the idea of her and what you perceived as possible when onlookers see otherwise. You want her to be the one because you haven't had opportunities and it's tempting to hold on to that belief than accept you're wrong.

I don't think she's from the Lord. I think you're lonely and want to be loved. That's understandable but you shouldn't mate from that place. It usually leads to wrong decisions.

I read the article. Honestly still not sure which I am. I do love and enjoy leading, and usually somehow get into this position, but also I dislike the saying he wouldn't want his wife to do anything else but serve him. That actually kind of bothers me, she isn't my servant; we would be each other's helpmates in everything. (A servant's heart for each other yes, but not my literal servant)I would daily need her edifying as I pray she would mine. I can also relate to the other two on different things. I guess I'm still being molded into one of them. I need someone in my corner.

The archetype for a command man is a king. The visionary is a prophet and the steady man is a priest. It's not that she won't have other responsibilities. But he's her primary focus. They're typically the men who want stay-at-home wives or work together with their spouse. Helping him and making him comfortable is her priority.

You may have a dominant aspect but other elements temper or sharpen its qualities. My partner is a command man and I'm his complement the go-to girl. That's a leader/leader pairing. But his secondary aspect is the visionary and it tweaks the servant part. While he desired the same he wasn't satisfied when he found it. The lack of drive was problematic. He needed a go-getter with a servant heart.

I think you have a priestly deportment and it's evident in your response. He's the most patient of the three and willing to stick things out.

I met in person brought me stress and this woman brought me peace that I cannot explain. Usually I was always having to change what made me smile to suit their needs/desires. The difference with this woman was like night and day.

That's because of her nature and part of the reason I shared the link. She's a servant and naturally submissive. That can be very attractive to a man. It isn't a quality most possess. She's had a lot of conditioning.

I agree, and saw a larger goal being able to be accomplished with her. A great evangelist chance that was destroyed.

That's a pretty strong statement and I doubt it's true. That which the Lord initiates He anoints and that which He anoints He keeps. You've accorded a lot to a woman of limited acquaintance and to suggest your ministry would be lacking without her is shocking.

I'm reminded of Billy Graham's relationship with his wife before they married.

Billy and Ruth continued dating and began talking about marriage, but one issue stood in the way: For years, Ruth had felt that God was calling her to be a missionary in Tibet. While Billy wasn’t opposed to becoming a missionary, he felt a strong calling to preach the Gospel as an evangelist. Ruth tried persuading him otherwise, but it caused more tension. Eventually, they took time apart to pray about the matter.

As Ruth told the story in her book “It’s My Turn,” it was obvious that she was the one trying to give Billy a calling to Tibet–not God. Finally Billy turned to her and said, “Do you believe that God has brought us together?” She did.

“In that case,” he replied, “God will lead me and you will do the following.” That pivotal conversation settled the issue, although Ruth believed strongly in the old saying, “When two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.” The following summer, while Billy was preaching at a church in Florida, he received a thick letter from Ruth, postmarked July 6, 1941. “I’ll marry you,” the first sentence read.

Ask yourself what you would have done. The answer will enlighten you.

~bella

 

[Christianasking]

Not normal…her parents sound VERY controlling. She is 32! I’d perhaps understand this behaviour from her parents if she was a teenager.

And all you did was hug her! Nothing wrong with that.

Thank you. They definitely are extremely controlling of her. Sadly she's unable to see or accept the fact.

 

[Christianasking]

I would worry about bringing any children into this family. Especially her compliance with this.

Very true, ideally Lord Willing I would be waiting around 5 years before any children come into the picture. If things were still continuing, and I was with her; there would have to be a lot of discussions and heavy premarital counseling over this subject and many others. Children are a blessing, but they must be raised with love and proper parental guidance.

 

[Christianasking]

I would say you need to get strong enough and sensible enough so things can't get the better of you.


But this is not so you can stay with anyone, at all, no matter how wrong the person and relationship is. It means you are strong so problems can't take you down, and you are strong so trouble can't keep a hold on you, plus you are sensible so you are creative with whatever is happening.

So, I would say, pray and be encouraged with Jesus, then be creative . . . with Jesus. He will make you clear. There is no need to do anything unless God is making you clear and guiding you in His peace >

I agree, if all I was having to deal with in my life was this then I wouldn't have that much to worry about. I had great peace with her, and she had great peace with me. There was no issues of peace until her parents got involved. Matter of fact the subject of peace was one of our top subjects and that I had shared with others the peace we felt with each other.

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

It is possible that God will not have you go through getting married together with her mother and father. And so, possibly therefore, He will not straighten that out . . . with parents so having a hold on things.

As it stands I don't believe I could ever trust them again. Forgiveness is one thing, but trusting them is something else. The way they also treat her, is something that deeply concerns and hurts my heart. I look forward to being a dad one day, and walking in this walk with a daughter of God raising children for the kingdom of God.

But now you have had a sample of how she can get a man in a mess, and maybe she can see this, too. And you can be there for one another, as friends, and help each other to whatever God really does want, whether you are with each other or not. You have some educational background, now, for knowing how things are in her life.

I see what it has caused, but I am doubtful she understands. Her parental influence prevents even friendship. I was hoping to be able to continue just getting to know her. That was the reason I was going to go beyond my own comfort zone and be in a crowd of around 400-800 people to eat lunch with her. Which was what got canceled in less than twelve hours suddenly. Her dad wouldn't have been able to be there at 3pm.

And possibly she needs to stay clear of romance and premarital activity until she gets with God the way she needs to.

Considering her dating site profile suddenly disappeared after I mentioned it to her parents. I don't think she will have many opportunities outside of her studio. Which mostly children seem to come to.

"She could have told you." I mean, if she did not give you fair notice/warning about her parents, early on . . . maybe she did not know this; if not, she does now > but in any case it seems she needs to let a guy know, early, before things get started. But you can grow in Jesus, about this, forgive her if and however she needs to be forgiven, and forgive yourself for not making sure with God.

She never came out and said there maybe issues with her parents. I was concerned about her parents, and a family member had an uneasy feeling about them. Took it with a grain of salt, I mean I suspected if the daughter was so kind and I felt such peace with her. Why would they be different. In this I did learn a valuable lesson. I did know that parents and children aren't always alike, but I suspect in this situation I assumed they would be like her and in this I was extremely wrong.

But possibly we can say > what do you think? > may be you were able to be fooled into this; so you, too, need to get with God and get wise to whatever could get you into this, instead of what God would guide right.

I don't think anyone could have foreseen this coming. Not in my age group. Parents spying, GPS tracking, can't go out without your dad or mom watching or with you at 32 in broad daylight with other people around, even to eat. I do believe God guided me to this woman.

May be, for example, you have been getting driven by loneliness and trying to solve this by getting company. But loneliness is deeper than how much companionship you have. We need to defeat lonely stuff, and not be tricked by its misguiding and driving badly > and with God find out how we can share well with other people, and not be trying to use people to try to solve the pain of loneliness when only God can take that away . . . and have us growing in His love which is ready for family sharing and caring with any other children of God, while this love has us also loving any and all people who are not Jesus people > have hope for anyone, but be wise about if and how you trust and get close to anyone. Don't get isolated with only some one person; we are family, in Jesus.

Loneliness at a point in time is no longer loneliness I feel, just one's life. Even when I was running a Christian community online, more people around didn't erase the loneliness. Jesus is still my only friend. One of the earlier times with this woman we both had an unusual day, in which I felt that despite now having someone; my need and necessity of God daily didn't change, In fact I realized I needed God more during a relationship than without one, as there was new things I could pray about to God. New things I needed guidance on and comfort on in the Holy Spirit.

Loneliness is actually a blessing in my opinion. The earlier in life you're alone, the easier you're able to make and meet new friends later on life. Everyone is my friend unless you give me a reason not to be. I love to interact with new people.

You say she has been good for your life. Well, more mature Christians can do you more good than someone less developed like you. So, make sure you are sharing with more mature Christians, including couples.

I'm usually with the senior/elders in my church. I'm not around the youths usually. My church also has not a great deal of youth, most are married and have children. Not much time for the single social anxiety one. Anyway, thank you for your reply and insight. I hope you'll have a blessed weekend!

 

[Christianasking]

Michie is a woman. ;-)

Corrected this. Thank you! Second time this week I have gotten someone's gender wrong. :-/

It's unlikely you'd hear that upfront if the goal is escape. Now you've added another element. If they rely on her financially they'd have less incentive for her to leave unless you're moving with them or they're coming with you.

If they don't have enough resources to support themselves they'll expect her to help. And what happens when they get older? Don't assume they'll be with her siblings. If they're attached to her to the degree she suggests they'll be under your roof. And you can kiss your peace of mind goodbye.

Yes, someone else also suggested an escape is probably what she's looking for Considering my dad is also the same age as hers, I have thought about this quite about. Especially if she continues this course, then there will never be an escape or a getting away for her.

Here comes the hard part...

You barely know her and it's only been a month. I think you're enamored with the idea of her and what you perceived as possible when onlookers see otherwise. You want her to be the one because you haven't had opportunities and it's tempting to hold on to that belief than accept you're wrong.

I don't think she's from the Lord. I think you're lonely and want to be loved. That's understandable but you shouldn't mate from that place. It usually leads to wrong decisions.

While a month may have not seemed like much time, in that month we probably spent more time talking and even meeting than most regular couples dating. Easily over twenty-five hours. Though I do understand what you mean, but I am taking into consideration of the amount of actual time we spent getting to know each other versus the month time frame by itself.

It matters little if I am wrong or right. What matters in the end to me is if it is God's Will. Currently the situation and circumstances clearly present itself as an obvious no; in my eyes it's a logical move to avoid anymore of this situation and run from it. It's the sensible thing to do. I believe in God's absolute sovereignty, God is omniscience, omnipotence, and omnipresence. Though I am quite hurt, and deeply saddened by all this; God foreknew my thinking and my hurt that would come through this. In the end I'm going to lay at God's feet, as usual, but I needed a thorough review from my brothers and sisters in Christ to those obvious and not so obvious warning signs, dangers ahead and awakened awareness of what could, could have been and possibly be ahead of a continued relationship with this woman. Whether or not she was from the Lord or not only time will reveal now. As it is, it has stopped.

The archetype for a command man is a king. The visionary is a prophet and the steady man is a priest. It's not that she won't have other responsibilities. But he's her primary focus. They're typically the men who want stay-at-home wives or work together with their spouse. Helping him and making him comfortable is her priority.

You may have a dominant aspect but other elements temper or sharpen its qualities. My partner is a command man and I'm his complement the go-to girl. That's a leader/leader pairing. But his secondary aspect is the visionary and it tweaks the servant part. While he desired the same he wasn't satisfied when he found it. The lack of drive was problematic. He needed a go-getter with a servant heart.

I think you have a priestly deportment and it's evident in your response. He's the most patient of the three and willing to stick things out.

I absolutely want love and loyalty it is very important to me. Someone who will also follow me, help edify me and be my helpmate through the good days and bad days; as I will her. Someone that will believe in a great deal of prayer time together and alone; believing if we ask in truth, live obediently and in God's Will for the things we ask that it will come true if God allows. Someone who will believe in what seems impossible, and doesn't question things within the reality of man. Someone whom I can always have fun with, joy and happiness in life's together. Creating a testimony of holiness and purity not only for our children, but for those around us will see our lives and the reflection of how Jesus's loved the church in our marriage. That God's Kingdom will be magnified by our works and through our faith in God. Whether rich or poor, in sickness or health that we will always be next to each other and fighting for each other. I need someone that will also help motivate me, as many things I want to achieve are not so easily within my grasp.

I contribute my patience to the fruit of the Spirit. It's probably one of my strongest in fruits of the Spirit.

That's because of her nature and part of the reason I shared the link. She's a servant and naturally submissive. That can be very attractive to a man. It isn't a quality most possess. She's had a lot of conditioning.

Submissive is attractive, but I personally believe it must go both ways. As a man I feel I am to submit unto God in all things, and then also submit to my wife. A servant's heart must be in both of us. The conditioning I assume she is having to experience and has is unfortunately not the submissiveness I'd wish upon anyone. Forced submissive, is not a surrender willingly, but by unusual and unkind tactics upon her mind and heart.

That's a pretty strong statement and I doubt it's true. That which the Lord initiates He anoints and that which He anoints He keeps. You've accorded a lot to a woman of limited acquaintance and to suggest your ministry would be lacking without her is shocking.

My work for the Lord may have stumbled during this season, but I have asked the Lord to bring me a helpmate for His kingdom. I desire to have someone to serve the Lord with. It would be a great blessing to my heart to have someone to serve along with in the church, to worship and praise God with that I can share my whole heart without outside of God. I have steadfastly been asking God for this without ceasing.

I'm reminded of Billy Graham's relationship with his wife before they married.

Billy and Ruth continued dating and began talking about marriage, but one issue stood in the way: For years, Ruth had felt that God was calling her to be a missionary in Tibet. While Billy wasn’t opposed to becoming a missionary, he felt a strong calling to preach the Gospel as an evangelist. Ruth tried persuading him otherwise, but it caused more tension. Eventually, they took time apart to pray about the matter.

As Ruth told the story in her book “It’s My Turn,” it was obvious that she was the one trying to give Billy a calling to Tibet–not God. Finally Billy turned to her and said, “Do you believe that God has brought us together?” She did.

“In that case,” he replied, “God will lead me and you will do the following.” That pivotal conversation settled the issue, although Ruth believed strongly in the old saying, “When two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.” The following summer, while Billy was preaching at a church in Florida, he received a thick letter from Ruth, postmarked July 6, 1941. “I’ll marry you,” the first sentence read.

Ask yourself what you would have done. The answer will enlighten you.

~bella

If I was in his shoes, I would have told Ruth the same and left. Billy Graham's life and mine are quite different though. However, in this context, we could also say that Billy Graham and Ruth were not meant for each other if it had not been the continuation of the story later on. God did bring them together, but they ended up splitting for a season and then were brought back together. The marriage was already anointed for God's glory, despite this stumbling block in which they encountered; nothing changed, only to those looking at it from the outside at the time. With that being said, I am done, nothing left I can do in this situation. If it is for God's glory than God will work it out as intended. If it isn't then I'll have a testimony for my ministry to share one day that may forewarn and help others than will one day stumble upon such an unusual and confusing situation as mine. It's for God's glory not mine in the end either way. As of this moment, it's at an end, as when Billy and Ruth went their own ways. 1 Corinthians 10:31 , in all I do may it glorify God, whether it seems insignificant to others or not. It's at God's feet now; as there is nothing I can do about it anymore. Thank you for your continued kindness and replies. May you have a blessed weekend!

 

[com7fy8]

I had great peace with her, and she had great peace with me.

So, stay with all God has you doing in His peace.

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

Forgiveness is one thing, but trusting them is something else.

Jesus forgave ones He was not trusting >

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." (in Luke 23:34)

"Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21)

To me, this includes testing if and how God has us trusting each person.

And I now understand that this means we need to make sure with God about everything. After all, God is the One who knows what is "good", at each moment! So, get good at this, so you can make sure about people whom you don't even know. God knows them, He is able to guide you according to all He knows about each person, including this lady.

Considering her dating site profile suddenly disappeared after I mentioned it to her parents.

a. It disappeared because her parents made it go away.
b. It disappeared because she has you, and therefore no need for window shopping.
c. It disappeared because she was not being honest, by fishing for a man who does not know her situation.
d. It disappeared because she can contact a person of interest in his profile, without maintaining hers.
d. Maybe all of the above, and/or something else.

Took it with a grain of salt, I mean I suspected if the daughter was so kind and I felt such peace with her.

Ok, in general . . . someone in a situation like hers could become like she is kind; but if she moves into a totally different situation she could show a very different personality. Note: I said, "in general" > she could really be a genuinely kind person, for all I know. Also, it is often discovered, how ones get married and then is when they might even *start* to get to know each other!! Plus, as we grow in Jesus . . . we become very different people, than we were when we were years younger.

So-o-o, who you think she is now, even if you are correct > this will become out-of-date as you both mature. Plus, what you can think of doing, now, is how you can feel and think while you are still a younger and less mature Christian. So, be careful . . . prayerfully careful . . . about being a "teenager" making plans for who you will become when you are a mature adult, in Jesus.

I don't think anyone could have foreseen this coming. Not in my age group. Parents spying, GPS tracking, can't go out without your dad or mom watching or with you at 32 in broad daylight with other people around, even to eat.

God knew. This is why we are wise to make sure with God. Become able to do this, more and more maturely and consistently. And it might be you did what you should, and God now will use your relating with her and experience for His good. And she can benefit from this, whether or not you belong in marriage with each other.

Possibly she needs rehabilitation in a group of mature Christian ladies.

I do believe God guided me to this woman.

Jesus Himself went to some pretty questionable women, and He loved them and did them good. Always be ready for love with any person, whether he or she is able to love you the right way or not. And this can help prepare you for marriage, in which possibly you will find yourself in problems you did not see coming, even with a lady of Jesus with whom you belong. I understand now how marriage is a special "gift" (1 Corinthians 7:7) for learning how to love in a close relationship.

Jesus is still my only friend.

Jesus says we are His friends, if we do what He says . . . right?

So, if anyone is a friend of Jesus, I hope you would find that person to be your friend, also.

Loneliness is actually a blessing in my opinion. The earlier in life you're alone, the easier you're able to make and meet new friends later on life. Everyone is my friend unless you give me a reason not to be. I love to interact with new people.

Well, according to what I get through 1 Corinthians 7:7, being alone in Jesus . . . the way God has this work . . . this is a "gift". Celibacy is the gift, I understand, of being able to relate personally and intimately with God. But the celibate needs to grow in how to relate in close relationships, also; so married ones can help the celibates . . . while celibates help married ones relate more personally with God. Each ministers the grace of each one's gift to others >

"As every one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God." (1 Peter 4:10)

It comes to me, right now, keep your relations with her going, by means of prayer and preparation for how to love her, whether you actually see her or not. Love by faith, if not by sight, like how Peter says we love Jesus, "Though now you do not see Him" (in 1 Peter 1:8).

I'm usually with the senior/elders in my church. I'm not around the youths usually. My church also has not a great deal of youth, most are married and have children. Not much time for the single social anxiety one.

What have your more genuine people said about this?

What matters in the end to me is if it is God's Will.

How things look now . . . can be sick. But a sick cow can get better and make calves and give milk.

Whether or not she was from the Lord or not only time will reveal now. As it is, it has stopped.

Prayer does not stop, hopefully.

Creating a testimony of holiness and purity not only for our children, but for those around us will see our lives and the reflection of how Jesus's loved the church in our marriage.

Yes, our children need to see how parents relate well with each other. Or else, in their desperation for attention and affection, they can join with other foolish peers; and now we are seeing what has become of a lot of adults who used the peers for love approach, instead of learning with Jesus and according to God's word about how to love.

That God's Kingdom will be magnified by our works and through our faith in God.

"faith working through love" (in Galatians 5:6)

"Let all that you do be done with love." (1 Corinthians 16:14)

I contribute my patience to the fruit of the Spirit. It's probably one of my strongest in fruits of the Spirit.

Patience can mean being able to put up with trouble and nonsense, but the patient person is barely holding oneself back from arguing and complaining and angry talking. But patience in the fruit of the Holy Spirit is kind > love "suffers long and is kind," we have in the love chapter. So, the patience of God's love is different than the worldly sort of patience.

Patience can be how a master craftsman stays steady in his creativity for making a masterpiece >

"let patience have its perfect work," James says in James 1:4. In this case, I think God's word means how we become more and more mature in Jesus, as we keep living in God's patient love. The patience is the stability of God in His love, and He in us shares this with us, as we grow in Jesus.

Submissive is attractive, but I personally believe it must go both ways.

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

I see how this means a leader, including a husband, needs to be an example . . . a sample of how all of us need to become in our character, including how all of us are submissive to God and able to share in mutual submission with one another . . . how God guides us with one another >

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

"Examples" demonstrate the love meaning of God's word. So, you need to share with example leaders who help you discover the love meaning of God's word. And be an example to her and her parents, however this works out. Even in their absence, you can grow in being their good example so you are ready And God will use this > even if you never are with them again, God will use this with ones you belong with.

 

[Christianasking]

I apologize for the late reply to you com7fy8. Honestly, I just don't feel like talking to anyone anymore.

So, stay with all God has you doing in His peace.

Our beautiful peace was taken by her parents.

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

Tried to have peace with them. They wants things their ways, or no one can be happy.

Jesus forgave ones He was not trusting >

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." (in Luke 23:34)

Very true.

"Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21)

To me, this includes testing if and how God has us trusting each person.

And I now understand that this means we need to make sure with God about everything. After all, God is the One who knows what is "good", at each moment! So, get good at this, so you can make sure about people whom you don't even know. God knows them, He is able to guide you according to all He knows about each person, including this lady.

I believe we both tested each other. We continued to do this, but it was stopped. Her parents being of God is a different story.

a. It disappeared because her parents made it go away.
b. It disappeared because she has you, and therefore no need for window shopping.
c. It disappeared because she was not being honest, by fishing for a man who does not know her situation.
d. It disappeared because she can contact a person of interest in his profile, without maintaining hers.
d. Maybe all of the above, and/or something else.

No one will ever know why her profile disappeared.

Ok, in general . . . someone in a situation like hers could become like she is kind; but if she moves into a totally different situation she could show a very different personality. Note: I said, "in general" > she could really be a genuinely kind person, for all I know. Also, it is often discovered, how ones get married and then is when they might even *start* to get to know each other!! Plus, as we grow in Jesus . . . we become very different people, than we were when we were years younger.

So-o-o, who you think she is now, even if you are correct > this will become out-of-date as you both mature. Plus, what you can think of doing, now, is how you can feel and think while you are still a younger and less mature Christian. So, be careful . . . prayerfully careful . . . about being a "teenager" making plans for who you will become when you are a mature adult, in Jesus.

God knew. This is why we are wise to make sure with God. Become able to do this, more and more maturely and consistently. And it might be you did what you should, and God now will use your relating with her and experience for His good. And she can benefit from this, whether or not you belong in marriage with each other.

This is true, normally I don't trust so easily and this reminded me of exactly that. Considering the goodbye the day before our meeting. If God's got a plan for an 'us'; it would have to be divinely done at this point. And if God does, then many in the world will know of our story for His glory.

Possibly she needs rehabilitation in a group of mature Christian ladies.

The chances of her being around other Christian ladies, or any place where things could come out will probably be very slim. In fact, I'd imagine no one will get to what I know for many years if ever while she is at that home. Keeping her surrounded by children and in the children's nurseries works pretty good for that.

Jesus Himself went to some pretty questionable women, and He loved them and did them good. Always be ready for love with any person, whether he or she is able to love you the right way or not. And this can help prepare you for marriage, in which possibly you will find yourself in problems you did not see coming, even with a lady of Jesus with whom you belong. I understand now how marriage is a special "gift" (1 Corinthians 7:7) for learning how to love in a close relationship.

I do understand unforeseen problems will occur and happen during a relationship and in the marriage, but without both parties being willing to talk, pray and ask for guidance on it from God and through reading the scripture and in-depth study. Then it just becomes a worldly way of avoiding the truth.

Jesus says we are His friends, if we do what He says . . . right?

So, if anyone is a friend of Jesus, I hope you would find that person to be your friend, also.

True, but now I see I should probably ask what they believe first. Everyone stumbles, but continuing in a way in which you know is wrong is not of God at all.

Well, according to what I get through 1 Corinthians 7:7, being alone in Jesus . . . the way God has this work . . . this is a "gift". Celibacy is the gift, I understand, of being able to relate personally and intimately with God. But the celibate needs to grow in how to relate in close relationships, also; so married ones can help the celibates . . . while celibates help married ones relate more personally with God. Each ministers the grace of each one's gift to others >

"As every one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God." (1 Peter 4:10)

I try to always be there for my single and married friends. Moment that they usually get married, they usually disappear though. But I am fine with that, as long as they are happy. Still can ask for prayers both ways when needed at least.

It comes to me, right now, keep your relations with her going, by means of prayer and preparation for how to love her, whether you actually see her or not. Love by faith, if not by sight, like how Peter says we love Jesus, "Though now you do not see Him" (in 1 Peter 1:8).

Right now, I'm trying to keep praying for her. But I can see that even soon that will be faded.

What have your more genuine people said about this?

If on the subject of this. One in whose advice I take quite serious, that the dad is putting himself in the position of God. Many others believe she isn't wrestling with God, but against her parents, etc.

How things look now . . . can be sick. But a sick cow can get better and make calves and give milk.

I like this quote, in which I enjoy quotes, and I do believe I will be borrowing this from you.

Prayer does not stop, hopefully.

My prayer life is pretty much dead right now. One of my favorite things to do was pray. Was almost back to my ideal three prayers a day, not counting my Holy Bible reading and study. That's all but stopped right now. I'm struggling to even pray for her a short two or three minute prayer now. A two to three minute prayer compared to what I was praying; a time difference that is quite hard to believe right now. My spirit is broken within me currently.

Yes, our children need to see how parents relate well with each other. Or else, in their desperation for attention and affection, they can join with other foolish peers; and now we are seeing what has become of a lot of adults who used the peers for love approach, instead of learning with Jesus and according to God's word about how to love.

"faith working through love" (in Galatians 5:6)

"Let all that you do be done with love." (1 Corinthians 16:14)

Very true, learning and focusing on God's love is great adventure and of encouragement for all that will listen, study and learn it.

Patience can mean being able to put up with trouble and nonsense, but the patient person is barely holding oneself back from arguing and complaining and angry talking. But patience in the fruit of the Holy Spirit is kind > love "suffers long and is kind," we have in the love chapter. So, the patience of God's love is different than the worldly sort of patience.

Patience can be how a master craftsman stays steady in his creativity for making a masterpiece >

"let patience have its perfect work," James says in James 1:4. In this case, I think God's word means how we become more and more mature in Jesus, as we keep living in God's patient love. The patience is the stability of God in His love, and He in us shares this with us, as we grow in Jesus.

Yes, very true.

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

I see how this means a leader, including a husband, needs to be an example . . . a sample of how all of us need to become in our character, including how all of us are submissive to God and able to share in mutual submission with one another . . . how God guides us with one another >

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

"Examples" demonstrate the love meaning of God's word. So, you need to share with example leaders who help you discover the love meaning of God's word. And be an example to her and her parents, however this works out. Even in their absence, you can grow in being their good example so you are ready And God will use this > even if you never are with them again, God will use this with ones you belong with.

Thank you for your time Com7fy8, for your wisdom, kindness and your love in Christ for me as a brother. I hope you will have a blessed week and month!

 

[johansen]

My prayer life is pretty much dead right now. One of my favorite things to do was pray. Was almost back to my ideal three prayers a day, not counting my Holy Bible reading and study. That's all but stopped right now. I'm struggling to even pray for her a short two or three minute prayer now. A two to three minute prayer compared to what I was praying; a time difference that is quite hard to believe right now. My spirit is broken within me currently.

brother,

When I met a girl in late 2017, I considered her immediately to be a good opportunity, but I was not immediately at peace about various matters, and as a result i was inspired to pray concerning the more complex matters from my past, in a way I hadn't done before, which was "with authority" (which really means the delegated authority Jesus had already given me) and it had immediate positive effect, and i was then later able to hear the Holy Spirit tell me very clearly, some matters regarding the woman I had just met, and my ex.

She and I had a short relationship, I didn't have any attachment to her when she left to live in another city as she had already planned before we met. She considered herself too much of a prostitute to be with me, even though her sins, are these days.. are less than average. Conviction is a strange thing, some experience it more than others. I don't think I sinned in any significant manner with her, and she probably cried her eyes out after I left because she told me I was the only man who ever helped her pack up her belongings when she told them she was going to leave, all the rest of all her friends would just ghost her as soon as they found out she was going to move.


Approximately 1 year later my brother introduced me to my neighbor.. a woman 8 years younger than me who lived with her parents, had severe trauma, was hearing voices.. and that situation tested me more than any other. we got married 3 years later.

There's a reason you're not at peace, and you need to pray about it.

 

[com7fy8]

Our beautiful peace was taken by her parents.

And you are saying you are having a hard time praying because of this.

This can mean you have let wrong people have too much power over you.

We need to pray in preparation for what Satanic people will do, at any time. Be ready to love them, plus ready to stay in God's peace.

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

God is almighty; so the power of His peace is almighty with His own immunity against how Satanic people do things and would affect us.

When we get blessed with a thing of Jesus, I find often enough that Satan is allowed to test it with the exact opposite or worse.

So - - - we can not let evil people decide if we have peace and can pray, or not.

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:21)

And watch out for yourself! > make sure you do not hold your happiness hostage, in order to try to get God to work this out the way you want!

Look at how David handled his situation when the Amalekites raided his and his men's home city and took their wives and children. 1 Samuel 30.

First, the men were talking about stoning David, and he was troubled about that. Possibly, he had made a major error which allowed those evil people to take the women and children. Because David had the guys out for a military parade . . . in a country which was an enemy of Israel, where David and his men and families were staying in refuge. So, they had been cohorting with and trusting in the enemy, not keeping an eye on their city, it seems.

But David got with God about it, so he was encouraged and strengthened in the LORD. And then he made sure with God about what to do. And God said, go get your families back. And they creamed the Amalekites and took all their stuff they had been plundering.

So, you can see David did not stop with blaming himself or blaming anyone else. He trusted God to decide and judge about things.

And they came out with more than they lost.

So, yes you can come out with more. For one thing, you can grow in your relating with the ones who are honorable and good examples for you. And by prayer for your lady you can have a better, growing relationship with her, even if you never see her again. Be there for her; you have been trusted by God to have her, for however this goes. Appreciate all you have had, and pray to be ready for more and better.

 

[com7fy8]

How things look now . . . can be sick. But a sick cow can get better and make calves and give milk.

I like this quote, in which I enjoy quotes, and I do believe I will be borrowing this from you.

As far as I know, no one else has written this. And Jesus has me giving freely, without charge or copyright controls > Matthew 10:8. So, consider it public domain, for however you please to share it