It's understandable why you're interested given your similarities and chastity. But it takes more than to create a healthy union as you're discovering. Children learn what they live and some beginnings are better than others. But the spouse bears the brunt of it good or bad. Whatever that involves will be in addition to the marital responsibilities, children, other relationships and your work.
When you look at it from that perspective you may find it's too much to handle in light of the rest. Ministry brings its own pressures and demands and experiencing the same from loved ones may be too much. When I received my calling and understood my purpose I sifted my suitors through that reality.
It didn't matter how much he loved the Lord. How attractive he was or successful. Or how much desired me. What mattered most was whether he was an asset or liability towards its fulfillment. Because God isn't the author of confusion. He won't bring me a man who'd stand in my way or make me fail. I'm working for Him.
That helped to recalibrate my mind and heart. When I met prospects I asked them to paint me picture of the life they had in mind for themselves and their future spouse. I didn't want to influence their answer with my response and invited them to speak candidly and I listened.
Very, very true, many times when I was younger I would meet someone and after sharing my dreams, hopes and even the possibility of missionary work talk too, that took a very quick turn with whom I was talking with online. The idea of going somewhere as a missionary pretty much ended the conversations by itself. Which I couldn't understand at all when I was younger.
I spent years praying for my husband and everything connected to him from head to toe. He recognized what he'd found immediately as did I and it was a little frightening. We had so much in common. A similar upbringing, disposition and interests. He had a passion for my calling and professional experience in that industry. The things I struggled to do he was good at and vice versa. I remember looking at the screen in awe.
Missional pairings rely on peace and agreement to function. You can't have a lot of strife because it threatens the bigger things you're working towards. You need mutual respect and admiration to stay the course. And oftentimes your example inspires others and the Lord uses you in that capacity..
Thank you so much for sharing and I completely understand that! I remember starting to pray for a wife I believe around 19. I have had a lot of hardships in my life, and a lot of difficulties that few are able to understand or even care to try to understand. Over the years my prayers continued to change, and finally only I'd say earlier this year my prayers changed very dramatically. The things I prayed for, from what I asked the Lord to change in my heart, how I asked the Lord to be victorious in every single corner and nook of my heart, mind and life. That it would be pleasing before His eyes. To new knowledge I had learned that was in my mind; praying for Job's covenant eyes for his wife, but I asked that it wouldn't just be my eyes, but all of my emotions and mind for her. That I would put Father God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit first and then she'd be second and vice versa. Someone who would want to live a holy life with me. Whether we had little or a lot, as long as we were glorifying God in all we do. That our marriage would reflect Jesus in all we do. That just by seeing us, not even having heard our testimony people would want to learn about God. I fully understand not everyone wants that to live life to the degree I'm wanting to live it. Keeping a holy life, marriage and home isn't an easy job.
I prayed I'd finally be accepted for who I was, and that I'd accept her for who she was. (Often times I'd start talking with someone, and I knew almost right away I couldn't be myself, or I'd have to accept things/views in which didn't match up with the life I wanted to live for the Lord.) Soon afterwards these people would leave. I feel no one really looks at the marble God is chiseling into the image of His Son, but at what the statue is they can get immediately.
She's the first person who accepted me for who I was. My severe social anxiety didn't bother her, even the fact I'm without a car at the moment didn't bother her. She enjoyed reading the Holy Bible with me, she was interested in going to church with me, our interests from hobbies to music to how we wanted a home one day all aligned. I believe the relationship truly was helping both of us in different ways, her with her confidence and me with my social anxiety; the edifying was clearly there and the helping of each other. It was to such a degree in one of her emails she stated
"And what a blessing time after time that we agree and dream of similar things or even downright identical!"
I had use to pray for a wife that had never even been kissed. I actually had started giving up on that, and thought maybe I was asking for too much in this age. When I ended up finding up she hadn't kissed, my heart rejoiced to God; one of many things it was rejoicing for about with her. That the Lord had brought me. I have been so grateful for her in my life. I'm on several dating sites, but my heart felt not to look anymore anywhere. Only to focus on her. The kissing was one of the few things we had talked about on boundaries. I asked when she thought someone should kiss, and she said not until marriage and I said I agree. Let's wait until marriage to kiss on the lips. I have wanted to have a testimony of holiness and purity for not only my children one day, but also for others to read about.
I weighed in for that reason and shared personal tidbits for your edification. There's a way to go about it that's loving and considerate as I demonstrated in my response. If you weren't called to ministry and wanted to persist and were prepared to roll up your sleeves if required I might encourage it.
But I can't do that in good faith in light of your calling. Evangelism is a lot of work and time away. Many times wives assist their husbands through teaching, mentoring and hospitality. The woman you described isn't prepared for that. She doesn't have the agency required to do so.
I definitely want someone to be able to go at this with me. I need a partner, whether it's ministry or evangelistic outreach. I have asked and prayed for that partner. Finding this woman just seems impossible. It's one reason I felt that it has to be her. I felt such peace when I was with her, and she also always mentioned feeling peace with me. It's a peace I hadn't ever had around another human being.
Women like her usually marry patriarchal men and become stay-at-home wives and raise their children. That's their life. Breaking the mold would require a lot of psychological and emotional wrangling coupled with a lot of prayer. She may struggle with guilt afterwards.
Your wife needs to be in a better place if she's going to walk with a man in an office. You'll have a lot of challenges in the spirit realm she'll need to stand against in prayer. She can't be falling apart. That's not being cruel or requiring perfection. It's recognizing what the role involves and making an honest assessment.
No I completely understand what you're saying. Definitely not being taken as cruel at all. It's the reason I've come here, for I can take in the advice and opinions to help me through this. God has given us all wisdom and different experiences for the edification and encouragement of each other. I appreciate your time and thorough thoughtfulness, kindness, openness and honesty to me. Though I have nothing to offer back, especially not in the condition my hearts feel. I greatly appreciate it!
Leave it with the Lord and move forward. If He wants to redeem the connection He will. But don't close your heart to other opportunities. He's not done with you yet.
God Bless.
~bella
Been having a really hard time praying since this has happened. Trying to, truly, truly am trying to. I don't think at this moment anyone would want to open a door to me in this condition. At this point in life, it's getting very hard to open that door. May you though, be blessed by the Lord for your thorough kindness to me as just a brother in the body of Christ.
