Should a church member get KICKED out of church membership if he/she is dating a non christian person ?

[LW97Nils]

No, but it still is unwise.

 

[rebornfree]

There's dating and dating. Imagine three scenarios:

1. Someone converts and has been dating the same person for a while. They get the sexual morality right and explain that they would not be able to marry unless the boyfriend/girlfriend converts. The boyfriend/girlfriend is okay with that and sometimes goes to church with them.

2. A lonely lady, without any family, lives in a place where there are no Christian single men. She goes out to work and is involved in the Church, but everyone in her age group are in couples. However she has a good male friend who is not a Christian. He respects her views. Occasionally they go out together and he sometimes goes with her when she meets her Christian friends so that she is not the only single amongst Christian couples.

3. Christian singles go to bars or nightclubs in order to meet the opposite sex for sex.

Imo only no. 3 is a sin.

Point being that not every situation is the same and good church leadership should be aware of that. A blanket ruling is very heavy handed and I don't think that anyone should be kicked out of church, unless they are preaching false doctrine and causing others to sin and the leadership have taken every other measure to try to stop it and they haven't worked.

In the above scenarios the church can help in nos. 1 and 2 by praying for, and befriending, the unbeliever. In no 3. some teaching on sexual morality is needed alongside prayer and maybe counselling. If that doesn't work then the person who is persisting in sin, without repentance, may have to relinquish any teaching, ministering or church leadership roles they hold.

 

[All Becomes New]

I think there is precedence for kicking someone out of a fellowship for sexual immorality seen here:

1 Corinthians 5:1-5
"It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and the kind of sexual immorality that is not even tolerated among the Gentiles—a man is sleeping with his father’s wife. And you are arrogant! Shouldn’t you be filled with grief and remove from your congregation the one who did this? Even though I am absent in the body, I am present in spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who has been doing such a thing. When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus, and I am with you in spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus, hand that one over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord."

Paul's rebuke is very strong, leading me to think that a far less offense could come with the same penalty.

Paul also says,

2 Corinthians 6:14-15
"Do not be yoked together with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? What agreement does Christ have with Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"

Paul's admonition, here is again very strong. Although he does not say in this case to cast them out of the fellowship, it is not difficult to draw that connection.

 

[lismore]

My church removes members if they are dating non-Christians especially after they remain dating them after being told not to.

Is that right ? Or should something else should be done

NOTE: I know it’s not wise to be in romantic relationships with nonbelievers

Hello! The first and greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your soul and mind. How would someone square that love that they're supposed to have with dating a person with no interest in the Lord at all. What would they have in common? What would a believer and an unbeliever have in common? They're polar opposites, like Christ and Satan. There is an almighty disconnect there, for a professing believer to date an unbeliever there is something far wrong, possibly even a wolf in sheep's clothing. It is the duty of the church to protect the sheep from wolves. A wise precaution re:membership. Something perhaps to make the person take notice and repent. God Bless All

 

[DragonFox91]

Many churches are too lukewarm on this topic. But getting kicked out is an overcorrection. BUT: the church should be working w/ them on correct steps. I feel like rather than overcorrect, churches decide to ignore problems, when one of the functions of the church is to disciple & strengthen the saints, particularly in holy living.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

My church removes members if they are dating non-Christians especially after they remain dating them after being told not to.

Is that right ? Or should something else should be done

NOTE: I know it’s not wise to be in romantic relationships with nonbelievers

The thing is, there is no guarantee the approved choices are Christian either, even if they are gifted in speaking Christianese.

 

[lismore]

Many churches are too lukewarm on this topic.

Agreed! I don't think this issue will get any better by ignoring it, as many churches seem to do.

Malachi 2:15 Has not the LORD made them one, having a portion of the Spirit? And why one? Because He seeks godly offspring.

The likelihood of godly offspring declines when a believer dates/ marries a pagan. This was done repeatedly in many books of the bible, believers going with unbelievers, it almost always led to disaster as in Numbers 25. Why would it be any different now?

In Numbers 25 the prophet Phineas put the offending person out of membership permanently and the Lord rewarded him for it. Showing perhaps how serious an issue this is in God's sight.

God Bless

 

[ralliann]

If you're a christian it is but they do it under the belief they'll influence them. The term for that is missionary dating. But statistically that isn't the case. They're more likely to impact your walk negatively than you are to win them to Christ. The time frames differ. Men usually take longer than women to come around.

A previous connection married a believer but they were a universalist. They went to church with them and bore it for a while then complaints followed. The spouse was catholic and the other liked the protestant church. They were going to different services at one period. I don't they worked it out.

Why subject yourself to things like that? You have to be on the same page on the big stuff. Like God, values, family, money, and lifestyle. Otherwise you'll have a lot of conflict and that isn't good.

~bella

My mother was Catholic and my dad was not. If the non Catholic pledges to raise their children Catholic, they can marry. My dad just chose to convert. either way the household is Catholic for the children.

 

[ralliann]

My wife is Catholic, I’m absolutely opposed to Roman Catholicism, it hasn’t been a problem for either of us.

Did you promise to raise the children Catholic?

 

[ralliann]

Agreed! I don't think this issue will get any better by ignoring it, as many churches seem to do.

Malachi 2:15 Has not the LORD made them one, having a portion of the Spirit? And why one? Because He seeks godly offspring.

The likelihood of godly offspring declines when a believer dates/ marries a pagan. This was done repeatedly in many books of the bible, believers going with unbelievers, it almost always led to disaster as in Numbers 25. Why would it be any different now?

In Numbers 25 the prophet Phineas put the offending person out of membership permanently and the Lord rewarded him for it. Showing perhaps how serious an issue this is in God's sight.

God Bless

Timothy was not circumcised because his mother married a Greek. It did not stop him from being raised up in the Hebrew scripture. And of course you have Ruth, being a non jew, married to a Jew.

 

[lismore]

Timothy was not circumcised because his mother married a Greek. It did not stop him from being raised up in the Hebrew scripture. And of course you have Ruth, being a non jew, married to a Jew.

Hello! Yes there are exceptions. Which is why I said it 'almost' always leads to disaster. If someone uses one of the exceptions as a pretext to marry an unbeliever I think it's an example of eisegesis. God Bless

 

[bèlla]

My mother was Catholic and my dad was not. If the non Catholic pledges to raise their children Catholic, they can marry. My dad just chose to convert. either way the household is Catholic for the children.

The children and the spouse are protestants. That is the perspective that's enforced. The catholic nod is in name only.

~bella

 

[ralliann]

Hello! Yes there are exceptions. Which is why I said it 'almost' always leads to disaster. If someone uses one of the exceptions as a pretext to marry an unbeliever I think it's an example of eisegesis. God Bless

Well I think the Catholic approach is good. Although, I am not Catholic, I know what they used to do because my mom was Catholic, my Dad was not..But I don't know if this has changed.
If a Church requires any non christian desiring to marry a member, they must ensure the children are raised in the faith. Rather than just saying you cannot date someone outside the faith. So a decision must be made, by one or both right out the gate..

 

[ralliann]

The children and the spouse are protestants. That is the perspective that's enforced. The catholic nod is in name only.

~bella

Well us kids ( all 6) are not Catholic either, but were raised that way. My dad converted, and we still did not end up Catholic.

 

[lismore]

Well I think the Catholic approach is good. Although, I am not Catholic, I know what they used to do because my mom was Catholic, my Dad was not..But I don't know if this has changed.
If a Church requires any non christian desiring to marry a member, they must ensure the children are raised in the faith. Rather than just saying you cannot date someone outside the faith. So a decision must be made, by one or both right out the gate..

Hello ralliann. The Catholic approach might be a step in the right direction, but still a flawed approach IMHO. In my grandparents case my grandmother was an RC and a true believer in Jesus, my grandfather a communist, alcoholic and gambling addict. 'Ensure the children are raised in the faith', on a practical level throws up insurmountable challenges. None of their children are now practising Catholics, all the males are either recovering alcoholics or gambling addicts. God Bless You

 

[ralliann]

Hello ralliann. The Catholic approach might be a step in the right direction, but still a flawed approach IMHO. In my grandparents case my grandmother was an RC and a true believer in Jesus, my grandfather a communist, alcoholic and gambling addict. 'Ensure the children are raised in the faith', on a practical level throws up insurmountable challenges. None of their children are now practising Catholics, all the males are either recovering alcoholics or gambling addicts. God Bless You

Well, I would think the alcoholism is more the problem here?
But here is the scenario I think of.....Boy sees girl, or meets girl, very early on one of the first things he learns is she is Catholic. If it is common knowledge of the rule, he would know it right off the bat. Could he even consider such a thing???? That is what I am talking about. Same goes for the Catholic, could she leave the faith? It would be front and center from the get go. Granted the Catholic would have long thought on such things and decided. The non Catholic would be hit with as new.

 

[Valletta]

Well, I would think the alcoholism is more the problem here?
But here is the scenario I think of.....Boy sees girl, or meets girl, very early on one of the first things he learns is she is Catholic. If it is common knowledge of the rule he would know it right off the bat. Could he even consider such a thing???? That is what I am talking about. Same goes for the Catholic, could she leave the faith? It would be front and center from the get go.

And communism the problem as well as alcoholism.

 

[BNR32FAN]

Did you promise to raise the children Catholic?

No

 

[ralliann]

And communism the problem as well as alcoholism.

Yes, sorry equally so Thanks for the addition.

 

[lismore]

Well, I would think the alcoholism is more the problem here?

Hello! I think it's more 'birds of a feather should flock together'. Believers should marry believers.

But here is the scenario I think of.....Boy sees girl, or meets girl, very early on one of the first things he learns is she is Catholic. If it is common knowledge of the rule he would know it right off the bat. Could he even consider such a thing???? That is what I am talking about. Same goes for the Catholic, could she leave the faith? It would be front and center from the get go. Granted the Catholic would have long thought on such things and decided. The non Catholic would be hit with as new.

The non-Catholic might say 'yea whatever', because they know in real life how hard it's going to be for the Catholic to raise children in the faith in a mixed household. It's easier to drag down than to pull up. The kids will soon detect the one parent's cynicism and it will have it's affect.

God Bless You