Should a church member get KICKED out of church membership if he/she is dating a non christian person ?

[bèlla]

Is dating unbeliever actually sinful ?
( serious question)

If you're a christian it is but they do it under the belief they'll influence them. The term for that is missionary dating. But statistically that isn't the case. They're more likely to impact your walk negatively than you are to win them to Christ. The time frames differ. Men usually take longer than women to come around.

A previous connection married a believer but they were a universalist. They went to church with them and bore it for a while then complaints followed. The spouse was catholic and the other liked the protestant church. They were going to different services at one period. I don't they worked it out.

Why subject yourself to things like that? You have to be on the same page on the big stuff. Like God, values, family, money, and lifestyle. Otherwise you'll have a lot of conflict and that isn't good.

~bella

 

[Postvieww]

My church removes members if they are dating non-Christians especially after they remain dating them after being told not to.

Is that right ? Or should something else should be done

NOTE: I know it’s not wise to be in romantic relationships with nonbelievers

IMO this is absurd. Would Jesus kick someone to the curb for dating a non believer? Churches are to teach and nurture, how does throwing someone out do either of those things? I would say find a new church.

 

[Ivan Hlavanda]

Is dating unbeliever actually sinful ?
( serious question)

Yes

2 Cor 6 14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God;

Here is a great video on this

And even if it wasn't a sin, what good is it to be in a relationship with an unbeliever? You cannot worship together, you cannot pray together, you cannot sing together, you cannot talk about your love of Christ and praise Him. Sounds like a torture, I'd rather be single.

 

[Ivan Hlavanda]

IMO this is absurd. Would Jesus kick someone to the curb for dating a non believer? Churches are to teach and nurture, how does throwing someone out do either of those things? I would say find a new church.

Jesus hates sin. This is what happens when churches talk about love love love and never about God's wrath.

When a church allows sin, and does not repent, Christ Himself will destroy the church.

In my church, if you sin and do not feel bad about it, there is no repentance, you are not allowed to have Lord's supper. And if you still remain in sin, and despite many warnings from brothers and sisters, you hold onto the sin and do not repent, they will kick you out. It's called a church discipline.

 

[Ivan Hlavanda]

Why should it be?!

Because God says so

2 Cor 6 14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial?[b] Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God;

 

[com7fy8]

Is dating unbeliever actually sinful ?
( serious question)

If a person will not trust in Jesus, what would make that person desirable to you for dating?

An unbeliever is a child of Satan. So, why are you attracted to a child of Satan, instead of to a child of God?

Why would you not date a person who is helping you to grow in Jesus and who can be a good example to help you bring up your children?

I have known a person who wanted to have someone when she was old and retired. She picked up one guy in a bar. It did not work out. Then she got with an old friend who was not saved. I offered the unequal yoke thing, and she talked her way right around that.

After their pronouncement things got troubled quickly. I was not surprised.

He was not her real problem. She needed to get wise to what made her able to get herself into wrong relationships.

Already, I could see she was a controller who could make things happen the way she dictated. Except, in a close relationship, that charm and cleverness didn't work so well. And she could justify other things, like bar socializing. So, she was her real problem, then.

So, just having a rule, "don't date unbelievers", could be legalistic, unless they are providing ministry for how the Bible says for us to relate as God's family, and how to make sure with God about whom we date and marry.

She clearly did not make sure with God. And she was not a role model for Ephesians 5:21 and James 1:19-20 and Philippians 2:13-16.

Christian dating and marriage include mutual and prayerful submission (Ephesians 5:21). And we lead by example > 1 Peter 5:3 > not using each other and pressuring and charming each other to do what we want.

An unbeliever is incapable of genuine mutual and prayerful sharing. So, they are incapable of God's way of love!!

So, if you can ask if it's "sinful" to date a child of Satan who does not know how to love . . . possibly this means you need to spend much more time in prayer and God's word and in sharing with mature Christian people who do not only have rules, but they are examples of how to do well in marriage and other close family relating in Jesus > including >

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-22)

I mean older people with decades of maturing.

 

[Paradise Haven]

My church removes members if they are dating non-Christians especially after they remain dating them after being told not to.

Is that right ? Or should something else should be done

NOTE: I know it’s not wise to be in romantic relationships with nonbelievers

The Bible advises believers not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). This principle suggests that intimate relationships, such as marriage or serious dating, should be entered into with those who share the same faith to ensure spiritual harmony and mutual growth in Christ.

2 Corinthians 6:14, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"

Paul advises believers to avoid forming close, binding relationships with those who do not share their faith. This counsel is particularly relevant in the context of partnerships, marriages, and other significant alliances where differing values and beliefs could lead to conflicts and compromise of one's faith and integrity. The "yoke" represents a harness used for oxen, suggesting that believers and unbelievers, when yoked together, would pull in different directions, creating disharmony and inefficiency. Righteousness and lawlessness, light and darkness, are symbolic contrasts representing the inherent incompatibility between the life and values of a believer and those of an unbeliever. This passage calls believers to maintain their distinctiveness and holiness, ensuring that their closest relationships support and strengthen their walk with God, rather than lead them away from it. In essence, Paul is urging believers to be mindful of their spiritual and moral integrity, fostering environments where their faith can thrive and remain uncompromised.

The purpose of church discipline, as outlined in passages like Matthew 18:15-17 and 1 Corinthians 5, is restorative rather than punitive. The goal is to encourage repentance and reconciliation, not to ostracize or shame the individual. Instead of immediately resorting to expulsion, the church leadership should first seek to understand the situation through pastoral counseling. This includes discussing the biblical principles of relationships and the potential spiritual challenges of being unequally yoked.

 

[JustaPewFiller]

Hmmm....

Well let me ask this. How does your church define who is a Christian that is acceptable to date?

Who decides if whomever you are dating lives up to however your church defines being a Christian?

Some examples -

If the person you are dating professes to be a Christian but does not attend church, is that ok?
If the person is of different mainline denomination is that ok? I do not know your denomination, but if you were Baptist for example, would it be ok if the person was Methodist, Pentecostal or Presbyterian?
If the person is Catholic, Mormon, 7th Day Adventist or even Jewish is that ok?
If the person hasn't been baptized is that ok?
If they person says they are Christian but prefers a different style of worship music, different Bible translation or different style of dress than your church - is that ok?

The point I'm making is this. Who decides if the person you are dating is Christian or "Christian-enough"? Who is the judge here on Earth that holds the worthiness of the person you are dating in their hands? Is it the pastor? Is there some set of rules you can go by? Is there a council that decides? The pastor that decides? A church-wide vote? Do you need to bring your prospective date in for a interview by the church before you date them?

Maybe it would be easier if the church just arranged marriages? That way they could be sure that both people met all the criteria.

Sounds like it could be a very legalistic slippery slope.

I would honestly suggest moving on from that church.

 

[Lost4words]

I believe that God puts believers with unbelievers for conversion....maybe not all of the time but, God does work in mysterious ways...

 

[Paradise Haven]

These passages exemplify the true mark of a Christian. We need to lay aside religion and denominational rules and regulations and focus on Christ and what the writers of the Scriptures taught, nothing more. This entails living out the gospel with sincerity and unity, as Paul exhorts in Philippians 1:27, striving together with one spirit and one mind for the faith of the gospel. It also involves earnestly contending for the faith once delivered to the saints, as Jude urges in Jude 1:3, holding fast to the timeless truths of our common salvation. By centering our lives on Christ and adhering to the pure teachings of the apostles, we fulfill our calling as true followers of Jesus, transcending the divisions and complexities of man-made doctrines and practices.

1 Corinthians 1:10: "Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment."

"speaking the same thing" represents the unity of doctrine and confession among believers. It signifies the importance of having a common understanding and declaration of the core truths of the Christian faith. This unity in speech symbolizes the harmonious relationship that should exist within the body of Christ, where all members are aligned in their belief and proclamation of the gospel.

This exhortation emphasizes the need for Christians to avoid divisive behavior and to strive for harmony and reconciliation. In everyday church life, this means working through disagreements in a spirit of love and humility, seeking consensus on essential doctrines, and fostering an environment where differences are addressed constructively rather than contentiously. The call to be "perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment" speaks to the practical efforts required to maintain unity, such as regular fellowship, open communication, and mutual respect.

By combining the symbolic meaning with practical application, this passage encourages believers to embody the unity of the Spirit in both their beliefs and actions, reflecting the oneness of Christ's body in their communal and personal lives. This unity is not merely theoretical but is meant to be lived out in concrete ways, demonstrating the transformative power of the gospel in creating a unified and harmonious community.

Philippians 1:27: "Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;"

Paul's instruction to the Philippians to let their "conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ" symbolizes a call to live lives that reflect the principles and values of the gospel. This means that Christians should conduct themselves in a manner worthy of the good news of Jesus Christ, embodying His teachings in their daily actions and interactions. The symbolism of "conversation" here extends beyond mere speech to encompass one's entire manner of life and behavior.

Paul expresses his desire to hear that the Philippians are "standing fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel," whether he is physically present or not. "one spirit" and "one mind" represent unity and harmony among believers. This unity is demonstrated through mutual support, cooperation, and a shared commitment to the mission of spreading the gospel. The phrase "striving together" symbolizes the collective effort and struggle of the Christian community to maintain and advance their faith in the face of opposition or challenges.

Jude 1:3: "Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints."

Jude's address to the "beloved" symbolizes his deep affection and concern for fellow believers, indicating that the message is one of urgent importance to the Christian community. This affectionate term highlights the close-knit relationship among believers, emphasizing the need for mutual care and responsibility. Jude mentions his initial intention to write about the "common salvation," symbolizing the shared experience and foundational beliefs of all Christians. This "common salvation" underscores the unity and inclusivity of the gospel message, which is accessible and relevant to all who believe.

However, Jude finds it necessary to "exhort" or urgently encourage the believers to "earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints." "earnestly contend" implies a vigorous and active defense of the faith, suggesting that believers must be prepared to stand firm and fight against false teachings and challenges to their beliefs. This contending for the faith involves a combination of knowing the core doctrines of Christianity, living out those truths authentically, and defending them against any distortions or deviations.

The phrase "the faith which was once delivered unto the saints" symbolizes the timeless and unchanging truth of the gospel, handed down through the apostles and early church leaders. This calls believers to hold fast to these foundational teachings, ensuring that their faith remains rooted in the original message of Christ and the apostles, rather than being swayed by contemporary trends or false teachings.

 

[BNR32FAN]

My church removes members if they are dating non-Christians especially after they remain dating them after being told not to.

Is that right ? Or should something else should be done

NOTE: I know it’s not wise to be in romantic relationships with nonbelievers

I don’t see a problem with dating unbelievers the Bible does not forbid dating unbelievers.

 

[BNR32FAN]

I can understand the policy. If they permitted a homosexual pairing would you feel the same? Unequally yoked relationships are against the word. If the person shows no sign of relenting why would you allow the leaven to remain?

~bella

Dating isn’t being yoked.

 

[BNR32FAN]

So you want the church to allow sin to destroy them?

Problem isn't the church, problem is the member who loves sin more than God.

Nobody is born a believer, I didn’t come to Christ until I was 38 years old. And dating a nonbeliever isn’t going to destroy the church, you’re exaggerating. Every one of us have to deal with unbelievers everywhere we go every single day and it hasn’t destroyed us yet. Anyone who’s faith is going to be compromised by being in contact with nonbelievers isn’t going to last a week in the world we live in.

 

[BNR32FAN]

Did they become Christians once they were married or were they Christians before they were married?

Christians entering a relationship with a non-christian is a sin! The problem is with the member who loves sin more than God, not the church. Cannot believe so many here are against the church and not the member sinning and not willing to repent.

Why does He eat with such sinners? Healthy people don’t need a doctor, sick people do. The OP is about dating, not getting married.

 

[BNR32FAN]

If you're a christian it is but they do it under the belief they'll influence them. The term for that is missionary dating. But statistically that isn't the case. They're more likely to impact your walk negatively than you are to win them to Christ. The time frames differ. Men usually take longer than women to come around.

A previous connection married a believer but they were a universalist. They went to church with them and bore it for a while then complaints followed. The spouse was catholic and the other liked the protestant church. They were going to different services at one period. I don't they worked it out.

Why subject yourself to things like that? You have to be on the same page on the big stuff. Like God, values, family, money, and lifestyle. Otherwise you'll have a lot of conflict and that isn't good.

~bella

My wife is Catholic, I’m absolutely opposed to Roman Catholicism, it hasn’t been a problem for either of us.

 

[RileyG]

Nope. Absolutely not.

Find a different Church.

 

[Paradise Haven]

The King James Version (KJV) provides SPECIFIC instructions on the relationship between believing and unbelieving spouses primarily in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14. Here is the passage: Now I know these passages are referring to marriage but same principle should (keyword here, depending on your Church, although it shouldn't be that way) apply to the Church.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14 (KJV):

"But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."

In this passage, the Apostle Paul offers guidance for believers who are married to unbelievers. The key points are:

1. Staying Together: If an unbelieving spouse is willing to remain in the marriage, the believing spouse should not initiate a separation or divorce. This principle applies to both husbands and wives.
2. Sanctification of the Unbelieving Spouse: The believing spouse brings a form of sanctification to the marriage, which is reflected in the notion that the unbelieving spouse and their children are considered "holy" or set apart due to the presence of the believing partner. This does not imply that the unbelieving spouse is saved by the believer's faith but rather indicates a special status and influence in the marriage.
3. Implication for Children: The presence of a believing parent means that their children are regarded as "holy," which can be understood as being under the influence of a Christian environment and the blessings associated with it.

This passage provides practical instructions for navigating marriage when one spouse is a believer and the other is not, emphasizing the importance of maintaining the marriage relationship if the unbelieving spouse is amenable.

 

[seeking.IAM]

Is dating unbeliever actually sinful ?
( serious question)

I do not interpret Paul's words in this matter as elevating relationships outside of the faith to be a sin. I consider it counsel given to Christians in the vein of an administrative order or directive given by one who has authority or mentorship over the church. This is like one's Bishop or Clergy issuing a policy for a congregation. It may be good advice, be in one's best interest to follow it, and even be a church rule but that does not make doing otherwise a sin affecting one's salvation in my opinion.

 

[Ivan Hlavanda]

Why does He eat with such sinners? Healthy people don’t need a doctor, sick people do. The OP is about dating, not getting married.

Yes He ate with sinners, but told them to stop sinning and not encouraged them to sin more.

Should we start offering alcohol in the church just to bring the alcoholics? Should we offer drugs to bring the druggies?

Why date the person that we will never marry? Hey, let's date but we will never be in relationship - sounds great, no? Christians have no business even thinking about dating non-Christians.

 

[Ivan Hlavanda]

And dating a nonbeliever isn’t going to destroy the church, you’re exaggerating. Every one of us have to deal with unbelievers everywhere we go every single day and it hasn’t destroyed us yet.

Christians practicing sins in a church is absolutely going to destroy the church. Christ Himself tells sin practicing church what will happen 'Rev 2:16 Therefore repent. If not, I will come to you soon and war against them with the sword of my mouth.'

Ofc we have to deal with unbelievers, and bring them to church, but we do not do that by practicing a sin, but by sharing the word of God. So many churches practice sins, so many churches are lukewarm, and Christ hates that. The word of God is clear, do not enter into relationship with non-Christians, do not even think about it or desire it. Have we learned nothing from Israel?

This is typical of us humans, me included, we keep excusing our sins, but this has to stop.