My whole life I've dealt with the spirit of depression since the traumatic childhood. That led me to new age and finally home to Jesus. I believe I am saved and have holly spirit, but I am really experiencing some serious spiritual warfare. I've been Christian for years now, so I'm not new in faith.
I'm giving it all to God and praying, but my flesh is weak and I'm failing every day. I repent. Then I still fail. I can't break the cycle. I think it's generational curse. I want to. God won't help me, although I know the war is already won. I guess he has a reason.
Still it feels horrible. I'm dealing with lust and guilt. I'm really sensitive to spiritual things, so I know this obviously is something from evil spirits. I won't go and describe it because it's so clearly demonic.
Sin is enjoyable, our bodies are made to feel pleasure, so I can't help it. I'm constantly tempted.
I confess I've given into sexual sin as an escape from depression. I was drowning in pain. I know it's not the solution, it only makes me feel worse, but it's that small spark of joy (from satan) while my soul is in the dark. That' the only high excitement I have in life. Nothing else can do it. But then I'm tormented even more and I want to stop.
I can't fight this without God and I believe in Jesus, but here I am.
Therapy doesn't work, prayer doesn't. I'm lost. I don't want this in my soul and spirit, I think it goes to other people from me then, but my flesh is out of control. I don't have discipline and it's addictive. Sin is just presented everywhere around me. I make a small mistake like listening to secular music, which I really like, and it just opens the doors for other sins.
I don't know how to live in this world where I can't be free to enjoy what I love. The depression just gets worse that way, if I'm denying myself, I feel dead and empty.
Can anyone who dealt with this help somehow?
Hi Astral,
"Sin is enjoyable, our bodies are made to feel pleasure, so I can't help it."
This is a lie from the enemy, friend. And you need to repent. Just because it is difficult to fight, it is not impossible. Acknowledge in prayer that what God says is sin is in fact sin, acknowledge in prayer that He promises that you have all you need to overcome it, and ask Him in unceasing prayer to do it FOR you.
One of the main reasons we have the Holy Spirit is to defeat the flesh. We are not to be like the lost: "lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of good."
2 Timothy 3:4.
How to fight...
First off, realize that all of us fight the same battle, and sometimes become frustrated with the reality that we live with, ie: the new nature constantly at war with the old nature. God understands!
Romans 7:7-25 NIV
"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."
"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
"So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
How to win...
Galatians 5:16-26 NKJV
"I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. "But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law."
"Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told
you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those
who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."
Astral:
"I don't know how to live in this world where I can't be free to enjoy what I love."
Here's a bit of a shocker. God wants to re-define just what it is that you love in this life. Why? Because He created you. He knows that below all the counterfeit joys this world tempts you with is a far deeper desire that He has planted through His Holy Spirit within you.
Purpose.
Meaning.
A future.
Entertaining ourselves to death doesn't fulfill any of these things. And so the quagmire of depression lingers and we remain in perpetual defeat.
What does satisfy these longings?
Seeing God for Who He really is (through daily prayer and Bible study - so we can recognize His voice and thus love Him).
Loving and serving others (actually caring that they find eternal life, too).
Loving ourselves.
Matthew 25:35-40 NIV
"One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Something that is critical to note: We must seek daily to obey these commandments in the right order... Love God, love neighbor, love yourself. It won't work any other way.
Whitney Houston was wrong - learning to love yourself is NOT the greatest love of all. That's what Satan and the world does, and why it remains blinded and in bondage to sin.
One further bit of encouragement. Don't be ignorant to the devil's schemes - don't be his chump! Through his temptations and deceptions, he is after one thing - your identity.
Scripture says He comes to kill, steal and destroy. Well he knows he can't kill the believer's soul, so he is after the next best thing: to steal our identity, so that he can destroy our testimony. The very two things that give us true joy in this life - the true pleasure of serving Christ - boldly and unashamedly declaring the name of JESUS to a fallen and dying world.
Please invest a minute to watch this vid to remind yourself of just WHO YOU REALLY ARE! And then stand up and FIGHT another day! All your Brothers and Sisters are with you to encourage you and are praying for you.
God bless