Why Men Are Alone. The Ugly Truth Women Don't Want to Hear.

[tdidymas]

An interesting video youtube suggested to me:

Largely true. Although I bet many think "he's just old-fashioned."

So why do women doctor themselves with tatoos, piercings, wild hair colors and styles, ragged clothing, and other kinds of unnatural appearance? Possible reasons:
1. "If I make myself ugly, I can see if a guy can love me even when I look ugly." - a test
2. "I hate all guys, so I don't want any to be attracted to me." - bitter from wounds, real or imagined.
3. "I don't like the way God made me, so I'll make myself different - unbelief
4. "I want to prove I'm just as [good, tough, alpha, etc.] as a man - low self-esteem
5. "I want to stand out in the crowd" - narcissism, conceit
Thus far, it doesn't appear to me that there are any healthy reasons for it.

 

[High Fidelity]

Largely true. Although I bet many think "he's just old-fashioned."

So why do women doctor themselves with tatoos, piercings, wild hair colors and styles, ragged clothing, and other kinds of unnatural appearance? Possible reasons:
1. "If I make myself ugly, I can see if a guy can love me even when I look ugly." - a test
2. "I hate all guys, so I don't want any to be attracted to me." - bitter from wounds, real or imagined.
3. "I don't like the way God made me, so I'll make myself different - unbelief
4. "I want to prove I'm just as [good, tough, alpha, etc.] as a man - low self-esteem
5. "I want to stand out in the crowd" - narcissism, conceit
Thus far, it doesn't appear to me that there are any healthy reasons for it.

I don’t think it’s any of those. I think it’s about identity, specifically being identifiable to others.

It’s no different to when emos were a thing. Supposedly non-conformists and yet they all dressed and groomed the same to look alike and be identifiable as their chosen label.

Goths. Punks. It’s very common amongst trans/gays. The social justice warriors, the feminists etc.

Identity has become a calling card and a label. It’s likely due to the decline of faith over decades. Where people would have ordinarily found kinship amongst other believers wherever they went (for the most part), that isn’t the case anymore and they rely on other labels for a sense of belonging or meaning.

A lot of people rely on faith to dictate their life for them and absolve them of thinking how to live, I trust it’s the same for these other ideologies too; each label comes with a narrative and sets of beliefs, they latch on to those and voila, they have an identity, community and a superficial set of beliefs that society knows better than to question because they’ll get in trouble or hounded. It’s perfect for hiding in plain sight really.

Sad times.

 

[timewerx]

Identity has become a calling card and a label. It’s likely due to the decline of faith over decades.

Christianity is only declining in places where Christians highly value money/wealth and faces very little to no persecution.

Christianity in places where Christians places very little value on money/wealth and facing severe persecution are actually growing in numbers.

Matthew 13:22
The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful.

Indeed, "out of the horse's mouth". In places where Christians regard financial growth with great importance, it is unfruitful and numbers are indeed declining. People are turning away because if Christian be like unbelievers, there's nothing special about it anymore. People crave for the extraordinary and there's nothing extraordinary about being rich or trying to be one.

Money and tech doesn't cure incurable diseases, it doesn't teleport a boat a couple of miles in an instant, it doesn't stop aging, it doesn't give you glimpses of the future, it doesn't give you dreams of the Lord on a frequent basis. it doesn't make you extraordinarily strong physically.

The root of the problem in this thread topic is still the love of money.

The social media influencers are making tons of money out of influencing other people. Yet most of it are bad. Pretty sure, the motivation of these influencers, most of it is about making lots of money. You can see its negative results on relationships.

 

[Sir Robbins]

Let's be real, you're spitting facts.

shallow, self absorbed women are profiting from shallow, self absorbed men... Bottom line. The issue is they get the public attention and lead men who are not to believe this is all the women out there and the women in turn think men all want to put them on a pedestal. The people I know who spend almost no time online, are happier and healthier in many regards than those what spend a lot on their phones.. We went from a world of living our lives to watching other people who have more than us live their lives.

 

[peaceful-forest]

I tried to watch the video, trying to listen to what he had to say, but I had to stop while he talked about women's appearances.

I'm aware that God made men to be attracted to women's beauty, but it seems like many men are solely hung up on appearances. You could be a woman with several good traits, but if you're fat, dye your hair like a liberal, or have piercings or tattoos, nope, you're ugly, you're not worth dating, and you're dismissed.

Why do men get to be ugly but not the women? Us ladies want men to look good too.

 

[TheLastGeek]

I tried to watch the video, trying to listen to what he had to say, but I had to stop while he talked about women's appearances.

I'm aware that God made men to be attracted to women's beauty, but it seems like many men are solely hung up on appearances. You could be a woman with several good traits, but if you're fat, dye your hair like a liberal, or have piercings or tattoos, nope, you're ugly, you're not worth dating, and you're dismissed.

Why do men get to be ugly but not the women? Us ladies want men to look good too.

PEOPLE are attracted to beauty, both male and female.

What is supposed to set us apart is that the beautiful outer shell is not the sole or deciding factor in a person's worth or value as a human being or potential partner. The outer shell is just one of many important traits to be considered. Of all things, the person's body will change the most over time, compared to their other traits, like their intelligence, honesty, humor, habits, work ethic, etc. The body will age, it will get sick, it will gain and lose weight, the hair will grey, the senses will dull. Yes, a person is captivating in the beauty of youth, but youth is SO fleeting. Don't build a lifetime of consequence on something that is so temporary, and so shallow.

 

[Sketcher]

I tried to watch the video, trying to listen to what he had to say, but I had to stop while he talked about women's appearances.

I'm aware that God made men to be attracted to women's beauty, but it seems like many men are solely hung up on appearances. You could be a woman with several good traits, but if you're fat, dye your hair like a liberal, or have piercings or tattoos, nope, you're ugly, you're not worth dating, and you're dismissed.

Why do men get to be ugly but not the women? Us ladies want men to look good too.

I don't think he said that men get to be ugly. If we do, I haven't gotten away with it.

If I'm attracted, I'm attracted. If I'm not, I'm not. Simple as that. Extra weight and a lot of tattoos erode the attraction. What's more, there are some guys whose type is the alt styles. My cousin is one of them, and he is highly promiscuous. He's had too many partners to keep track of. I have no desire to date someone he's been with, even if he didn't take the encounter seriously. Not saying that all women with dyed hair and tattoos are like that, but if I meet someone who looks like that from my area within an acceptable age range to date, there's a decent chance that he's been with her.

 

[High Fidelity]

I tried to watch the video, trying to listen to what he had to say, but I had to stop while he talked about women's appearances.

I'm aware that God made men to be attracted to women's beauty, but it seems like many men are solely hung up on appearances. You could be a woman with several good traits, but if you're fat, dye your hair like a liberal, or have piercings or tattoos, nope, you're ugly, you're not worth dating, and you're dismissed.

Why do men get to be ugly but not the women? Us ladies want men to look good too.

Both genders are guilty of this, but to overlook attraction is a bit naive.

A healthy relationship will be a physically intimate relationship, and there are countless examples of struggling marriages where that’s a missing element.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Both genders are guilty of this, but to overlook attraction is a bit naive.

A healthy relationship will be a physically intimate relationship, and there are countless examples of struggling marriages where that’s a missing element.

Well, I would say discussing the rising amount of obesity is worthy of merit. It's all over in the US, and with other fast food joints opening up across the world, other countries are following the United States in suit.

Some women are even accepting of their obesity quite sadly, and not acknowledging the health related disease that can come from it. The "body positvity" movement.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Both genders are guilty of this, but to overlook attraction is a bit naive.

A healthy relationship will be a physically intimate relationship, and there are countless examples of struggling marriages where that’s a missing element.

Very true, but bear in mind that a massive number of intimacy issues in marriage have absolutely nothing to do with one or both people drastically changing in appearance after the wedding. Far more often it's caused by stress, communication problems, underlying resentment, lack of connection, etc. All the more reason to focus on the whole spectrum of traits that serve as the building blocks for a good marital foundation.

 

[High Fidelity]

Well, I would say discussing the rising amount of obesity is worthy of merit. It's all over in the US, and with other fast food joints opening up across the world, other countries are following the United States in suit.

Some women are even accepting of their obesity quite sadly, and not acknowledging the health related disease that can come from it. The "body positvity" movement.

I’m overweight, I’m working on it but I do agree it’s an issue and arguably the most overlooked sin in Western countries because it’s overwhelmingly caused by gluttony and overindulgence.

 

[High Fidelity]

Very true, but bear in mind that a massive number of intimacy issues in marriage have absolutely nothing to do with one or both people drastically changing in appearance after the wedding. Far more often it's caused by stress, communication problems, underlying resentment, lack of connection, etc. All the more reason to focus on the whole spectrum of traits that serve as the building blocks for a good marital foundation.

I agree, but the idea of marrying someone you don’t find attractive is only going to make the myriad variables even more likely to be adversely impactful on an incredibly important aspect of healthy marriage.

 

[TheLastGeek]

I agree, but the idea of marrying someone you don’t find attractive is only going to make the myriad variables even more likely to be adversely impactful on an incredibly important aspect of healthy marriage.

I don't think anyone - including myself - is advising people to marry someone they find repulsive, lol.

 

[TheLastGeek]

I’m overweight, I’m working on it but I do agree it’s an issue and arguably the most overlooked sin in Western countries because it’s overwhelmingly caused by gluttony and overindulgence.

I find slightly overweight men to be very attractive, especially if they carry the weight well and proportionately. Of course, being overweight could be anything from an extra 10 lbs to being super-morbidly-obese and bedbound, so there are a lot of factors to really understand the context. And it should go without saying (but I'll say it anyway, because being misunderstood is way too common around here) that health comes first and foremost. Some people can carry a little extra weight throughout their lives with no adverse health issues, and some people who outwardly look fit or thin can have high cholesterol, diabetes, etc. Health should always be the goal.

 

[timewerx]

I’m overweight, I’m working on it but I do agree it’s an issue and arguably the most overlooked sin in Western countries because it’s overwhelmingly caused by gluttony and overindulgence.

Not entirely your fault. The food industry is adding chemicals to food to make it addictive and internet and TV is littered with food ads. Even movies are advertising food. Even billboards are littered with food ads.

You really can't blame yourself entirely. People who are just out to make tons of money however they do it, even if it makes people unhealthy are mostly to blame.

 

[timewerx]

I find slightly overweight men to be very attractive, especially if they carry the weight well and proportionately.

Sounds like you are into professional body builder physique!

These people are so lean and yet are actually overweight for having quite big muscles for their height.

I'm quite the opposite of these physique, I'm borderline underweight and I look thin and frail despite the fact I'm lifting up to 4x my body weight during workouts. It's a mystery how my tiny muscles are able to exert such huge forces. I'm still growing in strength but my muscles are not getting bigger at all. It doesn't make sense.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Sounds like you are into professional body builder physique!

These people are so lean and yet are actually overweight for having quite big muscles for their height.

I'm quite the opposite of these physique, I'm borderline underweight and I look thin and frail despite the fact I'm lifting up to 4x my body weight during workouts. It's a mystery how my tiny muscles are able to exert such huge forces. I'm still growing in strength but my muscles are not getting bigger at all. It doesn't make sense.

No, not at all! I do not find "ripped" physiques attractive at all. I like male shapes that might be called linebacker, lumberjack, teddy bear, gentle giant. I dated a bodybuilder/wrestler in my youth, and while his muscle size was impressive, I didn't find that to be particularly thrilling. Strength is nice. I think most women like to feel safe and protected with their man by their side, like he could fling them away to safety and beat down an attacker with his bare fists. I know I do! The allure is just as much about his deep-seated, core beliefs and personality (protective, watchful, guarding, reliable towards those he loves) as it is about the physical attributes. I find it profoundly attractive anytime a man takes action on behalf of a woman he loves, to defend her honor, protect her heart, bind up her emotional wounds, cheer her when he notices she's feeling down. Super, super attractive. Feeling "safe" emotionally around a man is equally crucial to the whole shebang.

Hey, enjoy your lean, powerful muscles! I sure wish I could lift 4x my body weight, lol.

 

[ReesePiece23]

shallow, self absorbed women are profiting from shallow, self absorbed men... Bottom line. The issue is they get the public attention and lead men who are not to believe this is all the women out there and the women in turn think men all want to put them on a pedestal. The people I know who spend almost no time online, are happier and healthier in many regards than those what spend a lot on their phones.. We went from a world of living our lives to watching other people who have more than us live their lives.

This is the problem, everyone is shoehorned into being a clout chaser nowadays. For talented people running a business, it's all part of the game. I just get a bit put off when it's in vain - or worse still, when you have eight years olds "building their brand".

It's a double edged sword, it's brought out the best and the worst.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Goths. Punks. It’s very common amongst trans/gays. The social justice warriors, the feminists etc.

I live deep in the heart of "the vegan district" - seriously, most of them don't even know what day it is, let alone how to start a social justice revolution.

If you're in the craft house drinking a £22 pint of IPA for long enough, you'll notice how hollow they all are. Conversations are an eternal loop of "well, literally, like, y'know what I mean? I'm like, literally having, like, an existential crisis?"

* Get a passion worth fighting for
* Get better friends
* Get some quality B12
* Try to wake up before 2pm

It's basically Neil from The Young Ones all over again.

 

[exitstageright]

Not entirely your fault. The food industry is adding chemicals to food to make it addictive and internet and TV is littered with food ads. Even movies are advertising food. Even billboards are littered with food ads.

You really can't blame yourself entirely. People who are just out to make tons of money however they do it, even if it makes people unhealthy are mostly to blame.

It is the food industry that is responsible for overweight Americans. Once I went to a baseball game in San Diego, California. I ordered a steak burrito thinking that the burrito would consist of a flour covering,lettice,tomatoes,and beef. But after I bit into the burrito, I discovered that it also had French Fries inside of the burrito, Why is there a need to put fries inside of a burrito? That is too much starch!