Christian theology knowledge, how deep you are into worshipping, and other dating deal breakers

[ThisIsMe123]

This topic could simply be titled, "He isn't Christian enough for me", the operative word "enough".

I have noticed some Christian women complaining how they are single for a while because the Christian single men they keep meeting aren't as higher up on the scale that the women are when it comes to "being Christian". I mean, these are good, decent men, but apparently not being on the up and up on the scale of Biblical knowledge as their lady counter parts isn't necessarily fair, is it? I mean, no one's perfect.

For instance, some complain that even though they are weekly church goers, they are rather complacent in their faith, or hadn't risen up beyond the level they are currently are in their theology knowledge and passion. That men's theological knowledge is quite lacking. Apparently, Bible reading is a biggie, or lack thereof across the men folk. Example, it's not enough that a man is getting his knowledge via the weekly Bible study and listening to the pastor on Sundays?

It take it that it's more attractive for a man to shout "Can I get an Amen!!", than a guy that sits there quietly during servcies?

Apparently, this can be deal breakers with Christian women, yes...no? I would think the only kind a man this woman would be compatible with is a church leader or pastor?

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

A husband should be able to teach his wife at home, so at least in wisdom he should be not inferior to her, otherwise how could he function as her head? She needs to be able to look up to you in all kinds of ways.

On the other hand; it's dangerous to focus only on theology or knowledge - do you as a man live and walk with God? Are you acting and dealing with others righteously and in love? (doing something in love does not equal always giving in to other's demands). Can you act and live sacrificially? Being angry may happen, but can you control your temper?

I think women would be perfectly happy with practically oriented men - you don't have to be a theology faculty graduate.

 

[bèlla]

I hate to say it this bluntly but it really isn't important. If he loves the Lord and accepted Christ as his savior and there's evidence of a sincere relationship with God that's enough. Spiritual maturity isn't a race and there's no predefined curriculum that determines aptitude or depth. The measurements are subjective and most will place emphasis on the subjects they value or hold in high esteem.

What I want to know most is can you stand? Can you face uncertainty and adversity without cracking under pressure and throwing in the towel?

Can you get a prayer through and break a stronghold? Do you enter your closet in confidence or depend on others to do it for you instead?

How does your faith inform your character and decision making? Who's entrusted you with responsibility and leadership?

How do you handle failure and disappointment and can you admit when you're wrong and heed advice?

What are your people like? How did your parents influence the man you've become and what would you do differently?

I learned a long time ago to measure the man. He may have a better self, ideal self and what have you but he doesn't show up everyday and I better make sure I can live with it and choose wisely. I've encountered the men you speak of and found them lacking. Many relied on religion to mask their shortcomings or improve a negative self-image.

In my experience honorable men bring all of themselves to the table. You experience range and diversity. He doesn't focus on one topic to the detriment of others. He wants you to see him. A layman isn't cosplaying a pastor nor should he be held to the same expectations.

It's not what you know but the depth of your commitment. You can surpass anyone if you're willing to do the work.

~bella

 

[TheLastGeek]

This topic could simply be titled, "He isn't Christian enough for me", the operative word "enough".

I have noticed some Christian women complaining how they are single for a while because the Christian single men they keep meeting aren't as higher up on the scale that the women are when it comes to "being Christian". I mean, these are good, decent men, but apparently not being on the up and up on the scale of Biblical knowledge as their lady counter parts isn't necessarily fair, is it? I mean, no one's perfect.

For instance, some complain that even though they are weekly church goers, they are rather complacent in their faith, or hadn't risen up beyond the level they are currently are in their theology knowledge and passion. That men's theological knowledge is quite lacking. Apparently, Bible reading is a biggie, or lack thereof across the men folk. Example, it's not enough that a man is getting his knowledge via the weekly Bible study and listening to the pastor on Sundays?

It take it that it's more attractive for a man to shout "Can I get an Amen!!", than a guy that sits there quietly during servcies?

Apparently, this can be deal breakers with Christian women, yes...no? I would think the only kind a man this woman would be compatible with is a church leader or pastor?

You don't seem to be using a consistent theme here. You seem to be making half a dozen complaints, without picking one to actually settle on.

Are you frustrated with women who expect a man to worship deeply? Why?

Are you frustrated with women who expect a man to be on their level of theological/Scriptural knowledge? Why?

Are you frustrated with women who will not settle for a man who is "complacent in his faith"? Why?

Are you frustrated with women who like men who shout "Amen" during worship vs. women who like quiet men? Why?

I feel like the underlying truth here is that you've been rejected for one or more of these things, and you want to complain to us about it. But, why? If a woman is looking for something that you are not, so what? Let her go look for it. You do you.

 

[timewerx]

My dealbreakers are married, snub to the poor, and poor state of physical fitness. I have other reasons but I like to keep it simple and keep it to just mainly those three.

My requirement for physical fitness is from experience. Both my mom and sister have poor fitness and cardiovascular disease runs in the family. They both keep having medical emergencies from high blood pressure mainly. And I'm the one who handles these emergencies.

It's been quite stressful for me with all the other problems we're dealing with.

And I also practice physical fitness with great discipline and found it critically important for one's spiritual growth. It isn't really just to look good and improve chances of getting a date.

There are people who workout and in great shape physically and but ends up becoming snubs, that is counter-productive to spiritual growth.

Being snub or not when coming across a person who appears to be poor can speak volumes on one's spirituality. For me, this is deeper test of one's spirituality than twirling around worship or even memorizing the Bible. It's also simple and practical test.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

You don't seem to be using a consistent theme here. You seem to be making half a dozen complaints, without picking one to actually settle on.

Are you frustrated with women who expect a man to worship deeply? Why?

Are you frustrated with women who expect a man to be on their level of theological/Scriptural knowledge? Why?

Are you frustrated with women who will not settle for a man who is "complacent in his faith"? Why?

Are you frustrated with women who like men who shout "Amen" during worship vs. women who like quiet men? Why?

I feel like the underlying truth here is that you've been rejected for one or more of these things, and you want to complain to us about it. But, why? If a woman is looking for something that you are not, so what? Let her go look for it. You do you.

For some reason, I feel it's like I'm more or less being judged as being incompatible. I feel like they are judging me as not Christian or not a decent enough Christian in general.

At least I feel that's how it comes off as. It's like "You're not at my level of theology or worship style, so we can't date" it seems almost the same that I'm being told I'm not a good Christian in general. Almost, legalistic/Pharisees- like. Like I"m being looked down upon.

Guess I shouldn't take it personal.

 

[bèlla]

I have noticed some Christian women complaining how they are single for a while because the Christian single men they keep meeting aren't as higher up on the scale that the women are when it comes to "being Christian".

If a person consistently meets a certain type of suitor that's who they attract or they're attracted to. If they're not meeting the one they want they're not available, not interested or she's not considering him for another reason.

Notice she's been single for a while? If you can get him you don't talk like that. There's nothing to complain about. When you represent what he desires in return you'll meet others like him. It won't be a one time thing. If she's consistently failing in that regard she's probably not his type. That's why her attractions don't match the results she prefers.

~bella

 

[timewerx]

For some reason, I feel it's like I'm more or less being judged as being incompatible. I feel like they are judging me as not Christian or not a decent enough Christian in general.

At least I feel that's how it comes off as. It's like "You're not at my level of theology or worship style, so we can't date" it seems almost the same that I'm being told I'm not a good Christian in general. Almost, legalistic/Pharisees- like. Like I"m being looked down upon.

Guess I shouldn't take it personal.

There maybe other reasons why they're rejecting you but find it more convenient to just tell you "you're not Godly enough". Perhaps to encourage you to pursue harder after God.

So perhaps, they mean well even though they sound mean....It does sound mean.

Many Christians today are like the Pharisees, men and women. No surprises there. Outward signs of Godliness, hypocrisy, self-promotion, lovers of money, hatred/indifference towards the poor, suck up to the rich, lovers of tradition over the truth.

 

[TheLastGeek]

For some reason, I feel it's like I'm more or less being judged as being incompatible. I feel like they are judging me as not Christian or not a decent enough Christian in general.

At least I feel that's how it comes off as. It's like "You're not at my level of theology or worship style, so we can't date" it seems almost the same that I'm being told I'm not a good Christian in general. Almost, legalistic/Pharisees- like. Like I"m being looked down upon.

Guess I shouldn't take it personal.

Well, are they wrong or mistaken? Are they deluded? Are you actually "Christian enough" for their standards, and they're somehow blind to it?

Or are they right, and the rejection just stings?

Or are they living in a sphere of false piety that you don't live in at all? Which begs the question, why do you care what they think?

If you feel such women are being hypercritical or shallow or nitpicky, why would you want to date them? And why would you care what they think of you?

This is what confuses me. Men who seem to get offended by women who won't date them, but the men have nothing but complaints against the women in the first place. These aren't women you like anyway, so... why do you care if they don't want to date you?

I feel like there's something not being said here.

 

[bèlla]

At least I feel that's how it comes off as. It's like "You're not at my level of theology or worship style, so we can't date" it seems almost the same that I'm being told I'm not a good Christian in general. Almost, legalistic/Pharisees- like. Like I"m being looked down upon.

Don't let these women give you a complex. There's nothing wrong with you. Seriously.

 

[DragonFox91]

I’m looking for someone very passionate about him. He is my passion.
I think many are taught to look for a genuine Christian man high up in the church & I think therefore a lot of genuine Christian men will struggle for that reason
I think it’s a reason I struggle: the kind I want wants that kind
Trying not to blame but I’d be unhappy with one not passionate. So I therefore rejoice in my singleness

OP different Christian women - even genuine Christian women - have different wants in a man. It doesn’t matter what they want because you want one. But You should be glorifying God & advancing the kingdom to the best of your ability

 

[.Mikha'el.]

This topic could simply be titled, "He isn't Christian enough for me", the operative word "enough".

I have noticed some Christian women complaining how they are single for a while because the Christian single men they keep meeting aren't as higher up on the scale that the women are when it comes to "being Christian". I mean, these are good, decent men, but apparently not being on the up and up on the scale of Biblical knowledge as their lady counter parts isn't necessarily fair, is it? I mean, no one's perfect.

For instance, some complain that even though they are weekly church goers, they are rather complacent in their faith, or hadn't risen up beyond the level they are currently are in their theology knowledge and passion. That men's theological knowledge is quite lacking. Apparently, Bible reading is a biggie, or lack thereof across the men folk. Example, it's not enough that a man is getting his knowledge via the weekly Bible study and listening to the pastor on Sundays?

It take it that it's more attractive for a man to shout "Can I get an Amen!!", than a guy that sits there quietly during servcies?

Apparently, this can be deal breakers with Christian women, yes...no? I would think the only kind a man this woman would be compatible with is a church leader or pastor?

I don't want someone like this, and it's even off-putting with people of both sexes from a friendship standpoint because there's more to life than religion.

 

[bèlla]

I think many are taught to look for a genuine Christian man high up in the church

I've never heard the same from the pulpit. But I've encountered women who thought that way nonetheless. We had a large bible study with a 100 women in attendance that met during the day. It was a conservative church and I'm uncertain if that influenced their mindset but I don't want to blame them.

The word that came to mind as I heard them talk was a lack of contentment. They held high positions in great esteem but spoke differently about their spouse. I was well acquainted with one of them and she embodied that ideal. She should have married a pastor, elder or deacon because she needed that life. No matter what he did it wasn't enough and he funded her ministry. She wasn't alone in that. They were married to an ideal they couldn't shake and thought they could change them.

Oftentimes women with that disposition want to do something and usually serve a lot. If you aren't in an official position that might entail teaching, counsel, worship (if applicable), missionary work or a ministry. Something they do together is the goal and they like visibility.

It's helpful to know what the Lord desires of you before you choose. There are many women who love the Lord but they're not attracted to men in high positions. That's a ministry and a responsibility too. It's not for everyone.

~bella

 

[TheLastGeek]

I’m looking for someone very passionate about him. He is my passion.
I think many are taught to look for a genuine Christian man high up in the church & I think therefore a lot of genuine Christian men will struggle for that reason
I think it’s a reason I struggle: the kind I want wants that kind
Trying not to blame but I’d be unhappy with one not passionate. So I therefore rejoice in my singleness

OP different Christian women - even genuine Christian women - have different wants in a man. It doesn’t matter what they want because you want one. But You should be glorifying God & advancing the kingdom to the best of your ability

This is a great point of view. Be the kind of Godly man you'd want for your own daughter or sister.

 

[TheLastGeek]

I don't want someone like this, and it's even off-putting with people of both sexes from a friendship standpoint because there's more to life than religion.

Exactly! The OP doesn't seem to like or respect such women in the first place. It doesn't seem helpful, constructive, or healthy, to worry over what they think of him, because he doesn't want THEM as partners, either.

 

[High Fidelity]

I think it’s about getting to know them and how their faith affects their life.

If someone wants someone that talks faith non-stop and is very outwardly faithful then that’s fine, but very few cultures are like that. Europe in particular you’ll find that faith is a more private and reserved affair, but that doesn’t diminish the extent of our faith or our contributions to it and its history.

There’s definitely indicators of spiritual seriousness and interest, but yeah, just because someone doesn’t come across as Joel Osteen 24/7 doesn’t mean they aren’t a serious or studious Christian.

 

[timewerx]

If someone wants someone that talks faith non-stop and is very outwardly faithful then that’s fine.

I never knew anyone who did outside of church.

But in the church, I found many Christians can be judgmental in outward expressions of worship both men and women.

Some even think if you're not expressive enough in worship, you might be possessed by evil spirits!

I'm quite passionate about Jesus and spiritual growth but I'm not really expressive in worship. To be perfectly honest about it, I feel the Lord's presence is stronger in my room than in the church.

 

[bèlla]

One of the biggest mistakes people make is failing to recognize the influence spiritual gifts have on our interests and approach to the Lord. Which often causes expectations, pressure and unfair judgment. It's the spirit within igniting it and driving our passion and we stir it up (feed it) through engagement.

A body has many parts but different functions. You can't expect a hand to behave like a foot or think the same. They have different purposes. If you don't act like a hand it doesn't mean you aren't serious or genuine. That's a bold statement to make about someone you aren't acquainted with. Outward appearances don't validate our walk with God as we saw with the pharisees. They looked the part, said the words, and appeared to be blameless but their hearts were cold.

One of the ways I gauge spiritual maturity is through adversity. How do they handle disappointment and failure? Are they locking in with the Lord or doubting Him? Is their certainty only present when things are going well? When God wants to show us who we are He turns up the heat. Are we flailing or standing still?

It's easy to speak big when things are working in our favor. But what were you saying during the storm? How did you respond to your crisis? What portion of your advice did you apply to yourself? That's how you know where you are.

God weighs men differently than we do. Notice the ones He esteems in the word. They suffered for Him. They weren't in a corner discussing their faith. They were going through a lot that's why we know them. How is the kingdom bettered by your presence? How many have you counseled, instructed, led to faith, discipled, interceded for, ministered to, served and so on? What have you built or initiated?

Consider the number in light of the years you've walked with Him. Have you done enough? Are you a good investment or not?

~bella

 

[peaceful-forest]

This topic could simply be titled, "He isn't Christian enough for me", the operative word "enough".

I have noticed some Christian women complaining how they are single for a while because the Christian single men they keep meeting aren't as higher up on the scale that the women are when it comes to "being Christian". I mean, these are good, decent men, but apparently not being on the up and up on the scale of Biblical knowledge as their lady counter parts isn't necessarily fair, is it? I mean, no one's perfect.

For instance, some complain that even though they are weekly church goers, they are rather complacent in their faith, or hadn't risen up beyond the level they are currently are in their theology knowledge and passion. That men's theological knowledge is quite lacking. Apparently, Bible reading is a biggie, or lack thereof across the men folk. Example, it's not enough that a man is getting his knowledge via the weekly Bible study and listening to the pastor on Sundays?

It take it that it's more attractive for a man to shout "Can I get an Amen!!", than a guy that sits there quietly during servcies?

Apparently, this can be deal breakers with Christian women, yes...no? I would think the only kind a man this woman would be compatible with is a church leader or pastor?

Who are these single Christian women you are talking about? Are they on the forum here? Are they the Pentecostals like in your other thread?

If you are trying to date Pentecostal women, please stop. They have interpretations about the Bible and worship that aren't true.

Everyone does need to read the Bible. When we get familiar with God's word, we grow in our faith and we are able to discern better between the truth and false teaching.

I don't think it's wrong for a man to be quiet during service. It's all about the heart - the why of the action. I don't think it's wrong for someone to say "amen" during a service, but if someone believes that God requires them to be loud during service, that is a false belief.

For me, I do want a man that reads the Bible and is growing in his faith. I want a man that has accurate beliefs about God and the Bible. I hope that my future husband does go to a Bible-centered church and both him and I match on our values and beliefs.

 

[High Fidelity]

I don't think it's wrong for a man to be quiet during service. It's all about the heart - the why of the action. I don't think it's wrong for someone to say "amen" during a service, but if someone believes that God requires them to be loud during service, that is a false belief.

I’m not sure about the rest, but I do think the quoted above is an important distinction many miss, particularly in that denomination and others that seemingly place an emphasis on outward expressions and demonstrations of faith.

Jesus rebuked the Pharisees that made a song and dance of prayer in public basically to be seen as righteous or whatever, and I think sometimes it’s the same problem in churches.

I have no doubts some people are emotive in worship, but there are a lot of accounts of people within those churches of others looking around and following suit, I guess to fit in or outdo.

I don’t think I’ve ever said amen during a service and I can’t see why that would change. Just not my style. I’m probably not considered serious enough by some because of that.