Have you thought about what you are most comfortable or passionate about? I find that what we feel most naturally drawn to is where our spiritual gifting is and is usually compliments our natural gifting. For example a nurse or medical professional in their natural state are Drawn towards healing, they may also have the spiritual gift of healing. Healing can be someone with good listening skills. Every once in a while a stranger may just need someone who will listen and we can always pray. Praying is another gift, the gift of intercession is stepping in and praying for someone we know personally or don’t know. Years ago a Pastor I listened to suggested we pray for the garbage man or the mechanic, anyone we came into a short contact with we should pray for that person. I try my best to just randomly pray for someone who I don’t know anything about.
Here is a spiritual gift test you may like:
Spiritual Gifts Test - Rock Church
That was why I went into medicine, originally I went to try for medical school, got mono but there were 2 medical records for me at the university clinic, so they used the wrong one where my diagnosis wasn't there so I flunked that semester because of absences, I couldn't medically withdraw. So I went into the Navy, to be a field medic.. and started having joint problems that couldn't be explained so eventually I couldn't hang in there for a career either. Scaled back again, to laboratory technician, went to school again, joint problems got worse, almost had to withdraw again because many days I couldn't make it in because I couldn't walk or drive. Finally graduated, but then the joint attacks started lasting months rather than days. Was finally diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis, multiarticular, and severe, my cartilage was shot, and so had to start taking immunosuppressive therapy.
Followed by MS... more immunosuppressive therapy.
What this told me was not only did I have mobility issues that would prevent me from working a lot of the time, but also.. I certainly can't work in a healthcare setting where I'd be exposed to disease more frequently.
The best I can figure is, maybe I was supposed to go into veterinary medicine, not humans.
Because while I'm really bad with people (one of the things with me not working out in nursing which was most of my job as a medic was my bedside manner, I was not.. good at sugar coating bad news, which sometimes patients need), I've always been good with animals, and every time I see like, videos of people helping wild animals, and rescues and stuff.. I feel pulled. But I thought you know.. I knew better, that caring for humans is more noble... I dunno.
I just know that I don't work well with people on any level.
I've always felt a level of rejection from other people.
Even in the Church
and certainly within the world.
"Alone in a crowd" is possibly the best description of how I feel, all the time.
To feel that God's "purpose" for me is to do something I don't even enjoy forever, and that "He will change you to like it!" is just another form of being rejected to me. To reject who I am and replace me with someone else more convenient. What an awful concept I guess... to feel that even your creator rejects you and wants you to be someone else.
That's why I'm frustrated with the vagueness of heavenly rewards. I only have an equally vague guess as to what I was meant to do, and it doesn't align with what scripture says it is in the new testament.. rather.. it aligns with Genesis 2's purpose for mankind.
It's why Matthew 22:30 might as well be a dagger to me, because it tells me I'll never have someone who accepts ME.
So between experiences of heavy chastisement, rejection, eternal rewards being vague, and basically a promise that the person I am is unacceptable and has no place anywhere or with anyone...
I accept the wrath of God and punishment of God way easier than the love of God and rewards from God.