I think I am not going to be forgiven if I don't confess this

[EtainSkirata]

Sunday afternoon my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I grabbed his thumb, the thumb I knew he'd hurt a month or so back. And then I remembered his thumb would hurt if i did that, and for one second I had the thought of WANTING to hurt his thumb and I pulled on it, and then I let go of his hands instead because after that second I didn't want to hurt him.
But then he mentioned later that my actions had made him aware of needing to be careful, and that he'd had the thought of "I need to get her to let go."

I've been distraught over this the rest of the weekend, because of that one second of WANTING to hurt him and briefly acting on it. So finally I called him and told him I was worried I had hurt his thumb, but I didn't tell him about my bad thoughts I'd had about wanting to hurt him. And he said that it literally hadn't hurt at all, he had just been made aware he had to be careful.

The issue at hand:
I feel as though I lied to him though by not telling him why I was worried about it--I mean, I was scared that I had deliberately caused him pain, but he thinks I'm scared I caused him pain in general/by accident. I just didn't think telling him about my bad thought was a good idea.

I'm aware now that I didn't physically hurt his thumb at all, but I'm also now aware of a sort of lie in our relationship.

Can someone please help me? I'm drowning in this.

 

[Tolworth John]

'm also now aware of a sort of lie in our relationship.

Are you always totally, totally honest inyour relationships?
He buys you flowers, there lovely, but they are the colour you loath. Do you lie and say ' Oh how lovely, you shouldn't etc etc' or do you scream take those horrid flowers away!

This is like you loving a dress and want to hear people say ' how lovely you look' when you try it on and not wanting to hear that it makes your bottom look big.


We have a life we live before and with people, but we also have a life inside our head where thoughts rattle that we don't talk about.

You see someone you know wearing a hidious dress, do you shout out about it or think, ' that dress does not suite you!'

If you feel you have sinned do as 1 john1:9 says.

 

[disciple Clint]

Sunday afternoon my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I grabbed his thumb, the thumb I knew he'd hurt a month or so back. And then I remembered his thumb would hurt if i did that, and for one second I had the thought of WANTING to hurt his thumb and I pulled on it, and then I let go of his hands instead because after that second I didn't want to hurt him.
But then he mentioned later that my actions had made him aware of needing to be careful, and that he'd had the thought of "I need to get her to let go."

I've been distraught over this the rest of the weekend, because of that one second of WANTING to hurt him and briefly acting on it. So finally I called him and told him I was worried I had hurt his thumb, but I didn't tell him about my bad thoughts I'd had about wanting to hurt him. And he said that it literally hadn't hurt at all, he had just been made aware he had to be careful.

The issue at hand:
I feel as though I lied to him though by not telling him why I was worried about it--I mean, I was scared that I had deliberately caused him pain, but he thinks I'm scared I caused him pain in general/by accident. I just didn't think telling him about my bad thought was a good idea.

I'm aware now that I didn't physically hurt his thumb at all, but I'm also now aware of a sort of lie in our relationship.

Can someone please help me? I'm drowning in this.

Truly you did not do anything wrong, you were tempted but you resisted that, there is no need for us to confess every temptation that we fail to act on.

 

[Mark Quayle]

Sunday afternoon my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I grabbed his thumb, the thumb I knew he'd hurt a month or so back. And then I remembered his thumb would hurt if i did that, and for one second I had the thought of WANTING to hurt his thumb and I pulled on it, and then I let go of his hands instead because after that second I didn't want to hurt him.
But then he mentioned later that my actions had made him aware of needing to be careful, and that he'd had the thought of "I need to get her to let go."

I've been distraught over this the rest of the weekend, because of that one second of WANTING to hurt him and briefly acting on it. So finally I called him and told him I was worried I had hurt his thumb, but I didn't tell him about my bad thoughts I'd had about wanting to hurt him. And he said that it literally hadn't hurt at all, he had just been made aware he had to be careful.

The issue at hand:
I feel as though I lied to him though by not telling him why I was worried about it--I mean, I was scared that I had deliberately caused him pain, but he thinks I'm scared I caused him pain in general/by accident. I just didn't think telling him about my bad thought was a good idea.

I'm aware now that I didn't physically hurt his thumb at all, but I'm also now aware of a sort of lie in our relationship.

Can someone please help me? I'm drowning in this.

I know it can make you feel crazy to always be second-guessing yourself, but keep in mind that you are obsessive, as you described in an earlier post; so remember to not take yourself so seriously all the time.

You will wear the poor fellow out if you force him to listen to your every obsession.

Oh, and by the way, your life and relationships depend on God more than they depend on you. Ask God for wisdom, and lay your worries on him.

 

[EtainSkirata]

I just have this NEED to confess my bad thought and subsequent action to him (pulling on his thumb briefly); even though, today, we were comparing his strained thumb to my past broken finger, and he said that what I did just made it twinge, and I didn't make it worse.
I have this need to tell him, so he has a clear picture of who I really am and how awful I was.

 

[Mari17]

I just have this NEED to confess my bad thought and subsequent action to him (pulling on his thumb briefly); even though, today, we were comparing his strained thumb to my past broken finger, and he said that what I did just made it twinge, and I didn't make it worse.
I have this need to tell him, so he has a clear picture of who I really am and how awful I was.

This sounds like a confession compulsion. I have this, too. :/

 

[ElenaMaria_9]

Fellow OCD/scrupulousity survivor here!

this sounds a familiar experience for me . This compulsion to confess to others even when it could be detrimental to me or them.

what helped with This massively was being told that for forgiveness we confess our sins to God. And we are forgiven.

confessing to another person isn't about our salvation or forgiveness from God but for our relationship with the person . So if you had done something hurtful to someone and they were aware of it , then to restore the relationship you may need to confess! But if you had confessed it to God He has already wiped the slate clean as far as your fellowship with Him is concerned .

but it doesn't sound like your boyfriend knew your thoughts at the time (which to be honest sound like intrusive thoughts of OCD) in which case I don't think you need to make any kind of amends with him.

I don't think God has an issue with what happened but if you are worried you can talk to Him about it. I know this seems like a kind of reassurance seeking which it kind of is, and generally we have to be careful with this , but I do think I'm short term as a way to lessen your distress for the time being, it's better than spiralling down. And He loves us to cast ou r cares on Him! He may reassure you you did nothing bad, and He certainly will forgive you aupposing He felt you had.

praying you know His peace and comfort.

 

[EtainSkirata]

Fellow OCD/scrupulousity survivor here!

this sounds a familiar experience for me . This compulsion to confess to others even when it could be detrimental to me or them.

what helped with This massively was being told that for forgiveness we confess our sins to God. And we are forgiven.

confessing to another person isn't about our salvation or forgiveness from God but for our relationship with the person . So if you had done something hurtful to someone and they were aware of it , then to restore the relationship you may need to confess! But if you had confessed it to God He has already wiped the slate clean as far as your fellowship with Him is concerned .

but it doesn't sound like your boyfriend knew your thoughts at the time (which to be honest sound like intrusive thoughts of OCD) in which case I don't think you need to make any kind of amends with him.

I don't think God has an issue with what happened but if you are worried you can talk to Him about it. I know this seems like a kind of reassurance seeking which it kind of is, and generally we have to be careful with this , but I do think I'm short term as a way to lessen your distress for the time being, it's better than spiralling down. And He loves us to cast ou r cares on Him! He may reassure you you did nothing bad, and He certainly will forgive you aupposing He felt you had.

praying you know His peace and comfort.

Thank you for this. This spiraling down is making me crazy. It's like, I have to confess every bad thought I had, even if nothing really happened. Like yesterday, I was using one of his resistance bands to warm up for a workout; those things scare me a little bit, I always worry something is going to damage the elastic and it'll snap on someone. So I'm using it to warm up, thinking about how my fingernails could damage it, and then for some reason I curled my fingers around it so my fingernails was digging into it just a little bit. I felt awful almost immediately, and checked it for damage, and asked him to look at it (he said there was no obvious damage on it). But even though I told him I was worried about my fingernails damaging it, I didn't tell him that I'd briefly done it on purpose. For some reason i had almost a neutral emotion about it, too, when I did it. AND it's pretty durable and the damage would have been almost microscopic anyway, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who's held it weird and had their fingernails dig into it slightly. So I don't think I really did ANYTHING to damage it. But I feel like i lied to him by not saying the whole truth.

It's making me crazy. I'm so scared of bigger things, too, like taking care of babies. I was considering giving a newborn her bottle back (she was in her stroller, someone else took her bottle but i was observing her and i wasn't sure if she was really done drinking). But I was scared to do it, because what if i put the bottle in her mouth too hard. It wasn't my place to give her the bottle anyway, and her dad took care of her, but I'm so scared of these odd impulses that at times I'm terrified to be around my boyfriend, terrified of the idea of having kids; sometimes I have a hard time even plugging in my work computer for fear of damaging it.

 

[Mari17]

Thank you for this. This spiraling down is making me crazy. It's like, I have to confess every bad thought I had, even if nothing really happened. Like yesterday, I was using one of his resistance bands to warm up for a workout; those things scare me a little bit, I always worry something is going to damage the elastic and it'll snap on someone. So I'm using it to warm up, thinking about how my fingernails could damage it, and then for some reason I curled my fingers around it so my fingernails was digging into it just a little bit. I felt awful almost immediately, and checked it for damage, and asked him to look at it (he said there was no obvious damage on it). But even though I told him I was worried about my fingernails damaging it, I didn't tell him that I'd briefly done it on purpose. For some reason i had almost a neutral emotion about it, too, when I did it. AND it's pretty durable and the damage would have been almost microscopic anyway, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who's held it weird and had their fingernails dig into it slightly. So I don't think I really did ANYTHING to damage it. But I feel like i lied to him by not saying the whole truth.

It's making me crazy. I'm so scared of bigger things, too, like taking care of babies. I was considering giving a newborn her bottle back (she was in her stroller, someone else took her bottle but i was observing her and i wasn't sure if she was really done drinking). But I was scared to do it, because what if i put the bottle in her mouth too hard. It wasn't my place to give her the bottle anyway, and her dad took care of her, but I'm so scared of these odd impulses that at times I'm terrified to be around my boyfriend, terrified of the idea of having kids; sometimes I have a hard time even plugging in my work computer for fear of damaging it.

This sounds so much like things I've struggled with, too! Are you able to identify ways that you can work on treating these things as OCD?

 

[brinny]

Sunday afternoon my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I grabbed his thumb, the thumb I knew he'd hurt a month or so back. And then I remembered his thumb would hurt if i did that, and for one second I had the thought of WANTING to hurt his thumb and I pulled on it, and then I let go of his hands instead because after that second I didn't want to hurt him.
But then he mentioned later that my actions had made him aware of needing to be careful, and that he'd had the thought of "I need to get her to let go."

I've been distraught over this the rest of the weekend, because of that one second of WANTING to hurt him and briefly acting on it. So finally I called him and told him I was worried I had hurt his thumb, but I didn't tell him about my bad thoughts I'd had about wanting to hurt him. And he said that it literally hadn't hurt at all, he had just been made aware he had to be careful.

The issue at hand:
I feel as though I lied to him though by not telling him why I was worried about it--I mean, I was scared that I had deliberately caused him pain, but he thinks I'm scared I caused him pain in general/by accident. I just didn't think telling him about my bad thought was a good idea.

I'm aware now that I didn't physically hurt his thumb at all, but I'm also now aware of a sort of lie in our relationship.

Can someone please help me? I'm drowning in this.

The fact that you regretted what you did and wanted to do, is indicative of repentance for what we are all inclined to think and do. We NEED forgiveness because we ard ALL flawed, and not perfect, and we will inevitably stumble, fumble, and think and do what is not righteous.

Apologize to your boyfrriend, and ask God to forgive you for your thoughts and ask Him for the grace to "rest" and to have "peace" because He HAS forgiven you.

We all wrestle with such things. That's why we continually bring those houghts, etc. to God so that He can help us along this journey.

 

[EtainSkirata]

The fact that you regretted what you did and wanted to do, is indicative of repentance for what we are all inclined to think and do. We NEED forgiveness because we ard ALL flawed, and not perfect, and we will inevitably stumble, fumble, and think and do what is not righteous.

Apologize to your boyfrriend, and ask God to forgive you for your thoughts and ask Him for the grace to "rest" and to have "peace" because He HAS forgiven you.

We all wrestle with such things. That's why we continually bring those houghts, etc. to God so that He can help us along this journey.

I think he already knows I'm sorry, because when I brought it up again asking if he was okay, he laughed it off and said it was fine (when i called him he was like "THAT'S what you're worried about??"). I REALLY don't want to fall into a confession compulsion of confessing every bad thought I have to him...

 

[EtainSkirata]

This sounds so much like things I've struggled with, too! Are you able to identify ways that you can work on treating these things as OCD?

I'm a little stuck on that. I'm thinking it might be thought-action fusion, or something like a weird form of Harm OCD.
What has been your experience in dealing with it? What strategies do you use? I feel like I'm losing my mind.

 

[brinny]

I think he already knows I'm sorry, because when I brought it up again asking if he was okay, he laughed it off and said it was fine (when i called him he was like "THAT'S what you're worried about??"). I REALLY don't want to fall into a confession compulsion of confessing every bad thought I have to him...

Mostly i pray for peace, and freedom from anxiety and angst, and remember His promises and that He releases me from fears and uncertainty.

Praying for your healing, dear heart, and that God Himself sorts it out and removes all burdens that are not of Him, from you. (((hug)))

 

[Mari17]

I'm a little stuck on that. I'm thinking it might be thought-action fusion, or something like a weird form of Harm OCD.
What has been your experience in dealing with it? What strategies do you use? I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I answered you in a pm, but I don't think I addressed this specific obsession/compulsion very well. I think part of the problem is that we WAY overanalyze our thoughts and feelings, and it causes us to feel like we've done things on purpose when we haven't. Or to worry way too much about our motivations for doing something. The simplest solution, I think, is to not allow ourselves to do compulsions. In this case, confessing seems to be the big compulsion; perhaps also rumination?