Family member is gay

[Mushka]

I’m not sure if this is in the right spot on the forum but I’m new to this so. I am a Christian and I have a niece that sent a group text announcing that she is gay and that she has a partner. We are a close knit family that spends birthdays and holidays together. Those times are very special to us. Most of the people in our family are very conservative Christians including mine. I don’t believe in shoving my beliefs, thoughts onto others. I don’t normally voice things unless I feel like God is prompting me to say something, which I hardly EVER do. I’m very timid.
I don’t though understand why she even brought it up. She said she’s been this way for a long time. The only reason I can think is that she’s wanting to bring her partner to our family gatherings now. She knows we are very conservative and will never accept her relationship, though we will still love her as much as ever. She’s even said that she will show absolutely no affection during those gatherings. I can’t imagine her being happy bringing her but not being able to show affection. That seems like it would be miserable so I’m not sure why she even told us and would want to bring her under those circumstances.
I have children and I don’t know how to respond to her. (She does want us to respond about her bringing her partner) Even if she shows no affection, I think my children will pick up on the fact that this same ‘friend’ keeps showing up for birthdays, holidays and that it would seem odd to them after a while. Also, I don’t want my children around a homosexual relationship. If it were a big huge family reunion it might be different, but this is a small family interacting closely. I just don’t think she could keep up this charade for long. I DO NOT want to hurt my niece.
I’m just at a loss. My husband is especially tore up over this. This is his side of the family and he’s afraid this will rip the family apart. It’s like he’s choosing between his niece or his children. The point is that we’re responsible for our children and we have to make a very hard decision.

 

[seeking.IAM]

I suspect your effort to shield your children from the fact that homosexuals exist and are around us all the time is quite time limited. I recommend treating your niece and her partner like you would any other human being. If your children have questions from their observations, that is a conversation starter that provides you with a teachable moment. You can decide what you want to teach.

 

[Servant78]

I’m not sure if this is in the right spot on the forum but I’m new to this so. I am a Christian and I have a niece that sent a group text announcing that she is gay and that she has a partner. We are a close knit family that spends birthdays and holidays together. Those times are very special to us. Most of the people in our family are very conservative Christians including mine. I don’t believe in shoving my beliefs, thoughts onto others. I don’t normally voice things unless I feel like God is prompting me to say something, which I hardly EVER do. I’m very timid.
I don’t though understand why she even brought it up. She said she’s been this way for a long time. The only reason I can think is that she’s wanting to bring her partner to our family gatherings now. She knows we are very conservative and will never accept her relationship, though we will still love her as much as ever. She’s even said that she will show absolutely no affection during those gatherings. I can’t imagine her being happy bringing her but not being able to show affection. That seems like it would be miserable so I’m not sure why she even told us and would want to bring her under those circumstances.
I have children and I don’t know how to respond to her. (She does want us to respond about her bringing her partner) Even if she shows no affection, I think my children will pick up on the fact that this same ‘friend’ keeps showing up for birthdays, holidays and that it would seem odd to them after a while. Also, I don’t want my children around a homosexual relationship. If it were a big huge family reunion it might be different, but this is a small family interacting closely. I just don’t think she could keep up this charade for long. I DO NOT want to hurt my niece.
I’m just at a loss. My husband is especially tore up over this. This is his side of the family and he’s afraid this will rip the family apart. It’s like he’s choosing between his niece or his children. The point is that we’re responsible for our children and we have to make a very hard decision.

Invite your niece with her gay friend and tell them that God does not allow LGBT. If not you who else will ?

Save your children from unGodly LGBT Sodom people ! Be brave.

 

[disciple Clint]

I’m not sure if this is in the right spot on the forum but I’m new to this so. I am a Christian and I have a niece that sent a group text announcing that she is gay and that she has a partner. We are a close knit family that spends birthdays and holidays together. Those times are very special to us. Most of the people in our family are very conservative Christians including mine. I don’t believe in shoving my beliefs, thoughts onto others. I don’t normally voice things unless I feel like God is prompting me to say something, which I hardly EVER do. I’m very timid.
I don’t though understand why she even brought it up. She said she’s been this way for a long time. The only reason I can think is that she’s wanting to bring her partner to our family gatherings now. She knows we are very conservative and will never accept her relationship, though we will still love her as much as ever. She’s even said that she will show absolutely no affection during those gatherings. I can’t imagine her being happy bringing her but not being able to show affection. That seems like it would be miserable so I’m not sure why she even told us and would want to bring her under those circumstances.
I have children and I don’t know how to respond to her. (She does want us to respond about her bringing her partner) Even if she shows no affection, I think my children will pick up on the fact that this same ‘friend’ keeps showing up for birthdays, holidays and that it would seem odd to them after a while. Also, I don’t want my children around a homosexual relationship. If it were a big huge family reunion it might be different, but this is a small family interacting closely. I just don’t think she could keep up this charade for long. I DO NOT want to hurt my niece.
I’m just at a loss. My husband is especially tore up over this. This is his side of the family and he’s afraid this will rip the family apart. It’s like he’s choosing between his niece or his children. The point is that we’re responsible for our children and we have to make a very hard decision.

I do not think that your children will have any problem, they either have gay friends now or they will have in the future. You are saying that your family is Christian, Christians love everyone, you do not have to like what people are doing in private and you may see them as sinners but Jesus did not avoid sinners, are we better than Jesus?

 

[High Fidelity]

Do you share the same concern for other family members living in open rebellion, for example, obese people? Obesity is almost always the result of gluttony and excess. That’s a sin too, yet conveniently overlooked.

What about family members that lie, even infrequently? That’s sin.

Do you still love them? Do you let them come to family functions?

 

[Tolworth John]

My husband is especially tore up over this. This is his side of the family and he’s afraid this will rip the family apart. It’s like he’s choosing between his niece or his children. The point is that we’re responsible for our children and we have to make a very hard decision.

It is the responcibility of whoever is organising a family get togethe to invite or not your niece.
If you and your husband are the ones responcible for the next meeting, you will have to decide.

I would suggest including her and her ' partner ', that the get together is arrange as normal. That grace is said before a meal, as normal ( maybe stressing salvation is only through Jesus ).

She needs the love of her family and the reminder of the gospel.
She does not need rejection by her family.
This said do your research about there lifestyle etc example:-
Are gay relationships more stable than straight ones?
and
A secular case against same-sex marriage

ditto about what and why you believe.

Many homosexual believe Christians hate them, unfortunetly how many ' christians ' behave gives substance to that belief.

Remember Jesus was accused rightly of being a Friend to prostitutes and they willingly listened to him.

Your Children will, if they haven't already, learn about the perversions in todays life, let them see how you love sinners, as you seek to live for Jesus.

 

[JohnPaul88]

Invite your niece with her gay friend and tell them that God does not allow LGBT. If not you who else will ?

Save your children from unGodly LGBT Sodom people ! Be brave.

Amen! I couldn’t have said it better myself.

One must be strong and avoid the acceptance of these things and just be strong and honest and say you don’t tolerate or accept such things, eventually it wil rub off on the young ones in your family, it’s why it’s acceptance has become so big and wide.

 

[public hermit]

I’m not sure if this is in the right spot on the forum but I’m new to this so. I am a Christian and I have a niece that sent a group text announcing that she is gay and that she has a partner. We are a close knit family that spends birthdays and holidays together. Those times are very special to us. Most of the people in our family are very conservative Christians including mine. I don’t believe in shoving my beliefs, thoughts onto others. I don’t normally voice things unless I feel like God is prompting me to say something, which I hardly EVER do. I’m very timid.
I don’t though understand why she even brought it up. She said she’s been this way for a long time. The only reason I can think is that she’s wanting to bring her partner to our family gatherings now. She knows we are very conservative and will never accept her relationship, though we will still love her as much as ever. She’s even said that she will show absolutely no affection during those gatherings. I can’t imagine her being happy bringing her but not being able to show affection. That seems like it would be miserable so I’m not sure why she even told us and would want to bring her under those circumstances.
I have children and I don’t know how to respond to her. (She does want us to respond about her bringing her partner) Even if she shows no affection, I think my children will pick up on the fact that this same ‘friend’ keeps showing up for birthdays, holidays and that it would seem odd to them after a while. Also, I don’t want my children around a homosexual relationship. If it were a big huge family reunion it might be different, but this is a small family interacting closely. I just don’t think she could keep up this charade for long. I DO NOT want to hurt my niece.
I’m just at a loss. My husband is especially tore up over this. This is his side of the family and he’s afraid this will rip the family apart. It’s like he’s choosing between his niece or his children. The point is that we’re responsible for our children and we have to make a very hard decision.

I feel for your niece and her partner. To be treated like an outcast and sinner must be horrible, especially by those who are also sinners. What would Jesus do? He ate with sinners and outcasts. He condemned those who condemned others. It looks like the role of the Christian at such a gathering is obvious, i.e. be gracious and loving. And, children need to see adult Christians living out what it means to follow Christ. What is more worrying is when children learn prejudice and hatred.

 

[JohnPaul88]

I feel for your niece and her partner. To be treated like an outcast and sinner must be horrible, especially by those who are also sinners. What would Jesus do? He ate with sinners and outcasts. He condemned those who condemned others. It looks like the role of the Christian at such a gathering is obvious, i.e. be gracious and loving. And, children need to see adult Christians living out what it means to follow Christ. What is more worrying is when children learn prejudice and hatred.

Christ ate with sinners and outcasts but after he forgave them for their sins he would tell them go and sin no more.

 

[public hermit]

Christ ate with sinners and outcasts but after he forgave them for their sins he would tell them sin no more.

Yeah, that goes for everybody and no one does it. Christians need to throw down their stones and get in line with all the other sinners.

 

[JohnPaul88]

Yeah, that goes for everybody and no one does it. Christians need to throw down their stones and get in line with all the other sinners.

Some sins are graver than others, I repent of all my sins and beg forgiveness.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I’m not sure if this is in the right spot on the forum but I’m new to this so. I am a Christian and I have a niece that sent a group text announcing that she is gay and that she has a partner. We are a close knit family that spends birthdays and holidays together. Those times are very special to us. Most of the people in our family are very conservative Christians including mine. I don’t believe in shoving my beliefs, thoughts onto others. I don’t normally voice things unless I feel like God is prompting me to say something, which I hardly EVER do. I’m very timid.
I don’t though understand why she even brought it up. She said she’s been this way for a long time. The only reason I can think is that she’s wanting to bring her partner to our family gatherings now. She knows we are very conservative and will never accept her relationship, though we will still love her as much as ever. She’s even said that she will show absolutely no affection during those gatherings. I can’t imagine her being happy bringing her but not being able to show affection. That seems like it would be miserable so I’m not sure why she even told us and would want to bring her under those circumstances.
I have children and I don’t know how to respond to her. (She does want us to respond about her bringing her partner) Even if she shows no affection, I think my children will pick up on the fact that this same ‘friend’ keeps showing up for birthdays, holidays and that it would seem odd to them after a while. Also, I don’t want my children around a homosexual relationship. If it were a big huge family reunion it might be different, but this is a small family interacting closely. I just don’t think she could keep up this charade for long. I DO NOT want to hurt my niece.
I’m just at a loss. My husband is especially tore up over this. This is his side of the family and he’s afraid this will rip the family apart. It’s like he’s choosing between his niece or his children. The point is that we’re responsible for our children and we have to make a very hard decision.

Just tell your niece that it's "ok" to be a part of the family and you love her.

... Besides, it's not as if straight Christian people aren't sinning here, there and everywhere, too!

 

[Mushka]

I’m looking for advice from Christians, not from unbelievers. We will obviously not agree on the resolution to this.

Also, my post was in tenderness of heart. I’m not sure why I’m getting hatefully charged responses. Don’t get me wrong. If I’m due some chastising, I will accept that. But I think people know when they are just angrily posting.

I do believe that sin is sin. Lying is a sin just like homosexuality is sin. So when you say I am a sinner. I say, Yes, a sinner that has been washed by the blood of Jesus. After we’ve been washed, we are to go and sin no more. Have I sinned since being saved? Yes. But I go to the Lord and ask Him to forgive me for my failure and I ask Him help me not to do it again with full intention of abandoning that sin. (This is in response to people pointing out that how dare I a sinner point out someone’s sin).
For me the difference between eating with sinners (as Jesus did) and having a family gathering is that a ‘family’ gathering establishes ‘family’. When a family member that has confessed a person to be their partner and wants to bring them to family gathering, that’s saying this is my family, accept it. If I go to this family gathering, I feel like I’m perhaps basically accepting this.
As for my children, I do not hide the sins of this world from them. And as I feel things become more age appropriate, I share these things with them and talk to them. All of my children are aware that homosexuality exists. I don’t however want them to feel like we are shoving them into a situation (where they discover that a dear cousin is gay and has brought her partner) and simply end up wanting to come home because it hurts too much. It would just end up a situation where everyone is hurting. We’re hurting because our niece has chosen gay over God, our niece is hurting because no one knows how to act around them, my kids will become hurt because this confusing idea of homosexuality is being brought out in an environment that used to be comfort and joy but now is just complicated.
It seems the only solution is to pull ourselves out of the family gatherings until we know what’s really the right thing to do.

 

[Mushka]

Also my niece already knew that we would not be able to embrace her relationship. She said this to us and my husband, careful to treat her with love, confirmed this with her. But he also confirmed with her that we loved her very much.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I’m looking for advice from Christians, not from unbelievers. We will obviously not agree on the resolution to this.

Also, my post was in tenderness of heart. I’m not sure why I’m getting hatefully charged responses. Don’t get me wrong. If I’m due some chastising, I will accept that. But I think people know when they are just angrily posting.

I do believe that sin is sin. Lying is a sin just like homosexuality is sin. So when you say I am a sinner. I say, Yes, a sinner that has been washed by the blood of Jesus. After we’ve been washed, we are to go and sin no more. Have I sinned since being saved? Yes. But I go to the Lord and ask Him to forgive me for my failure and I ask Him help me not to do it again with full intention of abandoning that sin. (This is in response to people pointing out that how dare I a sinner point out someone’s sin).
For me the difference between eating with sinners (as Jesus did) and having a family gathering is that a ‘family’ gathering establishes ‘family’. When a family member that has confessed a person to be their partner and wants to bring them to family gathering, that’s saying this is my family, accept it. If I go to this family gathering, I feel like I’m perhaps basically accepting this.
As for my children, I do not hide the sins of this world from them. And as I feel things become more age appropriate, I share these things with them and talk to them. All of my children are aware that homosexuality exists. I don’t however want them to feel like we are shoving them into a situation (where they discover that a dear cousin is gay and has brought her partner) and simply end up wanting to come home because it hurts too much. It would just end up a situation where everyone is hurting. We’re hurting because our niece has chosen gay over God, our niece is hurting because no one knows how to act around them, my kids will become hurt because this confusing idea of homosexuality is being brought out in an environment that used to be comfort and joy but now is just complicated.
It seems the only solution is to pull ourselves out of the family gatherings until we know what’s really the right thing to do.

My answer was definitely not hatefully charged. My apologies if it came across that way.

I will admit, though, I was purposely being tongue-in-cheek about it, and I said to you what I said in the way that I said it because we all know that the sword of Truth swings both ways.

And what I mean is this: if you're all family, then you all already know how to love each other without coercion of each other's certain moral points of view. You don't have to push on your niece's concience; yet, at the same time, it shouldn't be your niece's agenda to push on yours, either.

 

[Mushka]

Just tell your niece that it's "ok" to be a part of the family and you love her.

... Besides, it's not as if straight Christian people aren't sinning here, there and everywhere, too!

I’m sorry, but this is not true. The Lord told us to go and sin no more. If I sin, even in my heart where no one can possibly see it, I still repent and ask the Lord to forgive me and to help me never to do it again. practicing homosexuality is not in that same category, nor any other sin that’s left unrepented, because the person is actively pursuing the sin without turning from it.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I’m sorry, but this is not true. The Lord told us to go and sin no more. If I sin, even in my heart where no one can possibly see it, I still repent and ask the Lord to forgive me and to help me never to do it again. practicing homosexuality is not in that same category, nor any other sin that’s left unrepented, because the person is actively pursuing the sin without turning from it.

You just proved my point, and that is why I ended my first comment with the adverb "too." The insinuation is that your niece's practice is still, however much some folks deny it, "sin."

But, the other side of it all is that you can also just agree to disagree and love each other and have a good time at (most) family gatherings.

 

[Mushka]

Yeah, that goes for everybody and no one does it. Christians need to throw down their stones and get in line with all the other sinners.

This isn’t true. I do repent of my sins and turn from them. If I make a mistake and sin, I do try and immediately ask the Lord to forgive me and to help me to not do it again. I don’t believe that all people that profess Christianity just live in sin and shrug their shoulders.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

This isn’t true. I do repent of my sins and turn from them. If I make a mistake and sin, I do try and immediately ask the Lord to forgive me and to help me to not do it again. I don’t believe that all people that profess Christianity just live in sin and shrug their shoulders.

You're right. Not every Christian just lives in sin and shrugs his or her shoulders about it. But in our day and age, those Christians with whom you identify yourself are relatively few in number, and this especially is so among the men.

 

[public hermit]

I’m looking for advice from Christians, not from unbelievers

We are all Christians, there are no unbelievers who can post on this thread. I know it can be difficult; I've been through it in my own family. In one instance, a decision was made by many to separate themselves from my relative and his partner. Some of his immediate family decided to cut off relations decades ago for the same reasons you state. It is only in the last few years they've started to heal the relationship and the pain. No one has changed their position, except his immediate family decided to love him and his partner like anyone else in the family. To what end did their ostracism bring about any good? It didn't. It created a worse situation, unneeded harm, and more opportunity for confessing Christians to repent of their own behavior. Take my advice, love your family in spite of themselves, if you have to. And do it like you would anyone else. Don't try to love them from afar, as if separating yourself is love.