I did this. But I know I know its always my fault, right. I believed for 18 years, then when my crisis of faith came He was nowhere to be found. If your God wants a relationship He makes it pretty hard to accomplish. So He won't reveal himself anyway? Funny how your God has characteristics that are indistinguishable from a god that does not exist.
Is that the same as "He let me down so I do not believe in Him" "thing" again, etc...?
Well, Jesus and/or God wanted us to know that He knows and tried to show us He knows that fact so very much in this world, that He himself volunteered to go through it Himself, unto death, and death on a cross, etc, and that, in his hour of greatest need, He too was forsaken, and God did not do a thing, or reply or answer, etc, but after he died, God caused him to be resurrected afterwards, which was evidenced by many, etc, but, it's like God almost didn't know how to show us how much He cared other than appearing to us, and letting us see him go through it himself, etc, and Jesus was that vessel, the first one anyway...
And also, you would also not believe in God, just because it may not always be in the way you want or expect him to speak to you or with you or something, etc, what if He just doesn't want to reveal Himself to us in those ways, but in ways that might blow is away even more, etc, and maybe the more obvious ways are boring or something maybe, etc, what if He wishes to reveal himself to us in much more maybe "higher", ways, maybe, etc, or much more inventive and revealing and creative, etc...
When I hear from Him it's not an obvious voice, but more thoughts in my mind, etc, and it's sometimes two sided sometimes...
I don't think He's just going to directly speak in a very loud or blatant or obvious audible outside voice all of the time to everyone, etc, as I think He is done with that now, etc, and it is now about "faith" now, etc, and He now exists on the inside now also, but it is about faith, which means that you may have to take some things "on faith" sometimes maybe, etc, because that is all God is looking for or is interested now, etc, which requires that certain things remain hidden or buried until they are eventually proven and/or are revealed, etc...
You want to know why God just doesn't make Himself obvious, and obvious to everyone, etc, and all I can tell you is might negate faith, which is all God is interested in right now, etc...
And that we all must go through how it feels to be forsaken for a time, or at different times in our lives, etc, because unfortunately it's part of the process sometimes, etc...
God Bless!