The Warped World of Incel Extremists

[bèlla]

then later it was her suggestion that several people agreed to, that instead of using the tents we'd sleep under the stars near the camp fire. she was next to me. when I woke up, the teacher that had initially suggested that she liked me, said he got pictures of us before we woke up where she was "snuggled up" against me.

This reminds me of the scene from Harry Potter with Lily and Severus. So cute!

 

[Larniavc]

Again, I disagree with your assumptions about why they are being rejected. Plenty of, in @RDKirk ’s words “homely” guys out there who are married. And most of us aren’t millionaires. In fact, I’ve mostly dated (and ended up marrying) guys who were average looking and made less money than I. But they all were very charming, kind-hearted, adventurous, and confident. I always chose men for personality, never for looks In fact, I have dated rich and very attractive men, but didn’t commit to them. I appreciate a man who makes me feel good.

Now, right off the top of my head I know so many guys who are below average looking, poor or working class, and are married! But guess what? Incels wouldn’t ever date women like their wives, who are also below average in attractiveness. These guys can’t imagine that it’s the person, not the body, that is sexy and loveable and tgat if you get to know someone you might find them attractive in ways you didn’t at first glance. But to get there, you have to like the opposite sex and want to be friends with them.

I do love your little jumping spider avatar- they’re such cute little things- and really smart, too.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

You’re unlikely to be friends with someone who mirrors your ideal. You’ll see it as an opportunity. Not a chance to expand your circle.

Are you saying that someone that mirrors your ideal will take this as an opportunity to seek romantic relations with said person?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

But you had me pegged wrong thinking I was totally platonic and never had any desire for romance. Quite the contrary, a desire for romance consumes me even though I've accepted that I won't have romance, it's an acceptance that I'm not happy about at all, it's like accepting a prison sentence. You'll go along without a fight, but you're not happy about it. You know that someone else has made this decision for you and you have to abide by it, that this decision is just and you deserve it, but at the same time, you know it'll cause you suffering and you can forget your own hopes and dreams.

I just don't get angry at other people for it, but I am very much depressed about it, and still harbor an unhealthy hatred in all of it, it's just that hatred is aimed at myself.

I think I almost mirror this. Almost scarily uncanny, Jamdoc.

I work with a bunch of women....and, well, a lot of them attractive. "Water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink". At work, you have to watch yourself and not cross boundaries or HR might call you on the carpet. In fact, I once befriended a woman at work, to only have her turn the cold shoulder on me when she put in her 2 week notice. So I wonder if I should even make friends at work, keep real life and work separate, I dunno.

Anyways, got off on a tangent...

There was this new hire, she was married with 18 mos old twins...for whatever reason she came off as rather flirty with me, but with no intent. I kind of thought it was for show. I didn't encourage it.

One day she came to my defense when an irate customer got up in my face...it was near the end of the day, at closing time, and I wanted to get her out the door as opposed to argue....she came to my defense....touched my arm and took over the conversation to do damage control, and I got the feels. (Hadn't been touched by a woman affectionately in a while).

You could probably say I'm affection starved.

Sometimes I'd see a woman complaining about back pain, and one of her female co-workers would actually massage that area of the back. Then I thought, "They didn't think to ask me?" But...maybe it'd be considered weird if a man volunteered to massage the crimp in her back...at work.

I saw another woman offer a woman co-worker a hug when she was feeling down. I thought about chiming in in "I could use a hug, too!" Then realized the double standard that it would be weird if a man did it.

The fact she was married wasn't really relevant, I think she was behaving motheringly, could have been any woman...but my point was it's been a long time since I've been shown affection by a woman and sometimes that's all it takes to really make an impact. But at the same time, teased me in a sense....which can lead to more frustration.

I guess that photo moment is probably the furthest you'll get with a woman I suppose?

 

[bèlla]

Are you saying that someone that mirrors your ideal will take this as an opportunity to seek romantic relations with said person?

Most men would. Especially if the qualities he’s seeking aren’t common.

I'm not the most beautiful woman in the world. There are many who are prettier. But I possess qualities a lot of men esteem. I'm ultra feminine, traditional, not a feminist, and believe in headship. It isn't one specific trait. It's the combination they're responding to.
If you speak his language he notices. That holds true for everyone.

 

[bèlla]

Sometimes I'd see a woman complaining about back pain, and one of her female co-workers would actually massage that area of the back.

I saw another woman offer a woman co-worker a hug when she was feeling down. I thought about chiming in in "I could use a hug, too!" Then realized the double standard that it would be weird if a man did it.

That's why singleness is more difficult for men than women. Your emotional needs go unmet. Whereas women provide the same for one another. Even when we're partnered.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

That's why singleness is more difficult for men than women. Your emotional needs go unmet. Whereas women provide the same for one another. Even when we're partnered.

Yeah, it's like women going to the bathroom together or braiding each other's hair. lol. I recall one guy saying he was going to the bathroom, and another guy chimed in and said he was going too...and the first guy said, "No way man, that's gay...I'm going to the other bathroom" (on the other side of the building) LOL

 

[ThisIsMe123]

That's why singleness is more difficult for men than women. Your emotional needs go unmet. Whereas women provide the same for one another. Even when we're partnered.

...you have to wonder if this God's sick joke? LOL Kidding...kinda

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Going back to what JamDoc said about his situation in the last couple of paragraphs...some dudes (guys), would say he'd have to do something to change that if he wanted favorable results...and then proceed to give long-winded advise about working out more, grooming habits, etc etc. As if to the suggest this guy has poor hygiene or couldn't fight himself out of a wet paper bag.

You know, typical Pick Up artist advice.

 

[bèlla]

...you have to wonder if this God's sick joke? LOL Kidding...kinda

I don't think so. Maybe you all need to hug more.

 

[bèlla]

Going back to what JamDoc said about his situation in the last couple of paragraphs...some dudes (guys), would say he'd have to do something to change that if he wanted favorable results...and then proceed to give long-winded advise about working out more, grooming habits, etc etc. As if to the suggest this guy has poor hygiene or couldn't fight himself out of a wet paper bag.

You know, typical Pick Up artist advice.

I don't advise consulting PUAs for dating advice. They're not looking for marriage.

Appeal isn't gauged by self-opinion. It's how people respond to you. If you're struggling with the opposite sex you need to ask why. You're the common denominator.

Look at your history. Am I getting to first base, second, or striking out at bat? Then you'll see the problem.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Some say the benefit to being friends with women, as a man, is that they can introduce you to their other single friends.

 

[bèlla]

Some say the benefit to being friends with women, as a man, is that they can introduce you to their other single friends.

I'd never do that. If he isn't a viable prospect why bother? She's going to turn him down.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I don't advise consulting PUAs for dating advice. They're not looking for marriage.

Appeal isn't gauged by self-opinion. It's how people respond to you. If you're struggling with the opposite sex you need to ask why. You're the common denominator.

I don't think it's always necessarily the common denominator is myself, I think it's more so the environment and the attitudes of people in general. I get tired of the games women play and such. I have my share of flakes or last minute cancellations once a date is made. Something always comes up, etc.

I also blame technology, people are so sucked into their social media to really meet people organically and tend to find it rather alien for them if they are asked out or approached in public.

The women I HAD been able to attract, didn't really care all about looks but more about personality, that was my saving grace. You could say those relationships were like 5 or so years apart. It's a numbers game, you pull the handle you'll eventually get a pay out.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I'd never do that. If he isn't a viable prospect why bother? She's going to turn him down.

Viable prospect for whom? For you or her?

 

[bèlla]

Viable prospect for whom? For you or her?

For her of course.

It's not my responsibility to provide men with candidates. I believe there are some who'd befriend people for that reason. That's why I stick to couples.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

For her of course.

It's not my responsibility to provide men with candidates. I believe there are some who'd befriend people for that reason. That's why I stick to couples.

Well, you're not asking to be a matchmaker. Just invite some of your guy friends out to a gathering, and if that gathering happens to have other single women friends, it's up to him to approach. The lady can just provide the opportunity.

It's not like 'Hey, Jill, I think I got a good match for you...he's Jim" etc etc.

Also, you have no way of knowing whom befriended whom for whatever reason?

You stick to couples? Not even single gal pals?

 

[bèlla]

I don't think it's always necessarily the common denominator is myself, I think it's more so the environment and the attitudes of people in general.

You are always the common denominator. You in relation to your atmosphere, experiences, technology, etc. That never changes.

I get tired of the games women play and such. I have my share of flakes or last minute cancellations once a date is made. Something always comes up, etc.

If people are pulling the plug you should review your picker. Why are you connecting with women who behave that way? Whenever there's a pattern look in the mirror.

I also blame technology, people are so sucked into their social media to really meet people organically and tend to find it rather alien for them if they are asked out or approached in public.

Technology hasn't stopped people from interacting. Dating sites (and apps) are a billion dollar industry for a reason. Technology allowed people to go outside their environment and cross paths with others they'd rarely encounter. They're no longer limited to the person in their vicinity. That applies to friends, companions, business, etc. That's the shift.

The women I HAD been able to attract, didn't really care all about looks but more about personality, that was my saving grace. You could say those relationships were like 5 or so years apart. It's a numbers game, you pull the handle you'll eventually get a pay out.

It makes better sense to hedge your bets on results that paid instead of casting widely. What do they have in common? That's your target.

 

[RDKirk]

There are plenty of women out there who want to be a "Trad-wife" who want to be a homemaker, wait on their husband hand and foot, have a million babies. There are also women out there who would love to be submissive, have a more dominant husband, be everything that the stereotypical "incel" desires.

Again, where it all goes wrong is their approach and how they tend to feel they are entitled to these things and how all women should want what they desire.

A man who desires a "Proverbs 31 wife" must be a Proverbs 31 husband:

Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

That her husband has a seat at the city gate among the elders of the land means that he is a leader of the community. Men who are leaders of their communities are desirable husbands for Proverbs 31 wives (or, rather in that time, the kind of men the parents of Proverbs 31 women would arrange for them to marry).

If a man wants a traditional wife, he's got to be that traditional husband, providing the home and then bringing the bacon to it.

That calls for more personal effort than merely changing one's approach.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

If people are pulling the plug you should review your picker. Why are you connecting with women who behave that way? Whenever there's a pattern look in the mirror.

Has nothing to do with my picker. There's no way of knowing what a person's like in order to determine a faulty picker. We don't have a crystal ball.

Being online has enabled people to be extremely flaky as they have plenty of choices of men to choose from. Chances are, she's talking to someone else, and she may likely cancelled the date for a better offer, even if the date was on lock".