Hi. First, those who have OCD and difficulties in receiving communion may wish to skip this message as I don't want my own issues to add to anyone's existing anxieties or intrusive, unwanted thoughts.
I need to preface this by saying that I have OCD and, while all OCD sufferers probably think that their disorder manifests itself in weird ways, I have never found anything quite like mine when I perform Internet searches.
MY OCD sometimes manifests itself in the form of intrusive thoughts. Over the years this has become more manageable in that I’m not always feeling as much stress over them as I used to. In addition to being Catholic I also am blind which may or may not add a bit of relevance to my particular problem. My particular OCD also manifests itself in a type of scrupulosity when it comes to receiving communion. I always receive our Lord on the tongue. On some occasions I haven't always extended my tongue out far enough and the host isn't then placed right in my mouth. This happened yesterday when I panicked, didn't have my tongue out enough and the host wasn't fully placed in my mouth. With my mouth I struggled to move the host into my mouth when I then consumed it. However, I had this fear that a small piece of it may have broken off and fallen onto the floor. Since I can't see I moved my hand onto the floor feeling for anything that may have felt like particles or pieces from the host. I did not feel anything and I know that it is likely that the host did not break in any way. This particular priest who distributed communion knows of my anxieties and issues with this and I'd like to think that he made sure that no accidental breakage occurred but my OCD kicks in and I think of things like, what if he didn't check or notice? Should I have asked a parishioner to find the priest after Mass so I could ask him to check? What if a piece of the host fell somewhere else that I didn't feel with my hands? Did this happen and, if so, then sacrilege was committed. I was not unwilling to email Father about it after I got home and ask him to check but a part of me felt that it was not necessary to do it which maybe means that it's really OK. People who don't have OCD will no doubt find this to sound absolutely crazy but those who have or who understand OCD will understand how this can occur. This causes me anxiety whenever I receive communion and sometimes makes me afraid to receive which I realize is the absolute last thing I should be feeling. I can't receive in the hand as I'm terrified about small particles remaining on my hand and even more unintended sin being committed as a result. Again, this is a form of OCD that I have never been able to find more about when searching online and so I'm curious to know if others have experienced this and how you have dealt with it.
I need to preface this by saying that I have OCD and, while all OCD sufferers probably think that their disorder manifests itself in weird ways, I have never found anything quite like mine when I perform Internet searches.
MY OCD sometimes manifests itself in the form of intrusive thoughts. Over the years this has become more manageable in that I’m not always feeling as much stress over them as I used to. In addition to being Catholic I also am blind which may or may not add a bit of relevance to my particular problem. My particular OCD also manifests itself in a type of scrupulosity when it comes to receiving communion. I always receive our Lord on the tongue. On some occasions I haven't always extended my tongue out far enough and the host isn't then placed right in my mouth. This happened yesterday when I panicked, didn't have my tongue out enough and the host wasn't fully placed in my mouth. With my mouth I struggled to move the host into my mouth when I then consumed it. However, I had this fear that a small piece of it may have broken off and fallen onto the floor. Since I can't see I moved my hand onto the floor feeling for anything that may have felt like particles or pieces from the host. I did not feel anything and I know that it is likely that the host did not break in any way. This particular priest who distributed communion knows of my anxieties and issues with this and I'd like to think that he made sure that no accidental breakage occurred but my OCD kicks in and I think of things like, what if he didn't check or notice? Should I have asked a parishioner to find the priest after Mass so I could ask him to check? What if a piece of the host fell somewhere else that I didn't feel with my hands? Did this happen and, if so, then sacrilege was committed. I was not unwilling to email Father about it after I got home and ask him to check but a part of me felt that it was not necessary to do it which maybe means that it's really OK. People who don't have OCD will no doubt find this to sound absolutely crazy but those who have or who understand OCD will understand how this can occur. This causes me anxiety whenever I receive communion and sometimes makes me afraid to receive which I realize is the absolute last thing I should be feeling. I can't receive in the hand as I'm terrified about small particles remaining on my hand and even more unintended sin being committed as a result. Again, this is a form of OCD that I have never been able to find more about when searching online and so I'm curious to know if others have experienced this and how you have dealt with it.
