Need help and advice with OCD and Salvation Doubts

[jjoel10]

Dear All

After years of having a long track record of several forms of OCD (Car, Germs, Illnesses, being unclean spiritually and lots more) now I suffer from Relationship OCD which is getting worse and worse.
I am certain that all of this has to do with deep wounds in my heart, caused by how I grew up with little affection, little to no love from my father, and he being harsh and demanding.
Due to this I started to be a perfectionist, since I wanted to earn love so bad my entire life.

The same pattern started when I gave my life to God a few years ago, I looked at God and compared him to my father. I just couldn't connect the love of god which I knew in my head, to my heart. So it's never been a ''loving'' relationship, rather a harsh, demanding and focused on rules and commandments type of relationship.

My biggest problems in the last years were: If I liked something, or wanted to buy something (ex. Car, Watch, or even start my studies, or going to the gym) doesn't really matter what, I immediately got the thought ''God doesn't want me to do that, or even: It is sin''
Now this could go from good things to bad things, but it has happened with the good things a lot more often.

PROBLEM: Recently I got in a christian relationship with a girl I love very much, we are very committed and going towards marriage. I want to marry her and we focus a lot on god, we worship, read and attend church together. She has dragged me a lot towards god. At the time we were getting to know each other, I didn't have any problems. As soon as I started to like her more and started to think that she might be a very good spouse and wanted to be with her. Something had happened in my mind while in church: I begun getting thoughts of: god doesn't want her to be mine, god doesn't want us to be together. And I love god, I would like to obey him so bad, but I am just not sure whether I am listening to a fear (OCD) or the Holy Spirit?

My Parents, church, Pastor, christian counselors, her all of them confirm that we are made to be together and there is nothing deadly wrong about our relationship. That it is serving god and going his direction. There were lots of signs and blessings to our relationship, even If I can't see them 100% clearly due to anxiety, there are noticeable signs of god being with us and blessing this relationship.

First my fears were: what if god doesn't want me with her, I am gonna suffer a lot if I still do it..

Then: Is it a conviction of the Holy Spirit warning/commanding me and I don't want to obey because I love this girl thus rebelling against god. Or is it a evil spirit trying to split us up, since we're stronger together and love each other and its a god centered relationship.

Then: I am going to lose my salvation since I am not listening to gods commandment or voice. This brought me massive anxiety in the last days, panic attack levels and the fear is just overwhelming.

Thanks for reading this, and I really would appreciate every help I can get.

Does this sound like OCD? Can I lose my salvation by not following gods voice or even disobeying what he is saying? Is he even saying this? Wouldn't there be more signs and confirmations if it would be so? I feel I am not able anymore to hear the voice of the spirit, since the fears are covering everything up..


Edit: I mean yes, in the beginning there was a time at which sin has happened between her and me, but we confessed and set boundaries and for months now we are keeping our relationship as pure as possible. Because we both want a relationship that pleases the lord.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Yes, it sounds like OCD. We have got to be so, so careful *not* to confuse our thoughts with the voice of God.

Especially if these thoughts are obsessive and subjective and not based on anything objective, like Scripture, the law, or anything we can detect with our senses.

She sounds like a lovely girl. I hope you guys can get married and serve God together.

 

[Sabertooth]

@jjoel10, are you receiving treatment for your OCD? (You can't "think" yourself out of it.)

The Church & Mental Illness...

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Dear All

After years of having a long track record of several forms of OCD (Car, Germs, Illnesses, being unclean spiritually and lots more) now I suffer from Relationship OCD which is getting worse and worse.
I am certain that all of this has to do with deep wounds in my heart, caused by how I grew up with little affection, little to no love from my father, and he being harsh and demanding.
Due to this I started to be a perfectionist, since I wanted to earn love so bad my entire life.

The same pattern started when I gave my life to God a few years ago, I looked at God and compared him to my father. I just couldn't connect the love of god which I knew in my head, to my heart. So it's never been a ''loving'' relationship, rather a harsh, demanding and focused on rules and commandments type of relationship.

My biggest problems in the last years were: If I liked something, or wanted to buy something (ex. Car, Watch, or even start my studies, or going to the gym) doesn't really matter what, I immediately got the thought ''God doesn't want me to do that, or even: It is sin''
Now this could go from good things to bad things, but it has happened with the good things a lot more often.

PROBLEM: Recently I got in a christian relationship with a girl I love very much, we are very committed and going towards marriage. I want to marry her and we focus a lot on god, we worship, read and attend church together. She has dragged me a lot towards god. At the time we were getting to know each other, I didn't have any problems. As soon as I started to like her more and started to think that she might be a very good spouse and wanted to be with her. Something had happened in my mind while in church: I begun getting thoughts of: god doesn't want her to be mine, god doesn't want us to be together. And I love god, I would like to obey him so bad, but I am just not sure whether I am listening to a fear (OCD) or the Holy Spirit?

My Parents, church, Pastor, christian counselors, her all of them confirm that we are made to be together and there is nothing deadly wrong about our relationship. That it is serving god and going his direction. There were lots of signs and blessings to our relationship, even If I can't see them 100% clearly due to anxiety, there are noticeable signs of god being with us and blessing this relationship.

First my fears were: what if god doesn't want me with her, I am gonna suffer a lot if I still do it..

Then: Is it a conviction of the Holy Spirit warning/commanding me and I don't want to obey because I love this girl thus rebelling against god. Or is it a evil spirit trying to split us up, since we're stronger together and love each other and its a god centered relationship.

Then: I am going to lose my salvation since I am not listening to gods commandment or voice. This brought me massive anxiety in the last days, panic attack levels and the fear is just overwhelming.

Thanks for reading this, and I really would appreciate every help I can get.

Does this sound like OCD? Can I lose my salvation by not following gods voice or even disobeying what he is saying? Is he even saying this? Wouldn't there be more signs and confirmations if it would be so? I feel I am not able anymore to hear the voice of the spirit, since the fears are covering everything up..


Edit: I mean yes, in the beginning there was a time at which sin has happened between her and me, but we confessed and set boundaries and for months now we are keeping our relationship as pure as possible. Because we both want a relationship that pleases the lord.

To me, it sounds like it is the devil trying to ruin the relationship you are building. I would ignore the thoughts and feelings. See yourself as worthy, see yourself through God's eyes. The bible says "there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ". God is not judging you.

 

[Tolworth John]

Does this sound like OCD? Can I lose my salvation by not following gods voice or even disobeying what he is saying? Is he even saying this? Wouldn't there be more signs and confirmations if it would be so? I feel I am not able anymore to hear the voice of the spirit, since the fears are covering everything up..

Have you been diagnosed as having ocd?

If you have, have you been taught about intrusive thoughts?

These are thoughts that appear in your mind, as if they are your thoughts. They are destructive, critical and not helpful thoughts.

Your thoughts about getting married, having a girlfriend, or about any activity are not, I repeat, they are not from God.
All they are is intrusive thoughts generated by your ocd.

How do you deal with them?

Any such thought is dealt with by acknowledging it.
The thought arrives, " Marry your girlfriend and you'll burn in hell!"
All you do is say/ think, ' Yes that is correct.' and carry on giving it no more thought.

Please look up on Google, 25 tips for successfully treating your ocd.
It was written by a psychiatrist to help his patients, please read it and discuss it with your doctor,girlfriend and pastor so they can help you.

 

[jjoel10]

@jjoel10, are you receiving treatment for your OCD? (You can't "think" yourself out of it.)

The Church & Mental Illness...

No unfortunately not yet.. I tried 5-thp, Inositol, Curcumin, L-Tryptophan, Niacin other Kinds of Vitamin B..can't tell if it really helped. But yes soon I'll start going to a christian psychologist.

 

[jjoel10]

To me, it sounds like it is the devil trying to ruin the relationship you are building. I would ignore the thoughts and feelings. See yourself as worthy, see yourself through God's eyes. The bible says "there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ". God is not judging you.

Thanks I am really trying and focusing on receiving Gods true love, since I believe the lack of love and affection in my childhood is one of the reasons that my OCD can even take place..

I want to do Gods will in my life, since I know that's healthy and good for me, but every time I got to do something or make a decision. Something in me is going to think and try to find out ''is it gods will, is it not?'' and since I view God as harsh and compare him to my father, I often assume the worst option from all and that is usually ''God doesn't want me to, or it is sin, I am disobeying''
And even if there is so many signs of Gods approval, I still take 1% doubts as if it Is a NO from God, just incase, so that I don't make a mistake or lose salvation...
And especially during those anxiety attacks, I am not able to discern what is god and what isn't...it completely clouds my ability to think or to remember..

And also I fear that by ''ignoring the thoughts and feelings'' I could by mistake or even intentionally ignore or disobey god I fear doing something against Gods plan for me and even for my girlfriend.. and thus I even get real feelings of guilt.. like with sin.. (eventho it is based on a lie?!) is that normal?

 

[jjoel10]

Have you been diagnosed as having ocd?

If you have, have you been taught about intrusive thoughts?

These are thoughts that appear in your mind, as if they are your thoughts. They are destructive, critical and not helpful thoughts.

Your thoughts about getting married, having a girlfriend, or about any activity are not, I repeat, they are not from God.
All they are is intrusive thoughts generated by your ocd.

How do you deal with them?

Any such thought is dealt with by acknowledging it.
The thought arrives, " Marry your girlfriend and you'll burn in hell!"
All you do is say/ think, ' Yes that is correct.' and carry on giving it no more thought.

Please look up on Google, 25 tips for successfully treating your ocd.
It was written by a psychiatrist to help his patients, please read it and discuss it with your doctor,girlfriend and pastor so they can help you.

Thanks for the guide, will definitely look into it
I haven't diagnosed yet officially, but I will be going to a christian psychologist in 2 weeks, so that I can talk about the spiritual side of the things aswell. But since I struggled with a lot of OCD types in the past I assumed it (I never had R-OCD yet, but also never been in serious and committed relationship, so I assume that's the reason)

But is it normal getting physical symptoms (kind of panic attacks) and intense guilt trips, similar or same as if someone would sin or break the law?
And also by saying ''I am doing it anyways'' it helped a little, but then another thought was placed in my mind: if god is demanding something from me, and with doing the opposite I would disobey him. And by saying its from the devil, I could even offend god, since I don't know 100% from whom the thought is from?

This whole OCD is really hardening my heart to God because it always makes me think, God is withdrawing something from me, or wants me bad, wants me to sacrifice what I like etc..

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Thanks I am really trying and focusing on receiving Gods true love, since I believe the lack of love and affection in my childhood is one of the reasons that my OCD can even take place..

I want to do Gods will in my life, since I know that's healthy and good for me, but every time I got to do something or make a decision. Something in me is going to think and try to find out ''is it gods will, is it not?'' and since I view God as harsh and compare him to my father, I often assume the worst option from all and that is usually ''God doesn't want me to, or it is sin, I am disobeying''
And even if there is so many signs of Gods approval, I still take 1% doubts as if it Is a NO from God, just incase, so that I don't make a mistake or lose salvation...
And especially during those anxiety attacks, I am not able to discern what is god and what isn't...it completely clouds my ability to think or to remember..

And also I fear that by ''ignoring the thoughts and feelings'' I could by mistake or even intentionally ignore or disobey god I fear doing something against Gods plan for me and even for my girlfriend.. and thus I even get real feelings of guilt.. like with sin.. (eventho it is based on a lie?!) is that normal?

As a young person, God wants you to enjoy your life, to not worry excessively over whether everything you do is God's will. Just keep yourself from dark sins.

Ecc 11:9-10 Be cheerful and enjoy life while you are young! Do what you want and find pleasure in what you see. But don't forget that God will judge you for everything you do. Rid yourself of all worry and pain, because the wonderful moments of youth quickly disappear.

God wants us to take a middle road, a road that allows us to make mistakes.

Ecc 7:16-17 Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself? Be not over much wicked, neither be thou foolish: why shouldest thou die before thy time?

You are not trying to do evil, I am sure you have God's approval. Don't be strict on yourself. Enjoy your life. Many of the things you are worrying over probably have God's tick of approval.

The apostles only gave gentile Christians a few commands, avoid sexual immorality, and don't worship idols.

If you have any worries about whether a particular thing is a sin, maybe post it in this thread and we can help you make a decision, but try not to worry about the things too much.

 

[subtlecollision]

You can't lose your salvation! It's impossible! Anchor yourself to that. Salvation is an event. You already passed from death to life.

OCD causes you to doubt everything. I've been there. My guess is that's the culprit in this. Or maybe you have feelings of unworthiness that are preventing you from accepting the blessing of a marriage from God?

 

[jjoel10]

As a young person, God wants you to enjoy your life, to not worry excessively over whether everything you do is God's will. Just keep yourself from dark sins.

Ecc 11:9-10 Be cheerful and enjoy life while you are young! Do what you want and find pleasure in what you see. But don't forget that God will judge you for everything you do. Rid yourself of all worry and pain, because the wonderful moments of youth quickly disappear.

God wants us to take a middle road, a road that allows us to make mistakes.

Ecc 7:16-17 Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself? Be not over much wicked, neither be thou foolish: why shouldest thou die before thy time?

You are not trying to do evil, I am sure you have God's approval. Don't be strict on yourself. Enjoy your life. Many of the things you are worrying over probably have God's tick of approval.

The apostles only gave gentile Christians a few commands, avoid sexual immorality, and don't worship idols.

If you have any worries about whether a particular thing is a sin, maybe post it in this thread and we can help you make a decision, but try not to worry about the things too much.

Thanks again, appreciate it.
In the past I suffered also from Scrupulosity and believing that everything I do is sin, and If I wanted to be saved by Jesus I would have to give up those things as a requirement. This distanced myself from God, since I believed he is not loving or forgiving..

Also Sexual Sin has occurred between her and me but we confessed, repented and of course redirected our Intentions to a pure and correct way towards marriage (the Holy Spirit placed this on both our hearts at the same time) Maybe since I have an overactive mind or brain this also is still nagging on my feelings. Some Christians say, if something like this happens the only resolution is to break up etc..which makes me anxious even more.

Or other example: I am passionate about cars, now If I wanted to buy a car I like, the following comes in to my mind:
driving even 1km/h (Europe) over the speed limit is sin in Gods eyes, so if I buy a car with more HP there is bigger chances of accidentally driving faster which makes me sin on purpose etc.. so buying a car would be sin..
And this pattern is applicable to almost everything in my life.. is this normal in any way? There is almost no end to my fantasy...

 

[jjoel10]

You can't lose your salvation! It's impossible! Anchor yourself to that. Salvation is an event. You already passed from death to life.

OCD causes you to doubt everything. I've been there. My guess is that's the culprit in this. Or maybe you have feelings of unworthiness that are preventing you from accepting the blessing of a marriage from God?

Thank you, I think its a combination of feeling unworthy (I can't really love myself either) - having a false picture of god, in which I can't accept the fact that he is proud of happy for having me, like I can't understand why he would enjoy seeing me happy. And being doubtful with everything, like I have to make sure no mistakes happen.

Even in the daily life, before a decision I am always like ''maybe the Holy Spirit is saying me this or that, or no or whatever'' trying to check and make sure, I am 100% doing what is right, which is OK. But sometimes we can overthink and get anxiety over nothing -.-

It brought me relief that I can't lose my Salvation, since I already chose Jesus as my savior.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Also Sexual Sin has occurred between her and me but we confessed, repented and of course redirected our Intentions to a pure and correct way towards marriage (the Holy Spirit placed this on both our hearts at the same time) Maybe since I have an overactive mind or brain this also is still nagging on my feelings. Some Christians say, if something like this happens the only resolution is to break up etc..which makes me anxious even more.

According to the scripture, if this were to happen in Israel under the law, you would actually be compelled to marry.

Suppose a woman isn't engaged to be married, and a man talks her into sleeping with him. If they are caught, they will be forced to get married. - Deuteronomy 22:28 (CEV)

I am not saying you must get married, but that under the law, that was what happened.

Or other example: I am passionate about cars, now If I wanted to buy a car I like, the following comes in to my mind:
driving even 1km/h (Europe) over the speed limit is sin in Gods eyes, so if I buy a car with more HP there is bigger chances of accidentally driving faster which makes me sin on purpose etc.. so buying a car would be sin..
And this pattern is applicable to almost everything in my life.. is this normal in any way? There is almost no end to my fantasy...

Accidentally driving over the speed limit is not really a sin, it is accidental. Look at it this way, I am more likely to sexually sin if a woman is beautiful, does that mean God should make all women unattractive? The same applies to the car, yes you could drive faster, but ultimately the choice to drive fast or within the speed limit would be your choice, you choose either to sin or not.

The best way to deal with these situations is to pray about them. Advice can help, but even my advice can be wrong. Whenever you get one of these troubling thoughts spend time, praying until you get peace about the thought, one way or the other. Most actions we perform in life, like marriage, and buying a car are not instant, so you will have time to pray.

 

[subtlecollision]

Thank you, I think its a combination of feeling unworthy (I can't really love myself either) - having a false picture of god, in which I can't accept the fact that he is proud of happy for having me, like I can't understand why he would enjoy seeing me happy. And being doubtful with everything, like I have to make sure no mistakes happen.

Even in the daily life, before a decision I am always like ''maybe the Holy Spirit is saying me this or that, or no or whatever'' trying to check and make sure, I am 100% doing what is right, which is OK. But sometimes we can overthink and get anxiety over nothing -.-

It brought me relief that I can't lose my Salvation, since I already chose Jesus as my savior.

I've definitely dealt with not having a correct view of God. Maybe find a good Christian book about God's love. So you can focus specifically on those types of verses.

 

[jjoel10]

According to the scripture, if this were to happen in Israel under the law, you would actually be compelled to marry.

Suppose a woman isn't engaged to be married, and a man talks her into sleeping with him. If they are caught, they will be forced to get married. - Deuteronomy 22:28 (CEV)

I am not saying you must get married, but that under the law, that was what happened.

Yes true, but does this mean sex = marriage? Meaning that if I have sex with a Girl or Girlfriend it means I got married to her?
Because this would implicate that breaking up with a Person one has had sex with = Divorce?
Recently a lot of fears including being a lukewarm christian has flooded my mind..
Like I stated, I want to do Gods Will. And I know that everything else can lead a person astray from God.
I believe living in situations outside of Gods will can cost us our salvation because everything he commands us to do, is because he so loves us and wants to save us. So doing the opposite could make us move away from God and thus not be saved.
Am I right or just being controlled by fear again?

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Yes true, but does this mean sex = marriage? Meaning that if I have sex with a Girl or Girlfriend it means I got married to her?
Because this would implicate that breaking up with a Person one has had sex with = Divorce?
Recently a lot of fears including being a lukewarm christian has flooded my mind..
Like I stated, I want to do Gods Will. And I know that everything else can lead a person astray from God.
I believe living in situations outside of Gods will can cost us our salvation because everything he commands us to do, is because he so loves us and wants to save us. So doing the opposite could make us move away from God and thus not be saved.
Am I right or just being controlled by fear again?

i would not like to give marriage advice, you need to be assured that you are making the right decision in your heart. all i am suggesting is your sexual action does not disqualify you both from marriage. the reason for the bibles command was the reality is that if people are consenting there is room for the marrige to work, and it prevented actions with other sexual partners.

 

[Mari17]

Dear All

After years of having a long track record of several forms of OCD (Car, Germs, Illnesses, being unclean spiritually and lots more) now I suffer from Relationship OCD which is getting worse and worse.
I am certain that all of this has to do with deep wounds in my heart, caused by how I grew up with little affection, little to no love from my father, and he being harsh and demanding.
Due to this I started to be a perfectionist, since I wanted to earn love so bad my entire life.

The same pattern started when I gave my life to God a few years ago, I looked at God and compared him to my father. I just couldn't connect the love of god which I knew in my head, to my heart. So it's never been a ''loving'' relationship, rather a harsh, demanding and focused on rules and commandments type of relationship.

My biggest problems in the last years were: If I liked something, or wanted to buy something (ex. Car, Watch, or even start my studies, or going to the gym) doesn't really matter what, I immediately got the thought ''God doesn't want me to do that, or even: It is sin''
Now this could go from good things to bad things, but it has happened with the good things a lot more often.

PROBLEM: Recently I got in a christian relationship with a girl I love very much, we are very committed and going towards marriage. I want to marry her and we focus a lot on god, we worship, read and attend church together. She has dragged me a lot towards god. At the time we were getting to know each other, I didn't have any problems. As soon as I started to like her more and started to think that she might be a very good spouse and wanted to be with her. Something had happened in my mind while in church: I begun getting thoughts of: god doesn't want her to be mine, god doesn't want us to be together. And I love god, I would like to obey him so bad, but I am just not sure whether I am listening to a fear (OCD) or the Holy Spirit?

My Parents, church, Pastor, christian counselors, her all of them confirm that we are made to be together and there is nothing deadly wrong about our relationship. That it is serving god and going his direction. There were lots of signs and blessings to our relationship, even If I can't see them 100% clearly due to anxiety, there are noticeable signs of god being with us and blessing this relationship.

First my fears were: what if god doesn't want me with her, I am gonna suffer a lot if I still do it..

Then: Is it a conviction of the Holy Spirit warning/commanding me and I don't want to obey because I love this girl thus rebelling against god. Or is it a evil spirit trying to split us up, since we're stronger together and love each other and its a god centered relationship.

Then: I am going to lose my salvation since I am not listening to gods commandment or voice. This brought me massive anxiety in the last days, panic attack levels and the fear is just overwhelming.

Thanks for reading this, and I really would appreciate every help I can get.

Does this sound like OCD? Can I lose my salvation by not following gods voice or even disobeying what he is saying? Is he even saying this? Wouldn't there be more signs and confirmations if it would be so? I feel I am not able anymore to hear the voice of the spirit, since the fears are covering everything up..


Edit: I mean yes, in the beginning there was a time at which sin has happened between her and me, but we confessed and set boundaries and for months now we are keeping our relationship as pure as possible. Because we both want a relationship that pleases the lord.

I think you are aware that a lot of this revolves around OCD.

I'm glad you're going to see a therapist, but please be aware that ordinary "talk therapy" is not considered to be very effective for OCD. Cognitive-behavioral therapies, and specifically ERP, are considered to be the best.

I'd be happy to suggest some online resources that might be helpful, if you're wanting to learn more about OCD and how to treat it.

 

[amaui]

Try to remember that with OCD the problem is not the problem. The problem is deep core needs not being met, "love, validation, self love, nurture" etc, and OCD becomes almost like a coping mechanism to make us feel safe. It's unfortunate but we need to be kind to ourselves in this journey. God loves you and have you free will to choose to marry any Christian woman you want. Think about it as a good father. As a father would you demand your son marry only a certain girl or you would disown him? Certainly not! Also as a good father would you throw your child away everytime they messed up? Or would you clean them off and lovingly encourge them to do right? Start framing God's reactions to you as a good Father.

Dear All

After years of having a long track record of several forms of OCD (Car, Germs, Illnesses, being unclean spiritually and lots more) now I suffer from Relationship OCD which is getting worse and worse.
I am certain that all of this has to do with deep wounds in my heart, caused by how I grew up with little affection, little to no love from my father, and he being harsh and demanding.
Due to this I started to be a perfectionist, since I wanted to earn love so bad my entire life.

The same pattern started when I gave my life to God a few years ago, I looked at God and compared him to my father. I just couldn't connect the love of god which I knew in my head, to my heart. So it's never been a ''loving'' relationship, rather a harsh, demanding and focused on rules and commandments type of relationship.

My biggest problems in the last years were: If I liked something, or wanted to buy something (ex. Car, Watch, or even start my studies, or going to the gym) doesn't really matter what, I immediately got the thought ''God doesn't want me to do that, or even: It is sin''
Now this could go from good things to bad things, but it has happened with the good things a lot more often.

PROBLEM: Recently I got in a christian relationship with a girl I love very much, we are very committed and going towards marriage. I want to marry her and we focus a lot on god, we worship, read and attend church together. She has dragged me a lot towards god. At the time we were getting to know each other, I didn't have any problems. As soon as I started to like her more and started to think that she might be a very good spouse and wanted to be with her. Something had happened in my mind while in church: I begun getting thoughts of: god doesn't want her to be mine, god doesn't want us to be together. And I love god, I would like to obey him so bad, but I am just not sure whether I am listening to a fear (OCD) or the Holy Spirit?

My Parents, church, Pastor, christian counselors, her all of them confirm that we are made to be together and there is nothing deadly wrong about our relationship. That it is serving god and going his direction. There were lots of signs and blessings to our relationship, even If I can't see them 100% clearly due to anxiety, there are noticeable signs of god being with us and blessing this relationship.

First my fears were: what if god doesn't want me with her, I am gonna suffer a lot if I still do it..

Then: Is it a conviction of the Holy Spirit warning/commanding me and I don't want to obey because I love this girl thus rebelling against god. Or is it a evil spirit trying to split us up, since we're stronger together and love each other and its a god centered relationship.

Then: I am going to lose my salvation since I am not listening to gods commandment or voice. This brought me massive anxiety in the last days, panic attack levels and the fear is just overwhelming.

Thanks for reading this, and I really would appreciate every help I can get.

Does this sound like OCD? Can I lose my salvation by not following gods voice or even disobeying what he is saying? Is he even saying this? Wouldn't there be more signs and confirmations if it would be so? I feel I am not able anymore to hear the voice of the spirit, since the fears are covering everything up..


Edit: I mean yes, in the beginning there was a time at which sin has happened between her and me, but we confessed and set boundaries and for months now we are keeping our relationship as pure as possible. Because we both want a relationship that pleases the lord.

 

[jjoel10]

I think you are aware that a lot of this revolves around OCD.

I'm glad you're going to see a therapist, but please be aware that ordinary "talk therapy" is not considered to be very effective for OCD. Cognitive-behavioral therapies, and specifically ERP, are considered to be the best.

I'd be happy to suggest some online resources that might be helpful, if you're wanting to learn more about OCD and how to treat it.

Thanks for the input, yes I'd be happy to have more resources. Also I am wondering that If Real sin and real guilt is hindering a person from its relationship to God (if not repented)
Wouldn't this apply for ''false sin and false guilt'' aswell?
If my anxiety or false lens of God makes me think something is sin, and I still commit that, won't it give me false guilt and hindering me in growing with God?

 

[jjoel10]

Try to remember that with OCD the problem is not the problem. The problem is deep core needs not being met, "love, validation, self love, nurture" etc, and OCD becomes almost like a coping mechanism to make us feel safe. It's unfortunate but we need to be kind to ourselves in this journey. God loves you and have you free will to choose to marry any Christian woman you want. Think about it as a good father. As a father would you demand your son marry only a certain girl or you would disown him? Certainly not! Also as a good father would you throw your child away everytime they messed up? Or would you clean them off and lovingly encourge them to do right? Start framing God's reactions to you as a good Father.

Yes you're right! I am trying to focus on the healing of my heart. Since I believe that God put me in a stressful position with my GF to realize what my problem in the last few years even was. Before her I used to just do what my fears /ocd demanded, now that feelings are included I couldn't just let her go.

No I wouldn't demand that, but what if God is actually trying to save me from heartache or something that could happen in the future? Maybe I am being to self centered..
I am praying for additional signs, but what I am getting instead is further confirmations (which I can hardly realize in times of great anxiety) but once I feel more calm I can see so many blessings and God being with us.. its just amazing.