- Dec 23, 2016
- 159
- 455
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Libertarian
Some background. Years ago, I went through a divorce due to my ex wifes straying from the marital vows. I don't want to go over it in too much detail, but her mother encouraged, and facilitated the infidelity and ending the relationship. Now my Ex MIL I knew was never a fan of mine as she had her own difficult marriage and was more or less blaming all men at the time I was dating / marrying her daughter for the wrongs done to her. (This blame and abuse also was aimed at her son, my EX BIL). This included what I found out after the divorce, taking her daughter when we would go visit the family, and set her up on dates with guys her mother approved of more. Including buying them hotel rooms when I thought she was spending time with her Mom and brother. And reportedly when while we were married, according to some mutual friends, my ex had become pregnant, and her mom took her to get an abortion. And I should note here that I always wanted to be a Dad, but my ex appears to have taken active measures to stop that from happening, and my current wife was unable to get pregnant. Although we are working on going through with getting everything set up to Foster / adopt.
I went a lot of years thinking I had forgiven her for her part in the destruction of my family until 2 years ago when my own father passed away. You see my Dad went through marriage and never got it right until he met my step mom, and they were married for nearly 30 years before he passed away. After my parents divorce I never really got to know my Dad, or build much of a relationship with him until after my ex and I split up. Sad to say but my Dad didn't like her much either, and so we didn't talk a lot over the ensuing years. My divorce, well it became sad to say, some common ground. Not that either he nor my mom were unfaithful, but his 2nd wife was... So I admit I was mad. I was mad at all the years that I didn't have with my own Dad, I was mad that instead of encouraging and buiding, my Ex MIL actively worked to destroy my family, and my own trying to defend my wife at the time from my Dad kept me away from the family I grew up with.
So when my Dad passed, I was angry, angry at myself, angry at God for taking him before I could really have that full time spent with Dad kind of thing, which I don't think ever comes but I digress, angry at my Ex for being a wedge, and angry at my ex MIL for being such a major cause of these issues.
I'm not proud to say it, or even think it. I wanted her to die like my Dad did. I wanted my ex to feel some kind of pain. Some kind of, I don't really know. Some way of acknowledging the damage done. Some kind of sharing in the misery of what her and her mother did. I know they were close and like I said, I had thought I had forgiven her / them, but obviously not.
Fast forward a certain number of years, and today I felt a strong pull, like God saying look it up. So I googled her moms full name and home town. Only to find out that she did indeed die, one month prior to my Dads passing, almost to the day.
I know I need to forgive them, both of them, and I thought I had. I feel awful for how I felt when my Dad passed, at the anger over things nobody but God could have any impact on. And I certainly don't feel any sort of gratitude or pleasure at learning of her passing, but instead I feel sorry for her Daughter, her Son, and Granddaughter. (my ex BILs daughter). I saw the obituary, and there were no, and I mean no messages of condolence, not even from the funeral home left for her.
Now I am sitting here, emotionally confused, and literally crying for the loss of a life that left an oversize wake in the waters of my life. I know when her daughter and I were involved, she actively rejected Jesus, and I fear she may have to the end but have no way of knowing that either, and that continues to make my head swirl with emotion and confusion.
I am not sure what kind of prayer on this I am asking for really. I knew at some point I would know her mom passed. Small world, Google, and we grew up / went to school in a small community and I am still active friends with most of my old high school friends group. So I thought when the news hit me I would be more, I don't know, matter of fact about it? Like hearing of a stranger passing away, but it's not at all like that. I am just shocked at how I reacted when my Dad passed, again not proud of that one for sure, and again today. It's not any sort of schadenfreude, on the contrary, but a deep sadness for the loss.
Like I said, I am confused, and kind of emotional on this whole thing. I am not even sure I am making any sense. So however you are lead, please pray over the situation.
I went a lot of years thinking I had forgiven her for her part in the destruction of my family until 2 years ago when my own father passed away. You see my Dad went through marriage and never got it right until he met my step mom, and they were married for nearly 30 years before he passed away. After my parents divorce I never really got to know my Dad, or build much of a relationship with him until after my ex and I split up. Sad to say but my Dad didn't like her much either, and so we didn't talk a lot over the ensuing years. My divorce, well it became sad to say, some common ground. Not that either he nor my mom were unfaithful, but his 2nd wife was... So I admit I was mad. I was mad at all the years that I didn't have with my own Dad, I was mad that instead of encouraging and buiding, my Ex MIL actively worked to destroy my family, and my own trying to defend my wife at the time from my Dad kept me away from the family I grew up with.
So when my Dad passed, I was angry, angry at myself, angry at God for taking him before I could really have that full time spent with Dad kind of thing, which I don't think ever comes but I digress, angry at my Ex for being a wedge, and angry at my ex MIL for being such a major cause of these issues.
I'm not proud to say it, or even think it. I wanted her to die like my Dad did. I wanted my ex to feel some kind of pain. Some kind of, I don't really know. Some way of acknowledging the damage done. Some kind of sharing in the misery of what her and her mother did. I know they were close and like I said, I had thought I had forgiven her / them, but obviously not.
Fast forward a certain number of years, and today I felt a strong pull, like God saying look it up. So I googled her moms full name and home town. Only to find out that she did indeed die, one month prior to my Dads passing, almost to the day.
I know I need to forgive them, both of them, and I thought I had. I feel awful for how I felt when my Dad passed, at the anger over things nobody but God could have any impact on. And I certainly don't feel any sort of gratitude or pleasure at learning of her passing, but instead I feel sorry for her Daughter, her Son, and Granddaughter. (my ex BILs daughter). I saw the obituary, and there were no, and I mean no messages of condolence, not even from the funeral home left for her.
Now I am sitting here, emotionally confused, and literally crying for the loss of a life that left an oversize wake in the waters of my life. I know when her daughter and I were involved, she actively rejected Jesus, and I fear she may have to the end but have no way of knowing that either, and that continues to make my head swirl with emotion and confusion.
I am not sure what kind of prayer on this I am asking for really. I knew at some point I would know her mom passed. Small world, Google, and we grew up / went to school in a small community and I am still active friends with most of my old high school friends group. So I thought when the news hit me I would be more, I don't know, matter of fact about it? Like hearing of a stranger passing away, but it's not at all like that. I am just shocked at how I reacted when my Dad passed, again not proud of that one for sure, and again today. It's not any sort of schadenfreude, on the contrary, but a deep sadness for the loss.
Like I said, I am confused, and kind of emotional on this whole thing. I am not even sure I am making any sense. So however you are lead, please pray over the situation.
