- Apr 30, 2020
- 10
- 19
- 35
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
So, I am a Christian, (although I am very bad at it). I struggle with Lust (inappropriate content and such) as well as drinking, lying and other vices. While I know these things will not stop God from loving me, according to the Bible, I still don't want to do them. I wish I could just promise God I will never do them again, but I can't because I know that eventually it is possible for me to sin and that is a terrifying thought for me, because why would I do something against the God who I am trying to love more than anything? It is a trap I feel I cannot escape.
As I have thought more and more deeply about God and how good and holy he is, and learned more about theology, it has all only served to highlight my own depravity, and despite walking with the Lord for some years, I fear that when I examine my own heart and motivations, they are black and twisted as ever. I am a messed up dude.
Here is the thing. When I see non-Christians sin, and not care, I sometimes wonder if it would be better were I one of them. They sin, but they do not realize the goodness of God and how egregious of an error sin is. I pity them for their lack of knowledge.
BUT for me, getting to know God has placed what feels such a heavy burden on me. I now KNOW what sin is and that God is true and good, and I STILL choose, deliberately to let my wandering eye get the better of me. I, knowing the truth of Jesus, should not sin in the same way, I should know better. It really stinks.
One problem I have personally is with intrusive thoughts, it is like: "Don't think about a pink rhino on a unicycle". Of course I am immediately thinking about one.
Same with things like lust: "Don't think about sexy ladies". So of course I think about it. This has become very frustrating to me. So then I just think about what I should NOT do as opposed to what I SHOULD do. I pray a lot, but I just fear falling astray is inevitable.
To be sure, I still try to trust in my salvation that God promised, but I want to do what is good and not evil. The problem cannot be God's, so it must be mine obviously, so what else can I do. Thoughts?
As I have thought more and more deeply about God and how good and holy he is, and learned more about theology, it has all only served to highlight my own depravity, and despite walking with the Lord for some years, I fear that when I examine my own heart and motivations, they are black and twisted as ever. I am a messed up dude.
Here is the thing. When I see non-Christians sin, and not care, I sometimes wonder if it would be better were I one of them. They sin, but they do not realize the goodness of God and how egregious of an error sin is. I pity them for their lack of knowledge.
BUT for me, getting to know God has placed what feels such a heavy burden on me. I now KNOW what sin is and that God is true and good, and I STILL choose, deliberately to let my wandering eye get the better of me. I, knowing the truth of Jesus, should not sin in the same way, I should know better. It really stinks.
One problem I have personally is with intrusive thoughts, it is like: "Don't think about a pink rhino on a unicycle". Of course I am immediately thinking about one.
Same with things like lust: "Don't think about sexy ladies". So of course I think about it. This has become very frustrating to me. So then I just think about what I should NOT do as opposed to what I SHOULD do. I pray a lot, but I just fear falling astray is inevitable.
To be sure, I still try to trust in my salvation that God promised, but I want to do what is good and not evil. The problem cannot be God's, so it must be mine obviously, so what else can I do. Thoughts?