Hi Kylie. You know, back when I first saw you posting here, I noticed that little blurb under your screenname, "defeater of illogic". I often feel a sense of intimidation when speaking with atheists as they tend to be quite intelligent. It's their intelligence which usually leads them to become atheist. It can be easy to become proud of such intelligence and come to believe you are your own God, smoothed over with ideas that subservience to some greater intelligence would, in turn, be akin to abandoning your sense. I doubt there is any atheist who would agree with this assessment (at least, not outwardly), but I feel there is at least some truth to it.
I feel something like this may be happening here. Tough you are a defeater of illogic (and probably in many cases you really can be quite perceptive), in this case I do not see that happening. I see illogic, an illogic which I think should be fairly simple to see. Yet it is not, so I must ask myself, why is this person, who is almost certainly quite intelligent in many areas of life, somehow not getting in in
this particular area.
I believe the answer is that this is more so a test of wills rather than a rational examination of the logic behind the argument. You have never heard of the teachings of Jesus before (I mean, specifically what he taught, like the examples I presented to you), despite being married to a Christian. I don't say that to impugn you or your husband, but rather as context. It's rare to find any Christian these days who knows what Jesus taught. For example, did you know Jesus said we should not make promises for any reason? That's a real command from Jesus. He said we should just say what we mean without any need to swear on it.
Instead, what you've heard is something which is similar to what Jesus taught; ask Jesus into your heart. It's close, but not quite. Jesus did talk about He and the Father coming into a person and making Their home there, but that was premised on the understanding that the person would initiate the relationship via obedience to Jesus' teachings. It is obedience which would cause Them to come into a person's heart.
This idea that one need only ask Jesus into their heart along with a good feeling and then boom, you're done, is much simpler. It's become popular precisely because it does not require any change or commitment to anything more than a vague list of precepts, all of which are fairly optional, like going to church, reading the Bible, paying tithes, baptism, and a few prayers here and there. You're pretty much free to continue living how ever you like, but you also get all the salvation and good feelings that comes with the knowledge that you are saved.
That same ease-of-performance is what appealed to you. A simple, unobtrusive test you can perform without any need to change, struggle, or suffer; very appealing. The fact that so many Christians today promote it as the ultimate test for knowing God just reinforces that sense of ease and so you tried it.
And, as you've said, nothing happened. Now you have proof; the Christians themselves swear by this test and yet it failed. You were genuine. You were sincere and still the test failed. Now you have confirmation which even the Christians must acknowledge. You have a shield.
But, here I come, saying the test was flawed, that it was wrong and not consistent with what Jesus taught despite whatever these other professing Christians told you. Of course you will get a negative result if you perform an improper test, much like you would not expect water to boil by setting a kettle on a drawing of a hotplate. This "ask Jesus into your heart" thing is like the drawing of the hotplate; it has the appearance of the real thing, but it is only a cheap imitation.
You have already decided in your heart that the test failed. Now I'm taking that victory away from you. I'm removing the convenient shield. I'm invalidating what you've believed to be a genuine effort on your part.
That is why you so stubbornly insist on referring back to the previous instructions you were given. Acknowledging that the test itself was a failure before you ever even tried it would put you right back in the position of being accountable for trying the correct test; the one that actually requires some commitment in order to perform properly.
Defeater of illogic, let go of that false test.