No Friends. Do know what to do.

[Paul W]

I have been married for 17 years with kids. We have been going to the same church all that time. In all that time I have never been able to develop in any friends. My wife has had no problems making friends.

We participate in Sunday school and we attend services weekly. I try to talk with people but have never in all that time been able to develop any connection with anyone. Yes. I am an introvert. But I do try. No one seems interested in getting to know me. I talk and ask about them. I try to take interest in their lives, but no one seems interested in me.

Other than my wife, I have not had a friend in 22 years. I have grown to accept the fact that it is just not meant to be. My wife prays for me about this. But to be frank about it, at 45yrs old I just feel there is no point in trying anymore. I know this is contrary to christian teaching.

I am just confused about what to do. Why I can't seem to make friends. My wife says it is not OK but in over 20yrs of prayer, other than my wife, I am still waiting.

 

[Basil the Great]

I have been married for 17 years with kids. We have been going to the same church all that time. In all that time I have never been able to develop in any friends. My wife has had no problems making friends.

We participate in Sunday school and we attend services weekly. I try to talk with people but have never in all that time been able to develop any connection with anyone. Yes. I am an introvert. But I do try. No one seems interested in getting to know me. I talk and ask about them. I try to take interest in their lives, but no one seems interested in me.

Other than my wife, I have not had a friend in 22 years. I have grown to accept the fact that it is just not meant to be. My wife prays for me about this. But to be frank about it, at 45yrs old I just feel there is no point in trying anymore. I know this is contrary to christian teaching.

I am just confused about what to do. Why I can't seem to make friends. My wife says it is not OK but in over 20yrs of prayer, other than my wife, I am still waiting.

I am sorry for your problem. It is hard to say why you have this difficulty. All I can recommend off the top of my head it to try and get a copy of the classic book by Dale Carnegie, "How to Win Friends and Influence People". There should be some tips in that book that might be of benefit to you. I am much more familiar with his other well known book, "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living".

 

[com7fy8]

We participate in Sunday school and we attend services weekly. I try to talk with people but have never in all that time been able to develop any connection with anyone.

I, of course, do not know you personally.

I would say make sure you are relating with your wife the way God's word says. And if God knows you are sharing with her right, He will trust you with people whom you belong with.

So, which scripture have you and your wife been feeding on, in order to mature in how you relate in sharing with each other??

In case you already are relating in God's way, you could already have people who consider you to be their friends, in your Sunday School group, and they are content with being with you there. Are you saying things to love and bless people in Sunday School?

Other than my wife, I have not had a friend in 22 years.

If she is a genuinely Christian person . . . it's quality not quantity, maybe.

I have friends I don't see except in church. But I know they love me, and I just think of them and how they love any and all people, and this feeds me with their good example. They are my friends by being such great love examples.

My wife says it is not OK

Well, what does she think could have something to do with this? May be > you should have your wife come here and share with us > maybe she can share within your posts > she can note that she is the one who is talking, and you might even answer her, right in a same post. I think we could use her input.

 

[Of the Kingdom]

Welcome to the forum, and welcome to the "no friends" club. I don't exactly know why it's similar with me either, but I do know that God wants me to be friendly regardless of the response.

Personally, I would freely move to another church if I found it easier to relate there and the teaching was good -- but only if the Holy Spirit approved. In your case, it appears your wife is being fed spiritually where you are.

I will pray that you, I, and other "lonely" Christians are comforted and able to experience more of the "love one another" nature of God's kingdom.

 

[com7fy8]

In a couple of places, I did not get into much sharing with other people. But I could see how ones already had relationships and families and special friends they might have time to see only at church.

And Jesus wants us to love others as ourselves, and be happy for others being blessed as though it is ourselves being blessed. So, I could enjoy how others were blessed with families and be content with what I had.

And Hebrews 13:5 says,

"be content with such things as you have".

So, I would be unconditionally content with whatever I had in each relationship. And I would so greatly appreciate simply having a smile with someone while opening the post office door, for one example.

And with doing this, things have added up so I have more involvement with various people, now, but always with me being ready to free someone to give attention to someone else. Because I love others as myself, by sharing my special people with others so they are good for them, also.

My lady friend is very giving and kind and sweet with compassion for different people. I piggy-back on how she has friends, by welcoming her and helping her to be good for these different people.

Years ago, where people would seem not to pay any attention to me > I was praying for what God wanted. And one thing I got was they might just not be trying to push me to socialize with them. So, one time I just stood in the middle of the social area, and felt stupid but I understood God was having me do that. It was like I wasn't even there, so no need to feel self-conscious. So, I just enjoyed the people having a good time.

Then a lady who I found to be a genuinely Christian wife walked up to me and simply started talking with me, and we had a simple quiet good conversation. And we finished, and that was it.

It was clear; I could do that, or just sit down where there was an open chair. If I sat down, people welcomed and included me

Oh . . . and if you join a home group . . . I have needed to learn how to love, and pray about how to relate with different people, and what to share and when to not say something.

 

[HatedByAll]

Do you participate in many of the "extra curricular" activities? For example, many churches have guys that golf, disaster relief teams, volunteers who help serve food or help with the youth. Choir, street ministry, visitation, ministries to women who have unwed pregnancies, etc.

Just saying if you work or play side by side with others for long enough, you will become friends. All Churches should have at least some of these activities available to serve in. And when you serve hand in hand, a benefit is making real friends, or at least should be.

 

[Ronit]

I have been married for 17 years with kids. We have been going to the same church all that time. In all that time I have never been able to develop in any friends. My wife has had no problems making friends.

We participate in Sunday school and we attend services weekly. I try to talk with people but have never in all that time been able to develop any connection with anyone. Yes. I am an introvert. But I do try. No one seems interested in getting to know me. I talk and ask about them. I try to take interest in their lives, but no one seems interested in me.

Other than my wife, I have not had a friend in 22 years. I have grown to accept the fact that it is just not meant to be. My wife prays for me about this. But to be frank about it, at 45yrs old I just feel there is no point in trying anymore. I know this is contrary to christian teaching.

I am just confused about what to do. Why I can't seem to make friends. My wife says it is not OK but in over 20yrs of prayer, other than my wife, I am still waiting.

I understand Brother, my mom is the same way, so is my sister and to an extent myself. After awhile you get comfortable with being private. I have. But I also want friends so I think people like us have to try and let the Lord do the rest.
Best Wishes
Ronit

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[Broken Fence]

I have been married for 17 years with kids. We have been going to the same church all that time. In all that time I have never been able to develop in any friends. My wife has had no problems making friends.

We participate in Sunday school and we attend services weekly. I try to talk with people but have never in all that time been able to develop any connection with anyone. Yes. I am an introvert. But I do try. No one seems interested in getting to know me. I talk and ask about them. I try to take interest in their lives, but no one seems interested in me.

Other than my wife, I have not had a friend in 22 years. I have grown to accept the fact that it is just not meant to be. My wife prays for me about this. But to be frank about it, at 45yrs old I just feel there is no point in trying anymore. I know this is contrary to christian teaching.

I am just confused about what to do. Why I can't seem to make friends. My wife says it is not OK but in over 20yrs of prayer, other than my wife, I am still waiting.

My mom is a introvert she has same problem, my advice to her is get out there get involved with people, get to know them. Find common interests, take a class, talk to people. We are called to share our faith find a way. The Lord will open some doors.

 

[Moonhart44]

I also feel this way. I have been praying since I was a toddler for a friend. I read in the Bible the friends are few and far between for believers, but it feel sad and depressing. I have gone on many websites to search for friends and Im either too scared of getting hurt, or the people look for more than only friendship. As I get older I realize that there are a lot of factors that prevent me from opening up now, so as an adult its harder now than ever to try to be vulnerable. It is frustrating being a living contradiction and the only thing in the way of making friends. Only in this site will I say that I am even currently fasting to try and maybe help me open up and accept friendships that i may have not seen in the past. Here is hoping.

 

[bèlla]

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling and agree that being alone isn't ideal for the long stretch you've shared. In this regard, I believe the stronger should assist the other having trouble. I prefer to see mutual support in situations like these.

Meaning, if my companion is struggling in area where I excel. I'm emboldened to smooth the path and lend a hand to help him out. I would have small gatherings in our home and invite two or three couples for a meal and good company. I'd do it twice per month (or more if necessary) to increase his interactions in an environment most conducive to his comfort.

I'd suggest joining Toastmasters as a pair to enhance our communication and leadership skills. The exercises and reassurance (from members) would increase our competence, confidence, and provide additional opportunities for engagement.

The problem is two-fold. The absence of companionship coupled with the belief you're unwanted. The resolution must topple both.

~Bella

 

[SeekingGloryOnThisJourney]

I have been married for 17 years with kids. We have been going to the same church all that time. In all that time I have never been able to develop in any friends. My wife has had no problems making friends.

We participate in Sunday school and we attend services weekly. I try to talk with people but have never in all that time been able to develop any connection with anyone. Yes. I am an introvert. But I do try. No one seems interested in getting to know me. I talk and ask about them. I try to take interest in their lives, but no one seems interested in me.

Other than my wife, I have not had a friend in 22 years. I have grown to accept the fact that it is just not meant to be. My wife prays for me about this. But to be frank about it, at 45yrs old I just feel there is no point in trying anymore. I know this is contrary to christian teaching.

I am just confused about what to do. Why I can't seem to make friends. My wife says it is not OK but in over 20yrs of prayer, other than my wife, I am still waiting.

Hello Sir, I’m a whole lot younger than you, but I’ll try to help! My mother says the same thing! She’s in her late 50’s.
Being an introvert makes it difficult to make friends.
Does your Church offer special activities?
When everything returns I’d attend.
I’d list your talents and try to share it a bit.
And... let your light shine before men.
Show the Holy Spirit within yourself; and Holy people shall see it.
Bible Gateway passage: Matthew 5:13-16 - New American Standard Bible

 

[Missjay]

I would suggest that you attend extracurricular activities in your church and interactive sessions if you do them. Try to get to know the people there by starting small and light conversations.

For example in my fellowship, when we have gatherings we are asked to introduce ourselves and ask general questions. We do introductions every time we gather so that we get used to each other and from there you can see people that you can connect to and relate with.

You also said your wife makes friends, how about getting to know your wife's friends and their husbands. Let your wife introduce you to them and you all can do some light hang outs, pray together or picnic together.

Since you have been praying, the next step is to take action. Initiate conversations after church services.

God bless you

 

[John42]

How can you ever expect anyone else to enjoy your company if you don’t enjoy your own company? Here’s the question I would ask you to consider: Do you treat yourself the way you want other people to treat you?

When you do not treat yourself the way you want others to treat you, you can never change the way things are. Your actions are your powerful thoughts, so if you do not treat yourself with love and respect, you are emitting a signal that is saying you are not important enough, worthy enough, or deserving. That signal will continue to be broadcast, and you will experience more situations of people not treating you well. The people are just the effect. Your thoughts are the cause. You must begin to treat yourself with love and respect, and emit that signal and get on that frequency. Then the law of attraction will move the entire Universe, and your life will be full of people who love and respect you.

Many people have sacrificed themselves for others, thinking when they sacrifice themselves they are being a good person. Wrong! To sacrifice yourself can only come from thoughts of absolute lack, because it is saying, “There is not enough for everyone, so I will go without.”Those feelings do not feel good and will eventually lead to resentment. There is abundance for everybody and it is each person’s responsibility to summon their own desires. Many of us were taught to put ourselves last, and as a consequence we attracted feelings of being unworthy and undeserving. As those feelings lodged within us, we continued to attract more life situations that had us feel more unworthy and not enough. You must change that thinking.

“To acquire love... fill yourself up with it until you become a magnet.” Unless you fill yourself up first, you have nothing to give anybody. Therefore it is imperative that you tend to You first. Attend to your joy first. People are responsible for their own joy. When you tend to your joy and do what makes you feel good, you are a joy to be around

You must change your focus and begin to think about all the things that are wonderful about You. Look for the positives in You. As you focus on those things, the law of attraction will show you more great things about You. You attract what you think about. All you have to do is begin with one prolonged thought of something good about You, and the law of attraction will respond by giving You more like thoughts. Look for the good things about You.

 

[Llleopard]

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling and agree that being alone isn't ideal for the long stretch you've shared. In this regard, I believe the stronger should assist the other having trouble. I prefer to see mutual support in situations like these.

Meaning, if my companion is struggling in area where I excel. I'm emboldened to smooth the path and lend a hand to help him out. I would have small gatherings in our home and invite two or three couples for a meal and good company. I'd do it twice per month (or more if necessary) to increase his interactions in an environment most conducive to his comfort.

I'd suggest joining Toastmasters as a pair to enhance our communication and leadership skills. The exercises and reassurance (from members) would increase our competence, confidence, and provide additional opportunities for engagement.

The problem is two-fold. The absence of companionship coupled with the belief you're unwanted. The resolution must topple both.

~Bella

Yes! This is how my husband and I work it! He is a brilliant extrovert and has helped me so much to learn how to talk to people and maintain friendships. Among other things, he role plays situations with me, so I can practice talking to people, and helped me learn about body language. He will introduce me, get the conversation going and move away when he's sure I'm doing okay. If I get uncomfortable, I use a stock phrase to leave the conversation and go find my husband until I've regrouped. We joined a house group where I eventually got more comfortable. We had people over after church every week, at first I did five minutes and then shut myself in the bedroom. Now we still have people over every week, but I actually mostly enjoy it and help others who are struggling to connect. This has been a work pretty much every single week over 8 years, but it can be done! With people I want to be friends with, I work really hard. I try to figure out their love language and do things they might like. I listen to them well. I text because I hate phoning, but show an interest in them and their life. I invite them places and be friendly slowly so I don't look over eager and weird. I try to remember that I am an interesting person to be friends with and that I don't have to feel guilty about being alive! But my husband is absolutely my biggest supporter and I don't think I would have improved my skills as much or as quickly without his constant loving assistance and pointers. I'm not his little project though - I help and champion him in his weaker areas, like reading and writing because he's dyslexic. So I just wanted to encourage the OP that the couple approach really does work for some people.

 

[bèlla]

Yes! This is how my husband and I work it! He is a brilliant extrovert and has helped me so much to learn how to talk to people and maintain friendships.

That's beautiful and the ideal I'm looking for. Couples would be strengthened if they sought opportunities for mutual betterment by intentionally tackling the challenges each experiences. He should be my biggest cheerleader and the same holds true on my end!

Among other things, he role plays situations with me, so I can practice talking to people, and helped me learn about body language. He will introduce me, get the conversation going and move away when he's sure I'm doing okay. If I get uncomfortable, I use a stock phrase to leave the conversation and go find my husband until I've regrouped.

I love it! This is service in action. You're speaking my language!

We joined a house group where I eventually got more comfortable. We had people over after church every week, at first I did five minutes and then shut myself in the bedroom. Now we still have people over every week, but I actually mostly enjoy it and help others who are struggling to connect.

Look at the result of his investment and how you've grown and are helping others do the same. Bravo!

This has been a work pretty much every single week over 8 years, but it can be done! With people I want to be friends with, I work really hard. I try to figure out their love language and do things they might like. I listen to them well. I text because I hate phoning, but show an interest in them and their life. I invite them places and be friendly slowly so I don't look over eager and weird. I try to remember that I am an interesting person to be friends with and that I don't have to feel guilty about being alive!

Seeing the outgrowth of everything you've done as a pair and how you're serving others through the techniques you've learned is inspiring. You're paying it forward.

But my husband is absolutely my biggest supporter and I don't think I would have improved my skills as much or as quickly without his constant loving assistance and pointers. I'm not his little project though - I help and champion him in his weaker areas, like reading and writing because he's dyslexic. So I just wanted to encourage the OP that the couple approach really does work for some people.

Thank you for sharing. This is the three-strand chord mentioned in the bible. And you're serving one another and blessing others through your growth. Well done. Keep up the good work!

~Bella