What to do in loveless sexless marriage, tied together by house, Bill's etc!!!!

[Kitt70]

What to do in an impossible situation? I've suggested counselling...no! Listen to marriage podcasts ....no! Date nights ....no!!! But yet neither of us can leave.

 

[jasonMalloy1999]

divorce

 

[Romans 8]

I heard a testimony of a married couple that devolved to the point of living together as house mates. This went on for years. Over ten years they would go to work, come home, and pretty much ignore each other and sleep in separate rooms. Neither were Christians. The guy was invited to a church by his Christian friend, but he did not want to attend. His Christian friend instead gave him a sermon to listen to online. After listening the guy felt something inside him telling him to go church. After attending the church he asked his wife for forgiveness of the previous 10 or 12 years and convinced her to attend church with him. They received prayer from the church/pastor and their relationship was restored. Nothing is impossible for God.

 

[Ken Rank]

What to do in an impossible situation? I've suggested counselling...no! Listen to marriage podcasts ....no! Date nights ....no!!! But yet neither of us can leave.

Divorce is not God's will... but, I would lay it on the table as something that seems inevitable if he isn't willing to make things better. By laying it on the table, do it softly, not at an ultimatum... just more as a, "I just want our lives together to be richer, healthier, happier... and if you won't go to counseling or do anything to work together that end, what is left, divorce?" Then, see how he reacts and go from there.

 

[AlexDTX]

What to do in an impossible situation? I've suggested counselling...no! Listen to marriage podcasts ....no! Date nights ....no!!! But yet neither of us can leave.

1Co 7:29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;

While married, we remain unmarried because our marriage is to the Lord.

Mat_5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

Even if your spouse is your enemy, we are to love them, bless them and do good to them.

 

[anna ~ grace]

This could be much, much worse. You are not being abused, and he's not cheating on you, or refusing to allow you to practice your faith.

Pray for your husband. Stay with him, pray. Some marriages might look like a joy from the outside, but every marriage has crosses. Some marriages *are* crosses. It is not easy. Divorce is easy.

Pray, Kitt. For yourself, and for him. If you have a wise, trustworthy male pastor to talk to, talk to him. Have him praying for your husband, too.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Have either of you tried Christian counseling? Separately, or together?

 

[Mountainmanbob]

What to do in an impossible situation? I've suggested counselling...no! Listen to marriage podcasts ....no! Date nights ....no!!! But yet neither of us can leave.

The bible tells me to take care of my wife's needs.
And she's responsible for mine.

Special time should be set aside for married ones.
Coming together as one is important.
M-Bob

 

[StephenDiscipleofYHWH]

What to do in an impossible situation? I've suggested counselling...no! Listen to marriage podcasts ....no! Date nights ....no!!! But yet neither of us can leave.

1 Cor 7:5 take some time apart that both of you may pray and fast. Then after a short time come back together with a closer bond spiritually to the Lord which will lead to a closer bond between the two of you.

 

[pdudgeon]

Remove your name from the title of the house. Agree that if he gets the house, he also gets the bills for the insurance, taxes, and utility bills.

agree to either split the credit card bills, or remove your name from the cards.

pay for your own car payments, car taxes and car license and insurance. He does the same for his. and move out.

then find a good lawyer, and file for a legal separation. File your taxes separately.
it is possible to live separately legally without having to divorce. If you have an income and he does too, things will be tight but you will find out what is necessary and what is a luxury.

If you cannot work things out while you are together, then a legal separation is better than living in a quarrelsome situation that is not healthy for either of you.

 

[AlexDTX]

What to do in an impossible situation? I've suggested counselling...no! Listen to marriage podcasts ....no! Date nights ....no!!! But yet neither of us can leave.

Love is an action that creates the emotion. My wife and I had a real rough time when she had an hysterectomy and the reality of having no children hit us. Our healing began when we both agreed to speak to each other with the same courtesy that we gave to total strangers.

The action of love began with that, but continued with looking for the positive in each other, and overlooking the negative. One experience she had that helped her to love me again came from a co-worker. She began complaining about me to her co-worker by criticizing how I cleaned the house. To her surprise the other woman could not get past my cleaning. She said, "He cleans?" It made my wife realize that many husbands never clean the house.

Having a loving relationship requires proactive behavior.

 

[thecolorsblend]

Divorce is not the answer. Keep pushing for a more loving relationship with your husband. It may be that he has some issues that he needs to sort out and you can help him.

 

[RaymondG]

Why, specifically, are neither of you able to leave?

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Christians should try their very best to save their marriage.

People of the world don't understand this and can kiss their marriage away in a moment almost as if it never really happened.
M-Bob

 

[splish- splash]

What to do in an impossible situation? I've suggested counselling...no! Listen to marriage podcasts ....no! Date nights ....no!!! But yet neither of us can leave.

Seek The Lord's face concerning the issue and wait upon him. If you've suggested counselling and whatnot to him, then you must still love him or at least feel something somewhere.

 

[GoldenKingGaze]

If you are Christians and are married then you have the command to love each other as a benefit. There is a book called the Five love Languages. You can decide to love each other. You can receive grace for this.

If practical things like keeping house and paying bills makes life mundane, it could happen again in a second marriage.

 

[Tolworth John]

What to do in an impossible situation? I've suggested counselling...no! Listen to marriage podcasts ....no! Date nights ....no!!! But yet neither of us can leave.

As pdudgeon has said, if he will not talk to those who can help and that is an indication that he is not willing to make any changes in his behaviour or attitudes, so separate yourself from the responcibility of the mortgage, pay only what is reasonable for the utitlities, have your food in a separte cupboard etc and live as if he does not exist.
Pray for him and ask your church to pray as well.

 

[pdudgeon]

If you are Christians and are married then you have the command to love each other as a benefit. There is a book called the Five love Languages. You can decide to love each other. You can receive grace for this.

If practical things like keeping house and paying bills makes life mundane, it could happen again in a second marriage.

Totally agree! this is a very good book for any marriage, because it helps both persons in the marriage see each other, and learn how to find the good in their marriage.

 

[Isilwen]

Totally agree! this is a very good book for any marriage, because it helps both persons in the marriage see each other, and learn how to find the good in their marriage.

Only thing is, that book isn't a cure for all marriages.

We did the love languages thing too. Found out I was already doing her love languages and she wasn't willing to do mine, either primary or secondary, but I continued to do hers. So, it did nothing to help our marriage.

Both parties have to be willing to work at it, not just one party. If only one party does so, forget about it. It's not going to happen.

As someone said, marriage is work, and not all are prepared to do the work.

 

[faroukfarouk]

divorce

The New Testament seems strongly to show that divorce is not a good idea.