All that stuff was in the past, and sounds like it all happened a long, long time ago, God forgives and forgave you long ago, just let it go, K...?
All that matters is "now", always "now" and what you do with today and "now", etc...
Really dear, it's time to move forward, and onward and upward with God, dear...
I bet He's just waiting on you to do that with Him even right now... He doesn't want us, or you, to be living in the past, always dwelling on the past and still living in the past, etc, with all the shame, guilt, regrets, etc, when He's just patiently waiting on us to join Him in the present, etc... He knows that's not way for anyone to truly live, and is not what He wants for you OK...? He really wants you to meet and join Him in the present, but in order for you to do that, you've got to let the past go, and stop torturing yourself with it OK, cause that's not what He wants for you, K...? His "yearning" for you to join Him in the present is very strong and runs deep, but you have to do your part and let the past be the past and let the past go, before He can give you the kind of life (in the present with Him) that He so very deeply and earnestly desires to give you, K...?
He doesn't hold any of it against you, (the past), but in order for you to join Him in the present... He needs you to just let it go, K...? and join Him in the present, OK...?
It's forgiven, done finished, like Jesus declared on the cross, Forgiveness was what was done and finished, absolution, justification, salvation, it's all done, finished 100% completely, all you have to do is reach out and take His hand and let the past go and join Him in the present and walk as a forgiven person does and should, OK...?
Anyway, going to pray for you K...
God Bless!