Crying again

[HoneyBee]

Depression sucks, honestly. One moment you're fine and the next you are nothing but a puddle of tears that believes that nobody really knows or loves you and that you're nobody's first choice for anything in life.

It's been over a week now and I've been feeling pretty sad from my depression. I saw my therapist last week, but we just talked about a whole lot of nothing pertaining to positive things. I wanted to complain to her about how I was feeling, but when I get like this, I'm not very assertive in conversations, so I just let her take the lead. I guess I'm just too worried about her giving up on me as a client if I come across as too mentally broken for her to deal with. It's not her, it's me. Therapists have given up on me before because I was too difficult, and I don't want it to happen again... although, I wouldn't blame her.

Anyways, the reason I wanted to come on here was because the other day my grandma said something that was a bit hurtful. She talked about a friend of hers whose son is extremely depressed. She said that if the son could only realize how much his parents loved him, his depression would be gone in a millisecond. She also has said in the past that prayer would clear up depression better than any medications ever could. While I understand the power of love and prayer, it's just not that simple, unfortunately; especially if you have chronic depression that only gets worse if you don't have medications. I wish I could tell her this to her face, but she doesn't get it when I do say these things, so I just keep my mouth shut and nod uncomfortably in agreement.

So yeah, I'm feeling pretty down on myself right now. I'm feeling like no one actually understands what I am going through and a bunch of other classic depression thoughts too, like "I'm all alone" and "No one loves me" and "What is the meaning of life?"

Just needed to let that out somewhere where I think people would listen. I hope this is okay for me to post here. By the way, if anyone has any words of encouragement or positive Bible passages they'd like to comment with, I wouldn't mind those at all. I apologize in advance if I don't reply to your messages, by the way. I am very busy with school and work, so I often don't have the time to sit down and write out a lot of replies.

 

[God is good]

Depression sucks, honestly. One moment you're fine and the next you are nothing but a puddle of tears that believes that nobody really knows or loves you and that you're nobody's first choice for anything in life.

It's been over a week now and I've been feeling pretty sad from my depression. I saw my therapist last week, but we just talked about a whole lot of nothing pertaining to positive things. I wanted to complain to her about how I was feeling, but when I get like this, I'm not very assertive in conversations, so I just let her take the lead. I guess I'm just too worried about her giving up on me as a client if I come across as too mentally broken for her to deal with. It's not her, it's me. Therapists have given up on me before because I was too difficult, and I don't want it to happen again... although, I wouldn't blame her.

Anyways, the reason I wanted to come on here was because the other day my grandma said something that was a bit hurtful. She talked about a friend of hers whose son is extremely depressed. She said that if the son could only realize how much his parents loved him, his depression would be gone in a millisecond. She also has said in the past that prayer would clear up depression better than any medications ever could. While I understand the power of love and prayer, it's just not that simple, unfortunately; especially if you have chronic depression that only gets worse if you don't have medications. I wish I could tell her this to her face, but she doesn't get it when I do say these things, so I just keep my mouth shut and nod uncomfortably in agreement.

So yeah, I'm feeling pretty down on myself right now. I'm feeling like no one actually understands what I am going through and a bunch of other classic depression thoughts too, like "I'm all alone" and "No one loves me" and "What is the meaning of life?"

Just needed to let that out somewhere where I think people would listen. I hope this is okay for me to post here. By the way, if anyone has any words of encouragement or positive Bible passages they'd like to comment with, I wouldn't mind those at all. I apologize in advance if I don't reply to your messages, by the way. I am very busy with school and work, so I often don't have the time to sit down and write out a lot of replies.

Hello, my name is Zack and I'm also a christian who has dealt with depression and I just want to let you know that God really loves you and Jesus knows exactly what you're going through because He is always with you. If you ever want to talk you can pm me anytime. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I once fought depression big time when I was young wanted to die and after I got through it I realized in time what my depression was about and I believe others also are fighting the same thing, perhaps you are a victim of it also.
My depression was cause essentially by thinking entirely of myself... very self centered, perhaps selfish even as I wanted everything that others had and saw no way to get anything of it. The constant focus on me me me lead me to depression. It was only when I started to compare myself and my situation to those who have it worse and a lot harder in life that I realized that instead of being depressed I should be very thankful and greatful.
I'm still nowhere compared to many in life and still get a little down on myself but God forgives me for it and because i believe him I must forgive myself and move onward. I don't listen to that little voice in my head that says I am nothing... no good and worthless instead I wish for God to let me help someone who needs it so that my worth will be magnified in his name.
When I put my worth in God's hand, I'm worth everything to Jesus.... he died for ME and that type of commitment and love makes me ashamed of my selfishness thinking of me me me I try and think of him him him when I hit dark times. If you can't love yourself then try and love others and God and try harder and not think you need anything in return. True love given can defeat depression, but hatred for yourself is impossible to fight. I hate my sin nature but God put me in this life for a purpose and even though I'm a mess he can use that mess for his glory.
If you are waiting for someone to say they know what you feel and think that will make you feel better maybe you are desiring others to be as depressed as you are instead I'm thankful many are not having to fight the depression that almost killed me in the past and thankful of the prayers and whatever else helped me survive it.

 

[ajcarey]

My words of encouragement to you are:
1) You can learn a lot from the previous post by Sophrosyne. A lot of godly, spiritual insight there.

2) Psalm 34:
"I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2 My soul shall make her boast in the Lord: the humble shall hear thereof, and be glad.
3 O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.
5 They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them.
8 O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.
9 O fear the Lord, ye his saints: for there is no want to them that fear him.
10 The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing.
11 Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
12 What man is he that desireth life, and loveth many days, that he may see good?
13 Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile.
14 Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry.
16 The face of the Lord is against them that do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.
17 The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.
18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.
20 He keepeth all his bones: not one of them is broken.
21 Evil shall slay the wicked: and they that hate the righteous shall be desolate.
22 The Lord redeemeth the soul of his servants: and none of them that trust in him shall be desolate."

 

[aiki]

Depression sucks, honestly. One moment you're fine and the next you are nothing but a puddle of tears that believes that nobody really knows or loves you and that you're nobody's first choice for anything in life.

It's been over a week now and I've been feeling pretty sad from my depression. I saw my therapist last week, but we just talked about a whole lot of nothing pertaining to positive things. I wanted to complain to her about how I was feeling, but when I get like this, I'm not very assertive in conversations, so I just let her take the lead. I guess I'm just too worried about her giving up on me as a client if I come across as too mentally broken for her to deal with. It's not her, it's me. Therapists have given up on me before because I was too difficult, and I don't want it to happen again... although, I wouldn't blame her.

Being sad all the time sucks. I speak from experience here. Actually, my problem was loneliness and severe discontentment. I'm not who I was, however. Thank God. He helped me to see some important things about my life with Him that freed me from my deep unhappiness. Can I share some of them with you?

God has made me see that the more I'm about myself, the unhappier I get. Paul the apostle wrote about the "old man." (Romans 6:6) He's the person I was before I was saved: selfish, short-sighted, driven by the impulses and desires of my flesh, caught in the grip of the World's values, philosophies and ethics, bound under the power of the devil (Ephesians 2:1-3; Colossians 1:21; Philippians 3:18-19). When God saved me, when I trusted in Christ as my Saviour and Lord, my "old man" died (Romans 6:6) and I became a "new creature in Christ" (2 Corinthians 5:17). I am "in Christ" and he is in me by his Spirit (Romans 8:9-11). I am no longer my own now, I've been bought with a price, the Bible says, (1 Corinthians 6:20) and I'm to live to God's glory.

How do I live to God's glory? By being more and more like Jesus. (Romans 8:29). And how do I become more like Jesus? By dying to myself, to what I want, (Matthew 16:24-25) and living as a vessel in whom and through whom Christ is manifested (2 Timothy 2:21). Increasingly, God wants His Son to be seen in me. But this means that I must decrease. John the Baptist understood this well. Speaking of Jesus, he said, "He must increase, but I must decrease." (John 3:30)

Why am I telling you all this? What does this have to do with your state of depression? Well, it is from Self, from the "old man" (or woman, in your case), that all of our sin and despair arises. It is Self that is fearful, that wants to be praised and liked and admired; it is Self that prompts our vanity; it is Self that cannot be happy unless it gets what it wants. Self is so selfish, in fact, that God can do nothing with it (Romans 8:7-8) except to put it to death. And so He did on the cross of Christ 2000 years ago.

When you live in the truth of your co-crucifixion with Christ, you will come free of Self and the unhappiness, the depression, that being Self-focused, Self-serving, produces. The "old man" is rendered powerless on the cross of Christ, and so the life of Christ, the Person of Christ, may be manifested in you more and more. And when he is, all of the dark things arising from the "old man," from Self, dissolve. This is what Jesus meant when he said that in death we find life. (Matthew 16:24-25) In death to ourselves we find life in Christ. Paul wrote often of this, making it a key to proper spiritual living:

Galatians 2:20
20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life I now live, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 5:24
And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Galatians 6:14
But God forbid that I should boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

Romans 6:1-2
1 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?
2 Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?

Romans 6:6-7
6 knowing this, that our old man has been crucified with him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.
7 For he who has died has been freed from sin.

Living in the truth of our spiritual union with Christ in his crucifixion is the way to freedom from all anxiety, loneliness, fear and despair. I know, not just because this is what the Bible teaches, but from personal experience. As I "let go and let God," as I live in surrender to Him and the truth of my being "crucified with Christ," the Person of Christ is manifested in me. And as he is, all of the yucky, selfish stuff that comes from me dissipates and I live in freedom, and peace, and joy in Christ. This is, in part, what Jesus meant when he said, "If the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed." (John 8:36)