Same-Sex Attraction And The Church

[Introverted1293]

Temptation comes from the tempter...

Resist Satan and he will flee from you.

Lead us not into temptation and deliver us from evil...

Learn to refuse the temptation.

Learn to stand in His authority against the evil desire and over time it will be subdued if you are consistent.

Thank you very much

 

[Introverted1293]

I am a much older man than you, Jesse, and therefore more and longer traveled around the church. I've been part of many churches of several denominations over my lifetime. Not one has asked me details about my sin or my sexuality before welcoming and including me, nor have I offered.

People also aren't lining up to tell me about their sins, which frankly I appreciate. I know they have them, but I'm just not that interested. I best concentrate on my own and let other people sort out theirs with God. That's my opinion.

That was actually very useful. Thank you

And if people are not lining up to tell you their sin, then I don't need to do it.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I have same-sex attraction. I know that it is a sin against God. But I was wondering if I have to reveal my issue to church members?

Part of me thinks that I should not go to church because let's face it, homosexuality is a sin that the church hates the most. That is why they preach against it the most. Well, that is what it shows on the media anyways.

I understand that it is an unnatural sin. But because they speak so much against it, I have to wonder why go to church when everyone will clearly be uncomfortable around me because of my sinful struggle? I want to know the truth. But it is hard to hear the truth when the people who tell you the truth hates your sin the most. It will be like wanting to get educated, but the educator makes you feel stupid if you got the wrong answer. You want to know if you got the answer right or wrong, but your teacher was very condescending in the way that corrected you.

Again, the question is, do I need to reveal my sin to members of the church? Should I just have a don't ask and don't tell attitude? I know that the Bible says to confess your sins one to another, but that is the sin that gets condemned the most by other Christians. I don't know if I want to reveal that to them.

It really does not matter if you reveal it to anyone. God knows and that is the most important relationship you have . If you feel guilt, this is the Holy Spirit working in you. In time if you continue to walk in the Spirit it will become less of an issue. There are many who are attracted to the same sex however, they do not act upon the sin of fornication. It is the same sin for heterosexual couples as you know.
When you feel you have this somewhat under control, I would start by confiding in your Pastor first. This way you have accountability as you work through the sin with your Lord.
Blessings

 

[Introverted1293]

Thoughts aren't a sin. It's the actions that are a sin. So don't give into your thoughts and temptations. And also maybe pray to God that he takes it away, because nothing is impossible for God. But no you absolutely do not have to bring it up. Your identity is in Christ, not your sin. It's nobody's business what goes on in your thoughts, but maybe if it bothers you can tell a Christian counselor in private. Just don't make those thoughts your identity, and focus on Jesus and pray. I know the attractions may not go away just like that, but the more you walk in the new spirit and identity in Christ the less you will notice them and if you pray God can deliver you from it. He can do anything.

And you're right the church for some reason hates this sin more than others. It could be because the media is trying to normalize it or because they are insecure themselves and the devil just wants to stir up trouble from all angles. But you know who you are in Christ... You know you are saved and his child because you believe on the Lord. That's all that matters, who cares what people think. Just don't give the devil what he wants and feed those thoughts. Focus on good things and on heaven. Focus on Jesus because your identity is in him now.

Thank you very much.

 

[Introverted1293]

As a Christian, i do believe it is a sin however I am also open that it may not have been fully understood during the times in the Bible.

It's hard. I'm not all sure if people are born that way, or have been influenced into growing up.. i guess whatever is true doesn't matter. You know yourself more than anyone else. Don't let anyone, whether christian or not talk about you as if you are damned to hell if you don't change, even in regards to your sexuality. Most christians may have sins even worse than yours but are too full of themselves to know or realize it.

I can't give the best advice.. maybe you can find a church that is more open and accepting to it. I heard of some Episcopal churches that are opened to LGBT and don't judge them at all. Even my RCC church in NYC has an LGBT group.

It's okay. I feel encouraged. Thank you

 

[Introverted1293]

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16)

So, not only can we do well to have mutual confession but also have mutual prayer, and this is so we can be "healed". And I trust this means to be healed of what in us makes us able to sin and then suffer. God can change our nature so we are how He wants, "and you will find rest for your souls," Jesus guarantees us who have trusted in Him and are learning from Jesus > Matthew 11:28-30.

So, in case you understand that such attraction is sinful, then we can be sure God is committed to healing you of this if it is not right. And Jesus so suffered and died so we can be forgiven of whatever sins, and reconciled with God and set free. So, Jesus is not condemning you but He so suffered and died with hope for you.

And every Christian is directed to so love you and have hope for you >

"And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma." (Ephesians 5:2)

Love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7).

Included in living in God's love is how our attention stays where our attention belongs. So, if anything in us is attracting our attention elsewhere, such wrong attraction is trespassing. So, trust God to change us so we are living in His peace and how He guides our attention in His peace. And make sure you read and feed on all the Bible says about all the other ways your attention can be misguided! Because as we get rid of some main problem we may have now, then is when other things can come along to mess with us > including unforgiveness and self-righteous judging about people who do not accept us and don't have hope for us.

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

I never thought of it that way. "So, if anything in us is attracting our attention elsewhere, such wrong attraction is trespassing." This statement is very helpful. Thank you

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

go ahead and attend your local church gathering.

the only time you would need to say anything is if you plan on becoming a communicate member of your local gathering. at that point they will want to know if you still engage in this particular sin. same as if you were dealing with pornography or drunkenness. if you're recognizing that this thing is indeed sinful and seek to repent of it your local congregation will work with you to fight it.

 

[Introverted1293]

Also the importance of confessing sins to people is a Catholic teaching. It is encouraged in the bible just like it is encouraged to confess your sins to God. But confessing your sins to God is way more important than confessing your sins to other people, as only he can bring you healing, not other people.

Truthfully given the state of the church these days I don't recommend you say anything. What goes on in your head isn't anyone's business, and you are not even giving in to your thoughts. If you feel the need, talk to a pastor in private or a spiritual counselor bound by confidentiality laws.

Thank you very much.

 

[Introverted1293]

They are not born that way. Technically we are all born asexual because babies don't have any sexual attraction. But the norm is to have attractions to the opposite sex. But sometimes environmental events, trauma, or upbringing can cause the unnatural attraction and the devil uses that to give people these attractions and deceive people into believing that's their attraction and who they are and it can never change which is wrong. Same goes for any other abnormal sexual attraction. But the good news is we don't have to feed those thoughts, make an identity out of them like the world says, or pay attention to it. The good news is we can base our identity in Christ, in who he says we are, and focus on the loving grace of Jesus Christ.

Yeah, that was my sin. I use to tell people that I was gay, even though I did not live the lifestyle.

 

[Introverted1293]

Maybe it would help to find a church that accepts you as God created you so that you don't need to hide who you are from people. A non-legalistic church that puts its focus on Jesus Christ and his gospel message.

John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

John 13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

Thank you very much for your reply.

 

[Introverted1293]

@Introverted1293 > Hi In any case, you are welcome here in Christian Forums. And we have people with different ideas and positions about this. And all are identified as Christian; so it is impossible to have in your advice place a total agreement. But you are welcome to read and pray about what different ones of us say and offer.

If you really feel between you and God that your attraction even without action is sin, you can trust God to change you to discover how you can be. I personally, going by the Bible, find that any interest or desire or drive for a wrong thing is wrong. Our preferences are in our hearts which are spiritual, and God wants our hearts to have right desires and interests and therefore the right preferences.

However, here, I acknowledge how ones identifying as Christians in these forums do not agree with me. And I do not mean what I share in order to debate or criticize anyone.

But I do understand how Jesus says we need to deny ourselves > Luke 9:23. And this can mean we do not have our own personal preferences about how we get pleasure, especially if we wish to use another person. We need to submit to God and discover all He has to become our interests, as we grow in Jesus.

And, of course, a number of heterosexual people are mainly about their own interests and preferences for how they get pleasure > instead of first caring about how to please God. So, even if you were to be changed to heterosexual, I say we need to first seek God for Himself and enjoy Him, and not use people for pleasures we might treasure. There are pleasures which are intense and nice feeling; and so such pleasures are a treasure, and people can only or mainly be trying to use other people, instead of caring tenderly for any and all people like Jesus on the cross.

And Romans 1:18-32 gives testimony about why certain people got into trouble with lusts which dominated and controlled them. Because they were not thankful and because they worshiped creature things more than God . . . they got away from how God's love would have them tenderly sharing. Ones worship pleasure, and so they have preferences for how they get pleasure. But in doing this, they can be dominated and controlled by nasty and driving stuff which is not loving them >

Jesus loves us by giving us "rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:28-30)

Jesus is "gentle and lowly in heart" (Matthew 11:28-30), and the emotions and feelings of Jesus in us also are gentle and humble, not dominating and controlling and demanding and frustrated. There are a lot of people identifying as Christians who keep on giving in to this stuff, while some of these will criticize you while others will assume there is not hope to get free of our lusts of food abuse, identity orientation, arguing, complaining, unforgiveness, nasty raging anger and frustration, alcoholism, workaholism, drug abuse, and gambling.

But God who is almighty is easily able to change us and make wrong feelings and emotions and thinking go away. But we fail. If something you do does not work, it is because it does not work!! And it is likely what you tried to do, instead of first depending on God.

And then, even as God proves Himself in us, yes the wrong things can be allowed to come back to attack us and try to trick us into thinking we can't succeed against evil things. But know that God is able.

"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7)

Thank you for taking the time to write that. I have been ungrateful, and in a way worshipped other things. For example, I have been a gluttony and greedy. These are idolatry. So, you are right. Thank you.

 

[Introverted1293]

@Introverted1293 I'm very sorry your thread was derailed. I asked DM25 to take any debate on that issue to another thread since this thread was to support you.

You are loved, and we care about you tremendously. I think DM25's rant illustrates how important it is to be sure a church is safe before you share personal things.

That's OK

Thank you and God bless

 

[Introverted1293]

I would encourage you to talk with a few close Christian friends you can trust. Homosexual desires are no different than any other desires and homosexuality is no more unnatural than any other sin. We are called to confess our sins to one another, and if we're struggling with a sin or a temptation, we need others to pray for for us through that.

I totally understand the fear of rejection. It's a difficult subject, and it's nerve-wracking to talk about some Christian circles.

Thank you very much. This is really helpful

 

[Introverted1293]

Your temptations are no worse than mine or anyone else's; heterosexuality is not a "get into heaven free" card. God's love extends to all people with all different struggles indiscriminately.

I wouldn't tell everyone in church about it, though, just like I wouldn't tell everyone in my church about what I struggle with. No one really talks too openly about their sins no matter what kind, so don't feel pressured to talk about it; find someone you can trust to share your struggles.

There are congregations that I am sure are too obsessive on the issue of homosexuality, but I have never been in one and don't know of any in my area. Most churches that have young people are actively dealing with LGBT issues and are more sensitive to their needs, so maybe do some research on churches in your area that would be able to help you.

Yeah, my post was just based on fear. And thank for the advise.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

I have same-sex attraction. I know that it is a sin against God. But I was wondering if I have to reveal my issue to church members?

Part of me thinks that I should not go to church because let's face it, homosexuality is a sin that the church hates the most. That is why they preach against it the most. Well, that is what it shows on the media anyways.

I understand that it is an unnatural sin. But because they speak so much against it, I have to wonder why go to church when everyone will clearly be uncomfortable around me because of my sinful struggle? I want to know the truth. But it is hard to hear the truth when the people who tell you the truth hates your sin the most. It will be like wanting to get educated, but the educator makes you feel stupid if you got the wrong answer. You want to know if you got the answer right or wrong, but your teacher was very condescending in the way that corrected you.

Again, the question is, do I need to reveal my sin to members of the church? Should I just have a don't ask and don't tell attitude? I know that the Bible says to confess your sins one to another, but that is the sin that gets condemned the most by other Christians. I don't know if I want to reveal that to them.

Maybe at this time it might be best to attend a church and not reveal this particular sin? At least you will get some good teaching straight from the Bible which we all need.

In time if you (get really close to someone) then with that person you might wish to reveal your sin. A Godly Pastor or Elder should keep This Confidential and work with you in a loving manner.

Note we are all sinners. I discuss many things with my pastor and elders. They don't look down on us believe me they also have many issues.

M-Bob

 

[Introverted1293]

Do you identify with the sexual suggestions as coming from a part of you or do you recognize that these voices are of the great deceiver and he is casting a spell upon you, creating an obsession because of the continuous temptations?

If you identify the voice is that of the devil and rebuke him, he will flee from you and our Lord will break the chains that hold you to this ideology. In all sexual sins, it is the tempter who planted the wicked thoughts, whatever variety he thinks will hold you captive. Do not believe him. God doesn't make anything not of His order. He doesn't make junk. He doesn't allow anything to overcome us, that He doesn't provide a way of escape. Do you want to escape from this life style?

If you do not identify with the sin, then it is an oppression of the devil to sucker you in, doubt your relationship with God, doubt your spiritual strength to withstand his evil assaults. This spiritual battle happens with all mankind, and with all kinds of sins, and a lot of them are sexual sins in various forms.

Often these very secret sins trouble even the elders and pastors of various congregations. Exposing yourself to their weaknesses that they see in you because you told them, will only cause difficulty with your brethren, who are battling some of the same temptations, obsessions, possessions, and chains of past encounters that they may not have victory over. God never said broadcast your sins before your fellow man. Confessing sins against those you have hurt is another story.

First, do not identify with this sin, like it is a part of your nature. That is the toughest battle you will ever encounter. You will need to lay your life in His Hands and do not leave the altar of prayer until He has come. Remember how He said that some demons need fasting and prayer to be able to cast them out. Remember also that some sins are beyond easy, some are so bad, that only the Lord can rebuke them and they obey.

My prayer for you is that the Lord speaks personally to you and with the command of His voice you are set free.

Mark 9:25
When Jesus saw that the people came running together, he rebuked the foul spirit, saying unto him, Thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge thee, come out of him, and enter no more into him.

Thank you very much. I did identify with my sin. I now know I was wrong. I have never really lived the lifestyle. Well, the Bible does say that lusting after people is wrong. So, in a way I did when I looked at porn. But I am seeking healing now.

Thank you for the advice and speaking the truth without condemning me.

 

[Introverted1293]

Maybe at this time it might be best to attend a church and not reveal this particular sin? At least you will get some good teaching straight from the Bible which we all need.

In time if you (get really close to someone) then with that person you might wish to reveal your sin. A Godly Pastor or Elder should keep This Confidential and work with you in a loving manner.

Note we are all sinners. I discuss many things with my pastor and elders. They don't look down on us believe me they also have many issues.

M-Bob

Thank you very much. I haven't really gotten to know people all that much. But after a while, maybe you are right, then I can talk to someone.

 

[Introverted1293]

It really does not matter if you reveal it to anyone. God knows and that is the most important relationship you have . If you feel guilt, this is the Holy Spirit working in you. In time if you continue to walk in the Spirit it we become less of an issue. There are many who are attracted to the same sex however, they do not act upon the sin of fornication. It is the same sin for heterosexual couples as you know.
When you feel you have this somewhat under control, I would start by confiding in your Pastor first. This way you have accountability as you work through the sin with your Lord.
Blessings

Thank you very much.

 

[Introverted1293]

go ahead and attend your local church gathering.

the only time you would need to say anything is if you plan on becoming a communicate member of your local gathering. at that point they will want to know if you still engage in this particular sin. same as if you were dealing with pornography or drunkenness. if you're recognizing that this thing is indeed sinful and seek to repent of it your local congregation will work with you to fight it.

Thank you and God bless

 

[Yodas_Prodigy1]

I have same-sex attraction. I know that it is a sin against God. But I was wondering if I have to reveal my issue to church members?

Part of me thinks that I should not go to church because let's face it, homosexuality is a sin that the church hates the most. That is why they preach against it the most. Well, that is what it shows on the media anyways.

I understand that it is an unnatural sin. But because they speak so much against it, I have to wonder why go to church when everyone will clearly be uncomfortable around me because of my sinful struggle? I want to know the truth. But it is hard to hear the truth when the people who tell you the truth hates your sin the most. It will be like wanting to get educated, but the educator makes you feel stupid if you got the wrong answer. You want to know if you got the answer right or wrong, but your teacher was very condescending in the way that corrected you.

Again, the question is, do I need to reveal my sin to members of the church? Should I just have a don't ask and don't tell attitude? I know that the Bible says to confess your sins one to another, but that is the sin that gets condemned the most by other Christians. I don't know if I want to reveal that to them.

Overcoming this kind of attraction is no more difficult than dealing with opposite sex attraction... Those of us who have the "normal" attraction have to deal with idolatrous and adulterous thoughts... You should not share your challenge with many people... I think you should try to find a wise/mature heterosexual male who can come along your side to help you... It does not hurt to seek council from someone who has had to deal with the same challenge... I know someone who did both of these. He also took time to learn God's word... Lots of prayer... Memorization... I will also tell you the process that has helped me immensely with all of my bad thoughts... Here is my typical prayer when I get a sinful thought, "Lord, I take that thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Lord, if this thought came from an evil/familiar spirit, please take this thought and shove it in the face or in to the gut of that spirit and kick him out of here." It is amazing how much this prayer has helped me...