Same-Sex Attraction And The Church

[DM25]

Thoughts aren't a sin. It's the actions that are a sin. So don't give into your thoughts and temptations. And also maybe pray to God that he takes it away, because nothing is impossible for God. But no you absolutely do not have to bring it up. Your identity is in Christ, not your sin. It's nobody's business what goes on in your thoughts, but maybe if it bothers you can tell a Christian counselor in private. Just don't make those thoughts your identity, and focus on Jesus and pray. I know the attractions may not go away just like that, but the more you walk in the new spirit and identity in Christ the less you will notice them and if you pray God can deliver you from it. He can do anything.

And you're right the church for some reason hates this sin more than others. It could be because the media is trying to normalize it or because they are insecure themselves and the devil just wants to stir up trouble from all angles. But you know who you are in Christ... You know you are saved and his child because you believe on the Lord. That's all that matters, who cares what people think. Just don't give the devil what he wants and feed those thoughts. Focus on good things and on heaven. Focus on Jesus because your identity is in him now.

 

[Cis.jd]

As a Christian, i do believe it is a sin however I am also open that it may not have been fully understood during the times in the Bible.

It's hard. I'm not all sure if people are born that way, or have been influenced into growing up.. i guess whatever is true doesn't matter. You know yourself more than anyone else. Don't let anyone, whether christian or not talk about you as if you are damned to hell if you don't change, even in regards to your sexuality. Most christians may have sins even worse than yours but are too full of themselves to know or realize it.

I can't give the best advice.. maybe you can find a church that is more open and accepting to it. I heard of some Episcopal churches that are opened to LGBT and don't judge them at all. Even my RCC church in NYC has an LGBT group.

 

[com7fy8]

I know that the Bible says to confess your sins one to another,

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16)

So, not only can we do well to have mutual confession but also have mutual prayer, and this is so we can be "healed". And I trust this means to be healed of what in us makes us able to sin and then suffer. God can change our nature so we are how He wants, "and you will find rest for your souls," Jesus guarantees us who have trusted in Him and are learning from Jesus > Matthew 11:28-30.

So, in case you understand that such attraction is sinful, then we can be sure God is committed to healing you of this if it is not right. And Jesus so suffered and died so we can be forgiven of whatever sins, and reconciled with God and set free. So, Jesus is not condemning you but He so suffered and died with hope for you.

And every Christian is directed to so love you and have hope for you >

"And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma." (Ephesians 5:2)

Love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7).

Included in living in God's love is how our attention stays where our attention belongs. So, if anything in us is attracting our attention elsewhere, such wrong attraction is trespassing. So, trust God to change us so we are living in His peace and how He guides our attention in His peace. And make sure you read and feed on all the Bible says about all the other ways your attention can be misguided! Because as we get rid of some main problem we may have now, then is when other things can come along to mess with us > including unforgiveness and self-righteous judging about people who do not accept us and don't have hope for us.

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

 

[DM25]

Also the importance of confessing sins to people is a Catholic teaching. It is encouraged in the bible just like it is encouraged to confess your sins to God. But confessing your sins to God is way more important than confessing your sins to other people, as only he can bring you healing, not other people.

Truthfully given the state of the church these days I don't recommend you say anything. What goes on in your head isn't anyone's business, and you are not even giving in to your thoughts. If you feel the need, talk to a pastor in private or a spiritual counselor bound by confidentiality laws.

 

[bekkilyn]

Maybe it would help to find a church that accepts you as God created you so that you don't need to hide who you are from people. A non-legalistic church that puts its focus on Jesus Christ and his gospel message.

John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

John 13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

 

[com7fy8]

---SE--- @Introverted1293 > Hi In any case, you are welcome here in Christian Forums. And we have people with different ideas and positions about this. And all are identified as Christian; so it is impossible to have in your advice place a total agreement. But you are welcome to read and pray about what different ones of us say and offer.

If you really feel between you and God that your attraction even without action is sin, you can trust God to change you to discover how you can be. I personally, going by the Bible, find that any interest or desire or drive for a wrong thing is wrong. Our preferences are in our hearts which are spiritual, and God wants our hearts to have right desires and interests and therefore the right preferences.

However, here, I acknowledge how ones identifying as Christians in these forums do not agree with me. And I do not mean what I share in order to debate or criticize anyone.

But I do understand how Jesus says we need to deny ourselves > Luke 9:23. And this can mean we do not have our own personal preferences about how we get pleasure, especially if we wish to use another person. We need to submit to God and discover all He has to become our interests, as we grow in Jesus.

And, of course, a number of heterosexual people are mainly about their own interests and preferences for how they get pleasure > instead of first caring about how to please God. So, even if you were to be changed to heterosexual, I say we need to first seek God for Himself and enjoy Him, and not use people for pleasures we might treasure. There are pleasures which are intense and nice feeling; and so such pleasures are a treasure, and people can only or mainly be trying to use other people, instead of caring tenderly for any and all people like Jesus on the cross.

And Romans 1:18-32 gives testimony about why certain people got into trouble with lusts which dominated and controlled them. Because they were not thankful and because they worshiped creature things more than God . . . they got away from how God's love would have them tenderly sharing. Ones worship pleasure, and so they have preferences for how they get pleasure. But in doing this, they can be dominated and controlled by nasty and driving stuff which is not loving them >

Jesus loves us by giving us "rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:28-30)

Jesus is "gentle and lowly in heart" (Matthew 11:28-30), and the emotions and feelings of Jesus in us also are gentle and humble, not dominating and controlling and demanding and frustrated. There are a lot of people identifying as Christians who keep on giving in to this stuff, while some of these will criticize you while others will assume there is not hope to get free of our lusts of food abuse, identity orientation, arguing, complaining, unforgiveness, nasty raging anger and frustration, alcoholism, workaholism, drug abuse, and gambling.

But God who is almighty is easily able to change us and make wrong feelings and emotions and thinking go away. But we fail. If something you do does not work, it is because it does not work!! And it is likely what you tried to do, instead of first depending on God.

And then, even as God proves Himself in us, yes the wrong things can be allowed to come back to attack us and try to trick us into thinking we can't succeed against evil things. But know that God is able.

"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7)

 

[carp614]

Just as a parallel that might be useful: I am an alcoholic, but I certainly didn't introduce myself when we first visited our current church by telling everyone. My Pastor was the first one I told. Then the youth pastor, then as I made new friends I had to judge whether or not I thought the person could handle it. It really depended a lot on the depth of my relationship with the person. I think most people probably don't know.

If you are going to fight this and honor God, you absolutely need to be in church. But in today's climate I think the reality is that you need to be careful that you are in the right church. Always start with the pastor. How he handles your confession will probably tell you all you need to know about whether or not you can get help from this church.

May God Bless you Brother. God Loves you no matter what your sin is.

 

[Pádraigín Ní Saorlaith]

I have same-sex attraction. I know that it is a sin against God. But I was wondering if I have to reveal my issue to church members?

Part of me thinks that I should not go to church because let's face it, homosexuality is a sin that the church hates the most. That is why they preach against it the most. Well, that is what it shows on the media anyways.

I understand that it is an unnatural sin. But because they speak so much against it, I have to wonder why go to church when everyone will clearly be uncomfortable around me because of my sinful struggle? I want to know the truth. But it is hard to hear the truth when the people who tell you the truth hates your sin the most. It will be like wanting to get educated, but the educator makes you feel stupid if you got the wrong answer. You want to know if you got the answer right or wrong, but your teacher was very condescending in the way that corrected you.

Again, the question is, do I need to reveal my sin to members of the church? Should I just have a don't ask and don't tell attitude? I know that the Bible says to confess your sins one to another, but that is the sin that gets condemned the most by other Christians. I don't know if I want to reveal that to them.

I would encourage you to talk with a few close Christian friends you can trust. Homosexual desires are no different than any other desires and homosexuality is no more unnatural than any other sin. We are called to confess our sins to one another, and if we're struggling with a sin or a temptation, we need others to pray for for us through that.

I totally understand the fear of rejection. It's a difficult subject, and it's nerve-wracking to talk about some Christian circles.

---SE---

 

[MournfulWatcher]

I have same-sex attraction. I know that it is a sin against God. But I was wondering if I have to reveal my issue to church members?

Part of me thinks that I should not go to church because let's face it, homosexuality is a sin that the church hates the most. That is why they preach against it the most. Well, that is what it shows on the media anyways.

I understand that it is an unnatural sin. But because they speak so much against it, I have to wonder why go to church when everyone will clearly be uncomfortable around me because of my sinful struggle? I want to know the truth. But it is hard to hear the truth when the people who tell you the truth hates your sin the most. It will be like wanting to get educated, but the educator makes you feel stupid if you got the wrong answer. You want to know if you got the answer right or wrong, but your teacher was very condescending in the way that corrected you.

Again, the question is, do I need to reveal my sin to members of the church? Should I just have a don't ask and don't tell attitude? I know that the Bible says to confess your sins one to another, but that is the sin that gets condemned the most by other Christians. I don't know if I want to reveal that to them.

Your temptations are no worse than mine or anyone else's; heterosexuality is not a "get into heaven free" card. God's love extends to all people with all different struggles indiscriminately.

I wouldn't tell everyone in church about it, though, just like I wouldn't tell everyone in my church about what I struggle with. No one really talks too openly about their sins no matter what kind, so don't feel pressured to talk about it; find someone you can trust to share your struggles.

There are congregations that I am sure are too obsessive on the issue of homosexuality, but I have never been in one and don't know of any in my area. Most churches that have young people are actively dealing with LGBT issues and are more sensitive to their needs, so maybe do some research on churches in your area that would be able to help you.

 

[visionary]

Do you identify with the sexual suggestions as coming from a part of you or do you recognize that these voices are of the great deceiver and he is casting a spell upon you, creating an obsession because of the continuous temptations?

If you identify the voice is that of the devil and rebuke him, he will flee from you and our Lord will break the chains that hold you to this ideology. In all sexual sins, it is the tempter who planted the wicked thoughts, whatever variety he thinks will hold you captive. Do not believe him. God doesn't make anything not of His order. He doesn't make junk. He doesn't allow anything to overcome us, that He doesn't provide a way of escape. Do you want to escape from this life style?

If you do not identify with the sin, then it is an oppression of the devil to sucker you in, doubt your relationship with God, doubt your spiritual strength to withstand his evil assaults. This spiritual battle happens with all mankind, and with all kinds of sins, and a lot of them are sexual sins in various forms.

Often these very secret sins trouble even the elders and pastors of various congregations. Exposing yourself to their weaknesses that they see in you because you told them, will only cause difficulty with your brethren, who are battling some of the same temptations, obsessions, possessions, and chains of past encounters that they may not have victory over. God never said broadcast your sins before your fellow man. Confessing sins against those you have hurt is another story.

First, do not identify with this sin, like it is a part of your nature. That is the toughest battle you will ever encounter. You will need to lay your life in His Hands and do not leave the altar of prayer until He has come. Remember how He said that some demons need fasting and prayer to be able to cast them out. Remember also that some sins are beyond easy, some are so bad, that only the Lord can rebuke them and they obey.

My prayer for you is that the Lord speaks personally to you and with the command of His voice you are set free.

Mark 9:25
When Jesus saw that the people came running together, he rebuked the foul spirit, saying unto him, Thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge thee, come out of him, and enter no more into him.

 

[Introverted1293]

Some sins might be disreputable, such as extra-marital sexual acts.

But others, like pride or judgementalism, are disastrous.

Most people I know don't really care if you're gay, straight, or sideways.

When you go to confession, does your priest require you to reveal your sins to everybody in general?

The main issue is: ARe you doing your best to live for Jesus?

That's all that matters.

BTW--we don't get to choose our temptations.

No, I am not doing my best, but I want to

 

[Introverted1293]

It's one thing to feel the urge to commit a sinful action and another to act upon it. You feel an urge to have a homosexual relationship, while other people struggle with lust for premarital sex, inappropriate content, greed, theft, gossip, etc. Homosexuality is just one sin as many other. However, if you act upon it, don't feel any remorse and don't turn to God for forgiveness, it's a different question.

That is true. Thank you

 

[Introverted1293]

Having the attraction and acting on the attraction are two different things. We are all attracted to sinful things at some point. I would talk to someone you can trust, someone you can be accountable to. Get into God’s Word and prayer as much as you can. Lean on God to keep you from acting on the attraction. No church should turn you away. We all sin. We all have sinful thoughts. Until we are away from this fallen world none of us will be perfect.

Thank you very much

 

[Introverted1293]

I'm so sorry that it feels that way. I agree that some behaviors are focused on while others seem to be endorsed. Gluttony for example.... yet, have you ever been to a church potluck??

The Lord says if you break the least of His commandments you've broken all of them. This is not to whip us for breaking his commandments but to demonstrate to us the impossibility of being righteous on our own and point us to Him as the only path to righteousness.



I'm sorry about this experience for you. While we need to be faithful and true to Scriptures, we do not need to harass and judge people for things the person is already dealing with between them and their Lord. It's easy to feel harassed and judged when the finger is pointed at you although the speaker had no desire or wish to make you feel that way.

I am also tuned to a few "ouch!"s that are routinely thrown out there from the pulpit with little understanding and much ignorance. It can make it very unpleasant to attend a church service ...waiting for that blow to come. Usually it never does, but just having to wait for it brings it into your routine experience.



NO! Not unless you want to share it with those who you fellowship with, if you trust them to recognize your dignity in the Lord. First establish a relationship and then share only if/when you feel it is emotionally safe for you to do so.



Yes, don't ask, don't tell. Unless you would like more specific support with those you feel safe to fellowship with.

Thank you for the advice.

 

[Introverted1293]

As someone who also has partial same-sex attraction, I think it would be unnecessary to reveal to everyone at church that you have same-sex attractions yourself. You don't necessarily have to hide it, but you don't have to announce it either. I'm discussing this from a practical standpoint, not one of judgment. Anyways, the only time I could see you bringing it up is if you were wanting to talk to your pastor or priest about it in order to seek spiritual guidance or counseling.

As for going to church, I would encourage you to still attend. The Church welcomes anyone and everyone who seeks Christ, regardless of their inclinations or sins committed. After all, the Church is meant to be a sort of hospital for sinners, not just a temple for saints. We all have our own crosses to carry, so any good church would welcome you with open arms.

This is not to say that they will condone any sinful conduct, but they are willing to receive anyone with love. Remember, God wants us to come as we are.

And, if I'm being honest, you may get backlash or bad reactions from some Christians if you are to reveal your romantic inclinations towards the same sex. I'd encourage you to be wary of who you tell, but if such a thing should ever happen to you, I just want to remind you not to see their reactions as reflective of the entire religion or even of how God views you. Christians are not perfect, but God is.

I'll get off my soap box now, but I hope that my comment helps, at least a little bit.

Thank you for the warning about the backlash. I know people tend to judge the whole entire religion by few hateful people. I just did. But I will work on that.

 

[Introverted1293]

No. Lust is a sin we all deal with. Use your judgement, and if you deem telling certain people to be beneficial to your walk and accountability, then do so.

If I looked on someone's wife in church the wrong way, I wouldn't go tell her husband. That would be idiotic judgement. But I still have to account for my own sinful nature somehow.

Good point

Thank you that was very helpful

 

[Monk Brendan]

No, I am not doing my best, but I want to

The Church might hate homogenital acts, but not homosexual persons.

 

[Introverted1293]

The Church might hate homogenital acts, but not homosexual persons.

Thank you

You are probably right about that

 

[Introverted1293]

Sorry your struggling with that. I agree with @ImAllLikeOkWaitWat. The science behind homosexual tendencies is still a new science and maybe they will have an answer to it in the future as to what causes it. So far they have linked some of it to genetics, but it's still a new science. But just like a sinner, if you don't want to be judged then don't bring it up. Not everyone is living a perfect Christian lifestyle such that they won't judge you. I find that people, even "Christians", tend to be judgmental, it's just in our nature.

That said, you may want to confess your sins to your bishop if that is standard practice in your church. And that would be when you commit sin, so you don't have to really confess tendencies as those may be considered temptations and let's face it you don't have to confess temptations.

Yeah, I don't know if you are born with it or not. I don't make such claims. I have no idea or understand it. I am taking a psychology class; and according to the texts, they did not find a gay gene. So, I don't know. But they also did not find a gene for mental illness, like schizophrenia. So, who knows what causes these things.

 

[Introverted1293]

Even in conservative churches, the prohibition is only on actions, not on the sexual orientation itself. If you have same-sex attraction but are celibate, no church has any cause to criticize you.

Whatever sins you have committed, confess them to God. If you are in a tradition that includes confession in the presence of a priest, then confess them to your priest as well (knowing that priests are morally bound to keep your confession in confidence). Beyond that, there is no reason that other church members need to know your private struggles.

Be at peace, and know that God loves you.

Thank you very much. My thread was only based on fear. I haven't gone to church in a while.