There aren't that many fish in the sea...

[CodyFaith]

Agreed.
Mostly it comes down to your relationship with God, because he will give you confidence and integrity. And it you're patient and give it to him, he will lead you to the right person.

I really don't understand the desperate constantly trying to get a date mentality. God will take care of it! Just trust!

Ahh... finally wisdom. I completely agree. People treat dating like it's out of God's hands; like somehow God's hands are tied. God gives freely to his children all good things, he requires us not to strive or worry, but to focus on him and him alone and he will take care of and provide the necessities and good things in life. He will bless his children abundantly, free on our part, our cups will overflow.

God gave us eternal life freely, what small things can compare to that? Focus on God, character, etc... the rest will fall in place, including relationships (romantic or otherwise).

But you're right in another point... patience. If you won't be moral in your waiting for a spouse, if you're on tinder or sleeping around/sexting people, etc... why should God provide any good thing for you when you clearly know better but have a hard heart to truth? He might have mercy... but that's not something I'd want to bank on myself. In either case, obedience always is rewarded, and disobedience is always punished.

 

[CodyFaith]

Edit - Suppose I'm rambling a bit, haha, I'll just leave the above post.

 

[Citanul]

I really don't understand the desperate constantly trying to get a date mentality. God will take care of it! Just trust!

That's good in theory, but can get harder to do the longer you remain single.

 

[exitstageright]

Agreed.
Mostly it comes down to your relationship with God, because he will give you confidence and integrity. And it you're patient and give it to him, he will lead you to the right person.

I really don't understand the desperate constantly trying to get a date mentality. God will take care of it! Just trust!

Well,I can get dates .But, they,the women,who like me,are the ones that do not have a lot of things going for them. I just want a woman that is on the same intellectual and financial level,as I am.
I am a scientist. There is a dating website for single scientists in the San Francisco Bay Area.The only problem is, that most of the single women scientists, in the San Francisco Bay Area, are atheists.

I just refuse to be a permanent Sugar Daddy. I just want a woman who wants me,not needs me. Because, there are women, as there have been in my past,that want and/or need me only because I have a good paying job. The ironic thing is,when I in High School, I did not have a girlfriend. Nor, did I went to my Junior and Senior Proms.I was very serious about my education, in order to get a good paying job. So I could be a "good catch". Since I knew that I was not one of those "pretty boys",I knew that I would have to make it on my brains. I found some things that I was good at. And,I excelled at those things.By the way,when I got older,I read this idea about raising a shy child.The therapist wrote,"In order for a shy child to feel good about himself,and to succeed,find out what he is good at.And let him excel at it." Yes,I was very shy when I was a child.

 

[exitstageright]

Ahh... finally wisdom. I completely agree. People treat dating like it's out of God's hands; like somehow God's hands are tied. God gives freely to his children all good things, he requires us not to strive or worry, but to focus on him and him alone and he will take care of and provide the necessities and good things in life. He will bless his children abundantly, free on our part, our cups will overflow.

God gave us eternal life freely, what small things can compare to that? Focus on God, character, etc... the rest will fall in place, including relationships (romantic or otherwise).

But you're right in another point... patience. If you won't be moral in your waiting for a spouse, if you're on tinder or sleeping around/sexting people, etc... why should God provide any good thing for you when you clearly know better but have a hard heart to truth? He might have mercy... but that's not something I'd want to bank on myself. In either case, obedience always is rewarded, and disobedience is always punished.

I have no problem believing that God saved Daniel in the Lion's Den. I have no problem believing that God,through Moses,parted the Red Sea.
But,you have to admit that women are more complex than lions and bodies of water. For example,if I meet a Christian woman, that I like, but, she does not like me,it would be futile for me to pray that she likes me. Because ,God is not going to override anybody's will.

 

[step_by_step]

Well,I can get dates .But, they,the women,who like me,are the ones that do not have a lot of things going for them. I just want a woman that is on the same intellectual and financial level,as I am.
I am a scientist. There is a dating website for single scientists in the San Francisco Bay Area.The only problem is, that most of the single women scientists, in the San Francisco Bay Area, are atheists.

I just refuse to be a permanent Sugar Daddy. I just want a woman who wants me,not needs me. Because, there are women, as there have been in my past,that want and/or need me only because I have a good paying job. The ironic thing is,when I in High School, I did not have a girlfriend. Nor, did I went to my Junior and Senior Proms.I was very serious about my education, in order to get a good paying job. So I could be a "good catch". Since I knew that I was not one of those "pretty boys",I knew that I would have to make it on my brains. I found some things that I was good at. And,I excelled at those things.By the way,when I got older,I read this idea about raising a shy child.The therapist wrote,"In order for a shy child to feel good about himself,and to succeed,find out what he is good at.And let him excel at it." Yes,I was very shy when I was a child.

Again, I say trust. God will bring you who you need.

 

[step_by_step]

That's good in theory, but can get harder to do the longer you remain single.

"In theory"?? I can't fathom not trusting God to provide for you just because he's taking a long time. His timing is different than ours.

 

[bèlla]

The marriage dilemma is many layered. Most of the advice hails from married people who didn't have lengthy waits for their partner. It's one thing to find your spouse in your twenties and another to see your thirties ending with no one in sight. That's a different cross.

The fallout from the Purity Movement has begun and many feel jaded by the promises that have gone unfulfilled. And the reality of what waiting entails differs for us each. I've seen two late term marriages that were the result of intervention from a dying spouse. Both women were in their sixties. That's unfathomable for most.

The truth is we don't know and rather than admitting it we're subjected to silly theories in its place. Men and women have found their spouses while sinning, backsliding, and committing a litany of offenses.

For some there's the expectation that belief trumps compatibility and personal preferences are unimportant. I don't agree with that stance but I've seen it put forth more than once.

 

[$pirit]

Man some of these responses...

I don't like when men (or women, for that matter) blame their lack of success in the dating world on height or their appearance. Yes there are shallow people out there who only narrow in on one or two traits about a person. But the reality is, if you are frequently passed over and rejected, then there might be something else going on...I've met a lot of guys with that mentality and most often it's the only thing they can think to talk about. So if you're blaming your inability to get a date on something like that, then I'm sure there's something else going on.

I, for example, used to blame my inability to snag a guy on my unwillingness to "put out". While it's true a lot of men are only looking for that, my standards were also astronomically high. It's good to have standards but keep them realistic. There is no flawless, incredible, perfect person out there.

Also, I think people need to stop approaching it as "no one wants me!" And instead look at it from the perspective of 'I haven't met a suitable match yet'. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you anyway? There's going to be someone out there who likes you for you and it's pointless to go after someone who doesn't.

And finally, getting into a relationship will not solve all your problems. I fell into that trap when I was eighteen and dated the first decent looking dude who showed remote interest in me because I was desperate for validation and love. He emotionally abused the heck out of me and left me a devastated shell of my former self. Getting into a relationship simply because you're desperate for one never goes well. Learn to appreciate and even like being on your own before you invite someone else into your life.

That's my speech for the day

Well, I 100% blame my refusal to “put out” on why I have either had to turn guys down or they turned me down. And these are men IN and OUT of the church. I knew a guy that went to church every Sunday and was fornicating like crazy. He saw nothing wrong with it and was even confident that God wouldn’t allow him to get a woman pregnant out of wedlock until he met his true wife . One man I met who is a youth pastor, he claimed he believed in celibacy, but asked to sleepover at my apartment. Then asked to sleep in the same bed as me. I gave him a hard NO and he was literally confused as to why I had such a problem with it.

I am seriously starting to wonder if true god fearing men still exist. Like, I’ve seen it happen for friends and other people I know at church. But for some reason I continue to attract men that want nothing to do with God or only partially live for him.

I understand I’m not perfect and the right man won’t be either, but a courtship that violates celibacy is unacceptable.

Am I still blessed? Of course. God has been incredibly good to me. I’m just getting to the point where being single is becoming such a burden. I’ll be 29 this year which isn’t old but I’m not getting any younger either. I have separated myself from social media to avoid all relationship posts. I get so tired of people asking me why I am still single because they don’t understand that God requires purity. I’m talking about my friends who are not Christian. So to them it seems like I’m being too picky. Sometimes my prayers have been as simple as “God please send me a man that won’t ask for sex!”

Anyway, I avoid discussing my desire for relationships at church. I don’t ask people to pray with me because I often get very insensitive responses. I don’t think they’re intending to be that way, but that’s how it comes off. I have a couple friends who are Christian and single of different age groups and we discuss our frustrations with each other while also encouraging one another.

It’s ok to pour your heart out to the Lord. Hannah desired a child and was taughted by her husband’s first wife for not having one. She was deeply vexed in her spirit over it and expressed that to the Lord. It’s also good to comfort one another whether you’re in the same situation or not.

 

[Mark_CB]

Don't despair. You have time. And it's true, there really aren't that many decent people to date anymore.

I was told by a girl I would be okay when I was 24. Well I'm 28 now still single. But it's different as a guy. Once you get older, it gets easier. As a female, as you get older, it gets harder.

I'm not desperate, but I am disappointed. Sometimes it feels like I'm not a good enough of a Christian. I don't know. All I know is I've never done anyone truly wrong. I've never broken anyone's heart. That's got to count for something.

 

[bèlla]

There are a lot of factors involved that go beyond faith, age, and appearance. Location plays a part as well. The person living in California has different challenges than someone living in the Midwest. The cultures are different and the ratio of men to women are not the same.

The likelihood of marrying younger is much greater if you attended a Christian college or bible school. Many of the people addressing this topic didn't go to secular schools or hail from a different generation.

I've never been on a Christian dating site. But I've seen enough to know that character is usually the tipping point. Compromise is a necessity and many couples made more than they admit. And you must consider if your preferences are your stumbling block. Oftentimes that's the case.

It takes a lot of trial and error for secular people. As a believer, you're picking from a smaller crop that becomes much tinier if you're looking for a 'certain' Christian. There are decent men and women that still exist. But they may believe differently or desire a child-free life or live elsewhere. I don't begrudge anyone their preferences. Just make sure you can live with them and you're willing to walk it out. That may be harder than you realize.

 

[blackribbon]

Well, I 100% blame my refusal to “put out” on why I have either had to turn guys down or they turned me down. And these are men IN and OUT of the church. I knew a guy that went to church every Sunday and was fornicating like crazy. He saw nothing wrong with it and was even confident that God wouldn’t allow him to get a woman pregnant out of wedlock until he met his true wife . One man I met who is a youth pastor, he claimed he believed in celibacy, but asked to sleepover at my apartment. Then asked to sleep in the same bed as me. I gave him a hard NO and he was literally confused as to why I had such a problem with it.

I am seriously starting to wonder if true god fearing men still exist. Like, I’ve seen it happen for friends and other people I know at church. But for some reason I continue to attract men that want nothing to do with God or only partially live for him.

I understand I’m not perfect and the right man won’t be either, but a courtship that violates celibacy is unacceptable.

Am I still blessed? Of course. God has been incredibly good to me. I’m just getting to the point where being single is becoming such a burden. I’ll be 29 this year which isn’t old but I’m not getting any younger either. I have separated myself from social media to avoid all relationship posts. I get so tired of people asking me why I am still single because they don’t understand that God requires purity. I’m talking about my friends who are not Christian. So to them it seems like I’m being too picky. Sometimes my prayers have been as simple as “God please send me a man that won’t ask for sex!”

Anyway, I avoid discussing my desire for relationships at church. I don’t ask people to pray with me because I often get very insensitive responses. I don’t think they’re intending to be that way, but that’s how it comes off. I have a couple friends who are Christian and single of different age groups and we discuss our frustrations with each other while also encouraging one another.

It’s ok to pour your heart out to the Lord. Hannah desired a child and was taughted by her husband’s first wife for not having one. She was deeply vexed in her spirit over it and expressed that to the Lord. It’s also good to comfort one another whether you’re in the same situation or not.

Maybe don't date men who expect you to put out. They exist in all age categories. There are honorable men everywhere and to blame this on the reason you are not married or coupled is as shallow as those who blame their height or any other singular reason. Fish a different pond. Figure out why you are attracted to men with this mindset.

 

[timewerx]

Again, I say trust. God will bring you who you need.

What if God needs you to be single?

We have many great men and women in the Bible who led single lives.

 

[$pirit]

Maybe don't date men who expect you to put out. They exist in all age categories. There are honorable men everywhere and to blame this on the reason you are not married or coupled is as shallow as those who blame their height or any other singular reason. Fish a different pond. Figure out why you are attracted to men with this mindset.

I don’t know which men are like that until I go on at least a couple dates with them. So I’m not intentionally targeting those kinds of guys. You don’t know until you know. And what’s the excuse for church going men that expect it? Lots of people have to go through bad apples until they find the honorable one. Everyone isn’t blessed to meet a nice person on their first go round. I don’t think that’s shallow at all.

 

[bèlla]

I don’t know which men are like that until I go on at least a couple dates with them. So I’m not intentionally targeting those kinds of guys. You don’t know until you know. And what’s the excuse for church going men that expect it? Lots of people have to go through bad apples until they find the honorable one. Everyone isn’t blessed to meet a nice person on their first go round. I don’t think that’s shallow at all.

I've never had this experience and I've dated secular men. I think you're overlooking something important in all of this. Opportunists target their prey. They don't pick them randomly.

 

[$pirit]

I've never had this experience and I've dated secular men. I think you're overlooking something important in all of this. Opportunists target their prey. They don't pick them randomly.

Perhaps and I’m still single so I have plenty of time to go over this with the Lord. But everyone’s experience is different. Like I said earlier, some people are blessed to get the good ones without effort. Just like everyone isn’t blessed to get a good job that they love immediately. I have never had issues in that area, but it’s simply my experience. I wouldn’t tell someone “it’s not that hard” just because it was easy or different for me.

 

[timewerx]

I don’t know which men are like that until I go on at least a couple dates with them. So I’m not intentionally targeting those kinds of guys. You don’t know until you know. And what’s the excuse for church going men that expect it? Lots of people have to go through bad apples until they find the honorable one. Everyone isn’t blessed to meet a nice person on their first go round. I don’t think that’s shallow at all.

It's possible the guys you find interesting enough to date (or agree to go on a date with them) have a pattern of similar behavior.

You have to beware that some of the "good" qualities in a guy comes at a price.

One thing you may do is re-evaluate your priorities in qualities you find attractive in a man.

For example, the level of confidence, social skills, talent at small talk, "smoothness", clever talk, flattery, good sense of humor..

Those are things many women would find very attractive in a man (past the appearance and a few other things). Ironically, men who cheat, fornicate, etc, often possess those qualities too in good abundance!

Just saying, not everything that glitters is diamond!

 

[bèlla]

Perhaps and I’m still single so I have plenty of time to go over this with the Lord. But everyone’s experience is different. Like I said earlier, some people are blessed to get the good ones without effort. Just like everyone isn’t blessed to get a good job that they love immediately. I have never had issues in that area, but it’s simply my experience. I wouldn’t tell someone “it’s not that hard” just because it was easy or different for me.

We are trying to explain there is a reason they're targeting you. It isn't a case of going through many fish to find a good one. I've encountered people like this and oftentimes they're searching for certain qualities or a place of entry they can exploit. It's rarely random and is usually intentional and covert.

I wish you luck.

 

[bèlla]

It's possible the guys you find interesting enough to date (or say "yes" to) have a pattern of similar behavior.

You have to beware that some of the "good" qualities in a guy comes at a price.

This.

One thing you may do is re-evaluate your priorities in qualities you find attractive in a man.

Count the cost. ;-)

For example, the level of confidence, social skills, talent at small talk, "smoothness", clever talk, flattery, good sense of humor..

Charisma is very appealing. But...

Those are things many women would find very attractive in a man (past the appearance and a few other things). Ironically, men who cheat, fornicate, etc, often possess those qualities too in good abundance!

This is true. LOL

Just saying, not everything that glitters is diamond!

Exactly. if you want shiny you're going to have some headaches and disappointments.

 

[timewerx]

Opportunists target their prey. They don't pick them randomly.

One thing that can be done is adopt a personality that would be unattractive or even intimidating to these guys.