There aren't that many fish in the sea...

[blackribbon]

Well,since March of 2017,I have been going to the Senior Centers for Ballroom Dancing.On Wednesday afternoons,I go to the Senior Center in San Leandro,California.On Thursday mornings,I go to the Senior Center in Hayward,California,where I live. On Friday afternoons,I go to the Senior Center in Union City,California,which is next to Hayward.I have lost 40 pounds since I retired in March of 2017.People that know me tell me have good I now look,after losing so much weight.

Most of these women are in their sixties.They do give me lots of attention. They even ask me do dance before I ask them to dance.

But,many of them,after they have gotten to know me,during about the first four months,have told me,without me asking them out,or bringing up dating,that they have been divorced or widowed.They tell me that they have spent so many years without a man,that they no longer need or want a man.
A few of the women are in their 50's. And,no,I am not interested in 20,30,and 40 year olds.
But,I thank you for your advice, anyway.
By the way,one day,I asked a lady to dance. She told me,"You're not Chinese!" I told her,"I know. But, does not mean that I cannot enjoy dancing to the music." About 90% of these women,at these three Senior Centers,are Asian. That have a dance called the Chinese Jitterbug. They also have dances called the Argentine Tango,and the Chinese Tango. I only know the American Tango.

So what are you complaining about? You want attention and you are getting it when you are dancing.

This is the same as changing your online dating profile to get responses from women who aren't really matches. Lots of people...no long term relationships.

 

[Niels]

But if every man was at least six feet tall then the height bar of those women would be set even higher...

And we would probably still manage to bump our heads on it.

As another tall guy myself, I think the height advantage is overstated. At least in terms of the men that women actually go for. They may say that want a tall guy, studies may show that they find height to be desirable in a partner, but at the end of the day I don't think it counts for as much as other traits. Personality, expectations, values, whatever they're most comfortable with etc.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

And we would probably still manage to bump our heads on it.

As another tall guy myself, I think the height advantage is overstated. At least in terms of the men that women actually go for. They may say that want a tall guy, studies may show that they find height to be desirable in a partner, but at the end of the day I don't think it counts for as much as other traits. Personality, expectations, values, whatever they're most comfortable with etc.

Height is a multiplier of attraction, but it by itself does nothing. If a woman has 0 attraction to you, then even if you are tall the attraction will still be 0. So if a woman was attracted to you at 5'7, then you being 6'3 she would be say 4-5 times more attracted to you as an example. But if a woman isn't attracted to you, the height doesn't matter. It can only boost attraction assuming there is attraction that exists irrespective of height. Now one might say what is the cause of this initial attraction? The answer there is ones face. If you have a face a woman likes she will be attracted to you. If you don't, then you are playing a game in which you will have to get her interested in other ways that usually aren't enough to make up for the lack of facial attraction.

 

[exitstageright]

So what are you complaining about? You want attention and you are getting it when you are dancing.

This is the same as changing your online dating profile to get responses from women who aren't really matches. Lots of people...no long term relationships.

I am complaing about that fact,that on a cold, and/or raining night.I have no one to cuddle with or to snuggle up to. Women just view me only as a good shoulder that they can cry on. Both married women and single women treat me as if I am their Therapist.
And, please, do not tell me to "get a dog".( for warmth and companionship)
Because, when I was a Paper Boy for The San Francisco Chronicle, the newspaper ,I was traumatized by dogs. Yes, I was once bitten by a dog.

 

[blackribbon]

I am complaing about that fact,that on a cold, and/or raining night.I have no one to cuddle with or to snuggle up to. Women just view me only as a good shoulder that they can cry on.

So go serve in your community and find an older person or a child who also needs to be hugged and cared for. Why does it have to be a woman ... and if it does, then it definitely has a sexual component.

There are plenty of people who need to feel loved and cared for...volunteer at one of them and meet your need for human touch.

 

[Kaon]

"Don't worry, there's plenty fish in the sea!"

Are there, though?

Ugh, I know that I'm barely 20 and therefore have so much of the world left to see and so many more people to meet. But finding good Christian men is seeming more and more like a dream than an attainable reality. I know that if God has someone picked out for me, he will bring us together. But it's just so discouraging to look around and see the men who call themselves Christians.

Christian is more like a label you put on your dating profile these days. No one seems to actually walk with Christ anymore.

We are peppered around the world just like good Christian women. It's definitely in His hands, however, consider yourself blessed to have such spiritual conscientiousness about you.

 

[exitstageright]

So go serve in your community and find an older person or a child who also needs to be hugged and cared for. Why does it have to be a woman ... and if it does, then it definitely has a sexual component.

There are plenty of people who need to feel loved and cared for...volunteer at one of them and meet your need for human touch.

As,an anology,that is like you offering me de-caffeinated coffee,when I need the caffeine to stay awake on an one hundred mile drive. It is just not the same.

 

[step_by_step]

Man some of these responses...

I don't like when men (or women, for that matter) blame their lack of success in the dating world on height or their appearance. Yes there are shallow people out there who only narrow in on one or two traits about a person. But the reality is, if you are frequently passed over and rejected, then there might be something else going on...I've met a lot of guys with that mentality and most often it's the only thing they can think to talk about. So if you're blaming your inability to get a date on something like that, then I'm sure there's something else going on.

I, for example, used to blame my inability to snag a guy on my unwillingness to "put out". While it's true a lot of men are only looking for that, my standards were also astronomically high. It's good to have standards but keep them realistic. There is no flawless, incredible, perfect person out there.

Also, I think people need to stop approaching it as "no one wants me!" And instead look at it from the perspective of 'I haven't met a suitable match yet'. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you anyway? There's going to be someone out there who likes you for you and it's pointless to go after someone who doesn't.

And finally, getting into a relationship will not solve all your problems. I fell into that trap when I was eighteen and dated the first decent looking dude who showed remote interest in me because I was desperate for validation and love. He emotionally abused the heck out of me and left me a devastated shell of my former self. Getting into a relationship simply because you're desperate for one never goes well. Learn to appreciate and even like being on your own before you invite someone else into your life.

That's my speech for the day

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

If you find yourself in a situation where you can't get a relationship. The issue is never the countless men or women who reject you, but it's you. Now exactly what could be wrong with someone as to why they are single depends on numerous factors. Some being too picky, unresolved personal problems that make entering a relationship impossible. Regardless of why a person is single, the approach anyone should take regardless of what they look like or how attractive they are in general to the opposite sex is to figure out why you can't get a relationship(assuming you want one) and resolve those roadblocks to you getting what you want, even if it means changing what you want within reason of course. And this doesn't mean to settle, it could mean that maybe you need to become a better version of yourself to get what you want. But it comes down to either you improving personally, or lowering your expectations. I think improving ones self is always the better option personally and something we should be striving for daily irrespective of it being something that would make you more attractive to potential mates.

 

[exitstageright]

Man some of these responses...

I don't like when men (or women, for that matter) blame their lack of success in the dating world on height or their appearance. Yes there are shallow people out there who only narrow in on one or two traits about a person. But the reality is, if you are frequently passed over and rejected, then there might be something else going on...I've met a lot of guys with that mentality and most often it's the only thing they can think to talk about. So if you're blaming your inability to get a date on something like that, then I'm sure there's something else going on.

I, for example, used to blame my inability to snag a guy on my unwillingness to "put out". While it's true a lot of men are only looking for that, my standards were also astronomically high. It's good to have standards but keep them realistic. There is no flawless, incredible, perfect person out there.

Also, I think people need to stop approaching it as "no one wants me!" And instead look at it from the perspective of 'I haven't met a suitable match yet'. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you anyway? There's going to be someone out there who likes you for you and it's pointless to go after someone who doesn't.

And finally, getting into a relationship will not solve all your problems. I fell into that trap when I was eighteen and dated the first decent looking dude who showed remote interest in me because I was desperate for validation and love. He emotionally abused the heck out of me and left me a devastated shell of my former self. Getting into a relationship simply because you're desperate for one never goes well. Learn to appreciate and even like being on your own before you invite someone else into your life.

That's my speech for the day

Well.....when I lived in Honolulu, Hawaii,I was just about to open my front door.I overheard an unkown woman ask my next door neighbor, "That guy,who wears glasses, and says. "Hello" to everybody.Does he live next door?" My next door neighbor answered, "Yes! He(me) is really a nice guy." Then the unknown woman said, "Yeah,but he's short!"
Wow!,that really started out my day on a negative note.
There is an old African Proverb that goes like this, "The wound of a knife will someday heal. But, the cut of a word will last forever. In my relationships, I try very hard not to "cut" somebody down with my words.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

For those talking about height-based discrimination, here's a little anecdote for you all:

A few years ago I encountered someone who didn't really have to put any effort into dating. I met him when I started my first proper graduate job, so we were work colleagues, later on we were in a house share, and we also spent a lot of time socialising. When we went out, he would often walk away with the phone number of one of the most attractive girls in the room. Quite often they approached him, so he didn't even have to take much of a risk, and sometimes he even had girls who were already in a steady relationship giving him their number. He looked just like a young version of Robert Carlyle. We could argue all day about whether Robert Carlyle is handsome, hot, or something else. But that would be kind of irrelevant, because many of the girls who met him definitely found him highly attractive. Now, here's the killer! He was only about 5 foot 6! I'm exactly 6 feet tall in bare feet, and I've had girlfriends, but I usually had to work to build interest. Whereas my friend didn't have to do much more than turn up!

 

[exitstageright]

For those talking about height-based discrimination, here's a little anecdote for you all:

A few years ago I encountered someone who didn't really have to put any effort into dating. I met him when I started my first proper graduate job, so we were work colleagues, later on we were in a house share, and we also spent a lot of time socialising. When we went out, he would often walk away with the phone number of one of the most attractive girls in the room. Quite often they approached him, so he didn't even have to take much of a risk, and sometimes he even had girls who were already in a steady relationship giving him their number. He looked just like a young version of Robert Carlyle. We could argue all day about whether Robert Carlyle is handsome, hot, or something else. But that would be kind of irrelevant, because many of the girls who met him definitely found him highly attractive. Now, here's the killer! He was only about 5 foot 6! I'm exactly 6 feet tall in bare feet, and I've had girlfriends, but I usually had to work to build interest. Whereas my friend didn't have to do much more than turn up!

Well...,all I can say is that some men are gifted and/or blessed with charisma, while other men are not as gifted with charisma.

Sometimes,I do wish that God had blessed me with charisma. But, I am not complaing. Because, I am grateful that God has blessed me with talent, instead of good looks and/or charm. By the way, good looks will fade away. But, talent usually last during one's lifetime.

 

[blackribbon]

Well.....when I lived in Honolulu, Hawaii,I was just about to open my front door.I overheard an unkown woman ask my next door neighbor, "That guy,who wears glasses, and says. "Hello" to everybody.Does he live next door?" My next door neighbor answered, "Yes! He(me) is really a nice guy." Then the unknown woman said, "Yeah,but he's short!"
Wow!,that really started out my day on a negative note.
There is an old African Proverb that goes like this, "The wound of a knife will someday heal. But, the cut of a word will last forever. In my relationships, I try very hard not to "cut" somebody down with my words.

Why did you focus on the woman who called you short and not on the woman who had already noticed you, and didn't seem to care? You went to work in a bad mood when you should have been flattered that someone had noticed you enough to be asking about you even though she didn't know you.

 

[exitstageright]

Why did you focus on the woman who called you short and not on the woman who had already noticed you, and didn't seem to care? You went to work in a bad mood when you should have been flattered that someone had noticed you enough to be asking about you even though she didn't know you.

The other woman,who said that I am a nice guy, was my next door neighbor. And ,she. my next door neighbor, was …..married.
This is a prime example when I say that married women appreciate me more than single women do.
I am telling you the truth. When I meet a strange woman, I can tell within about five minutes if she is married or single. One, the obvious thing is the wedding band,or the wedding ring. Two,when she talks about her life, especially her travels,she would say, "we" instead of "I". I can see the look of apprehension in a single women's eyes. That is the same look that patients gave me,when I was about to draw their blood. As we all know, many people are afraid of getting their blood drawn. Many people are afraid of needles. While, married women are very at ease with me.
Therefore, as a scientist ,I have empirically derived my point, through my observations.

 

[step_by_step]

Well...,all I can say is that some men are gifted and/or blessed with charisma, while other men are not as gifted with charisma.

Sometimes,I do wish that God had blessed me with charisma. But, I am not complaing. Because, I am grateful that God has blessed me with talent, instead of good looks and/or charm. By the way, good looks will fade away. But, talent usually last during one's lifetime.

I'm not trying to be rude but it does indeed seem like you're complaining...

The other woman,who said that I am a nice guy, was my next door neighbor. And ,she. my next door neighbor, was …..married.
This is a prime example when I say that married women appreciate me more than single women do.
I am telling you the truth. When I meet a strange woman, I can tell within about five minutes if she is married or single. One, the obvious thing is the wedding band,or the wedding ring. Two,when she talks about her life, especially her travels,she would say, "we" instead of "I". I can see the look of apprehension in a single women's eyes. That is the same look that patients gave me,when I was about to draw their blood. As we all know, many people are afraid of getting their blood drawn. Many people are afraid of needles. While, married women are very at ease with me.
Therefore, as a scientist ,I have empirically derived my point, through my observations.

I think the problem is that you're constantly out and about looking for an opportunity to be with someone. Yes, your neighbor was married but so what? She still said something nice about you. Good things happen in life outside of meeting a single woman who wants to get to know you. It will come in time.
Also, if you feel that single women are wary of you, then maybe you need to ask yourself why.

 

[exitstageright]

I'm not trying to be rude but it does indeed seem like you're complaining...



I think the problem is that you're constantly out and about looking for an opportunity to be with someone. Yes, your neighbor was married but so what? She still said something nice about you. Good things happen in life outside of meeting a single woman who wants to get to know you. It will come in time.
Also, if you feel that single women are wary of you, then maybe you need to ask yourself why.

Yes,I guess you are right. I should have also paid more attention to what my married next door neighbor said about me.

I have often asked myself why some single women are leery of me. I think it is that I do not have a "poker face". In other words,when I want something, as a poker player wants a very good card,I just cannot hide it. I must have a desperate look on my face. One time a lady,whom I just met,asked me,"You have been hurt a lot, haven't you?"
I told her ."How can you tell? Everybody has been hurt at one time or another." She told me, "Because ,I can see the hurt in your eyes."
Now I cannot help what I look like.
As far as me complaining ,well ,I am just expressing myself. I am just "reporting the news".
I guess in our society, a man is never allowed to express himself. And, we wonder why we have so many violent young men, who where never taught how to express, and how to process their disappoints and anger in a legal and in a non-violent manner. It is better for a man to talk out, or write out, his anger, rather than to act out his anger. That is one reason why I envy song writers. When a woman breaks a man's heart,he puts his disappoints and anger in a song ,and it may become a hit song. For example, in the lyrics of this Country-Western Song by Kenny Rogers:

"You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
With four hungry children and a crop in the field.
I've had some bad times,
I've lived through some sad times,
But this time the hurtin' won't heal.
You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille."

 

[JustSomeBloke]

I have often asked myself why some single women are leery of me. I think it is that I do not have a "poker face". In other words,when I want something, as a poker player wants a very good card,I just cannot hide it. I must have a desperate look on my face. One time a lady,whom I just met,asked me,"You have been hurt a lot, haven't you?"
I told her ."How can you tell? Everybody has been hurt at one time or another." She told me, "Because ,I can see the hurt in your eyes."
Now I cannot help what I look like.

I think that this is one of the great paradoxes of looking for love. In order to be attractive to potential matches, it helps immensely if you are already taken. Most people have a sixth sense for the confidence given off by someone who is already in a happy stable relationship, and likewise, for the hurt and desperation given off by someone who has been unlucky in love.

People such as the work colleague I previously described don't suffer from this problem, because they have such a high success rate and their previous experience tells them that they could quickly find another very attractive partner. So they permanently project a high level of confidence, and present a take-it-or-leave-it attitude that puts the ball firmly in a potential partner's court.

It also explains why interested potential partners are like buses, in that you wait ages for one, and then three come along at the same time. If you are making progress with someone you have met, new people you meet can sense that you have other options. And that immediately makes you more attractive to them. Also, somewhat sadly, some people observe others, and will only become interested if they feel a fish is about to be hooked from the pool. It's almost like they trust someone else's judgment more than their own judgment, because they will not make a move until they see someone else is interested in the person they previously ignored.

It's a terrible catch 22 situation. I don't really have any advice, except when you are out and about, just focus on having fun and helping other people have fun, don't always be 100% available, and push the idea of a relationship as far to the back of your mind as you can. Think of all those older ladies who want to dance with you. Part of the reason they are so open and welcoming is that their sixth sense tells them you're not going to pursue them!

As far as me complaining ,well ,I am just expressing myself. I am just "reporting the news".
I guess in our society, a man is never allowed to express himself. And, we wonder why we have so many violent young men, who where never taught how to express, and how to process their disappoints and anger in a legal and in a non-violent manner. It is better for a man to talk out, or write out, his anger, rather than to act out his anger. That is one reason why I envy song writers. When a woman breaks a man's heart,he puts his disappoints and anger in a song ,and it may become a hit song. For example, in the lyrics of this Country-Western Song by Kenny Rogers:

"You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
With four hungry children and a crop in the field.
I've had some bad times,
I've lived through some sad times,
But this time the hurtin' won't heal.
You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille."

I think some of the men who post about their experiences get a lot more stick on here than they deserve. Women don't seem to post so often, but when they do the response seems to generally be a bit more supportive (unless it's anything to do with being unequally yoked!)


Lastly, it might amuse you to hear that I'm exactly 6 feet tall in bare feet, and when I did online dating a few years back, I was turned down for being too short. The lady in question was 5 feet 10 inches, and she refused to consider anyone under 6 foot 2 inches, because she 'wants to be able to wear high heels'. I didn't ask why that was important, given that she was already tall enough to tower over most women and quite a few men. However, I'm sorry to say that I could not resist the temptation to send her a URL containing height distribution data, so that she could see for herself the size of the pool she had decided to fish. Suffice to say that this data went down with her like a cup of cold sick! LOL!

 

[exitstageright]

I think that this is one of the great paradoxes of looking for love. In order to be attractive to potential matches, it helps immensely if you are already taken. Most people have a sixth sense for the confidence given off by someone who is already in a happy stable relationship, and likewise, for the hurt and desperation given off by someone who has been unlucky in love.

People such as the work colleague I previously described don't suffer from this problem, because they have such a high success rate and their previous experience tells them that they could quickly find another very attractive partner. So they permanently project a high level of confidence, and present a take-it-or-leave-it attitude that puts the ball firmly in a potential partner's court.

It also explains why interested potential partners are like buses, in that you wait ages for one, and then three come along at the same time. If you are making progress with someone you have met, new people you meet can sense that you have other options. And that immediately makes you more attractive to them. Also, somewhat sadly, some people observe others, and will only become interested if they feel a fish is about to be hooked from the pool. It's almost like they trust someone else's judgment more than their own judgment, because they will not make a move until they see someone else is interested in the person they previously ignored.

It's a terrible catch 22 situation. I don't really have any advice, except when you are out and about, just focus on having fun and helping other people have fun, don't always be 100% available, and push the idea of a relationship as far to the back of your mind as you can. Think of all those older ladies who want to dance with you. Part of the reason they are so open and welcoming is that their sixth sense tells them you're not going to pursue them!



I think some of the men who post about their experiences get a lot more stick on here than they deserve. Women don't seem to post so often, but when they do the response seems to generally be a bit more supportive (unless it's anything to do with being unequally yoked!)


Lastly, it might amuse you to hear that I'm exactly 6 feet tall in bare feet, and when I did online dating a few years back, I was turned down for being too short. The lady in question was 5 feet 10 inches, and she refused to consider anyone under 6 foot 2 inches, because she 'wants to be able to wear high heels'. I didn't ask why that was important, given that she was already tall enough to tower over most women and quite a few men. However, I'm sorry to say that I could not resist the temptation to send her a URL containing height distribution data, so that she could see for herself the size of the pool she had decided to fish. Suffice to say that this data went down with her like a cup of cold sick! LOL!

Is it not ironic that women are attracted to confident men? Because, "Con Man" is the abbreviation of "Confidence Man."

 

[CodyFaith]

Oh look, short talk again.

I'm 5'6 and have no problem getting dates with women taller than me let alone shorter. Literally is all about confidence, how you carry yourself, self-grooming, fitness, etc etc...

Never once been bothered by my height and I've been the same height since I was 15 basically.

Unless you're like 5'4 or under then shortness is not really the reason you're not doing well in the dating world imo.

Find your roots. Find what makes you a catch. If you have genuine qualities that make you a catch, no need to "play" women. If you don't have them, women can smell false confidence and insecurity a mile away. Improve yourself, your looks, your fitness, your teeth, your smell, other hygeine... be a happier person, be driven, motivated. Have goals, dreams. And naturally, number one thing in Christian dating, a deep relationship with Christ... because a house built on rock will stand in the storms, but a house built on sand will fall.

Also, I have no idea if this is relating to the OP, literally just read some of the posts on this last page.

 

[step_by_step]

Oh look, short talk again.

I'm 5'6 and have no problem getting dates with women taller than me let alone shorter. Literally is all about confidence, how you carry yourself, self-grooming, fitness, etc etc...

Never once been bothered by my height and I've been the same height since I was 15 basically.

Unless you're like 5'4 or under then shortness is not really the reason you're not doing well in the dating world imo.

Find your roots. Find what makes you a catch. If you have genuine qualities that make you a catch, no need to "play" women. If you don't have them, women can smell false confidence and insecurity a mile away. Improve yourself, your looks, your fitness, your teeth, your smell, other hygeine... be a happier person, be driven, motivated. Have goals, dreams. And naturally, number one thing in Christian dating, a deep relationship with Christ... because a house built on rock will stand in the storms, but a house built on sand will fall.

Also, I have no idea if this is relating to the OP, literally just read some of the posts on this last page.

Agreed.
Mostly it comes down to your relationship with God, because he will give you confidence and integrity. And it you're patient and give it to him, he will lead you to the right person.

I really don't understand the desperate constantly trying to get a date mentality. God will take care of it! Just trust!