Needing Friendship Advice!

[Elis.N]

Hello, I grew up in a christian household, and now, after understanding my faith, i work each day to walk with God. I’m kind towards others and work on pruning myself with God. I have had a group of friends for four years. Yet, certain things they do, i can’t take part of because my faith and relationship with God advices me not to. When they listen to secular music, talk behind people’s backs, exclude others, become judgmental of everyone, and swear sometimes, i sit back and say nothing. I am against those things, so i don’t join them on the “fun.” So, day by day, they stopped showing me and including me in those occasions. They even excluded one girl and she left the group. I was close to her than any of them, and i was stuck in the middle for two years. Once they realized i was close with her, I noticed they had inside jokes, get togethers without me, i was the last to find out about any plans, they created a group chat without me, and one of them especially gives me a cold shoulder unless she wants something from me. The worst part is, they are christians. They go to church, have fellowships, are youth leaders, and know the word of God. So, that fact alone kept me with them through all these years. But now, I’m conflicted and think I’ve had enough. I’m not one to judge about what is a true christian or not. I also gave a cold shoulder to that excluded girl in hopes that they will like me i guess. Now she has her own friends. I talked to her recently, and even if our relationship is not the same, she urged me to leave them and asked how I can’t see how bad of a person they are.


I’ve prayed about this and I need advice. Am I overreacting? I try not to. I feel left out. Should I leave? If so, how? I would like your thoughts on this matter, please.

 

[Andrew77]

Hello, I grew up in a christian household, and now, after understanding my faith, i work each day to walk with God. I’m kind towards others and work on pruning myself with God. I have had a group of friends for four years. Yet, certain things they do, i can’t take part of because my faith and relationship with God advices me not to. When they listen to secular music, talk behind people’s backs, exclude others, become judgmental of everyone, and swear sometimes, i sit back and say nothing. I am against those things, so i don’t join them on the “fun.” So, day by day, they stopped showing me and including me in those occasions. They even excluded one girl and she left the group. I was close to her than any of them, and i was stuck in the middle for two years. Once they realized i was close with her, I noticed they had inside jokes, get togethers without me, i was the last to find out about any plans, they created a group chat without me, and one of them especially gives me a cold shoulder unless she wants something from me. The worst part is, they are christians. They go to church, have fellowships, are youth leaders, and know the word of God. So, that fact alone kept me with them through all these years. But now, I’m conflicted and think I’ve had enough. I’m not one to judge about what is a true christian or not. I also gave a cold shoulder to that excluded girl in hopes that they will like me i guess. Now she has her own friends. I talked to her recently, and even if our relationship is not the same, she urged me to leave them and asked how I can’t see how bad of a person they are.


I’ve prayed about this and I need advice. Am I overreacting? I try not to. I feel left out. Should I leave? If so, how? I would like your thoughts on this matter, please.

Yeah, I'd leave. These people are tearing you down, not building you up. What would the reason to stay be? They are not going to change for you obviously, so unless you change to be like them, you are going to stay in conflict. Why do that?

Move on. Find new friends.

 

[LoricaLady]

Yes, go elsewhere for several reasons. You don't want to participate in non Christian activities with them. You don't trust them! You don't feel they are kind to others. Anyone can call himself or herself a Christian and be at the Church door several times a week, but it may not mean a thing.

How do you leave? Well, it sounds like they are leaving you out more and more so just don't initiate any contact with them. If they do contact you just be busy, have other plans.

 

[Tolworth John]

. Am I overreacting? I try not to. I feel left out. Should I leave?

They say they are your friends yet leave you out of things.
They claim to be Christian yet are not very loving towards other Christrians.

Do they ever get together for prayer or for a bible study?

Test them out, you invite them to a girls out, go for a meal and see if they come and how they behave.
Don't stand for back biting gosip, smutty jokes etc

If they behave then it is worth maintaining your friendship if they don't come or won't behave give them up and find other friends.

 

[biblicalbro]

Hello, I grew up in a christian household, and now, after understanding my faith, i work each day to walk with God. I’m kind towards others and work on pruning myself with God. I have had a group of friends for four years. Yet, certain things they do, i can’t take part of because my faith and relationship with God advices me not to. When they listen to secular music, talk behind people’s backs, exclude others, become judgmental of everyone, and swear sometimes, i sit back and say nothing. I am against those things, so i don’t join them on the “fun.” So, day by day, they stopped showing me and including me in those occasions. They even excluded one girl and she left the group. I was close to her than any of them, and i was stuck in the middle for two years. Once they realized i was close with her, I noticed they had inside jokes, get togethers without me, i was the last to find out about any plans, they created a group chat without me, and one of them especially gives me a cold shoulder unless she wants something from me. The worst part is, they are christians. They go to church, have fellowships, are youth leaders, and know the word of God. So, that fact alone kept me with them through all these years. But now, I’m conflicted and think I’ve had enough. I’m not one to judge about what is a true christian or not. I also gave a cold shoulder to that excluded girl in hopes that they will like me i guess. Now she has her own friends. I talked to her recently, and even if our relationship is not the same, she urged me to leave them and asked how I can’t see how bad of a person they are.


I’ve prayed about this and I need advice. Am I overreacting? I try not to. I feel left out. Should I leave? If so, how? I would like your thoughts on this matter, please.

No, you're not overreacting. You've been left out, talked over, and cast out. I've been in the same boat. Had a close circle of friends, but the more I grew in Christ the more unChristian/worldly they ultimately were. And as I distanced myself, they spoke bad, cut me out, etc. Just like you. In retrospective, I'm glad because they showed me their true colors and that was more than enough for me to move on.

For your sake and well-being, LEAVE. You deserve better. You deserve people who can build you up in Christ and not tear you down. Ultimately, God meets you in every way possible. As you grew in relationship to God, the more you'll be happy regardless of who's in or out of your life. For it is God who completes you, not friends.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

 

[biblicalbro]

View attachment 243513

Nice! Where did you get this?

 

[biblicalbro]

Hello, I grew up in a christian household, and now, after understanding my faith, i work each day to walk with God. I’m kind towards others and work on pruning myself with God. I have had a group of friends for four years. Yet, certain things they do, i can’t take part of because my faith and relationship with God advices me not to. When they listen to secular music, talk behind people’s backs, exclude others, become judgmental of everyone, and swear sometimes, i sit back and say nothing. I am against those things, so i don’t join them on the “fun.” So, day by day, they stopped showing me and including me in those occasions. They even excluded one girl and she left the group. I was close to her than any of them, and i was stuck in the middle for two years. Once they realized i was close with her, I noticed they had inside jokes, get togethers without me, i was the last to find out about any plans, they created a group chat without me, and one of them especially gives me a cold shoulder unless she wants something from me. The worst part is, they are christians. They go to church, have fellowships, are youth leaders, and know the word of God. So, that fact alone kept me with them through all these years. But now, I’m conflicted and think I’ve had enough. I’m not one to judge about what is a true christian or not. I also gave a cold shoulder to that excluded girl in hopes that they will like me i guess. Now she has her own friends. I talked to her recently, and even if our relationship is not the same, she urged me to leave them and asked how I can’t see how bad of a person they are.


I’ve prayed about this and I need advice. Am I overreacting? I try not to. I feel left out. Should I leave? If so, how? I would like your thoughts on this matter, please.

Any follow up?

 

[Elis.N]

Thank you, everyone for your time and response. Like all things in life, it’s easier said than done, so i’ve been been praying and slowly distancing myself for the past month. It’s hard to find new friends, and the previous group of friends have definitely noticed my distance, though they never dierectly talked to me about it. My spirit and emotions are much more positive now. But, it’s never clear cut. Sometimes, I hang out with them and revert back to old ways and it gets muddled, but i’m transitioning. I just miss the fun they have. There are good days and bad days where i feel excluded or included. We have laughs and have fun occasionally. Any more advice?

 

[biblicalbro]

If they were to ask why the distance, tell them why you felt that way. If they respond negatively, than it's safe to say that they aren't true friends. I mean your experiences so far pretty much state the obvious. It's not fun being the outcast of the group. Believe me, I know. Not worth sticking around. Eventually you come across ppl who will appreciate you for who you are!

Now are you congregating somewhere where you can meet friends? or anywhere else you go to where you can meet new ppl? Although this is an online forum, it's a nice outlet to make friends and chit chat as well. Hope you continue to feel better!